Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

I am also an advocate of social programs to help the needy, but when my millionare neighbors all laugh at their SS checks while they are golfing and gulping down anti depressents and driving around in their "jazzys" all on my tax dollar, I take offense.

I'll be your huckleberry, Greg.

It seems to me that your problem is not really with poor people wanting something for nothing, it's rich people who ARE getting something for nothing.  Which, I agree, is offensive.

People who are collecting SS (retirement) now will draw more out of the system than they've ever paid into it.  They spent their working lives during the most peaceful, profitable time in this country's history, they've had more technological and health advancements than in all other generations combined and did they use all of that to save for their future and provide for their children?  Hell, no.  They went on cruises and bought fancy houses and now they want to whine about having to choose between buying medicine and buying food.  Well, grampa, maybe if you hadn't bought a new car every two years and you'd skipped on that cosmetic surgery (but, hey, you don't look a DAY over 57!) and saved your money, you wouldn't be facing the food vs. meds decision now.  

I agree the answer is to means test.  And means test TODAY, not twenty years from now.  But we also need to eliminate the income ceiling for FICA/Medicare contributions.  We need that money to keep the system going.  Also, for debt service on W's most excellent idea of having an entire country basically live off (and finance a war on) its credit cards.  Oh, and pyramid schemes.

If Social Security doesn't keep going, none of us is going to get a damn thing, never mind about proportionate benefits.  When you eliminate medical benefits for anyone, much less several million medically needy people, it causes the overall cost of health care to go up.  Which raises insurance premiums for individuals and, yes, small businesses.

If this country can't service its debt and we become more banana republic than we already are, your property values are going to go down, inflation will go up and so will crime.  Creating a Dickensian underworld of disenfranchised people is NOT going to help your business unless, of course, your business is prisons or personal protection.  Supply-side economics has run its course.  

While we're at it, we might as well put some of these old people back to work.  They're healthier than they've ever been, they're going to live about forever, they seem to have all kinds of time to lobby the government for more benefits, let's give 'em jobs.  Have them do all the low-paying, no-risk-taking, PETTY things the rest of us are doing for chump change.  Like taking care of you when you're sick.  Or educating your kids.  Or cleaning your house, checking your groceries, keeping your local water system working, servicing the airplane you're getting on.  Then we'll all have time to make REAL money.  

If you don't like the word "tax," think of it as a "convenience fee."

I would imagine that the ACLU has declined to get involved with this issue because they have championed parental rights vs. government intrusion in the past -- suits about whether parents can refuse medical treatment for their children on religious grounds, whether parents can educate their children outside of traditional schools, etc.  So taking the position that children in these institutions have rights that supercede those of their parents would be somewhat inconsistent.  Organizations like the ACLU are very concerned about staying "on message."

Has anyone tried contacting an organization like Amnesty International?  They do a lot of stuff on child labor/forced servitude.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/bugs/camelspider.asp

It's a garden plant.  The red flamey looking one.  They're like 6 for $1.98 at your local Wallyworld.

I used to agree with you that society did people with mental illnesses a disservice by "forcing" them into treatment just to make their behavior conform to "normal."  That was before I started working with the mentally ill on a daily basis.  I rarely, if ever, encounter people with schizophrenia who are happy the way they are.  Part of that is the illness itself -- it takes away the capacity to feel joy or really any positive emotion.  In addition, many people hear and see things that are scary or upsetting.  They often believe that others can tell they are "different" or are plotting to harm them.  They try and try to reconcile their perceptions with those of the rest of the world and simply cannot.  The same thing is true of people with bipolar disorder -- they may have some brief moments of happiness while they're manic, but the consequences of their manic behavior cause even more problems later -- and depression.  Hospitalization, medication and, in rare cases, ECT, can help many of these folks.  It's not a question of forcing people into conforming behavior, it's a question of relieving suffering.
Mental illness is no more a gift than diabetes is.

And it is no more a philosophical choice than diabetes is.  The belief that mental illness is really voluntary behavior is a damaging one that has pervaded our society for centuries.  Mental illness is a medical condition, not a character flaw.  When you frame it as simply a variation from "normal", you encourage people to believe that the mentally ill can control their symptoms and just refuse to do so.

Also, no one does psychosurgery anymore.  Take your medicine.

I am so sorry you're having these problems now.  I think one of the things you can take away from this is that parents and other adults do not have all -- or even most -- of the answers.  Once you can rid yourself of the belief that ANY of this behavior -- your stepdad's or your mom's -- comes from some sort of wisdom or because you deserve it, you're going to feel a lot better about yourself.  I'm sure it hurts that your mom is not taking charge of this situation.  She should.  

Also, know that you WILL survive this.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and I used to think I'd end up Arnold Schwartenegger with all the crap I had to put up with.  So you're not alone and people do survive.  

I think the key here is to make HIM look like the nut job he is without making yourself look bad.  So, there is nothing wrong with saying to someone "I am not going to listen to you verbally abuse me.  When you're ready to get yourself under control, we can continue this discussion."  If you can do this calmly, everyone around will see that you're acting like an adult and he's throwing a temper tantrum.  

Another thing you might want to tell him -- preferably in front of someone else -- is that his interest in your sex life or lack thereof is positively CREEPY.  And if anyone brings the stuff he's said up to you, I'd just say something like "Yeah, he's been telling people all kinds of stuff like that.  Isn't that really weird, not to mention, GROSS?  I mean, he's married to my MOM."  That's all you've gotta say and I bet most people will either commiserate or just drop it.  

You didn't say, but I'm a bit concerned about whether he's pressuring you sexually.  That would certainly be consistent with the other behavior you're talking about -- interest in your sex life, setting up situations in which other people won't believe you, and trying to convince you that no one would ever love you.  If that's the case, you need to tell an adult outside of the situation.  It's embarassing and painful, but it needs to come out.

As for the cutting, why?  Are you cutting because you feel numb and the physical pain is comforting?  Is it because you feel like your emotions are so huge you can't deal with them and the cutting allows you to refocus?  Generally, SM (self-mutilation) is a sign that you've got some serious stuff going on internally.  Do you still have access to counselors?  Have you talked to them about it?  Treatment for the problems that cause SM often includes group therapy and you can find lots of groups online, but you probably ought to have a real person available as a resource in case things get really bad.  

Hang in there.  Let us know how you're doing.

Well, I don't know much about Maryland law, but here's my quick and dirty take on what you were told --

This touch vs. not touch thing is really weird and not consistent with any legal doctrine I'm aware of.  I could see it, maybe, if the issue was assault or risk -- like if she attacked them or seemed to be a threat to herself or someone else -- but responding to a handshake is neither.  I suspect they did the whole handcuffs thing after shaking her hand because they wanted to surprise her, not for some legal reason.

Second of all, you can't take a handcuffed person on a commercial airplane.  And one would think she would have said something to airport staff along the way.  So I don't know what's up with that.

Yes, if you confine someone against their will (in a room, in a car/plane, with handcuffs, whatever) it is a) false imprisonment, which is a tort (civil wrong) and b) some variation of kidnapping (what, exactly, depends on the state criminal code).  In addition, it is a federal crime to take people over state lines for illegal purposes.  But you don't become an emancipated minor due to parental divorce.  You have to be officially emancipated by the court.  If this woman had emancipation papers, then the above analysis would apply.  If not, it's a bit murkier.  

Leaving someone in an airport in PJs in handcuffs is a crime.  Again, what that crime is called depends on the specific state and specific circumstances.  If she is in fact emancipated, then you're looking at a kidnapping-type thing.  If not, then it's a child endangerment/abuse issue.  

But I just don't understand why she didn't ask someone at the airport for help.  Methinks we don't have all the details?

This is a very good question.  Beyond the fact that he's a psychiatrist and where he got his degree, I haven't been able to find out much.  

It's kind of weird that there don't seem to be national listings for these "helping professionals."  In my profession, there's sort of a master list that includes everyone who holds a license to practice in the US.  It's like the phone book (only nicely bound and with about 6 volumes) in that the basics are listed in short form, then you can pay extra for fancy stuff and most people do.  So it's possible for people to look up where I went to school, where I've worked before and in what capacity, my specialty areas, if I've published anything or won any honors, and how my peers in my profession view my competence.  Also, you can get a lot of information about me from the state licensing authority, including whether I've been disciplined.  That way, people who are thinking about hiring me can make an informed decision.

And, as an aside, my profession is NOT petitioning Congress to put a cap on the amount of damages that someone I injure through malpractice can get paid.