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Topics - ainoue

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Mission Mountain School / let's keep from generalizations
« on: May 02, 2005, 09:56:00 AM »
hi all -
i am just cautioning people who refer to the "MMS Poll" about the fact that there have only been 11 replies.  I think the poll is a great idea, but no conclusions can be made based on such few responses.  Let time tell viewers of this site what former students' opinions are of the school.  You cannot rush this, because there are so many students who just found out about this website. Think of all the students who have attended MMS - more than I can count over the years.  The sample on this website is larger than any other one I've found, but its important to keep in mind that these are all individual opinions of just a few of the girls who went there.  And I am referring to all opinions - whether good or bad - generalizing from these opinions is not fair to former students, parents, or the school.  Its alright to form our own opinions from the comments, but we need to keep the numbers in perspective.  this means that if we give it more time, maybe a substantial amount of women will come out and share their negative experiences.  Maybe the same amount will have positive ones.  There is no way to know based on this small sample size.  

I don't know if this website was designed specifically for people who had negative experiences at MMS, but if this is a website for prospective parents or curious readers, it is completely fair for people to post their opinions, no matter what they are.  If some girls had positive experiences, I think some parents might benefit from reading those.  If some girls had negative experiences, parents have the right to read those comments, as well.  I apologize if this website was specifically for negative opinions, because this means that I misunderstood and therefore may have offended people by my story.  That was not my intention.  
  I don't know how, but reading through people's reactions to each other - both positive and negative - has made me cringe.  It makes me sad that people refuse to accept people's stories and move on.  There is nothing positive that comes out of arguing over these issues - if anything, it can further damage people's self esteem by posting comments and then having them analyzed and attacked.  And this is addressed to people from all sides - positive, negative, parents, visitors, etc. If we all keep in mind that former students of MMS are most likely highly sensitive individuals (I know I am), we might ask ourselves - what are we doing, really?  Is this productive?  I have no doubt in my mind that this forum started out with good intentions, but it now seems to me like people have resorted to finger pointing, being defensive, and being aggressive as a form of dealing with MMS.  Just as a suggestion to those who still struggle (as I do) - therapy is a wonderful way to deal with all these problems, and as adults you have the power to choose who you want to see.  Perhaps getting professional help would also help you move on from your negative experience.  If you couple it along with venting your feelings on this website, you might be surprised by how much more positive you feel.  I know that having a therapist has pulled me out of the rut many times since I left MMS.  
Everyone has a right to their opinion - I do not hate anyone for their negative experience, just as I hope people don't hate me for my positive one.  Let's not attack everyone's point of view - its so easy to do, but we all need to remember that we are adults now, and need to start acting like adults.  I post this and brace myself for any comments people may have, but please keep in mind that I have no ill intentions by writing this.  We all have our own voices that need to be heard.

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Mission Mountain School / MMS changed my life
« on: May 01, 2005, 03:14:00 PM »
My name is Aya Inoue.  I was at MMS from 1998 - 2000.
I sit here and read other people's experiences, and I am overcome with gratitude but sadness.  The fact that so many people had negative experiences with MMS fails to surprise me, but I struggle because of the persisitng hostiliy people feel towards the place.  I understand that MMS was not the right place for everyone.  I do not think that it ever claimed to be... a lot of selectivity wentinto students who were accepted there, and I honestly believe that the administrators tried their best to admit girls they thought they could help.  But everyone makes mistakes, and I do not believe that this happens in a vacuum.  Parents had every right to pull their children from the program at any point.  Educational consultants were often used to aid parents in their decisions.  Is it necessarily John Mercer, or Mike Finn's fault that MMS wasn't the right fit for some of the students?  It is true, there were many girls who left MMS and returned to their old ways immediately. Some hung in there for a while, but inevitably returned to drugs, alcohol sex, eating disorders, etc.  However, I have had the luxury of getting back in touch with so many students who left MMS - some graduated, some got kicked out, some left early.  The bottom line is: no matter how much we might have swayed from our paths of success, a whole bunch of us have managed to get our lives back together again.  MMS never claimed to be a "cure" for addictions.  The founders had emotional investment in the lives of their students because they were in recovery themselves.  It is understandable for some people to resent their approach to treatment, but I do not think it is fair to undermine the amount of lives that the staff at MMS did save.
Take me, for instance.  I landed at the gates of MMS in March 1998, just barely 90 pounds, covered in self mutilated cuts on my arms, and with little will to live.  It was the toughest decision for my parents to ever make, but they sent me away from home (Japan) in order to save my life.  Through my therapy at MMS, I learned to have a voice.  I learned how to enjoy life free of materialistic things.  I learned to distance myself from my dysfunctional family, and to be independent.  I learned how to create strong relationships with other girls who were from diverse backgrounds.  If I had never left Tokyo, I have no doubt in my mind that I would either be dead or hospitalized today.  I needed that environment to survive.  I needed to be monitored because I had no intention of monitoring myself.  I needed to learn how to cry, and how to be happy.  
Every day continues to be a struggle, but it has been seven years since my last binge/purge.  I continue to have a hard time facing my body and taking care of myself.  But I'm alive.  And for that, I will always be grateful.  MMS didn't directly save my life - I did.  It ultimately came down to a choice that I had to make about myself.  What MMS did was provide a medium through which I could learn to respect myself.  
I understand that some people are angry with their experiences there.  But the truth of the matter is, we can't go back and change time.  We cannot blame any of the decisions we made after we left MMS on the institution.  The truth is, WE are responsible for our own decisions.  It is not fair to blame other people for the mistakes we make in life.  We can be angry at the situtation in which we found ourselves, and everyone is entitled to their opinions.  But we must be careful not to use MMS as a scapegoat for our own issues.  I am sorry that MMS was not a positive experience for everyone, but we do not live in a utopian society.  If it was a bad time for you, accept the fact that it wasn't the right place for you, but understand that it WAS the right place for a lot of girls.  Everyone is different.  Take what you like, and leave the rest.  Its ok if you left it all behind, but please don't forget that there are many students who needed MMS during that point in their lives.  I, for one, will forever be grateful to my Montana experience because it is where I like to say that "my life started over again."

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