Thank you, everyone, for your input. To answer some of your questions, we do have a restraining order against the guy, as well as pending charges of battery and carnal knowledge of a juvenile (she was 15, he was 19, when the relationship began). He was out of the picture for 5 months and made no attempts at contact. My daughter came home on a home pass and she contacted him. Our lawyer advises us that we can do nothing legally now that she has made first contact.
We have not worked with a career counseler because she has a very firm goal to graduate from high school and go to an art college (she's very talented in the visual arts).
Local options are very limited. We spent 3 months with 2 different local therapists who had trauma experience, but she spiraled out of control. We have also seen an addiction therapist because of her addictive tendencies in regards to this relationship. My husband and I go to therapy to help us through this. EVERY professional we have talked to has told us in no uncertain terms that it would be disastrous to bring her home.
As far as her needing to see that relationships aren't all abusive, she has seen this her whole life. We have never, even peripherally, experienced abusive relationships. Both my husbands and my families are loving and involved and we have continued to have a mutually loving relationship with her. Intellectually, she has great insights into her personality and how she ended up where she did and for so long. I swear she could give a lecture on abusive relationships, how addictive they are and how to get out of them, but when she comes home, she simply cannot stay away. This terrifies us AND her.
I'm not sure what is meant by "a full assessment", but she did have at least a PTSD assessment done at her TBS by her therapist who had worked a good bit with domestic violence. He told us that she did meet criteria for PTSD. Unfortunately, he left the program 2 months after my daughter arrived.
She would love to go to a traditional boarding school and a friend who is an ed con whose practice focuses on that type of school has made a couple of calls. Unfortunately, it looks like that is not going to be an option because they all want "medical clearance" and we certainly won't have that.
I looked at
www.austinriggs.org. Frankly, this option scares the hell out of me. Maybe I'm in complete denial, but I just can't believe she needs a full-blown psychiatric facility.
Again, thanks for all your thoughts. Please feel free to give me more!!!