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Messages - shanlea

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When I was at CEDU, I think most people drank the Kool Aid... it (program bullshit)was that good.  I think even intelligent people gravitate toward any program that says it will give you tools to lead a more successful, rewarding life.

Now take the students who are stuck there without recourse.  At some level, buying in is almost survival. Even when you spout program dogma knowing it's all crap, the line between truth and bullshit gets blurred after you put on the same act for a sustained amount of time.

Look at the multi billion dollar diet industry for proof of something that makes a lot of dough turning people on to program after program for the diet "tools" that will finally work.

CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / made me a rock
« on: December 13, 2005, 10:20:00 AM »
Your post really resonated in terms of spelling out why I hate CEDU. Especially the part of how the staff rewarded students who adopted the same abusive communication tactics they did.  It was a bully's haven. I think of my more troubled students from last year and imagine them in a place like CEDU and I know from the bottom of my heart that at the end of the day, this place would only calcify them further.

I remember when I saw these horrible bullies in raps and how staff would just sing them flowery praises about how "powerful" they were. There is no doubt in my mind these students grew up to be verbally abusive husbands or wives wondering why nobody "got it."

I split from CEDU knowing I would have to become this to survive the school, and I couldn't. But I do know that when I left there was one thing different about me than when I came in.  I became oddly disassociated with my capacity to feel or connect with people in a wholehearted fashion.  CEDU was so fucked up that I just couldn't relate to "normal" people anymore, and I also didn't trust anyone after being in a place where even your peers are exploiting your innermost feelings.

CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / my identity
« on: November 15, 2005, 10:59:00 AM »
Look, Ottawa generates a large reaction from many of us.  At first, some of us engaged in thoughtful discussion, wanting to know specifically what tools and aspects of CEDU were educationally and therapeutically beneficial.  She never could deliver.  Meanwhile, many posters, such as myself, gave sincere and explicit examples of how the therapeutic methods of these schools were not only unethical, but harmful.  We discussed exactly how the environment at CEDU promoted abuse, bullying, and isolation or manipulation to the extent you could not really develop emotional well being.  We gave solid examples of coersion, lack of individuated support, and in fact, blatant deception.  Moreover, tehere was an unhealthy lack of boundaries between staff and students.  (This is a very short list.) Ottawa could care less.  She acted as if the more specific, horrific stories never occurred, when it was systemic.

Sure, she was intelligent and articulate, but she was also cold blooded and blind, completely blind, to our avalanche of personal stories.  Some of these strories were truly horrific and she acted as if they never happened.  I liken it to a rape victim being told she was never raped.  

We kept giving her opportunties to discuss the SPECIFIC aspects of the program that helped, and she never did.  She just reiterated that her son is successful now.

She did talk of her own personal Dreams experience that was helpful.  Dreams is a propheet.  But the parent version of these workshops are watered down and sanitized.  Also, the impressionable teen age psyche should not be barraged by this type of highly manipulative, intense experimental cultic therapy.

Well, there are many people who criticize the program and have a successful resume, are married with kids, but still deal with the more deleterious apsects of the cultic program.  

I guess we were turned off by her total dismissal of our experiences (without even addressing them), as if we were lying.  We already dealt with that attitude at CEDU. The funny thing was a lot of kids were under such constant pressure by CEDU's inaccurate prtrayal of them, they were badgered into admitting things they had never done, and then punished for a crime that never happened. Some of the experiences were hardcore traumatic, and she didn't give a shit. All she cared about was her son was "saved."

CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Bipolar Meds
« on: November 02, 2005, 08:46:00 AM »
Maybe the way to look at it is to be grateful there are so many options to treat different conditions, whether through diet and exercise, alternative meds, or regular meds.  I know I'm always happy to have a glass of wine to ease stress, but the last thing I want to do when I'm depressed is drink. There is a place for everything. And the truth is, there is a lot of overdiagnosing and overprescribing (especially with ADD)and not enough sustained effort in choosing life style changes over pharmaceuticals. Sometimes, the best approach is combined. I think the important thing is for people to be very aware and proactive on their own behalf and not just blindly follow the presecription pad.

A little bit of craziness is not a bad thing.  Who wants to live in a vanilla world? But I've seen meds work well for people who were really suffering, and treatment saved their lives and their family's.  It's nice to have options.

Oh Serb, Serb, Serb.... you are a bad, bad boy!

Remind me not to piss you off!!  But if I do, please don't translate the Serbo-Croatian.

By the way, calling S.O.M a faggot is an insult to homosexuals!

CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Bipolar Meds
« on: October 29, 2005, 10:10:00 AM »
I remember when I went to CEDU I gained 15 pounds on all that crap they served, but I was in better shape because of all the labor. I just remember being in a rap and the family head screaming at me for giving everyone a boner with my too tight pants.  Which was only because I couldn't fit into anything!!

CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Bipolar Meds
« on: October 29, 2005, 10:09:00 AM »
Try Another Castle: Your last post was bull's eye. I wish more people understood the complexity of finding the right dose/mix etc.

Unfortunately,CEDU not only incorporated pseudo therapeutic tools of questionable repute on minors, but also slapdash medical practices as well.  A former staff member said that CEDU introduced therapists and psychiatrists because they HAD to. They did it for compliance reasons only. All of the former therapists who posted here said their warnings were ignored and they were basically there for CEDU to "look good."  Then you have shrinks like ULrich who overmedicated many which also kept people nice and compliant.  

Sometimes I think this is reflective of socity in general.  There are so many over medicated kids for ADD or mood disorders that are simply related to boredom, diet, or normal teen hormonal angst.  People think it's easier to give their kids a pill rather than ride the coaster and think of creative ways to deal with their problems.  

When I was observing teachers last year I was actually impressed with how most kids kept up considering how difficult it is to stay in your seat and listen to monotony all day every day. The kids who acted up out of restlessness... well, I could appreciate why.  But those are the ones who will be drugged. Do you know how many teachers would make remarks like "this kid definitely has ADD..." and I would think "no, you are just spectacularly boring."

The above post was mine; I forgot to log in.

If King George is run anything like CEDU, get her the hell out.  Years from now, she will realize it's even more coercive than she thinks now.  Of course many students will perform well in a highly structured environment where you are carefully monitored and coerced and badgered into submission.  Even the military can temporarily tame its free thinking recruits. But that is not authentic change. And it does not encourage individual thought, honesty (because your "story" must comply with their version of your past), or INDIVIDUATED support.  All the wacky lingo and "tools" do not translate into the real world.

Yeah, me too, Antigen, me too. It's very difficult to relocate with children in my county. It would have been an ugly, costly, and probably futile mess.

My posts had a bit of sarcasm there but I absolutely, sincerely support your artistic endeavors. Don't let anyone derail you from doing something you want to do either from a perspective of human interest or social relevance.  The truth is that if nothing else, CEDU was a hell of a theatre.

And, while you say you will be unbiased in your presentation, there is no way the audience will be unaffected by a true and accurate portrayal of a rap/propheet.

I swear, I'm usually sweet :wink: but my nice gene has gone through a mild mutation recently.

"Cedu: Equal Opportunity Employers: We Hire Former Rapists, Killers, and Other Assorted Psychos to Help Your Child Find His Life's Purpose"

Hell, I say Go For It. There is no way any normal person will watch that play, and if portrayed accurately, think these are places to develop emotional well being. Hell no.

I'm not even thinking of the more traumatic raps and propheets where peoople are are called names over and over again, ganged up on, badgered into admitting things that never happened, or exploited in other ways.  I'm thinking of the stupid petty crap, like someone wearing pink too much, and having a whole frigging rap degenerate into angry chaos because that person is too cute.

Or even the raps with the angry upper students, who were now highly trained bullies, being lauded by staff for effectively demolishing a newcomer for some trite minutaie.

God, I remember one newcomer, who was criticized for not being angry enough, was forced to go around the room and yell at every individual for some slight or wrong doing. But she wasn't pissed at anyone! So she had to make up reasons why she was mad at you and if she wasn't loud enough or mean enough, they would force her to do it over again. The poor girl had to rack her brains finding ammunition on some people she hadn't even met yet... you could literally see her eyes rolling around trying to figure out what to say.

well as for acts in the play, I suggest titles like:
"How to be Angry When You're Really Not"
"Verbal Abuse: It's a good thing"
"Getting Your Child to Enjoy the Rich Sounds of Neil Diamond and John Denver"
Or "Cedu: The Original Cuddle Party."

I keep coming back to this site because it encapsulates so perfectly some of my issues from another TBS.  One problem I had was relating to people outside CEDU or ever feeling like I had deep friendships because we were so overexposed and bonded through highly intense, manipulative, contrived experiences that every other relationship seemed trite by comparison. I rarely thought anything was deep enough or "real" enough to merit my interest post-CEDU, but I never realized until now that my expectations were warped after that experience. How do you relate to "civilians" after you went through an emotional war of sorts with your peers in the program.  

When I married (to my now ex) six years ago, and I tried to tell him my experience, he looked at me like I had three heads... he had never heard of such a thing. He had the proverbial white picket fence life.  (The funny thing is, he is more fucked up than many, but you know what they say about normal people being people you just don't know very well.)

Anyway, dating for me always seemed kind of boring. I always wished I was the kind of girl who became easily infatuated (distracted) but most of the time, I would rather read a book then feign an interest in trite bullshit and regularity.  On the other hand, men who are more introspective and layered tend to be more complicated as well.

But Chris, it's not a lie. Most of my friends who dated the bad boys ended up marrying the nice guys and are happy to have come to their senses.

I've always been more a lightening strikes person, so I think all those dating rules are bullshit when you meet the right one at the right time. Why wait for two days if you don't want to? I've never had a serious relationship with someone where we both knew all those stupid rules don't qualify the minute we met. And I've never wasted my time if either one of us is half assed.

Anyway, there are many experiences in my life that in way, makes me feel a bit disconnected from people, but always yearning for something meaningful.  It's probably due to a confluence of factors, but I think one of them was attending CEDU.

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