Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

I'm not an expert on Catholicism either, but I believe I read this in the context of history classes. As I recall, there was a time when suicide would preclude the person from being buried in a 'christian' cemetery or from receiving a Catholic burial. This could have been from the Middle Ages and the Church may have changed since then.

I hadn't thought about the children. That surprises me since I know at least one person who lost her father to suicide. I have also contemplated what it would mean for my own son to lose me (just in general terms, like illness or accident) and I know that he would be devastated. That makes the issue more complicated. I imagine someone would have to be really depressed and despairing to take their own life and leave young children behind. That is very sad, indeed.

You've changed my mind. I really would feel bad for the children.

Hey Ant, my best friend lives in Charlotte now. He and his boyfriend have a nice 4 bedroom, which is great for his son. His commute right now is terrible, because he is teaching at a high school about an hour away. He's looking for a closer gig at the moment.

In NJ, an hour is average. It took me an hour to drive my 15 mile commute.

I live in SC. I commute to Charlotte. The whole area is very much a boom town. New developments and shopping centers are popping up everywhere.

They need to build schools at such a pace. I read where 50,000 kids are attending classes in trailers because of the lack of schools in the Charlotte-Meckinburg school district.

Do you honestly think I would use the phrase "peaches and cream" without being facetious?

I went to school in the 1970s in a small town in the middle of no where. I did not attend school in a ghetto, which I am sure would be much different. The point that you missed is that the kids in programs tend to come from middle class families. They are not inner city kids in these programs. If they were, there would be more violence, riots, and escapes at these programs.

The point is there is no valid comparison between PS and programs. You're comparing onions and oranges.

I went to PS for twelve years (k-12) and can state first hand that everything The Who said about PS is patently false. Everything was peaches and cream in our wonderful schools. We had good friends and good times. We liked our teachers and even visited them at their homes. We participated in activities and community service projects. We had sports. We had class trips. We learned lots of neat and useful stuff like reading, writing, and how to make a chemical volcano. Many students came back and said thanks to their favorite students. Some of my friends now teach at these schools. I never saw any violence at school.

My Dad taught public school for forty years and never had any violence in his class; not even once. He still has former students visit thank him for the job he did.

Not only does the Who know nothing of TBSs, he knows nothing about PS.

Gee, Who, there are good public schools out there. Who'd a thunk it?

There are ZERO good programs. They use coercive techniques that automatically disqualify them from being 'good.'

Oops! Forgot to mention. The reason the UNICEF study belongs in the empathy thread; the USA ranks the worst in family and peer relationships.

I still think the best thing Trying Dad can do is try to change his relationship from adversary to ally. Until that happens, the boy is not going to listen or cooperate. That's easier said than done, to be sure.

CCM,
Why would you have him call a WWASP school? That is the type of place to be avoided at all costs. Seems like a waste of the man's time to me.

The poster admitted to two mistakes my own parents made. One, the attempted use of force and, two, bribes. My Mom used to pay me to go to little league. I took the money and bought cigarettes and candy and never went to the games.

To the Dad,
Besides, if your boy is really depressed, bribes will not be enough motivation. My Dad used force which just made me better at not getting caught and drove a communication wedge between us. I was afraid to talk to him.

These are both attempts to control your son. Control over another is really an illusion as any therapist or counselor will tell you.

At the same time, don't try to punish or control him by removing positive things from him. If guitar lessons are a good thing, don't take a good thing away from him. Instead encourage the good things. Removing things he really cares about that are positive will only make him hate and resent you more.

I can't solve your problem because I don't know you or your son and there is no way anyone can diagnose your situation from a few web postings.

All I can say is that you need to build trust. Listen more, bite your tongue. Don't contradict or discredit what he says, just offer your own view point and advice. He may not appear to be listening, but he will hear you. Do this as you would to an adult friend. He will listen to suggestions more readily than orders.

Your son is approaching adulthood and you will gain a great deal of credibility with him if you treat him more like one. Also, just expect him to act like one and act surprised (but not angry) when he doesn't. Treat him like the kind of person you want him to be and see if he grows into the new image.

Ask him for advice on something, anything, a big family purchase, or a vacation decision or something that makes him feel like his view really counts. Include him on any education decisions. In other words give him a voice and a choice and the responsibility to go along with it.

You are not the boss anymore, you are the mentor, advisor, and safety net. This does not mean there are no house rules. The house rules apply to everyone, even you.

Be patient. You will not immediately stop his current behavior and the process is not linear. Success is two steps ahead, one back and cannot be measured daily. You'll just drive yourself crazy.