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Messages - shanlea

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I went to CEDU school in the late eighties...I was just browsing through this site. I am really sorry of all the pain you went through.  I never spoke of my experiences at CEDU until this year and only on the forum. It wasn't anything I expected  any "civilian" to understand and I had no idea these sites existed.  It was vindicating.  From time to time, I look at these other fora, and it's really crushing to read about the experiences. Straight sounds like an even more sadistic place than CEDU.

Thank you for posting your story. Newcomers who browse the site need to hear these stories to help validate their experience and sense of wrongdoing.

If I may ask, how did it alter your personality? I only spent six months at CEDU, and it affected me enormously in insidious ways, but I'm not sure I could totally articulate it.

CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / i want your stories
« on: July 13, 2004, 10:49:00 PM »
I guess I got lucky because the first time I split, I got caught by an off duty police officer who really did NOT want to bring me back, but whose job was on the line.

So, of course they told my parents to tell me I'd go to lock up if I split again.  (Why a person who was no danger to anyone else who had zero aggressive tendecies go to lock up was beyond me.) Anyway, the second time I split, I decided to ask my parents to pull me out during the parent weekend.  I could see my Dad was beginning to have doubts about the place--but he was going along with w/Mom.  CEDU worked them over and I made the decision to split immediately following.  I already told that whole story of my successful split (after staying a week w/some lady babysitting her kids, she drove me to my home city where she was attending a family reunion.)But I banked on Dad not sending me to lock up and I was right.  Thank Freaking GOd.

If worse came to worse, I would have left after another 6 months when I turned 18, but truthfully, I would have probably been more brainwashed by them.

One thing I do want to know: How come nobody managed to convince their parents to pull them out on home visits?


CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / CEDU Hypocrisy
« on: July 13, 2004, 10:38:00 PM »
Hell, you crack me up!

Although I gotta say, I like the food. Taco bars; roast beef and mashed potatoes, all that fat inducing comfort food.  I hate to say it was the only thing that got me through.

You did however, forget to mention the music. Actually, Neil Diamond's kid was there when I went there. I loved some of his music before I went there (its a family thing).  So when I went to CEDU, it just reminded me of being OUT so it wasn't too bad.)

CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Naming Names
« on: July 06, 2004, 02:59:00 AM »
We are naming a lot of names in these posts and attaching them to some pretty far out actions.  Some will say the staff deserves it--maybe true when the story is true.  

But students having their names bandied about in conjunction with animals and other acts they have (hopefully) grown away from?  I'm not sure it's fair to attach students' names with the dirt because they were coerced to cop out and did so in the midst of "therapy."  Also, in reading prior posts, it seems there are sometimes a case of missing identity.  I know I talked about a RS staff named Laurie and some thought I was speaking of Lori Rist from another facility (never met her.) So, maybe we should be conscientious and also leave the names of STUDENTS out of it. Talk about the crime, not the person so to speak.  Unless you are talking about yourself!  

If you think I'm wrong, discuss. Not swear, freak out, and trip into lunacy folks.  It doesn't take THAT much to get my attention.  (God, what I would do for a thicker hide!) Shanlea

Yeah, I did post under anon and my user. Sorry for the confusion.  I understand it can cause  credibility problems.   Sometimes I get bit by the paranoia bug after reading some posts... I am feeling vulnerable because I am a single Mom of two small children...

As far as CEDU is concerned, it took me years to figure out why I had issues with the program.  I am definitely not blaming them because my life isn't perfect and I need a scapegoat. My experience was bad because I wasn't treated with integrity and honesty.  I actually left because of the mental abuse and bullying, but more important, I felt that I would be badgered until I had "facilitated breakthroughs" that would require me to lie about myself and my experiences.  I didn't go to CEDU because I was a liar so to have my whole story so twisted was repulsive to me and made it impossible to accept the therapy.  It is complicated.  I also felt there were too many kids there because their parents thought raising a kid was too tedious to them.  There were other kids I felt were downright dangerous.  

I believe many positive experiences are the result of achieving difficult tasks (for me it was all the physical labor, getting over my vanity, and finding I was not the fragile person I always thought. Because I never had to work hard at home, working hard and seeing I was good at it validated my work ethic.)  I felt the "therapeutic" aspects were synanon based mental torture.  I also question the insulation of CEDU.  In addition, parents are sold a bit of a distorted version of the school.  For example, parents only got glimpses of the propheets and some of their attendant exercises but not the total mental annihilation that we got.  

People who went through CEDU shared intense experiences they will unlikely ever share with any other group of people again.  Cedu experiences are built to do just that.  For some, that strong brotherhood and unique bond is unshakable.  

THe worst thing about CEDU was that they promoted bullies and delusional (if charismatic) gurus.  However, some of the other staff were very caring people.  (Others on this site might disagree with that.)

I will now stop wasting your time with my posts because I know you are interested in Team Eclipse stories.

I wish you talked to this mother about CEDU.  We had a bit of back and forth. Her son is a glowing success and my view is that so what? THe mental anguish, lack of therapy, lack of family, lack of academics, coercive environmnet, and verbal abuse to break you down and build you as a robot?  NO! I don't see the other side.  BUt for tens of thousands of bucks, I'll bet there aren't many parents willing to reflect on that.

In any event, I think you are a change agent, but as a mom, don't do anything that imperils your ability to be with your children longterm.

Out of curiosity, how do your folks now see the CEDU experience?


It was me who wants a reunion of us CEDU Fornits folks.  It could be fun.We can come as our favorite indictment. We can all agree on a place that is either central or where most people live cloe to.... Let's Do IT!  ::cheers::

Is there any way you can copy over the info you had on leaving CEDU?  YOu had a great post about some resources being better than others. I think it would be helpful to paste it in.

First, I wasn't exasperated by your son's progress at all. I have two small children and I'm happy every time I hear of a parent with a well-adjusted child.  I just don't credit CEDU with all of it.

Second, I do appreciate that there are many other perspectives on the program.  But you can't argue with lack of credentials or bad academia (some were padded by the way so they could pass muster later).  You  certainly can't argue with the verbal and mental abuse these raps and propheets engendered, or that ex-staff are in fear of this place. Or that students were traine dto bully and spy... that people with REAL disorders of anxiety, ADD, and depression were given the exact "treatment" to exacerbate the condition.  You can't really argue that CEDU was founded by a nut job on synonon principles.  YOu can't really argue that CEDU didn't unnnecessarily restrict you from your family and isolate you further by shutting down the real world so all the world is a CEDU play.

Nope, I don't understand your perspective. Is it OK for others to have that much control over your kid and BS you to keep you from pulling him out?

I've read from a mixed site that this girl credits CEDU for saving her and she is doing the same stuff she always did pre-CEDU.  I'm also reading many people who caame out of CEDU unprepared to deal with real life and real academics.  THAT IS WHAT CEDU SHOULD BE DOING!! Just screaming at you breaking you down in propheets and calling you a slut because you had sex with one guy is not "preparing you for the real world.   In fact, my team leaders couldn't even keep the stories straight. I was always getting reemed for stuff that didn't happen. In one case, my family head who was an admitted coke addict found out I experimented with drugs and that was it! I was now a coke addict. I don't think he even believed it but he used that fear to keep my parents from pulling me out.  THe funny thing was that I EASILY gave it up months before CEDU and have never been tempted to go back.  My vices are legal: pizza and cupcakes!

Anyway, it is difficult for me to see your sincerity and digging for pearls cast before swine.

If this is true about Idaho's government turning the other cheek its because the parents are not being vocal.  If adult parents were vocal, believe me that oil would get greased.  What if we all place a call to these bureaucrats there?

Guys, sometimes I post anon and sometimes I don't. But don't be so hard on M.  When I first started on this site after never talking about CEDU for 15 years, some of the posts by Roy, Jack, and Max helped out in terms of being vindicated about this experience.  I split--so I was cut off from ever talking about it with people who actually lived through the experience.  I had my own thoughts on the place but I honestly felt like everyone thought CEDU ws the second coming of Christ.  All along I'm thinking this is a crappy school, crappy therapy, and mental and verbal abuse by pople who have no idea what therapeutic means.  I ws happy as a pig in shit to just work my ass off in work detail so I didn't have to deal with BS "therapy."  Actually, the wilderness stuff and work details (digging ditches, pipelines, running wheel barrels filled with logs for half a mile and back over and over again were the best therapy CEDU offered me.  I was such a lameass girl with a fragile image too afraid to do anything for failure that putting all my energy into hard work was the only thing therapeutic for me.  That and splitting did wonders for the old "fragile" gal mindset.  

Anyway, I digress. Sorry. I guess healthy dissent is a good thing, but I'd sincerely like it if you guys had a dialogue about it then a one-up battle.  Keeps us stronger, too. I genuinely care about the people on these posts even though the Internet breeds almost a pseudo-intimacy.  

I mean Hell freaked me the hell out too until I read more and saw more nuances. I came to understand him a lot better.

And honestly, it I was worried when B. gave a shout out to all the splitting kids.  'Cause I honestly feel it would play right into CEDU's hands and you have two beautiful children to be there for.  I am a single mom of two small children too, and they would be lost without their father.

Actually I just thought of something. We should do a what to do/ not to do when trying to split. A "How To"....for both RS and RMA.  Maybe the kid can have our phone numbers so the parents can call us as adults so we can verify what their kid is saying.  


All your ideas are good to get the attention of people re:CEDU's abuses.  However, if you get arrested, get arrested for protest, not helping someone escape.  Most likely they will try to bust you for kidnapping with the parent's support and that is a serious crime.  Don't give them this opportunity.  I know you are pissed.  Galvanize your energy and intelligence to act on your other proposals but not this one.

If you really want to put yourself out there, offer your contact information to give kids information on what they can do to get out of CEDU.  I know one person on this site, who has since edited everything out, gave a pretty good list of how one can leave with more protection (state services, age requirements, which states provide more rights etc.)  You can pass that on to a kid or ask that his parents call you and you can tell your story.  

I think people really resent feeling manipulated and if parents understand that CEDU gives a lot of stock phrases when kids are miserable or try to split, they may question keeping them in.  I know when I split, CEDU told them I would go on drugs and fall apart and that my cries for help were just manipulation, etc.  (Didn't matter that I never was addicted to drugs, stopped using them even recreationally months before CEDU and never went back.)  I think parents need to know how they are being manipulated.  So they feel like dumbasses and think twice.  My MOm was brainwashed a little by CEDU, but when I left, it was my Dad who supported my decision not to go back.  I think he knew something didn't smell right even if he didn't know exactly what.  One red flag is that they shot him down big time when he questionned one of their policies at the parent's workshop. THey wouldn't even answer the question, they just publicly rebuked him.  

What I want to know is why parents don't ask for longitudinal studies.  Any program can broadcast testimonies, but long term efficacy is another thing.

OK, I'm digressing. I'll stop now.

I have a lot of back issues w/the word slut and being treated like one when I never even had sex. At my school, slut was a weapon.  Also, I had issues w/a peeping tom, harassment, and violation and I always felt it was my fault.  CEDU mashes this into your head.

To be totally honest, I've never been promiscuous, but I dressed precociously from ages 13-16.  All my friends were older.  I didn't understand the ramifications of dressing this way.  I was just trying to look older.

So, even though I have a potty mouth I'll never call someone a slut or a whore. 2 words that won't cross my lips--ever.

But I hear what you are saying.

iknowcedulies, i want info for closure. is pam still working there and is marc her hubs? (Frankly I thought he was in these posts, if so speak up) What about Jim Johnson and Laurie Saunders? and Wanda and bruce and steve Houghton.  Rudy and Jill are in Santa fe now I thought  What happended to Laurie.

Now I hear of a Brandi who is fear-inducing. Was she a one-time student of CEDU who became staff. Whatever happened to Jennifer Poulson.


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