Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: ladyjerrico on March 12, 2002, 02:43:00 PM
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Just a question for all survivors of Straight Inc.
I have been posting nearly on every topic on this Message Board recalling all types of things, that are mainly negative.
I do recall one day that the road manager from the rock band "Journey" came to Straight in Plymouth.
He was telling us about what he says to Steve Perry (lead singer) of the band when he gets down about being home and stuff and being on the road so much he never was home.
He also allowed us to say one thing to our parents in the microphone, then allowed us to stand right beside him afterwards.
Only a few of us were chosen and I felt very privelaged to be one of the first "phasers" he picked to talk to my parents, unfortnatly they didn't show up that night because my dad was ill, but another parent decided to come forward and act in their place which I thought was really cool.
The road manager then took a wad of 1 dollar bills and shredded them into little pieces giving each one of us a piece of that dollar he shredded.. he then told us that our lives are worth much more than money and because we are more important, his money isn't worth anything.
Unfortunatly, since we couldn't keep money on us at 1st phase, my oldcomer told me to give it to her and she threw it away, but,I still think about that to this day, that was the best day at Straight that I had.
Please respond and tell us your best day that you can recall (besides getting out of course).
[ This Message was edited by: ladyjerrico on 2002-03-12 11:45 ]
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Sorry my lady,
no good days, none at all.
Me
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sorry to hear that :sad: did you at least have one host home you went to with good food? or at least maybe a day where you were privelaged to do something?
Many days in my mind were spent wondering what host home I was going to and what food they have there.. that was all I really looked forward to.. the repercussions of that were I gained a lot of wieght and most of my clothes wouldn't fit anymore.. sigh
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Hello. As I'm trying to be somewhat objective (a hard task considering my built-in bias), I too am interested in any "good" stories that come out of the "program" experience. I am posting my recent form letter/ call to action here:
Dear Friends and neighbors,
Let me begin by saying that I am a filmmaker living in Chicago. I have worked in many capacities on small films, large films and TV shows. That being said, let me backtrack.
My girlfriend and myself both have sisters who are veterans of such ?programs?. My sister was in Kids Helping Kids in Northern Kentucky. My Girlfriend?s sister was in ?Straight? in Washington DC (or Virginia).
I feel I don?t have to go into all of the ramifications the experience has had on our families. Suffice it to say that while I have been reading the posts on this website (http://fornits.com/anonanon/sidetalk/ (http://fornits.com/anonanon/sidetalk/))
I have come across things that shocked me and things that also sounded very familiar. I can say that panic attacks, mistrust and paranoia are things that our sisters deal with on a daily basis. I feel like I lost the person who was my sister a long time ago.
Recently, a lot of the problems facing my sister have come to a head. Things are getting pretty bad. That is what led me to the website. So I?m sitting there, late at night, wading through endless posts - unable to stop reading. That was the genesis of this open letter.
I feel like humans are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past. The only thing we can do is try to look at things that happened in the past - things done in certain political climates - things done in the heat of passion - and try to learn from them. We must always try to get at the truth, however elusive it might be.
I have decided to send this letter to many of you whom I encountered on the website. I?ve decided that I might put together another forum: a long form documentary film about these issues. I realize that there are so many of you who would rather retain your anonymity. For this I cannot blame you one bit. I will say, however, if not you, who? If not now, when? This is your chance to let your voice be heard over the most powerful medium in the world: moving pictures with sound. I will not be seeking corporate sponsors for this project, nor will I be seeking network affiliation. This will be a true labor of love, funded out of my own pocket - a tithe, if you will, to humanity.
If you are a ?graduate? of the program or a family member of anyone involved I would be very interested in working with you on this project.
Sincerely,
JR
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uh, why did you post 3 times on 3 different parts of this site, the same thing??
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Milady you say the things I thought but would not. LOL :grin:
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Nope, sorry, no good days memories come to mind. Except the day I decided I no longer wanted to associate with anyone from there anymore. (1985)
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Responding to your first post, I guess I speak my mind more than I think I do :smile:
Response to your second. Actually I'm still trying to find people who I went with since I'm still in that stage of remembering, maybe I won't find all the answers I want, but I keep searching.
I'm sure when it's all said and done I think in time I will have the same response you did.
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I learned how to say any word backwards by pretending to pay rapt, required attention while in my head figuring out what words people said would be reversed. I can still do it, whole sentences even, in just seconds. I also learned how to write words in cursive backwards, starting with the last stroke of the last letter, by doing this imperceptibly on the metal underside of my chair with my fingertip. Yup. Real constructive way to spend my sweet 16 year!
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Crazy things that we did then, and somehow it still sticks with us.
The other thing that actually helps me to this day is honesty, my job requires a lot of it and trust.. I can detect if someone is "holding out" on me and there are a few people that I can totally tell if there is something that isn't being told to me, or if they aren't speaking totally true about it.
I can tell how someone feels or sometimes thinks by just looking them in the eyes, if I'm on the phone. I have to tell them my phone number at work a lot of times (since I deal with customers), and I can always tell when they don't write it down! Also, being here 4 years at the same job will give me this experience as well.
Also a footnote, I want to say that even though some of the oldcomers and staff would be saying "you arn't being honest" it doesn't mean that they knew exactly if someone wasn't or not.. it just made them sound good most of the time so they could move up in the program by confrontation.
I don't confront, I just think in the back of my head "this person is holding out", I don't say anything to them, I know that I shouldn't judge people to their face.
I think in terms of doing what I can, and if they don't want to hear what I say or totally isolate me all together, it's fine.. but somehow I know they arn't being honest.
[ This Message was edited by: ladyjerrico on 2002-04-18 06:59 ]
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We were taken out of group for one-on-one conferences...oh, every few months or so. That was our "individual tailored therapy". Anyway, the girl who was going to talk with me took me outside in the parking lot for our session. It was just a parking lot, but it was a beautiful summer day. I hadnt been allowed outside for more than walking to and from the car in 5 months.
Also, we had a long weekend at this one girls host home, it was a really nice place...and they let us sit by the patio door at night with it open so that we could feel close to being outside.....anyway, one night we were sitting and all of a sudden the whole bakyard was filled with fire flies....they were everywhere and so beautiful....I just broke down in tears when i saw them.
I think being able to be outside in fresh air was what I missed the most in Straight.
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That past experience sounds good even when I'm not in Straight.. all I'm seeing now out here in Michigan are those damn annoying Asian ladybugs that serve no purpose.
I remember being in an Ypsilanti home a few times and when I came back from the building it would either be dusk or dark outside, this oldcomers home was amongst many trees and already looked dark at dusk.
She had a lot of fireflies all over her yard and she allowed us to look outside for just a few minutes sometimes at night to watch the fireflies, it was beautiful.
I must say, the only time I truely cried was when I yelled "coming home" when I made it to 2nd phase (that and when I met that road manager from Journery that post that I posted about earlier). I lost my shoe running down the isle and I couldn't stop feeling excited (I was on 1st phase for 4 months, and ran away from home before ending up in Straight.. so really it was a little over 4 months).
It's the little things that made me grateful and still do to this day
[ This Message was edited by: ladyjerrico on 2002-04-18 19:53 ]
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No good times that I can remember. It was nice to go home on second phase and masturbate in my OWN shower.
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LOL.. haha.. well, it's a normal thing for teenagers to do those kinds of things.. I think I did once in the bathroom on 2nd phase laying on the floor with the door locked and no newcomers to look after.. but I won't go into too much detail
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Oh, please do...
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I would rather not do so for the fact that this isn't a site to discuss such details of lack of sexual encounters at a facility that kept us "locked up".
I will say this though, I'm sure all of us have experienced some form of sexual frustration and needed some form or way to get it out of our system, thus you have children who were sexually molested or raped in the program.
I know there is a BIG difference between individual pleasure and rape.. however, some of the staff members whom I've known sounded like they didn't know the difference between them (I guess they wern't using the Serenity Prayer at the time)
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My god people this is funny, remember the songs they would sing here are some as follows
Straight in deed(is all you need to stay off the junk ths pills and the weed)
Blowing in the wind
This land is your land
The micky Mouse Straight song
Please feel free to add to the list.
The good time I had being on 1st phase for 6 months was the night I made it to 2nd phase, and yelled Comming home! My Mother was in her head at the time. I yelled it and she did'nt even hear me yell it :sad: I got a standing ovation for over 5 minutes as they told me I was the only one they seen on 1st phase for so long! I bullshited my way there still not knowing what the hell the whole program was about! Was not 2 days later being home,they saw through me and brought me back to 1st phase what a bummer! I got pissed off and decided to make myself get kicked out by starting fights and it worked, they took me down to JDC and a week later I was in a half way house then I was allowed to go home. The judge let me go home said I had been in straight long enough,( I had been court ordered to go to Straight or do 5 years of hard labor)I chose the obvious! That was the happiest day for me! I got out of straight and beat doing 5 years!
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I remember on about my 10th day, I caught my oldcomer doing it in front of me. Told me it was because he loved himself so much and if I was lucky, I too could love myself as much some day. I could hardly wait . . . that is I could hardly wait to get the heck out of there.
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Kenterprises, I remember being on 1st phase for 4 months and yes, 2 days later I got setback for talking to my sister about my ex-boyfriend and another oldcomer who was at my house at the time reported me to staff, she was evesdropping on our conversation.. scadelous bitch.
I'm glad you didn't have to serve those 5 years.. I'm sure you couldn't or wouldn't want to even imagine what torchure Straight would put you through if you stayed.. I'm happy you got out when you did.
Anyway.. Kpickle, was he ever reported to staff for doing that in front of you? I think that is discusting, he should have been started over back on 1st phase and taken to the intake room and been highly bitched out for it.. I'm sorry you had to go through that.. comforts
[ This Message was edited by: ladyjerrico on 2002-04-22 09:11 ]
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I tell you all something those MI's were a bitch to write. I never knew what to put down. I did'nt even know what they might want me to write. I never did figure it out My hat is off to all who made it through a 5 phases. Untill they smoosed my mom not to bring me anymore smokes and lifesavers. I cant tell you all how many rolls of life savers I ate per day. Little did they know I was amped out on the sugar just like speed. Thanks to Mrs Peterman you Bitch, I still wonder today just how many people from there have the same oppinion that we all do?
Now that all that is out, Lets have a song!
LMAO
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I forgot to ask Lady J" how long were you in ? and when did you get out and how did you get out? or they let you go? I have never known anyone that they just let sign them selves out and walk out the door.
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Kenterprises, I was in for 7 months, I pulled myself (needed to have a conversation for a few hours with staff and the administrators.. so they could bullshit their way into keeping me if I "fell into their trap")
My memory is a bit hazy on when I was pulled, I want to say the same day, but I don't know how soon it was after I requested it.. I just know once I was 18 I got the hell out of there!
They tried to stand me up in group a week before my 18th birthday and said "Susan, tell us what's going on with you" I said "I am struggling with my parents understanding at the moment" they totally didn't want to hear that and asked me "what I mean is, what are you going to do when you turn 18?".. the whole group was watching and I bullshitted my way into being so confident that in every "rap" session a different staff member stood me up and I made sure I gave them the same line of crap and told them "I don't want to leave for the fact that I want to be able to graduate and know inside myself I'm a recovered drug addict".
They didn't bitch me out or anything, they just asked questions like "how are you so sure you will stay" and I said "I made it this far didn't I?" they had nothing to say after that.
I got the bitch session out of group by staff though when I signed my way out of Straight when I was 18.. they said I would die on the streets from a drug overdose and I wouldn't be a normal person. HA! Boy were they wrong.. I haven't used since my intake and I haven't had a drink in nearly a year.
I am coming to the point in my life now that it really doesn't matter.. I got out when I did and have a wonderful future ahead of me :smile:
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Days off on 5th phase were tolerable. I had 7 days off in a row once. I got confronted for taking every damn one of them, but it was worth it. As for specific good days, there weren't any.
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LOL that is cool.. I think if I took 7 days off in a row I wouldn't have came back (unless I was court ordered to.. that would be different).
Did they set you back for taking so many? or just a "bitch session" (as I liked to call it) because a lot of times people got stood up in group to be bitched out.. not to relate or to tell about a past experience and people have empathy.
You could always tell that a bitch rap was about to take place because they would say "I need to see motivation" or "who wants to talk".. I cringed hearing those phrases I tell ya.
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Good days??
I am a graduate of "the Seed" after 9 long months...and 2 starts over.
My understanding is that other graduates started the "Straight" program....so it was pretty much the same. Even as I read the songs that you all sang....ours was "the seed indeed is all you need....".
My parents were not allowed to come to the Family nights after the first 3 weeks because my father was always so drunk and beligerent.
All I truly know is that as a parent myself, I worked hard to ensure that my son felt confident within himself, liked himself and learned to make different choices in life.
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Good days like anything that stands out in your mind that you felt good about inside of SEED.
I can relate to you about my sister though (I hate using that word "relate".. but what else is there?). Anyway, staff found out in Straight that I used pot with my sister and they didn't allow her to show up anymore, no letters, no talking to her and I couldn't see her at all.
I wasn't able to see her for about 7 months or so (4 months when I was in Straight, and 3 more months because my mom thought I would use again with her). She was away at collage and wasn't staying at home.. she would come home sometimes on weekends to do laundry and my parents had to inform staff if she was to stay over because then the home my parents lived in couldn't be open on the days she was there.
Since she is my only sibling, I was crushed by that.
Straight tried to make her come into the program, but since she was over 18, they couldn't force her. She never got into trouble with the law and she was and is a good student at school.
I'm glad she decided against it, the craziness they put me through is bad enough
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I didn't get set back for taking the 7 days off in a row, but another 5th Phaser wrote in the OBS book - something like "Where Are You?" I wrote something shitty back, got confronted for having a bad attitude and for not coming in on my days off. I still took every one, probably why I was on 5th phase for 6 months. That was one screwed up place.
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Why is it than when I think of "The Seed" I invariably think of pot seeds?
str8jack-it
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what is an OBS book
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Never being on 5th phase I really wouldn't know, but I would think it would stand for Obvious Bull Shit? lol.. just kidding.. I really wouldn't know
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oops, sorry. I forget that not everyone was in Straight, on 5th phase, etc. The OBS book was a notebook that stayed on the 5th phase desk. I think it stood for "Observations". Basically it was a tattle sheet. 5th phasers would write notes about other phasers - "John Smith looks guilty today." "Jane Doe is thinking about copping out." Stupid shit most of the time. Alot of it was invented, purely to look good in the eyes of staff who read it daily.
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Dang.. I never knew such a thing existed, then again, I would always see staff (when I could) or 5th phasers writing frantically at the desk.. I always wondered why there was so much paperwork involved.
How can someone be so judgemental because of the way someone has a facial expression.. sounds like they were looking for reasons that wern't there so there was something to talk about in group.
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LOL.. I remember hearing songs "in my head" too.. most of the time I thought of Simon and Garfunkel songs for some messed up reason.. I guess it was because that is what I grew up with when I was 5 years old.
So I guess I was trying to remember something that would help me "remain sober" without driving me nuts.. also it helped me try to think about things that happened that were good when I was younger. Mostly I would do that when I was "searching" the bedroom as an oldcomer :smile:
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Rocking out!!! Holy shit I haven't thought about that phrase in a long time. I used to love to sing Sanitarium (sp?) in group when I was misbehaving and One and a couple other good Metallica songs that totally should of been the theme songs for Straight! :grin:
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I think Metallica should redo the video of "One" and have live video from 28Daze mixed in with that movie they used for the 1st video.. that would be messed up.. but, it would send a message to those who were are and are still in programs like Straight.. it would make everyone think twice about going to places like that.. could be a bit controversail.. and if that's the problem.. hell, look at Eminem (I don't listen to his music, even though he's from Michigan.. because I hate rap music)
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Ha! I remember singing "Sanitarium", "One", "In My Darkest Hour", and other depressing heavy metal songs in group. I did it in my head most of the time; only very occasionally out loud because, at roughly 5'2" and 100 lbs. before entering Straight, I was quite a bit smaller than 90% of the 4th-and-5th phase girls who stood at the ends of the rows. (You know, the girls who were big-boned to begin with, who put on a lot of weight whilst sitting idly on the lower phases.) Some of those girls scared me! Heck, even some of the petite ones scared me! I thought everybody was crazy for the longest time. I didn't know quite how to come out and say so, so I tried to run from a parked host-car (is that what you call it?) just a few days after my intake. I failed to escape, and, after getting reamed a new asshole (not literally, but sure as hell figuratively) in not one but several raps, I became very quiet, timid, mousy... Not much like I was before entering Straight, and not much like I am now.
Anyway, on the topic -- my best memory of Straight was when I was on 4th phase. I worked at a little ice-cream shop in a mall in Tyson's Corner. Because I was on 4th phase, and FINALLY allowed to have a little fun, I frequented the arcade around the corner on my lunch breaks. I don't remember if that was every day or just on certain days, but I do know I was following the rules, as I understood them, TO THE LETTER because [a] I really did want to be sober and I figured that being honest and following the program was my easiest ticket out of the place. Anyway, one day, the arcade owner -- a middle-aged Indian man who smelled funny -- gave me a stuffed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle -- Donatello, I think. I remember riding a Metro bus back to the Straight building in Springfield. It was a beautiful, sunny day; I was listening to some good tunes on my Walkman; and I was holding my already-beloved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. It was about as good as life could get in Straight.
Unfortunately, a few days later, I got set back for accepting a gift from a man (the middle-aged Indian arcade owner, who was NOT attractive to me WHATSOEVER), a man who did not seem to have any ulterior motive for giving me the toy other than making a kid's day.
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How did staff find out about the man that gave you the turtle? Did you talk about it in group? or did staff kinda plug away with questions until the honesty factor hit?
I had to give up a lot of things when I was in Straight too.. a list of "drug paraphanalia" (a few things I forgot I had that my mom found and told staff.. needless to say I got reamed a new one for forgetting and it wasn't intentional).
It must have been great having that much freedom at your job, and not have to worry about being yelled at as much for doing something wrong like you were in group.
Since I was on 1st phase most of the "program" I gained a lot of wieghed.. I went in being 175 pounds and went to 220 in just 7 months!
Since I had a baby 8 years ago, I still can't take the wieght off. However, I'm not one of these stay-at-home heffers that do nothing all day. I do have a job, but sad to say, I need to sit in a cubical all day so there isn't much time to walk around when I want to.
The good side to this is that my legs are totally muscular and I can lift my fiance who is 180 pounds! I still can't believe I can do that because I don't work out.. must be something I'm doing that I know nothing about
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On 2002-05-05 18:59:00, ladyjerrico wrote:
How did staff find out about the man that gave you the turtle? Did you talk about it in group? or did staff kinda plug away with questions until the honesty factor hit?
I forget exactly how staff found out about the turtle... I think another "inmate" noticed me with it, asked me about it, and, after I told them, raised a concern on me that went all the way up the chain-of-command to staff.
Since I was on 1st phase most of the "program" I gained a lot of wieghed.. I went in being 175 pounds and went to 220 in just 7 months!
I can relate. I had always been tiny until I got to Straight; then I went from the 100 lbs. I mentioned earlier to 130, which seemed huge to me at the time. I'm, uhumm, somewhere between 120 and 130 now, with 10 of that being lbs. I too cannot seem to lose after having a baby. I readily admit that I could stand to lose a few of these lbs., but I don't think 130 is nearly as gross now as it was when I was 16! :wink:
[ This Message was edited by: Cleopatra2U on 2002-05-05 19:21 ]
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LOL.. "inmate".. but then again, we were sortof in a prison environment.. actually I think the prisoners in jail might have had more freedom than we did being in Straight, at least prisoners can walk outside in a gated and guarded area without being beltlooped and also be allowed to watch TV without having to recite a shitload of things from memory.
130 pounds is a wieght I know that I'll never see.. when I wieghed 175 I was able to wear size 9 jeans! I don't know if I'll see that either.. but I'm wanting to work on it this summer.
I must say that I'm not too thrilled about my wieght either.. I am 5 foot 6 inches tall and being nearly 50 pounds overwieght. I'm glad that summer is nearly right around the corner so I can do some swimming (which is my favorite sport). I'm yet to go out and play some tennis (I just moved to another city and they have a tennis court in my complex I live at now).
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uh.. hmm.. that last message didn't show my whole post .. ??
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it meant Obs, short for OBSERVATIONS. Obs Book. Big Brother, what' that? 5th phasers could gossip and get away with it, and what's worse, we probably enjoyed it. What teenager doesn't like to gossip? HA ha, um, ha?
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It's a creepy thought. All those warm feelings. Straight was a warped place with a weird leader in charge. Dr. Newton was a controler to the high degree. To this day I think people are looking at me and I get paranoid because of constantly being observed in there.
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If I remember correctly it stood for OBServation Book.
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Oops, I messed up. I thought I was at eh end of the previous page.
Anyways, my best memory of Straight (other than the day I got out), was right before the end of my stay in Straight. I think I had done enough time after 20 months and I had only reached day 60 or so of 4th phase when I finally split. Having received either 4 or 5 startovers and over 6 months on my first phase, the first time around, I was dying to end my time there as soon as possible.
As I was saying I was on 4th phase and since I had been out of school for so long I decided I would try and work instead. I wound up actually working for a Senior Staff Member in his side business which was cleaning houses. We would clean approximately 2-4 houses daily and this would occupy our time for quite a while. Well, one day while cleaning this one house of a graduate of the program, she comes walking out in this towel and she looks right at me and my boss and she knows she's not supposed to be doing this but she just starts to let the towel drop. Well, of course I freaked and my boss, just starts cracking up hard core. I thought it rather funny later on when some female staff members got wind of what happened later on and started confronting me later on, and I just told them to stick it, cause I was right there next to a Senior Staff Member the whole time. That was a memorable experience.
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Hello,
My name is Diane we just missed each other in Va. I copped out off of 4th phase and was then withdrawn in March 1986. Nice to see ya here. OK I can't help it I am Dying to know, who was the Sr staff member and who was the graduate???? That is a hysterical story! hope to see you here more often.
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Thanks for responding Diane. Well, I guess my memory is really starting to come back to me now, I think I've somehow repressed a lot of these incidents and I am a bit shocked to be here 31 years old and thinking about some shit that happened to me 15 years ago! Anyways, the Sr Staff Member had actually been my oldcomer after I copped out the second or third time, so we actually had kind of a cool relationship already. I actually miss him. He was one of the few who I felt tried to be fair and treat me with respect. His name was Brady Minnick and the graduate who I didn't know, but I had heard she had quite a reputation for fucking around with people, I believe her name was Shannon. She lived over near Brady Minnick in either Vienna or Falls Church, I really don't remember. The only thing I really remember about her place was this 6 person hot tub which was in her 1st floor living room of her house. I guess it was her Mom's place, I think her parents were divorced. Well, after this incident, I thought for sure I was fucked and would be started over or setback again for the umpteenth time, for some trumped up bullshit, so I started planning my escape shortly thereafter. This incident happpened around early November 1987, and I copped out for the last time on December 2, 1987. I spent over 45 days run away to ensure my termination, and actually ran into another Sr. Staff Member, either Brendan McNamara or Chris Scoggins, in Springfield Mall and asked them to confirm whether or not I had been terminated yet before attempting to return home. Is that fucked up or what?
Please e-mail if you want to chat more.
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I was in Atlanta, you know 2221 Austell Rd., for 20-22 months. (Funny how I can remember that after dang near 15 years.) I spent about 9 months on first phase and the bulk of the time on 5th. If you were going to be a straight lifer 5th was the place to be. The OBServation book was more than a rat sheet and there were 2 of them. One was the 5th phase obsbook where you were expected to write, at least once a week (I think) BS about what you were doing. I know all I put there was BS. The other was for all the other phases. This is where the 5th pahsers praticed pratical politics. You write good stuff about your favorites and make snide comments about other people's favorites. The 5th phasers regularly talked about everybody. When I made 5th I got a different rule sheet than the normal one.
I am honestly an exceptional idiot because when I finally graduated I relasped and then sign myself BACK into straight. This time I became a staff member. Yeah, I know, some of you will now consider me the enemy. I eventually wound up a level 2 junior staff member on the 5th phase team. Being the ranking staff member on this team I was in charge of the days-off schedule. Every so often, I would give clients 8days in a row and then go tell them if I saw them during that time I would be pissed. Eventually, I got taken to task for this practice. Go figure?
The most fun I had though was on 4th phase. I worked it out so most of the guys and I went snow skiing one Sat. It was perhaps the most difficult thing I have ever pulled off. A lot of fun though....
My career (HA!) at straight ended when I resigned calling the executive staff incompetent and nothing but a bunch of stooges and neo-nazis. That went over REAL well. Funny though, you'd think people so big on being honest wouldn't mind hearing it themselves.
Clay
PS Are there any other people from Atlanta here? EarthMother almost sounds like someone I should know....
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I can relate (oops! did I just say that!?!) to Ladyjer about people not writing down phone #'s. I had a corp-type job where it was imperetive that the cust. wrote down the myriad of phone #'s I was responsible for providing...I too could tell they were b.s. ing me by not scribing them down...
So after I'd ask them to write the #'s down, I'd tell them to read it back to me, "for clairity purposes!" After a few seconds of guilty dead silence, I'd pretty much laugh at them...
Pathetic...The things I did to keep myself entertained on that gig...
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I remember that Obs book...I always thought it was a b.s. tattle sheet & a veiled attempt at clandestine idle gossip...I think I only read it a 1/2 dozen times when I was on 5th phase...I'm also suprised that I didn't get ripped for my lack of contribution...I'd barely write in it...I think I was pissed because you got shit for taking time to read it and got similar shit for not taking time to read it...So the good ol' passive agro kicked in & I thought to myself...f-it I'll just avoid the damn thing all together...
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and of course...Who could forget the creative ways of having a clandestine wank?
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Yes, one truly great day in particular, it was the day I awoke, in my own home strangely enough, due to my having finally been placed on second phase, and convinced my mother to remove me from that wretched place. I have forgotten many things associated with my time at straight but never in all my days will I forget the feel, the smell, the very taste of freedom I felt on that day, the feeling of walking down the street free of that place and soon to be of age(18) and never again to allow anyone to incarcerate me. I went to the mall caught a movie - star wars if memory serves - and got a job at the boat place right across from the mall, yeah that was one great day.
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I remember a good day after I was transfered from my previous oldcomers "house of hell". Early on first phase I was taken to a home in Pinellas Park Florida and brought into a bedroom that was infested with roaches. I wish I was exagerating, but the room had just been exterminated (roaches smashed with the family broom)and more roaches crawling on the walls, ceiling, etc... The two mattresses were on the floor and four females shared them. My bed partner happened to be very large and made sexual advances the entire night. Due to my young age, fear of worse treatment and hatred of roaches crawling on me, I laid there stiff and scared and I got little to no sleep. In the morning I woke to a roache just ready to fall on me from the ceiling. Back at the straight hot box, I got the courage to complain to a staff member of the lesbian/pervert who kept pushing her sweaty fat stinky body on me. I was sent to another home that night and it was heaven. I took a shower, had a snack and slept in a clean bed. Wow, best memory I can think of.
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yeah, i can think of a few. i spent 6 months on 1st phase, so it mostly dreary hell, but there were a couple of host families i stayed with who were super nice people. they would give us real meals at night, and the parents would hang out and talk with us try to make us feel welcome. one particular day i can think of is this host mom made us chocolate-chip pankcakes for breakfast. i'm pretty sure sugar wasn't allowed, am i right? anyway, her 5th phaser son also showed me his Gibson SG electric guitar that day, which made me extremely happy even though i didn't get to play it or anything.
by the way, how do you register for these forums? i don't see a button anywhere.
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Doh! I found the register button. Thanks anyway!
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One of my best Straight memories were the "skit raps". This was one of the few times we were allowed to be unserious. We divided up into small groups and came up with creative skits that didn't have to have anything to do with Straight. It was "just for fun" and desperately needed.
I did this one skit with a young lad whose name was Shane I think. He played Darth Vader and I played Luke Skywalker. We reenacted the light saber fight scene at the end of The Empire Strikes Back. "Join me, Luke". Hoooo--paaahhh Hoooo-pah! (Really whiny mark hamil voice) "I will never join you!" Slash and bash slash and bash slash and bash.
The "cue" was for me to wink at Shane. I winked. Shane (as Vader) then proceeded to sever my hand from my body like in the movie. I put my finger in my mouth and made a popping sound and pulled my hand up into my shirtsleeve for effect. Then, we used our creative liberty. Instead of the movie continuing as it is supposed to I repeatedly whine and yell "MY HAND! MY HAND! YOU CUT OFF MY HAND! AAAAAHHHHH! MY HAND! OWW! OOOWWW! MY HAND!" :rofl:
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Flying up to Cincinnati
Making 2nd Phase
Making 3rd Phase
Making 4th Phase
Making 5th Phase
7th Stepping
Being elected Officer
Writing my last madatory MI
Going on Staff
LEAVING STAFF!!
Don
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Wow, this is really weird, but the best days in straight were the first and the last. YOu may say WHAAA?? Allow me to explain. I was a miserable 13 year old. I had been living through years of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother's second husband, getting beaten up at school every day because I liked to hang out with girls and read books, and then being bounced around to youth homes and relatives because I finally snapped one day and fought back against my stepmonster as he was beating up my little sister. My first day at straight happened to be one of those touchy-feely days where no one was being confronted, I came in at night, and it was a "love rap" or some such nonsense. People gave me hugs and smiled at me and seemed to like me without question. I felt oddly happy for the first time I could remember. (and the last for a very long time.)
The next day the torture began, of course, and my rude awakening. I spent 6 months not speaking, and misbehaving, and even attempting suicide by trying to grab the steering wheel of the oldcomers car and crash it on the freeway.
The second happy day, was when, after bullshitting my way all the way to jr. staff, I had been on for I think a month, when I successfully sold my story to the director that my grandparents in Palm Beach were getting old and needed me to take care of them, and sitting in his office, I had to work hard to hide the elation I felt inside when he said he would let me resign and go.
Of course for a while after the paranoia that I wasn't 18 yet would dog me, but I only had 9 months or so to go.
--thomas--
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Someone took a bunch of us waterskiing when I was on 4th phase. I had never been before, so this was fun.
It might have been when I was on 1st phase that I was allowed to play the guitar in the front of group. I hadn't remembered that this really happened (not just my imagination) until recently when someone had brought it up in a Private Message. I had played "Mood For A Day", an acoustic piece by Yes. I think that was the only song I played. I remember getting some applause, but afterward, there were some people who "didn't feel good about" hearing that particular selection. Oh, well...you can't please all of ther people all of the time... :grin:
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A good day for me was getting a full cup of juice for lunch and/or dinner and getting lots of ice. I would sit in my chair and savor each cube while I was "getting in my head" about all the places I'd rather be.
Another good day was being chosen to work in the kitchen and getting to drink as much as I wanted as well as standing in the refrigerator on those days when it was blistering hot.
Days off with family were good too. I remember in '81 when you made second phase you got Saturday's off. I think this was for out of town families only so that you could work on the family relationship. I remember that privilege didn't last long.
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Straight up -
When I was 17 living on the street in Plano(zeig heil) Texas, I was arrested for that evil weed (about a 1/4 lb.) and court ordered into Straight.
My parents (especially Mother) equated smoking pot with using heroin or cocaine - plus they wanted someone else to deal with their "problem".
Their answer was to throw me out at 16 - even though I worked part-time and was doing more than O.K. in school.
Anyway, G.Duncan bro., I noticed that when I was in jail, that's what everyone WANTED the most (lots of cold drinks (MMMMMM ICE), and getting to work in the kitchen). Coincidence?
We all knew deep down inside our soul, that the first time we walked in the main room and saw that sideshow - that we were incarcerated . . . we were stuck.
For as long as I live I will never forget that chilling first time I saw people acting like they were rabid zombies - some looking like they were completly out of their mind.
Within an hour I'd guess I told them to take me back to jail, and I was told basically the only way is if I did some serious physical harm to someone. And would be charged with a felony assault. ::bandit::
Mithy
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mithy
you are so right about that.
i've spent a little time in jail.
on and off
and for one ten day stretch.
i'd take jail over straight any day.
for me straight was like going back to prison
since i'd already done close to two years
in boot camp at 13.
i was 15 going into straight.
i woke up this morning thinking about how young i was...
my kid's 12.
i can't beleive my mom did that to me
(sent me away for all those years)
my dad wanted to send me away before he died
the fu**ing bastard
i hated that man
he beat the shit out of me
at 6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13...and finally died.
my own father...
he started yelling at me and breaking my toys at age 2.
yes, some how i remember...
miraculous huh?
my mother is the coldest and most disgusting
fake human i've ever encountered
i've had dreams that she was a serial killer
having my sister and i help her
i've had dreams after that where i kill her
and have trouble disposing of the body parts
entire dreams of me dropping an arm in a creek
stuffing a leg in a bag
her head down the toilet (that one was weird)
my sister and i have a few drinks at a party and
start jokingly discussing, "killing mommy"
i'm sure people think we're freaks
it's still funny though
that poor woman
i feel sorry for her
(not enough to invite her to my wedding)
i'm just surviving
never happy
it sucks to want happines so much
but feel it to be the most unreachable goal
suspended happiness that is.
sure i've felt happy.
but i'm still always sad
always afraid
alone
to this day
it doesn't make sense
my dad had just been killed in a car accident
it hadn't even been a year since his death
i'm still paying for all the pain those two
hell-holes put me through
yet trying to live a NoRmAl...(yeah right) life
i don't like leaving the house for long periods of time
i hate being around people
i hate most people
i always feel like an outsider
people who whine and moan about their lives
when they have a family who loves them make me
so fu**ing sick
my mother didn't even come to darren's funeral
(my daughter's dad)
we [were] even on speaking terms at that point
killing her wouldn't even make me feel better
(well, not that i would)
she can never give it back
my childhood
the love i never had
i don't think i'll ever have a relationship with my mother
i feel like i've grown up and never lived
was never allowed to
or given the opportunity
it's depressing as hell
any good days?????????
NO.
still working on it...
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One of the best days I can remember was the day I got my ass kicked. It was not a good day in my overall life experience, mind you. But, in the context of the Program, I really did have a good time that day.
See, I'd split for a couple of weeks and I don't remember how I wound up back in group. But there I was, stood up by Chris Casselor and told to apologize to group. Well, I had nothing to apologize for. I didn't get mad, I didn't yell or cuss or anything like that. I can't remember who, but someone stood up and told me how disapointed they were, yadda yadda, how they'd looked up to me so much before, whatever, and how my splitting had made them doubt their program. "Very astute, whoever!", I said. "The program is full of shit!
So Chris says "Who wants to sit on Virginia" and the crowd went wild. I didn't. I just waited for my escort and strolled along to the spot, laid down, and put out my arms. That went on for a couple of hours and I just refused to help the SOB pretend that I'd done anything to bring it on. God Damn, was he pissed! Ok, so my legs and back were numb, I probably had a bruise or two and my body was most uncomfortable. But I won the battle that day. That was a rare day. But this is far from demonstrating that the authorities must interpose to suppress these vices by commercial prohibitions, nor is it by any means evident that such intervention on the part of the government is really capable of suppressing them or that, even if this end could be attained, it might not therewith open up a Pandora's box of other dangers, no less mischievous than alcoholism and morphinism.
Ludwig Von Mises
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[scene edited by director]
::heart:: ::heart:: ::heart::
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Thanks, that's sweet. I should add a couple of things; 1) there were a lot of days that I caved, folded and went blithely along with the insanity. That was normal, this other day was different. I'm not proud of that, I just don't want to offend anyone who I helped torture on one of those other days.
2) It didn't end with the sitting. There were a couple of hours of marathon in a timeout room. At some point, someone busted my nose in there. I don't know who did it and I didn't want to mention it because I think it might be someone who's been reading the board lately and I didn't want to bring it up. But now I will because I want to make it very, very clear that I haven't tried to remember who did it; I would probably have done the same thing on another day; I hold no grudge at all and I probably had it coming. To whoever busted my nose the first time, if you read this, I hope you understand how much you helped me in my little demonstration and that it didn't matter anyway, as far as my looks are concerned, because someone else wound up breaking it again just a year or two later.
So thanks for busting my nose. :lol: Never attempt to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
--Unanimous
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Overall I do have some good memories in spite of the horrors of Straight Inc. I was not a drug user when I went in which was tough as some of you could imagine. Those that believed in me and supported my stance were "rays of light" if you will. I guess I couldn't blame the people who didn't trust me, there were many people who came in with my story... only to reveal a "drug list" after "getting honest". The only thing I needed to be honest about was coming from a horribly disfunctional family and being full of hate, anger..(pull some other feeling out the air) LOL. Some of you will find this strange, but my drug and way of burying all of my pain was in sports, that never was a popular statement.
Other things I enjoyed were some of the other Straighlings, two that come to mind were Andy and Aaron. Andy was probably my favorite person there, he would often tell people, "Dave doesn't have a drug problem, he doesn't need to be here." With most everybody telling you're full of shit, that was something much needed to keep my head straight. Another guy who would drive us to a host home I stayed at for a while reminded of an close Uncle of mine who always makes me laugh.
Other things I enjoyed were host homes related. One host home had an interesting travel through Wash. DC, which we sometimes pass hookers. Being an early teen in a repressed environment, seeing hookers was pretty exciting. This particular home had a sibling who was into freestyle biking and some skateboarding, which was fun to watch out the window. Any source of entertainment was welcomed.
There was one other home in a rather ritzy neighborhood who had a daughter in the program. Being on first phase was tough to communicate with them, but they wanted me to tell them how their daughter was doing... behind the oldcomer's back of course. I felt like a part of their family and the mom would make me some special requested food items, like Lasagna...YUM!
Another thing I enjoyed was when the ex-Straightlings who were disgruntled would hang out by the exit from the parking lot. I can remember being told to ignore them and not make eye contact... but I did. Funny stuff now that I think about it.
Other things I learned that may be beneficial is how to better express myself and understand the reason why people use drugs to begin with. I think those are good things.
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Remember--most of those who admitted to the drug list after "getting honest" were lying. I know I was. People will admit to anything under torture.
--thomas--
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Well there's lying, and then there's lying...
In the more commonly accepted reality, I was a kid who'd sneak a beer sometimes when no one was looking, more for the excitement of getting away with something than for the buzz, and I'd probably smoked a joint with friends or family about 20 times.
In order to comply with the Program definition of Honesty without doing horrific damage to my own, here's how I described that:
Pot, alcohol, THC (componant of cannabis), downers (alcohol is a depressant, and there was that one free sample from Mom's Miltown bottle), diet pills (that couple of weeks before the Summer trip to the Vinyard, to visit my aunt, uncle, cousins AND THEIR MALE TEENAGED FRIENDS!!!! YIPPEEEE! and I wanted to lose a little wight.) speed (constituent of diet pills), stimulants (ditto), junk medicine (cough syrup for chronic bronchitis).
I don't think any of us belonged in a drug rehab. And I don't think Straight was a drug rehab. They didn't know a thin about drugs or drug use or why people use drugs or how to help people who are using drug badly.
They specialize in dominating people. That's what they do. Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
--Bastard Administrator
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I know what you mean about the drug lists, at some point it almost became a hip thing to have the best string to rattle off. I remember one guy had to "get honest" that he had never shot up with heroin. I guess you would have had to be in Straight to understand the need or desire to do make up something like that.
With some people I could have swore they thought sharing a wild sexual story was some sort of epiphany. It was a whole other world behind those doors :shrug:
I guess that's something I always enjoyed watching...
Newcomer first week: "I haven't done any drugs...honest!!!!"
Newcomer in two weeks: *Sob "I've done alcohol and pot
Necomer in a month: *Tear "I've done alcohol, pot, cocaine, heroin, prescription drugs..yadda yadda yadda and had relations with my dog."
Newcomer in two weeks: "I'm coming hOME!!"
Now 2nd Phaser: I've got to get honest, I've never had relations with my dog."
Enter Scene Two: The Misbehavor
Hope I didn't steer this thread too crooked. :wink:
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On 2003-07-15 16:37:00, Antigen wrote:
They specialize in dominating people. That's what they do.
Well, that sums it up about the best I've ever heard!
CL