Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - starry-eyed pirate

Pages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7 8 ... 203
76
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Something About Straight...
« on: January 21, 2012, 01:12:58 PM »
Of course, I'm generalizin, but you get my point.

77
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Something About Straight...
« on: January 21, 2012, 09:39:39 AM »
Yeah, you're makin me remember how I put my blue jeans on under my khaki work pants that morning.  It made my pants look all puffy and I was nervous taking my newcomers into the building that day.  I dropped them off in an intake room and was in turn, dropped off at work with my host bro.  Once at the landscaping garage he straight up asked me..."what's with the jeans underneath??"

and I just told him I was boltin.  We had already been testing each other for weeks.  Talking about our old "druggie girlfriends" out of ear-shot of anyone and stuff like that.  So we both knew we were gonna leave soon.  He was also a serial cop-out.  So that's when he said..."I was gonna wait for a pay-check."

But I told him I couldn't wait and we both left together and stole that truck a couple a days later and drove it to NJ and I already toldja what happened.

78
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Something About Straight...
« on: January 21, 2012, 09:21:23 AM »
ey none-ya.  I started off family-placed, but ended up court-ordered.  I was charged with grand theft auto on my 4th cop-out.  My host-bro and I stole a work truck from the landscaping co. that we were working at and were arrested in Monmouth co. NJ.  I spent about a week locked up in Freehold detention center up there.  What a trip.  Crazy muthas in that joint.  I could tell ya some stories about that place too.  They extradited me back to VA and I spent another 3 weeks in the Fairfax co detention center, but that wasnt scary or bad at all, it was all cushy.  Fairfax co. is a bunch of totally wussified and subservient-fraidy-cat rich folks, livin in fear of nature. ... :rofl:  :roflmao: ... Anyway, 22 years later, having been out of touch for all that time, I talked to the kid who I stole that truck with, and actually he did the driving, cause I'd never been behind the wheel before, and he told me that when he went to court for it up in Monmouth they let him off, cause the judge up there thought that Straight was fucked and he ended up having to spend 4 months in some Mickey Mouse rehab where he snuck in the sacred herb an stuff and got high in there.  The Fairfax co judge I went before was all about Straight Inc, wish I could remember his name now, anyhow, He sentenced me to one year in jail, but he suspended it upon the condition that I graduate from the program, so thats what I did.  I was young and intimidated by the system at the time.  I'd heard adults stand up in group and extremely nervously talk about bein gang raped in jail.

79
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Something About Straight...
« on: January 21, 2012, 07:06:40 AM »
Thanks for your response Froderick.  I had to look up "supplant" in the dictionary, just to make sure I understood it correctly.  The first definition I have for it in my big Websters Encyclopedic Dictionary is:  To take the place of (another) especially by force or treachery.  I like the way you used it.  That is exactly what I'm tryin to get at.

Some people have said things to me before, as I've posted over the years, to the effect that I should just "get over it" or "stop living in the past".  It's not that simple when you're not in control of your own behavior, when your own natural will has been supplanted by Straight Inc. programming and your intentions to socialize only result in alienation and confusion and pain and darkness.  One friend, who was in St. Pete back in the day, suggested to me that she had suffered much greater tragedies since Straight like the death of her husband and father, etc.  The implication being made, that I was just stuck in the past or creating obstacles for myself or that maybe I'm just immature or something.  I think comments like that just reveal an ignorance of what behavior modification is and how it works.  There is no doubt that the death of a loved one is tragic and painful and even traumatic, but it is not behavior modification in the least.  It's not at all the same type of tragedy.  When your behavior has been program modified the pain and confusion is ongoing, in the present, and the mourning is never over until the behavior is understood and re-modified into something that is genuinely and truly useful in achieving ones intended social goals.  This is a long road, especially since there was no social support or understanding from anyone after I was finally released from Straight Inc., in fact it was just the opposite and I was blamed and held responsible for the program-instilled behavior that I neither intended, nor understood.    

Believe me, if I could'a avoided decades of alienation, social frustration, economic struggle and lonesome confusion by just wakin up on the other side of the bed, I would'a' done that.

And, yeah, None-ya, they took me back to the program after that and put me back on front row.  I misbehaved and sat with my hand down and wouldn't write my M.Is, was on consequences , including sleep deprivation, where I was kept sitting up straight in a wooden chair, in my underwear, in the newcomer room, at the host home, for all but 3 hours every night. The oldcomers took shifts keeping me awake and making sure that I wasnt slouching.  The laws of the commonwealth of VA required that I be allowed at least 3 hours of sleep per night, so I would finally lay down to close my eyes around 3am and have to be up for the trip into the building by 6.

80
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Something About Straight...
« on: January 18, 2012, 08:25:24 AM »
Quote from: "none-ya"
And if it was anything like the seed, they preached honesty over and over again. And the only way to get out was to become better at lying and deceiving.

Copy that.  Even lying to and deceiving yourself, until you even believe your own lies, that you tell yourself, cause you know you have to convince yourself before anyone else is gonna believe it.

I remember bein copped out from the program for the 3rd time.  I'd made 3rd phase and bolted the second I got back to school.  I was out for a month that time.  It was November.  I dyed my hair the darkest black and I lived in the woods between the subdivisions within earshot of Old Keene Mill rd., one of the main arteries from the rich suburbs of Fairfax county,VA into the beltway around DC.   I tore down some kids tree fort and dragged the boards away to make myself a rectangular shelter on the ground, near a storm drain in the woods, below the road, and so I spent a lot of time there, just sitting there invisibly.  Quiet, eating little, hungry and hiding and not doing much.  I could hear the traffic goin by all the time.  I hid out there during the day completely alone and broke and hungry and I was just glad to be out of group and have my privacy.  I took some LSD on that cop-out trip.  Man, you talk about stillin the mind.  After bein in Straight for a year and runnin 4 times and then coppin out and sittin in the woods like that, while the world went by.

81
Let It Bleed / Re: Stuff you've been listening to
« on: January 15, 2012, 07:19:15 AM »
David Sanborn Band_Promise Me the Moon(v)

Accept_self-titled 1980 album(v)(classic european metal)  :rocker:

Queensryche_self titled 1982 EP  :rocker:

Krokus_"Eat the Rich", "Screamin in the Night", "Long Stick Goes Boom" (v)

82
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Something About Straight...
« on: January 14, 2012, 12:37:09 PM »
...makes it hard to relate.  The way they confuse you and attach you to the wrong notions.  When you go in you have no idea what your in for.  You're not prepared to defend yourself and you've never experienced anything like it.  The shock of your first day.  I, myself wanta say, that I knew the place was fucked from the minute I got there.  I already knew everything was a lie.  The cold intake.  The removal of all your personal affects.  Strip search.  Introduction to group and there you are on front row.  Bein made to sit up and be quiet and pay attention to the person talkin.  I was pretty well taken by surprise and wasnt  at all prepared for their tenacity.  What a subject for an oil painting! ... "The Newcomer On Front Row"... I remember one of the other new kids on front row spoke directly to me and asked me if I wanted to make a run for that door with him.  I didnt even respond.  I looked at him for a second and then played it cool.  I didnt motivate but I sat up and paid attention.

I ran from the host home on my first morning.  They wouldnt let me read the paper or use the telephone or watch any tv or even over-hear the radio.  All connection to the outside world was cut off.  That first night, they took my clothes and the host parents alarmed me into a dark furnitureless room with 4 other strange boys whom Id never met before.  We sat there in our underwear.  In the dark.  I listened as the others confessed their powerlessness and talked about their past.  The one kid talked about shoving the handle of a screwdriver up his ass.  I was a virgin, had never heard of such things.  It was a sleepless night for me.  

In the morning, after some breakfast, I was given my shoes to put on.  The oldcomer worked his hand through my back beltloop and twisted his hand securely around the waistband of my jeans and we were escorted out through the kicthen door, into the attached 2 car garage, but the station wagon was in the driveway.  We walked out through the open garage door and I bolted.  I guess I got a pretty good jump cause I turned around long enough to see my oldcomer on the ground holding out his arm after me and gripping my ripped sleeve in his hand.

...Anyway, I ran for the woods, but made the mistake of running across a freshly plowed field, which was like runnin on beach sand.  My oldcomer ran around the field and thereby made  time on me.  I made it into the woods but it was about noon on a Sunday.  I was trying to get to Burke Lake, where I knew I could find some friends or a ride somewhere.  But I couldnt believe the way this kid chased me.  I was a good runner too.  He was tenacious.  I regret to this day that I didnt just push on through those woods ahead of him that day, but I gave up with a pounding headache and no air left to suck and he caught up to me and threatened to beat the shit out of me and I told him to go 'head.  He put me in a head lock and started draggin me back through the woods, then his dad showed up and he got me in a head lock too, but from the other side and they both dragged me back to the station wagon and I got confronted all the way inot the building that day.  And when I arrived at the building I was thrown into an intake room, where I was made to sit straight up in a plastic chair, while bein violently confronted and spit on for about a half a day by 5th phasers and senior and executive staff.  After that I was re-introduced to group with full cop-out honors and heavily confronted and made fun of and degraded and humilliated again, this time by the group.  Who remembers starry-eyed pirate ??!!!!  

I was put back on front row and that night in dismissal line they gave me a different host home.  One way out in the MD countryside about 2 hours from the building, so I wouldnt try to run again.  That was my first 30 hours in the program.  The next day, I put in a withdraw and requested a conference with my parents, but they refused to meet with me.  I remember that other kid who came in right around the same time as me but his folks took him out after about 6 days.  By my 3rd day I had begun to fake it, even though you cant really fake it, because once you've compromised your values you've taken the fatal sip.

If you dont know from personal experience you can imagine the effect that such treatment would have on a keen and already troubled lad.  I tell you this story in order to demonstrate the way they attack the social coping mechanisms.  They way they open your psyche up to the knife, roll you back on your heels and take advantage of your inability to cope.  You are psychologically shocked out of your sense of self.  There is nothing to hold onto.  You dont exist, and you wont exist until you embrace the ideology of the program.

At this point in my life I am realizing the devastating effect that this treatment has had on me.  Specifically how the lack of any normal, organically manifested social coping mechanisms and a Straight instilled conscience, predisposed to guilt and shame have made me a slave.

Even when you can understand the dynamic it is very difficult to change such entrenched behavior patterns.  The cult expert Janja Lalich states that survivors of cults may experience many years of guilt confusion.

Remember how if you weren't completely honest about every little detail of your thoughts and/or emotions the guilt would surface and you would be revealed as FOS.  People were constantly confessing their dishonesties to the group.  Sometimes when this dynamic was taken to the extreme people would experience what were called "head-games".  These were the manifestations of neurotic guilt and those suffering from this effect would have to stand up in group and confess their doubts about their own honesty and even self-honesty, etc.

I'm just sayin this attack on the social coping skills combined with the establishment of the guilty conscience and the confusion that results will result in endless unnecessary suffering if it isnt recognized for what it is.  The chains of the slaver thrown over the youth.

Fuck Straight.  Fuck Authority.  People are not commodities.

 :poison:  O0  :poison:

83
Let It Bleed / Re: Stuff you've been listening to
« on: January 09, 2012, 01:31:34 PM »
Kenny Wayne Sheppard_"Blue On Black"(WDVE)

84
Let It Bleed / Re: Stuff you've been listening to
« on: January 09, 2012, 12:35:42 PM »
O Yeah.  All of Pittsburgh's heart breaking on WDVE 102.5 which I hardly listen to except for Steelers games and post game shows...and days like this when the people all tune in to hear the blues...

Night Ranger_"Dont Tell Me You Love Me"

J. Geils Band_"Musta Got Lost"(Live)...This one was specifically requested in light of the loss.

Billy Thorpe_"Children of the Sun"

Just what I was expecting from DVE...yeah, a little healin... :rofl:  :ftard:  :-  ??? ...  ::OMG::  :jawdrop:  :heartbreak:   :'(   :wall:  :flame:  ::evil::  :clown:  :poison: ... :-  ???  :ftard:...  ::)  :-[ ... ;D  :- ... :D ... :poison:  O0  :poison:

85
Let It Bleed / Re: Stuff you've been listening to
« on: January 06, 2012, 02:20:26 PM »
Metallica covering Iron Maiden's, "Remember Tomorrow" on satellite radio.  I never had heard this until today.  Killer selection by Metallica, one of my favorite early Maiden songs with Paul DiAnno.   :poison:  :rocker:  :poison:

86
Let It Bleed / Re: Stuff you've been listening to
« on: January 02, 2012, 07:19:55 PM »
The Sounds of Synanon,(1961) featuring:

Arnold Ross
Joe Pass
Dave Allan
Greg Dykes
Ronald Clark
Bill Crawford
and Candy Latson on congas

1.  C.E.D.(Charles E. Dederich)
2.  Aaron's Song
3.  Stay Loose
4.  Projections
5.  Hang Tough
6.  Self-Image
7.  Last Call For Coffee

87
Let It Bleed / Re: Let's Get Baked
« on: January 02, 2012, 08:22:45 AM »
Quote from: "Froderik"
Quote from: "starry-eyed pirate"
Hey Frod and Red Temple, whats the best Chet Baker album ??

That one I listened to recently, Chet Baker And Crew, is pretty good.. mostly him playin' the horn and not singing...it flows nicely start to finish..

I highly recommend you watch the film "Let's Get Lost," which is a brutally honest documentary about his life...

I know a little bit about him from reading the Illustrated History of Jazz.  Tragic.  Didn't he have all his teeth knocked out or something ??  I'll check it out Frod, thanks. Happy New Year.

88
Let It Bleed / Re: Stuff you've been listening to
« on: January 01, 2012, 11:29:46 AM »
Hey Frod and Red Temple, whats the best Chet Baker album ??

89
Let It Bleed / Re: Stuff you've been listening to
« on: January 01, 2012, 11:28:31 AM »
Right on None-ya.  Happy New year.

90
Let It Bleed / Re: Stuff you've been listening to
« on: December 26, 2011, 08:31:04 AM »
Blood, Chet and Tears_"Vehicle", "The Letter"(v)

Yeah, so I guess the critics didn't really appreciate this record but I do.

Pages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7 8 ... 203