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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Dallas Survivors?? April 27th, 1989-March 17,1990
« on: November 03, 2010, 11:16:50 PM »
Who was on staff in Dallas, group staff and executive staff? Anyone remember?
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As you all know i am an outsider to all this. So i say this in the hope that it does not offend anyone hurt by this industry and the players within, but i am not sure whether or not people who worked at places like straight or even wwasp who had been promoted from within did so without coercion exactly. While it is not coercion in the sense that kids on low phases are coerced into lying about their drug habits, there also may not appear to be a lot of choices. I try to think what I would do if I had been convinced that 2 years of abuse had actually saved me from myself. Without the education to do anything different or even the social skills to rebuild a life on "the outside" with normal well adjusted people and it becomes a whole lot less of a choice. Add to all this the fact that you are in most cases still a kid without any other experience of the world. Then on top of this after years of being told you are shit and nothing, you are a leader. You get paid a salary even if it is shitty, parents and adults who used to see you as a menace suddenly are fawning all over you and thanking you for saving their kids. In addition you have internalized the idea that you might not be able to make it out in the world. From where i sit that looks and feels pretty coerced.
One thing I hate to hear now is when people who were SO gung ho back then to be staff whine about how fucked up they were while doing it, you know, like how WDTONY talks like he was SO horribly tortured when standing there in group watching the kids crying, bleeding, etc... *insert drama queen emoticon*
In general, I have an admiration for any staff member that has the testicular fortitude to write on this or any message board. Yet the mistake they make, as I see it, is that they expect to be accepted without consequence. There is a failure to recognize that we, our community, are deeply scared. And for the most part, we have been scared by people with the word “staff” attached to their name.
One of the variables I see as hampering a former staff’s effort at being a member of our community is, arrogance.
Arrogance, regardless of it’s etiology is inappropriate. Arrogance will understandably be met with bristling antagonism. Over the years, many staff members have made their way into these rooms and were immediately attacked. They failed to realize that by coming to these message boards they were walking on thin ice right off the bat. They failed to see that we were no longer their minions and falsely expected us to behave as such. When we did not respond in accordance with their delusional expectations (mixed with arrogance), their feelings would get hurt. Some simply left, some raised a ruckus briefly, then left.
Another behavior exhibited by former staff members is an active dismissal of our experience. More so than arrogance, dismissal of our experience insults and infuriates. Unfortunately, arrogance and dismissal often accompany each other, thus adding insult to injury. Now, I am of the opinion that these behaviors are indeed protective mechanisms, bolstered in the minds of former staff members. The question in my mind then becomes…what are they protecting? I fail to believe they are protecting the truth. We know better than that, and see right thru that. It appears to me that they are protecting something between their own ears. Guilt? Remorse? Denial? Failure to accept the heinous exploitation and incarceration of children they themselves actively participated in? I don’t pretend to know, as such, I can only guess what these behaviors are attempting to hide.
I share your interest in seeing “the ENTIRE Straight story” coming out. And I also agree that having former staff members input would be invaluable in revealing the “ENTIRE story”. This doesn’t discredit our experience. Most, if not all of us know very well, painfully well, one side of the coin. The other side of the coin is still very much a mystery. As such, the story is lopsided. I have written about this before, and received a lil heat. But I still maintain, how can I know everything about what happened to me, if I adamantly refuse to listen, hear, read the other side of the story? How can I pretend to know what was going thru a staff members mind set at the time, if I don’t know?
What’s the value of knowing former staff members insights into Straight Inc.? Understanding. Pure and simple. Not implying acceptance. Not changing my viewpoint. Not “switching sides”. Nothing of the sort. Just simply to have a better understanding of what I experienced. Why I experienced what I did. What the motivation was behind so many bizarre situations and ritualistic abuses. I just want to know. I just want to be able to be at peace, in regard to the Straight Inc experience.
If I only hear my side of the story, along with others stories that are very similar to my experience, the only understanding I have is one side of the coin. (and I know it well) Would former staffs input be of great significance? I dunno, it’s a difficult question to answer, if I don’t hear/read/listen to the other side of the story.
Is it possible…for former staff to begin posting, without being attacked?
I think, it is indeed possible. Yet there are variables that determine whether they are attacked, or welcomed with open arms (“open” is relative). And I think it wise to consider there is a grey area involved as well. I think there was a time, in my life, when a person said they were on “staff”, there was most definitely a “knee jerk reaction” on my part. Even for established, well known members of our community that were on “staff” there is/was a level of distrust…a feeling of stand off’ish-ness on my part. Then to the far distant extreme, I readily embraced folks, well…folk, because it has only been Rich Mullinax.
Yet, even with Rich, he caught a barrage of shit from me, repetitively. Even after his open LOA, there was a degree of distrust. If I recall, it was shortly after our “gathering” held in 3 states for those walking wounded who no longer walk with us, you, Nonconformistlaw, drew up the Request for Apology and then Rich, made his apology. At first, I did not openly accept his apology. The apology at the time seemed as if it were a form letter of sorts. As if, he placed his name on your Request for Apology and passed it on as a heart felt apology. His words almost directly mirrored your “Request”. It took some time, reading his words, watching his interactions with other members of our community to finally accept his LOA as genuine. And, having since watched him and taken the time to get to know him more, I have fully accepted his apology and consider him as friend.
Yet, even though he had no direct impact on me as a child, there was still a contemptuous, antagonistic emotion held against him, simply because the word “staff” was in the same sentence as his name. What is interesting to me here is that he, although he was not on staff at the time of my incarceration, I still had such a strong visceral reaction towards him. I questioned myself at length about this state I found myself in. Sadly, I haven’t any answers as of this date. And I am not convinced there is an answer, only time given for observation. Observation to see if his following actions matched with his/your words. And in Rich’s case, they have. His actions have matched his LOA.
I know I got to him, I could see it in his face. He did throw up the same reasons/excuses we've all heard but it was nowhere NEAR the sincere apology that Rich gave. He did give me his email address and told me to contact him if I wanted to discuss it further. I never did, not sure why. It was about 5 or so years ago and I was still pretty intimidated...gut reaction.
I didn't really get any concrete answers to the questions I had, but it did give me a huge confidence boost that I was able to speak to him in a clear, intelligent manner without devolving into a frightened little girl again. (wow...almost teared up writing that sentence, not sure why). I felt like I had faced one of my main demons and faced him down.
In recent years the truth about Straight, Miller Newton, the Semblers, Kids and their progeny have become public. While all of the villains have not been punished and the victims still deal with the aftermath the con that was Straight has ben exposed and the single person most responsible for making the truth known was Wes Fager. Those of us who wanted to know the truth always knew that Wes was the primary source and his courage and dedication were an inspiration. Sometimes irrepressible but always honest and always extraordinarily decent he looked evil in the eye over and over again and he called it what it was.
Wes died yesterday. He was an inspiration to me. He should have lived a longer life then each of the bastards he exposed. He didn't but the years he lived were well lived and he managed to take the harm that was done to him and his family and make it into something positive that was of value to the rest of us. The world has been diminished by his passing. He was a good man. He was a hero.