Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Larry Dubinsky was fucking female students who babysitted at his house. Or trying to, at least. He would leave and tell her he would be back after a few days, and come back later that night while she was sleeping, reeking of booze, and feel her up.

This is Sage Kiesel, by the way. If anyone knows me I would be so happy to talk to old familiars again. Hyde, you were one FUCKED UP school!

On 2005-09-19 14:18:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Hi, I graduated peer group 24 at NWA. I had just heard recently that cedu had shut down and while checking out the facts online, I stumbled upon this webpage. I don't quite know how to pigeon-hole my CEDU experience; in some ways I resent having my highschool years stolen from me, but other times I'm happy about having been there. When I first graduated in May of 2004, I was pretty full of piss and vinegar, but since then I've had a little more time to cool down.



Throughout the program I was labeled "negative" and pretty much got yelled at in RAPS at least once a week. I had the most number of table restrictions out of any of other kids then in attendance by the second half of my "career" and had been on 2 full-times. I had come pretty close to being sent to Ascent twice throughout the program. (Grapes in a Nalgene...) I  never cried in propheets and got not one "live" vote from from my uncharacteristically well indoctrinated peer group during the Summit. Graduation was the happiest day of my life. Pochabel's Cannon still puts a smile on my face to this day.



Cedu took me away from my home, my friends and my family, but it also took me away from a lot of drugs and a life that may not have gone anywhere (without a great deal more effort).



After graduating from Northwest Academy, I took a year off to really reflect on what had happened. I did end up doing a lot of drugs during that year, but I also managed to matriculate at Colby College as a freshman this year.



When the interim year approached an end, I was able to turn of the drug use immediately (with manageable withdrawal) - something I'm not sure if I would've been able to do otherwise. I'm currently studying pre-med and have been drug-free since August (well mostly...smoke a little pot now and then and drink like a...well college student). In this respect, I am thankful for the way that things turned out.



However, Cedu did not leave me scratch free. Residual anger, guilt and distrust distance me from my family. I wake up sweating and panicking and thrashing almost every other night. (something that started at the beginning of my NWA experience...fear of escorts perhaps?) I'm very uncomfortable and fidgety around adults; I tend to avoid eye contact with authority, and I'm constantly paranoid  about punishment and consequence, even for the smallest offenses. I'm not nearly as carefree as I used to be, nor do I voice my opinions nearly as much. And I'm much more lethargic than I used to and I express far less emotion.  



Most of all, I feel like I cannot trust people. I have not felt much of an emotional attatchment toward anyone or anything since before NWA. I'll make friends, but I don't "bond" with them the same way I did with people I met before the whole experience began.



Just thought I'd like to share my experience as a relatively recent CEDU graduate with everyone.



If anyone wants to get in touch with me my e-mail is [email protected]



Please, though, if you don't have anything good to say don't say it. Flames will be reported to my school and I will block your e-mail address. Otherwise, I'm happy to talk to anyone, particularly any other CEDU graduates that share some of my experience. "

I want you to know that there are a lot of people out here who really appreciate you speakiing honestly about your experience. You are not alone. CEDU's marks on me will never go away; they're scars and injuries of the worst kind. The saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" doesn't even really hold in the context of this. Regardless, nobody ever needed to be strong to that degree of strength. You never asked for this, it was a kind of rape, of non-consensual forced intimacy, a cruel mindfuck the likes of which very few know for very few can concieve of something of this degree, and those that do are penultimately the ones who have experienced it firsthand and the least equipped to convey it to others in their damage. So again, I appreciate you speaking and there are many others who do as well. Congratulations on your matriculation, and may you remain in college until graduation. I wish you prosperity, and if necessitated, someone who will give you the care or love necessary to truly enjoy and appreciate your life.

Oppositional Defiance
Old soldier of what?
R.I.P. Sage Kiesel 1985-1999; He never had a chance.

On 2005-05-17 05:34:00, blownawaytheidahoway wrote:

"It has been almost a year since I discovered this site. It has been about a year since I found that other people were as affected by the CEDU system. I found I was not alone. I went to my parents to chat with them about the recent discoveries and validation of the wierdness of the program. (god forbid I would use the term abuse)

They don't want to talk about it. They believe it was a mistake sending me there but that ends their responsibilty. They don't want to talk about all the doubts and confusion that were borne there. They can't admit that those years still touch me daily and reminders are plentiful in both sleeping and waking hours. It's a fight with them when I try to relate some of the finer points of damage inflicted on my self image. It's a fight when I mention that I still struggle with aspects of that time. Does someone have parents who have enough love for me too? I still want it, I still need it to thrive and feel positive, and they do still fail to give me shelter from the storm inside myself.

Isn't that the worst insult to injury? I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Having no way to validate our experience, this abuse that we were told so many times that we "deserved" by the staff there.  This is serious, serious shit, and nobody in the mental health industry cares enough to do something about it. It is about time we recieved some attention and recognition for our ordeals! And we need some help fixing ourselves after all of this! This shit haunts us and fucks us up terminally for the rest of our long or short (suicidal) lives and we need love and some care! People are so fucking sick and fed up of feeling like they were tossed in the trash! This could be the beginning of the end of this country.

I'm really glad that you were able to make it through the way that you did. You must be like 1 out of 100, though. I wish I could have had that insight while I was there. For you, you have the right to say it wasn't as bad for you as it was for other kids. However, speaking from experience, it was bad for me would be an understatement. They psychologically murdered me when I was 14. I hope you can see and understand.

On 2005-05-11 20:30:00, Anonymous wrote:

"It used to be cool venting how bad I had it at BCA. But now I don't even want to go into it. No one understands how it was, they just can't relate. The only people who really know how it feels to be escorted in the middle of the night to some bootcamp then put in a prison style boarding school are people who live it. So yah I don't believe anyone should have any opinnion on the schools unless they went to them. Not all BCA was bad, some of the staff was cool. But in the end they were all "prison guards", and I can't blame them. It's a bullshit job where you go and boss around/ play with kids with high pay. If I was in the staffs position I wouldnt risk my job. So you just couldnt have a relationship with them in my mind. Which is why I went my whole stay without ever saying more then 5 words to a handful of staff. Which is a pretty big feat considering I was there a year. This also helped keep me under the radar a lot. I did so much bad stuff, but no one ever suspected me. I not only started the bca gangs, but I could of been screwed so many other times. Tyler Love dipped on my bed, I punched more then a couple kids in the head. I was totally aware of Michas plan, but no one ever suspected anything from me. So I had it pretty easy when I think about it, other then i always had to watch my back. It's funny how staff played favorites so much, sometimes not even being aware of it. In reality they could do whatever they wanted to do to us, and we would just have to take it. I hate it when people say how we "Lived through it", well we either did the work, or we went to hardcore lockdown. And doing the work was pretty basic, here were the 3 steps to being successful.



1. Don't do anything... at all

2. Talk in raps

3. Don't let staff know who your friends were



This 3rd one helped me a lot. All the time my friends would be put on bans from eachother for being negative and as punishments, but I never was, because they simply didn't know I was friends with them. It's kind of like "going out" at BCA. The second you say your going out you will be on bans. Just say your friends and go into vals room, not talk to staff as if they are on the same level as you. Staff was always taking notes on you, and to trust them would be a horrible mistake.



Everyone always said that i never should of been sent away, and looking back I never should have, but I wouldn't take it back. I met some really cool people, who a lot I will never talk to again, but thats cool.



Also people stop whining about how horrible BCA was. I can't speak for people from a long time ago, but I know lately it could have been a lot worse. I know they took away all our freedom, but in the end we just wanted what we couldn't have. I used to see coming home as the solution to everything. But theres more problems here then there was there. Sure, I still have good friends, but like I said earlier, they just don't understand. Plus, I have so many inside jokes that no one understands. I know you guys must relate with this one. Well whatever, I'll post back here some other time.



The Ab3"

Dude, Ryan's the type of guy who you _think_ is cool until you get to know him. He's just a snob. That's what pisses me off. He thinks he's better than people. The ultimate insult. As for Mcdildo, Dude I seriously think that the reason for all his inane movie quotes was so he could keep his fuckin sanity at that place. Actually, and this is funny, me and Mcdildo when we were roomies would actually sit and watch the matrix like every other day and just speak every single fucking line as the characters said it. That was the SHIZ-NITE! I think it was because we really felt like we were Matrix people fighting Agent Smith over and over and over again and we always forgot how we were powerless, fucked over teenagers in a child-abuser's prison system.

Ryan Sylvia was my roommate for a time at Milestones. That guy was an asshole! He had a BIG penis, though. I'm talking dirk diggler. Which is strange because he looked all scrawny and gangly and shit (how the hell do you girls think he's hot? god you bitches are stupid as hell. I'M hot! you should be saying _I_ am hot, stupid whores!) so I'm like "no way in fucking hell you got a big dick" and he pulls it out and like it's hanging down to his kneecaps. God fucking damn. Fuck! Yeah he was a real shit of person, though, in my humble opinion. Although he was friends with Kenny Mcdilda, who was a REAL good pal and whom I lived with when I escaped Milestones.

Could anyone please post information on how to go about suing your parents for sending you to a cedu program? how do you start? what do you need to do?

Thanks,
OD