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Messages - iamartsy

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46
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Post your positive program experiences
« on: August 26, 2010, 06:13:54 PM »
I don't have a single positive memory of treatment. I was in 4 treatment centers (one for less than a week), and I don't have a single positive memory. Oh wait, there was the bored nurse who decided to take us all to Galveston, and that day ended in a confrontation session at me. I still don't know why. One of our guys had gone done the road and scored some heroin, and somehow when we were confronting him, I got lambasted! Considering, I went in for depression, that was the last thing I needed. Maybe it was supposed to lift my depression. The beach lifted it and the confrontation made me fake my way out of there. My most positive memories were being discharged!

Why would anyone think there was a positive memory? The most negative ones are the nightmares I still live with!

47
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Bob Meehan
« on: May 11, 2010, 12:33:14 PM »
The Cornerstone Program
Frank Szachta CASAC-MO, ICAADC http://http://www.ripoffreport.com/mental-health/bob-meehan-pathways/bob-meehan-pathways-crossroads-md587.htm
Denver Area!

48
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Bob Meehan
« on: May 11, 2010, 01:55:37 AM »
I don't know how but PDAP and Bob Meehan keep resurfacing! Here you have a new one to watch: http://http://www.thecornerstoneprogram.com/staff.htm Meehan and Szachta go hand in hand. I have no other words to tell you! The monkey's fist is the same that Meehan used. I don't know what to say. I loved PDAP at the time, but it has effected every relationship I have had since.

49
Benchmark Young Adult School / Benchmark Transitions / Re: Psy was definitely not abused.
« on: May 11, 2010, 12:54:46 AM »
May of us are sent to programs, and sign in "willingly". It is really forcible by our parents or whomever! I went to one "willingly". Was it willing? Hell NO! I was told if you don't go, then....
Why, you ask? It was because I am gay. BFD! Yes, I had depression that turned out to be a result of Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. Was I denied treatment for it? Yes, in the beginning. Did I witness abuse? Gobs of it! Do I still have nightmares? Yes and I wake up screaming everytime!

I spent 9.5 mos being told gay is BAD! Say you are BI, that is better! Huh. WTF? At one point I signed myself out, and they put me on a 72 hour suicide watch. I was not suicidal! I wanted out of that crazy place, but I was not suicidal. I had just had enough! Eventually, my mother was notified and she was appalled. She immediately, told them to lift some of the restrictions or she would sue. She also demanded that the seizure testing be done. I have severe claustrophobia and they had locked me in for 72 hours on Large Lobby. Look at another Timberlawn post.

No one goes in willingly. Abuse is not always physical, but ask all us about our nightmares. Psy is more sane than you can ever hope to be, whoever you are! He is a terrific friend, a decent human, and a brilliant artist! You should learn from him!

50
Open Free for All / Re: California to possibly legalize pot this november
« on: March 29, 2010, 09:23:32 AM »
Unfortunately pot can mess up a person with epilepsy due to the fertilizers and unknown chemicals. I was looking into medical use when I found that out. Now if you found an organic grower you might do better. I would love to find one for reducing crippling pain.

51
Aspen Education Group / Re: My son at Aspen Ranch
« on: September 02, 2009, 12:24:57 AM »
AEG does not use official therapists. Most kids I know who have gone there have not received any help. I would pull your child ASAP. I have read the pages of kids that have gone there, and they have all had poor experiences.

52
Open Free for All / Re: remembering what happened
« on: August 23, 2009, 04:50:41 AM »
I still feel like there is a year of my life that I must hide from the world! I remember being wailking from the nice main house to the "UNIT". I walked through two locked doors into hell. Then i was told to wait to see the "Dr." I was strip searched and then my suitcase was gone through. Then there was lunch on the unit. A cart came and i had to eat with a plastic spoon so I could not hurt myself. I had not planned on hurting myself but after that ? Then there was a rap. Then reading ancient magazines. Then dinner, Then another rap. Anytime I had to go to the bathroom someone had to watch. That really freaked me out.

I did  this for a month, I think. Not sure. Then I was allowed out of the locked doors to go eat. Back and forth and raps. Then eventually I got to throw clay for my anger (it was boring as shit). After 3 months I saw my parents. I was worried about this. "STAFF" told me I was not to tell my parents the truth of went on around there. I took them deep into the ball fields and told them. We figured out a system for communicating if there was a problem. I was checking everything for "bugs". My parents did not think this was paranoia. They were starting to get the idea. I don't remember much after that. Mostly daily raps, eating, and boredom. I remember fear of the weekly meetings with only "STAFF". We waited in the small lounge. We got our privileges after their meeting. Mine always had mean shit written on it. I gave up asking for much in the way of privileges. I finally got the lowest tier of a level at either 3 or 6 mos. More boredom. I remember having plans to run away and not doing it.  

Recently, I saw the music therapist at a Basketball game and I was mortified. I mean heart skipping beats. I don't remember what happened after that.

I finally got released 9 mos later. I had lost my identity and am saddened while writing this. I have never gotten my identity back. I did briefly while I lived in NYC. I loved it. I felt like I had split! Then I returned to a family that wants me to hide my identity. I won't and can't. I am planning to runaway again. I am 45 but still feel the need to runaway. I worry I will become a beggar on the street, but whatever happens to me; I will be free. Sorry, i went off subject but that is it. I lost 9 mos. and can't regain it. I lost a life! I lost my lovers. I lost who I am. I am a lesbian. I was one. I was never bisexual as I claimed in order to get releasted. I am, who I am. NYC is calling me, even if I have to move from Y to Y every 4 mos. i willl be free.

53
Open Free for All / Re: Whining?
« on: August 18, 2009, 02:33:51 AM »
Quote
I think you're missing the point. She was complaining about the term "whining" being applied to complaints that had substance... and has thus developed a sort of allergy to the term. I think her current complaint has merit and by applying the label of "whining" you're trivializing her experiences. Srsly. Be a little more sensitive. Yes, I see the irony, but IMO, it's not something that's appropriate to joke about.
Thanks, Psy! That is it exactly. I am "allergic" to certain terms. Whining is one especially. Asking to go the bathroom one hundred ways is not appropriate. I was not a drug addict. I was there for other reasons! Che you are being  an A__. You were on the abusive end not the abused end. So shut the f up! How are people supposed to talk here, if they get teased, baited, and made fun of! Tell me that. I came here hoping for relief from what I experienced. Instead I get attacked. That is always reassuring, Che and Guest! Che, sometimes, I think you are a troll.

I am talking about real feelings. Real harm. Things that separate me from other people. Things that make me withdraw to another room at a party! What you don't know that feeling? Then shit, you must not be a survivor having program flashbacks!

54
Open Free for All / Re: Whining?
« on: August 17, 2009, 01:41:43 PM »
I am trying to have a serious thread here so please go away. Damage was done to me and I am looking for support from others who might have gone through the same thing.

55
Open Free for All / Whining?
« on: August 17, 2009, 06:25:39 AM »
Did any of the programs you were in constantly tell you that you were whining? For instance, if you said you needed to go to the bathroom, you were told to say it again, because that was whining! How the FUCK are you supposed to ask that question? I continue to have a very adverse reaction to certain words like WHINING! Someone used it with me the other day, and 23 years later, I still react like I have to cut them off. My first four months at the Lawn everything I said was referred to as whining. The next thing wast that I was acting like a SCUBA diver. A self contained unit.

Gee, I wonder why? I quit talking after those first four months. I did not ask for privileges. I gave up. I was afraid of everything. If staff looked at me a certain way, I feared them. I know towards the end they wanted to put me on Room Therapy! You want to talk SCUBA, go on Room Therapy. Shit. To think that one word can trigger this rant in me is strange. It is the almost the 23 anniversary of my exit from there, and suddenly I am having so much anger. I can't hold it inside of me any longer. Worse yet, what do I say to that person that said I whined. I know she was repeating what she had heard from my sibs. The same sibs that were happy to have me put away. They think I was the problem, and really, I am the sane one! All of my sibs are screwed up! I mean it. Psy knows the story. The whole story. It is the anniversary of my sentence to 9 months with Nurse Wratchett! This is what pours out of me. Anyone else go through this? Please do tell.

56
The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Harbor View Hospital in Miami FL 1980's
« on: August 17, 2009, 06:06:08 AM »
It appears to have been demolished:
http://wikimapia.org/9409478/Former-Men ... w-Hospital

57
Open Free for All / Re: 12 Step AA Acronyms and Slogans
« on: August 17, 2009, 05:53:46 AM »
FEAR- Future Events Appearing Real
Keep coming back; it works if you work it!

58
Open Free for All / Re: Moderation Management is replacing 12-step
« on: August 10, 2009, 10:10:15 PM »
I am far from Puritanical. I was answering the original question. That is it! I think what the Danes are doing is along the lines of what Italy does. I think the US should get less uptight!

59
Open Free for All / Re: Moderation Management is replacing 12-step
« on: August 10, 2009, 03:17:47 AM »
Basically you are talking about Rational Recovery: http://rational.org/index.php?id=33
It has turned into utter bullshit! It started out as being very practical. I went to about 2-3 mtgs and found people very judgmental. There was no insight into why a person had "relapsed". It was like they were a step you took before going to AA. In theory all you should need is RR, but it does not work that way in reality.

The other possiblitly is Harm Reduction: http://www.harmreduction.org/article.ph ... pe&type=62
Harm Reduction is beautiful in how it works. To me it is the most practical plan. Keep someone alive while they do whatever they do. I am serious, too. I have worked with at risk communities and it is the theory I most condone. It encompasses things like Needle Exchange so that you don't have spread of Hep C or HIV.

I am not going to rant but there you have the true meaning of these options. 12 steps is not for everyone. It is hard and has to much room for failure. There needs to be other options, and these are two of them.

60
Psych Hospitals / Re: John Looney: Link between PV and Timberlawn
« on: August 10, 2009, 02:48:44 AM »
Oy vey! The man has bought some land in a beautiful part of TN and has gone to the birds. Yeech. I will remember never to stay there.

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