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Messages - Inculcated

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Open Free for All / Re: Afraid of sleeping
« on: April 17, 2009, 01:57:34 AM »
Some days the coincidences are such that they are stranger than the strange I have come to accept as my norm. I brushed past through this very topic today during my hour with the rabbit.
 For me, it is the threshold to waking from a vivid sleep that causes fear and confusion. In the way I sometimes am conscious of the fact that I am dreaming and can then navigate the terrain from a knowing distance; there is also the disorientation of transitioning to wakefulness while still dreaming.
I try memorizing poetry or songs to remedy restless nights. Maybe a few nights of trying this one on like comfy jammies or another you might prefer will help.
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
From Dream Work by Mary Oliver
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver

Open Free for All / Re: Did God help you through the program?
« on: April 14, 2009, 12:38:17 AM »
WTF? God, poetry clichés, and f*ing Mitt Romney…! Is somebody doing a bit of reality testing, here? If not, maybe that would help.

Daytop Village / Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« on: March 18, 2009, 02:20:24 PM »
Thank you for your replies.  I’m going to let the sum of my anger x betrayal = vigilance, for now.

Daytop Village / Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« on: March 15, 2009, 06:37:35 PM »
I’ll rephrase the question. How does a person who has been subjected to ill-treatment in treatment, find persons who are equipped to deal with such issues? Ursus seems right on it with mention of the “additional damages accrued from self destructive choices” (resulting of the original wound).
How have people in this forum found their way through the destructive influences left in the wake of treatment abuses?

Daytop Village / Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« on: March 12, 2009, 10:05:50 PM »
Quote from: "Ursus"
Quote from: "Inculcated"
How have others who have been harmed by those in the "helping professions"…deal?

-- even well-meaning -- therapists can add yet more damage to that brew as a result of their ignorance.

     DAYTOP was one of my damaged in treatment experiences.  I assimilated so quickly in to DAYTOP’s program due to my age and the situation I was coming out of. I was desperate for something that made sense and thought for a while that I had found it. That is until being instructed to conspire with silence about the circumstances that sent me to residential. I actually felt more betrayed by DAYTOP counselors (that I had trusted) for that, than toward the perv’.  
   Of course there is a cumulative effect of other experiences (preceding DAYTOP and following). I’m opting to not elaborate in detail. I have shared these (to the extent that I am able) in current therapy.  I believe the ‘ologist means well. (My ‘iatrist just writes scripts). I am so conflicted about the trust that’s required for treatment to be effective.
So, with treatment abuse induced rage and lack of trust, are some people untreatable?

Daytop Village / Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« on: March 11, 2009, 02:20:07 PM »
I’m trying to metabolize the food for thought to be had here, but the intrusions turn my stomach.
I’m trying to understand how the reverberations of my immersion within DAYTOP have played out in to my present life. The impact of my experience at DAYTOP calls to mind in me something my psychologist calls “betrayal trauma”. Granted, there are other non-DAYTOP influences that have contributed to the quandary I find myself in, while trying to deal with my experiences. (“Lightening” has stricken me more than I care to share, and taken the life of a girl I loved very much.)
Trust, has been in my thoughts as I examine the fact that it’s nearly impossible for me to feel it. Most of the time, I vacillate between suspended disbelief and a sense of being unreachable. This inhibits my attempts to deal with treatment abuse related issues in therapy. Of course other issues are impeded by my distrust. Knowing this hasn’t helped. Priming, Habituation, Basic Associative learning… These have instilled in me at an early age the only defenses I can conjure (That don’t include disappearing into the nearest patterned object).
Meanwhile, I smile.
How have others who have been harmed by those in the “helping professions”…deal?

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