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Messages - JaLong

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The Seed Discussion Forum / "if you don't, she will die"
« on: January 18, 2006, 09:52:00 PM »
Marshall,
After having some time to think about it, I have come to the conclusion that Susie was real with me. I sat in an office often with her and discussed some very personal and private things about my life. I think that is how I was able to see a therapist on the outside after school. I remember one day at school many people who were my "old Friends" taunted me and kicked, hit, and threw me into lockers, just because I wouldn't talk to them. A few told me years later that they saw a change in me, a smile on my face and in my eyes.. it scared them. Anyhow, I left school and drove straight back to the seed to talk to Susie. She was very comforting, and told me she was proud of me for not falling for my friends crap. She also lived at my old comers house, and we would talk often.
Does anyone remember an older female staff who was a little on the heavy side and was mean?? I know she had brown hair and glasses. Thank you Marshall for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. Susie was legit with me. I am grateful to her and Arthur for helping me while I was there. Arthur and I were in the clinic together for a week. I had been home for a month with the flu, kidney infection and mono. We would talk when I came back and he was in there I think because of his leg.. I came in 1 month after the seed opened here in St. Pete, and from what others say, things changed or were different in other states. It was pretty mellow, except for some times, when I was in there.
God Bless Marshall,
Julie
ps. I honestly felt happy and proud of myself when I yelled, "I'm coming home."   :smile:

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The Seed Discussion Forum / "if you don't, she will die"
« on: January 14, 2006, 07:55:00 PM »
Thanks Kevin,
I understand what you are saying. While remembering what I did, at first I felt sad, then anger, then relief. Relief because I confronted a memory that really hurt me at the time when I was 17. Now 33 yrs later, I can remember something, think about it, and just let it go. As I said to Greg, the seed saved my life 'ONLY" because I was off of the streets. The rest of the experience was pretty much a nightmare. Yes, Susie Connors was there for me, yet now I wonder with what kind of sincerity?? It doesn't really matter any more, because it is all over with. That part of my life is history, and I sure would love to write a book about my life. I'd probably name it," From hell to Heaven." LOL. I do have peace in my life Kevin, and I appreciate your caring and kind words. This means a lot to me. Take care Kevin.
Julie

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The Seed Discussion Forum / "if you don't, she will die"
« on: January 14, 2006, 07:46:00 PM »
Greg, that article about "Pat" is so true. The seed told my parents that I would never be able to go home again if they didn't bring my middle sister in. She tried weed one frickin time, and in she came. After "graduating", she has refused to talk about the seed still after all these years. It messed her up really badly. Ya know Greg that I have been pretty much pro-seed here, yet also sharing what I had been through.
Now my dear friend, "I can see clearly now" that Art Barker was an egotistic, self-indulging, insane man. The seed did suck, just like all of the bumper stickers that were plastered all over our garage door one morning when we woke up. The judges were fooled. The State Attorney was fooled. The government was fooled, and so were our parents.
I know I was a very messed up teenager, and yes I did do many drugs. My parents lost contol of me, as I lost control of myself. I will end this by saying the only thing good about the seed is I am still alive. I was made to get off of the streets. A horrible way to do it, but as my parents have told me, they didn't know what else to do. They were scared for me, and they themselves were very insecure people. They fell for the bull that their friends, who were my friends parents already in the seed said. You will not be hearing me talk positive about the seed again. It was an institution that brain washed children. I know I was knocked down to a nothing,(didn't think I could feel any worse about myself), and they tried to build me up to be like everyone else. Thanks again for all that you do.
God Bless You,
Julie

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The Seed Discussion Forum / "if you don't, she will die"
« on: January 14, 2006, 10:46:00 AM »
Honesty Greg?? Well let me tell you, after reading these articles memories that I assume have been buried have sufaced. I thought I had taken care of EVERYTHING in me concerning the seed.. Guess not.
Anyhow, as I was reading I remembered when my parents tricked me into going to the store with them, and at the last minute my mom wanted to go, I was stuck between them in the front seat of the car. Out of my dad's pockect came a "phoney" court order. I freaked and tried shoving my mom out of the car door on park street. To no avail, I ended up in the seeds parking lot. I now remember I refused to get out of the car. I was kicking and screaming "NO"!! I was pulled out of the car by three big guys,(I am female)and they tried getting me into the building. I talked them into letting walk in, yet they still hung on to my pants and hands. Once inside, Dear Mrs Peterson "welcomed" me with threats of calling the police and having me arrested for selling drugs. She said, "every police dept. knows you sell drugs, from St.Pete Bch, T.I., Maderia, to Seminole." That might have been true, yet I didn't want to go to jail. It took me, after tearing up or chewing up the intake paper, I finally resigned myself to signing it. Then I was taken to the bathroom and searched. I have had that shoved deep down inside of me for 33 yrs now.
Man, first I am gang raped at 14 yrs old, put in the seed at 17 in July 73, then I see one of my rapist on staff.....  Man does that suck or what?? Greg,a big part of me wants to say thank you for putting these articles up, yet while reading them  my heart was beating awfully fast from the stuffed memories of my first day of the seed. I do not and have never capitalized the name the "seed", because the name and everything it stood for doesn't deserve any honor from me. I just hope I have no more surpressed memories. That's why I keep getting drawn here to read the latest. Thank you Greg. I can now release some more garbage from my teenage yrs.
God bless, Julie

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Another 73/74 Seedling Grad
« on: January 06, 2006, 07:56:00 AM »
Thank you Greg for clarifying what I was talking about. I guess what Neil said about the "soap" stuff went right over my head. Anyhow yes, I had PTSD, depression, and anxiety before the seed, and it was worse during and after the seed. When I speak of the seed helping me, the only way it did was getting me off the streets.... off of all the drugs and drinking too. That's about it. I was petrified in the seed. The only difference, as I have said before, is that Susie Conners was there for me to talk to. Both at the seed and at my old comers house. (all female staff lived there until they got an apt. on pass-a-grill.)I felt trapped, humiliated, and scared to death everyday I went in there. After I "graduated" 10 1/2 months later, some girls and I got an apt. together. We actually had alot of fun. Now because of this forum I have been reunited with some and with one of the guys I use to hang with. I wasn't treated badly, and we had all kinds of sandwiches. Not just PB&J. When my rapist left, I felt more open to listen to what was going on. I did learn quite alot, and I am greatful that I have remained drug free, and was booze free for 19 yrs. I only drink on occassion. Well that is "part" of my story. And again, thank you Greg.
Neil, there was alot of things going on personally with others, and behind closed doors. I respect how you feel, yet remember, there were hundreds of other "kids" right by your side for 12 hrs a day.

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The Seed Discussion Forum / The Seed Discussion Forum...5 years old!
« on: January 02, 2006, 05:08:00 PM »
Greg,
 Congrats, and thank you for this forum. I have renewed some friendships here after 30 yrs. This forum has been very interesting.... hearing what peoples perspective about their experience in the seed was. I am sorry for all the people who have been messed up by the seed. I have my pros and cons, and I think I have shared them all here. Hope you have another 5 yrs. here.
Thank Greg & Ginger,
Julie

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Another 73/74 Seedling Grad
« on: January 01, 2006, 07:18:00 PM »
I agree with you anon. I was angry at first that my parents hijacked me into the seed. Yet lo and behold, I learned somethings in there. I too walked away with some tools, and that helped, along with therapy, to find me and grow. I know now being taken off of the streets and put into the seed did save my life. Most of my old "druggie friends" are now dead, and 99 percent from drug overdoses. I am still alive and living a happy life.
 Yes, there are two sides to every coin, yet most of my experience in the seed from 72-73 wasn't all that horrible. I had to look my demon right in the eyes, because he was on staff. So is life. If life were just a bowl of cherries and great, I know I would have never grown up. On this forum one size doesn't fit all... agree! There are people who show no tolerance for the pro-seed, and a whole bunch of anti-seed. Yet aren't those differences is what makes the world go round... :smile: [ This Message was edited by: JaLong on 2006-01-01 16:21 ]

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Happy Holidays John Underwood
« on: December 26, 2005, 06:26:00 PM »
Great language Anon. No wonder you don't let this site know your name. Got some issues??? You are a bag head too. :smile:

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Happy Holidays John Underwood
« on: December 25, 2005, 09:51:00 AM »
John,
I wish you a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.
God bless!

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The Seed Discussion Forum / how do we make it betterfor our kids
« on: December 23, 2005, 12:14:00 PM »
I have already raised two. Yes, when they went to live with their dad and new step mom they were treated horribly. Yes, they both got into experimenting with drugs. They both grad. from high school. Now they are parents themselves. I raised them to be independent people, both in thinking and living. Now being parents it kinda amazes me to see them raising my grandchildren the same way I did. Rules, boundries, honesty, and very open communication. I think that is the most important part. Letting them talk, and just listening without giving my two cents. I have a 15 and 12 yr old now, and they are wonderful girls. I am very strict when it comes to boys, group activities, and school. I set down groundrules from the day they could understand. We are all very honest and open about such things as sex, drugs, choices, and conseguences. My 15 yr old refuses to hang around anyone who does any kind of drugs. She has been offered weed, says no thanks, and that's it. There doesn't seem to be as much peer pressure when it comes to drugs now. They just leave her alone and don't ask again. Quite a difference then when I was her age. i also told them my story.
Merryy Christmas to all and Happy New Year!!!

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Maggies Friend thread
« on: December 15, 2005, 08:30:00 AM »
Hi anon,
This is Julie(Burke, Bourgholtzer). Does the las name help at all? I have red hair, and married Jeff Bourgholtzer. We were at Dana's wedding too. Wasn't his wifes name Karen??? She was my newcomer. I was pregnant with our 1st son. Send me a private and we can talk some more.

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The Seed Discussion Forum / New Article
« on: December 10, 2005, 09:32:00 PM »
Marc, thank you for your tender words. I don't come to this site that often anymore, so sorry this thank you is late getting to you. Sure I had some bad experiences in the seed, but not all that bad. Having my rapist right in front of my face for months being a staff memeber was not too cool. But as I said before,we got together many years later and he apologized whole heartely to me. All traumas or trials I have had in my past are healed, and I have grown to be the woman I am today because of them. Life does go on, and I choose not to dwell on the past.Again, Thank you Marc

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Maggies Friend thread
« on: December 10, 2005, 09:11:00 PM »
I have reconneced with some old friends here, and that's what i like about this site. Maggie (Canfield)right? Well this is Julie Burke. We use to hang together. Also Chris, and Robin, and Anne. Friends from my past that meant so much to me. Friends who I have gotten to know again 31 yrs later. Many memories, of the guys house, the Colliseum, ballroom dancing, esp. on New Years Eve. Bowling, just having fun sharing time and ourselves. I want to wish everyone a very Blessed Christmas, and many happy yrs to come.[ This Message was edited by: JaLong on 2005-12-10 18:12 ]

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Memories of being clean and sober
« on: November 30, 2005, 12:50:00 PM »
Ginger, why are you so full of venom? My bad for not seeing the date on the post. Haven't been on in a long time. I wonder why? Don't you dare judge me girl. I am not into any step-craft, just life. Get a life Ginger, and maybe you will find some true happiness inside of yourself to where you don't feel the need to "try" to down almost everything someone has said. I feel you are a very opinionated person, and very judgemental. You might want to think before you "paint's what you see". Everyone has a different perspective of their own reality, and you don't even know me. Personally, I don't even read 3/4ths of your posts, because I know you are doggin someone else. By the way, your words don't bother me at the least. I don't give my power to anyone. I just felt the need to say how I feel about you. Take it or leave it.

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Fibro and others
« on: November 30, 2005, 12:34:00 PM »
Interesting that you bring this up. I have had fibro diagnoised since 1991, and CFS for 5 yrs. What a pain huh? All female members of my immediate family has Fibro too.(6). They still don't know what causes it, there is no cure, but I have learned to life with both. I have some friends with it too, but they are on some mighty stong pain meds. Not for me. I really don't see what the seed has to do with it. I just know added stress- physically, emotionally, the weather, can all cause flare-ups. I unfortunatly feel that way 24/7. Life does go on. I have found that stretching, and low arobic exercise helps some. I hope you don't suffer too badly form this horrible disease.
Julie

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