Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: Anonymous on July 04, 2006, 11:53:00 AM
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First, I'm going to have a kid.
Then, I'm going to spend the first twelve years of his life treating him as my personal emotional target, ignoring any real wants and needs he may have, while projecting as much of myself onto him as I possibly can.
When he eventually gets sick of this treatment, I'm going to send him away to strict, religious people with no credentials to make him be want I want him to be.
Then I'm going to post on messageboards seeking sympathy for my pain.
How about it, Fornits? Does this sound like a good idea or what? There couldn't be anything wrong with it, could there?
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On 2006-07-04 08:53:00, Milk Gargling Death Penalty wrote:
"First, I'm going to have a kid.
Then, I'm going to spend the first twelve years of his life treating him as my personal emotional target, ignoring any real wants and needs he may have, while projecting as much of myself onto him as I possibly can.
When he eventually gets sick of this treatment, I'm going to send him away to strict, religious people with no credentials to make him be want I want him to be.
Then I'm going to post on messageboards seeking sympathy for my pain.
How about it, Fornits? Does this sound like a good idea or what? There couldn't be anything wrong with it, could there?"
Don't forget to have your kid "kidnapped" and threatened with mace or handcuffs. That really helps to terrorize non-compliant kids and gives parents a real sense of accomplishment (even a "rush"). Snicker --- hah! Sure showed my kid who's the boss.
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Pretty much. It is the oddest thing as a normal parent, and I'm more normal than these wackos even with a major mental illness--guess the meds really work, watching these bizarre, flaky, neurotic parents who really believe they're just like everybody else.
I talk to them and they call me things like Julie the Great or act like I'm making myself out to be a perfect parent. I'm not a perfect parent, I'm a normal parent.
Hell, I'm eccentric enough to write science fiction for a living and I'm normal compared to these guys.
The people they're classing me in with saying I'm making myself out as a "perfect" parent and Katie as a "perfect" child----my neighbors are just ordinary parents, like me. Their kids are ordinary kids, like Katie, more or less. Hell, the other parents are even more normal than us.
But we like our eccentricities and are normal enough to have a decent life. We're happy, anyway.
It just weirds me out that these parents don't see how bizarre they are. They think it's just their kids that are different and we just "don't understand" what they're going through. They don't see that we do understand their kids. We see their kids and pity them. We pity their kids because, from the outside, we can see how freaking bizarre these parents are.
It's not just that they send their kids away, it's like that's a symptom. They're just strange.
You know how people who grow up in an alcoholic or abusive family say they always thought it was normal and that everybody lived like that. Or that the people who didn't were just aberrations?
These parents are like that. When I talk to them and they talk about my perrrrfect life. I'm not an aberration, at least not in those respects. I'm just normal. Hell, our life isn't even quite normal. We're always trying to get closer to normal, but at least we know what normal is, and we're not all that far off from it.
Our neighbors aren't perfect. They don't end up sending their kids off, either. They're just normal.
This is the thing that freaks me out about these parents. They think it's their kids that are bizarre. They think they just have things to learn and grow to do better---that they have "work" to do with their kids.
They don't realize that what screwed up their family in the first place is them. Particularly, it's that they're so fucking self absorbed they can't see the forest for the trees.
It doesn't technically fit Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, but it's very, very similar in its characteristics and payoffs for the parents.
Julie
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They are normal kids, with normal problems. The hard part is figuring out what and how to help them, if they ask for the help. Some ask, some don't, those that don't ask or want the help, their life goes down the tubes.
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Maybe they don't NEED help. Especially if they're "normal" kids. Maybe if left to their own devices they'll pull through. The majority of kids do ya know.
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Especially if the "help" consists of expensive emotional abuse.
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Julie, the internet is science fiction. You don't KNOW these people and they don't know you. You won't know if you are what you call a "normal" parent until Katie snorts a little coke or gets pregnant. I think parents that come on here get put off by your know it all b.s. when you think you've seen it all through the eyes of your neighbors. A kid with a cocaine problem will make a totally normal parent wacky. Your insensitivity renders you useless to these parents.
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Reading Julie's posts constitutes self-inflicted emotional abuse.
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WTF parent is going to send their kid off to wilderness or some boarding school for a problem with cocaine? COOKOO!
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On 2006-07-04 15:35:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Reading Julie's posts constitutes self-inflicted emotional abuse."
Sign your kid up for a program and show them what a little parental inflicted emotional abuse feels like! ::armed::
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On 2006-07-04 15:08:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Julie, the internet is science fiction. You don't KNOW these people and they don't know you. You won't know if you are what you call a "normal" parent until Katie snorts a little coke or gets pregnant. I think parents that come on here get put off by your know it all b.s. when you think you've seen it all through the eyes of your neighbors. A kid with a cocaine problem will make a totally normal parent wacky. Your insensitivity renders you useless to these parents."
Wah wah wah.
I can practically guarantee you that she won't have the cocaine problem. This is because Julie is almost certainly smart enough to have a bond of trust with her daughter...
Okay, I'll give you a moment to look that word "trust" up.
Okay, done? Let's continue.
...and won't need to worry about such things. Even in the one-in-billions chance that Katie does cocaine, she still will not be shipping her daughter to some hellhole, because she is still an actual parent (need to look that one up, too?) and not one of your zombies.
As for sending a kid off for pregnancy, what would that teach her as a prospective parent? The moment things get rough, send your kid away? Great lesson to be teaching a pregnant teenager, idiot. That was the dumbest thing I've heard implied all day. Wanna try for two?
I'm not just glad I never entered any of your bullshit programs or knew you in person, I'm glad I'm not part of the shadow world in which you exist, in which it is perfectly okay to send your kids to some hellhole at any time and for any reason. Similarly, you do not have a place on my planet. Leave it.
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Milk, do you have that "trust" relationship with your Mommy? I didn't ever say or even imply that Julie would send little Katie away. I was commenting on why some parents seem so "wacko." No need to get defensive. Quit isolating and go see the fireworks, Milk.
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Luke/Paul is back!
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Like I said, these parents just can't see that they're different and strange, and not in a good way.
What they think they need to improve on bears no relationship to the reality of what they really need to fix.
They need to quit being control freaks and get over the preoccupation with themselves.
I don't know from that kid? Honey, I was that kid.
But unlike the Program survivors here at Fornits, I don't have nearly as much shit to deal with because I didn't get sent off like they did.
Well, it's like I said. Program Parents live so far away from normal, themselves--not their kids, them--that they can't see normal on a clear day with a telescope. So when people on the outside looking in at them say, "You guys are wack," they think there must be something wrong with those people.
Yeah, they're fucked up, but they can't see it. It's gotta suck to be one of their kids.
Julie
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Who are you fooling? You are still that kid.
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Help for these parents? Fine:
Quit being self-absorbed. Quit expecting your home to be calm and quiet and nice. As long as your kid isn't physically assaulting someone else in the house, just be a goddam parent.
Quit working 60 hours a week and cut it back to 40. If you can't do that at your job, change jobs. If you can't do that in your field, change fields. If you can't do that in your town, move. That's hard? Wah. It's not all about you. Parenting is a responsibility, deal with it.
Quit being a hammer on your kid and start being a sympathetic ear.
Quit looking at your kid's 18th birthday as, "Oh my god, he's all screwed up and we're running out of time!" If you're thinking "we're running out of time" then no matter what your kid is doing, you're being a control freak and I want you to just let go. If the whole rest of society agreed with you that you should make decisions for your kid because he's just not ready to be grown, the laws would be set up that way, dumbass.
The law lets your kid make his own decisions at 18 no matter what you want him to do because of parents like you. Let go already.
If you think you've tried being a sympathetic ear to your kid and "it hasn't worked," then figure out how you're playing controlling mind games or guilt trips with your kid instead of being a genuinely sympathetic ear, and stop pulling that crap.
When you're a sympathetic ear to your teenager, you can say, sincerely, "Do you want advice on this, or would you rather not?" That does more good than all the lectures in the whole world.
If you push a clingy toddler away, she wants to cling more. If you hug and cuddle her to the point of just barely being overwhelming, she wants down.
If you lecture a teenager, the more you lecture, the less he listens. If you're a sympathetic ear and you gradually finagle it so that he learns that to get your advice he's going to have to come talk with you about his problems and ask for it, suddenly he wants a whole lot more of your advice.
(There are a number of reasons why this works, but I won't go into them.)
It's shade-tree, mom-fu psychology, not rocket science.
Get your shit together and quit being attention seeking, a martyr, self-absorbed, and over-controlling. Instead, start being a parent.
Works wonders.
Julie
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On 2006-07-04 16:57:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Who are you fooling? You are still that kid. "
Bwahahahahaha
Julie
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Julie, you are really a piece of work. I hope you have a good therapist. You and your family are to be pitied.
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On 2006-07-04 18:27:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Julie, you are really a piece of work. I hope you have a good therapist. You and your family are to be pitied."
It's not about me, any more than it's about the Program Parents. It's about the kids.
Julie
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On 2006-07-04 18:27:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Julie, you are really a piece of work. I hope you have a good therapist. You and your family are to be pitied."
If you need something to pity go find the RIP thread with the list of dead kids sent away to programs only to get murdered.
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WAH WAH WAH JULIE STOP MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY *DEFLECT* *ATTACK ON THE PERSON SPEAKING THE TRUTH* WAH YOURE INSENSITIVE IM GONNA GO AWAY BACK TO STRUGGLING TEENS WAH
::crybaby:: ::crybaby:: ::crybaby:: ::crybaby::
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Wow death penalty, why don't you give me fifty thousand dollars a year to hide your kid from public view and assuage your guilt about your lack of compassion.
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Hide him from public view and nurse my delicate, oh-so-important, emotions? All for a mere fifty thousand smackers a year?
Wow! What a deal, how could I possibly resist?!
How much for the hired thu.. err, escorts, again? Ah hell, I don't care. Just make sure he doesn't see me as he's dragged out in irons, 'k?
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Deal. I'll even throw in a tearful reunion and fearful compliance for life. You're kid's gonna shit himself every time you sneeze it'll be great.
:razz:
(I feel so filthy right now)
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Yeh, think about what you'd have to do to a kid to get that result. Bet ya couldn't do it MA, not even watch it done. And what kind of person could? Were these programmers raised without conscience?
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You'd be amazed what people will tolerate when they assume exitus acta probat.
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First, I'm going to have a kid.
Then, I'm going to spend the first twelve years of his life treating him as my personal emotional target, ignoring any real wants and needs he may have, while projecting as much of myself onto him as I possibly can.
When he eventually gets sick of this treatment, I'm going to send him away to strict, religious people with no credentials to make him be want I want him to be.
Then I'm going to post on messageboards seeking sympathy for my pain.
How about it, Fornits? Does this sound like a good idea or what? There couldn't be anything wrong with it, could there?
you dont have a kid,but you spend all your free time sitting in public places watching them. where is that red flag icon?
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Help for these parents? Fine:
Quit being self-absorbed. Quit expecting your home to be calm and quiet and nice. As long as your kid isn't physically assaulting someone else in the house, just be a goddam parent.
Quit working 60 hours a week and cut it back to 40. If you can't do that at your job, change jobs. If you can't do that in your field, change fields. If you can't do that in your town, move. That's hard? Wah. It's not all about you. Parenting is a responsibility, deal with it.
Quit being a hammer on your kid and start being a sympathetic ear.
Quit looking at your kid's 18th birthday as, "Oh my god, he's all screwed up and we're running out of time!" If you're thinking "we're running out of time" then no matter what your kid is doing, you're being a control freak and I want you to just let go. If the whole rest of society agreed with you that you should make decisions for your kid because he's just not ready to be grown, the laws would be set up that way, dumbass.
The law lets your kid make his own decisions at 18 no matter what you want him to do because of parents like you. Let go already.
If you think you've tried being a sympathetic ear to your kid and "it hasn't worked," then figure out how you're playing controlling mind games or guilt trips with your kid instead of being a genuinely sympathetic ear, and stop pulling that crap.
When you're a sympathetic ear to your teenager, you can say, sincerely, "Do you want advice on this, or would you rather not?" That does more good than all the lectures in the whole world.
If you push a clingy toddler away, she wants to cling more. If you hug and cuddle her to the point of just barely being overwhelming, she wants down.
If you lecture a teenager, the more you lecture, the less he listens. If you're a sympathetic ear and you gradually finagle it so that he learns that to get your advice he's going to have to come talk with you about his problems and ask for it, suddenly he wants a whole lot more of your advice.
(There are a number of reasons why this works, but I won't go into them.)
It's shade-tree, mom-fu psychology, not rocket science.
Get your shit together and quit being attention seeking, a martyr, self-absorbed, and over-controlling. Instead, start being a parent.
Works wonders.
Julie
100% spot on...well said to every word.