Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: kosmonaut on July 23, 2002, 02:06:00 PM
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Anyone else remember Miles Nieberline (sp?)? I recall him telling a story about how he downed some strychnine in an experiment on himself and ended up in a hospital. He was truly a character.
What about Dennis, the guy who stabbed someone in group to get out of Straight? He ended up in the YDC down the road from the program. My brother worked there and told me about it later (another story).
Also, there was a staff member, female, with long brown hair in 83-84 whose name I can't remember. Really high strung person, mean in fact, used to talk about shooting up speed and stuff.
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I remember Miles and Dennis both. Knew Dennis pretty well, but not Miles. Was Susan the name of the staff member? There were two Susan's. One was a Sr. with black hair and the other a Jr. with reddish-brown hair and freckles. Both were high strung and it was easy to get on their bad side. I know the Sr. was much heavier into drugs, but they both were junkies.
CL
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Susan with the reddish brown hair. I always knew to avoid talking in her groups. She had a special dislike for some us.
It was sometimes difficult to keep from laughing whenever Miles spoke. I always had the feeling he was playing a joke on everyone but only a few people knew it.
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That was Susan G. I think she had a thing for me so I was pretty safe in her raps. The thing about Miles you hit right on the head and made me break a smile remembering.
CL
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On 2002-07-24 13:13:00, ClayL wrote:
That was Susan G. I think she had a thing for me so I was pretty safe in her raps. The thing about Miles you hit right on the head and made me break a smile remembering.
CL
Yeah, that's her. I think she had a thing for me too. That is, I think she couldn't stand me. haha...
I remember Miles talking about how he and some buddies synthesized LSD once. Of course, he felt really bad about it and all.... I also remember he was in college when he got thrown in Straight. Was like a chemistry major or something?
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Yep! Miles was digustingly intelligent.
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I'm wondering about what happened to several people...Letha Yost, Nancy Ellmann, Alicia Crabtree, Tylene Freeman, Teresa Swoop, Eve Gee, a girl named Stacey, Michelle Wagner and her brother...Whatever happened to that guy Dennis, who stabbed Chad Kennimore in the chest? Isn't it weird that Chad came back to group after that whole ordeal? Just wondering.
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I only recognized a couple of names from your post. Alicia Crabtree is one. Can't remember what she looked like though.
When Dennis stabbed Chad, he ended up in the Marietta Youth Detention Center (so did I eventually haha) and at the time my older brother was working there as a counselor. He said Dennis ended up being sent to Milledgeville, Ga. prison for young adults.
Do you remember Paige Ivy?
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Yeah, I remember going to her house in Marietta near Post Oak Tritt Rd. and that she had a brother named Chris. She was REALLY young, like maybe 11 or so?
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Ran into Letha about 6 years ago. It was an NA dance in Doraville, GA. It was a new years eve party. I believe that Chris I. went on a date with Stacey ? while they were 5th phase trainee's. They got narc'd out by one of the other persons on the date and started over. Do not know what happened from there as I had graduated and this was reliable second hand info.
CL
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I went to school with Chris I. before Straight, and I knew his sister Paige too. I think she was actually about 13 when she went in, because I was 15 and I'm pretty sure she was 2 yrs younger. I have no idea why she was put in Straight. She was really a nice kid. Maybe she smoked pot a few times or something. I wish I knew what happened to those people.
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I was there 1983-1984 time frame (I remember Alicia Crabtree very well)
I was the one everyone tormented because I had worked as a model prior to coming there, One leader in particular, I can't remember anything except that she wanted to drive a saab, constantly ragged me about that.
I also remember watching the guys come out from the bathroom incident.
This is my first post, I would welcome anyone's response, thanks.
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Hi Marika, I was there during the same period of time. I really don't remember a lot of faces (it's been a long time and I've had to meet 10,000 or so other people since then!) but it's always good to hear from other people who were there.
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Howdy,
I remember Miles quote well, I was from his hometown, Huntsville Alabama. I remember Alicia, Paige, Chad virtually all of the names mentioned.
I was set back from fithphase trainee to a fourth phase refresher after the great bathroom incident of 1985. I was interned between 1983-1985. I withdrew twice, the second time just after the setback from trainee.
Does anyone know what happened to the Ambrose family from Gainesville Ga?
How about the Morrow family? Allan and his sister.
Or Mike Cullinane? Alan Brown? Tim Brown? Dana and Mike Housley? Jim Fraser? Steve Koss?
Hey Kosmonaut- I am in Sacto, and I would like to meet you, I will drive to SF to meet up. Please contact me at [email protected] thanks!
James Lloyd
I was enrolled as Jim Lloyd, and my sister Cecile Lloyd was also a client.
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more names:
Scott Wyatt - ending up being convicted for murder in a drug deal gone bad. Also involved was a sibling of another client. To the best of my knowledge Scott is still in a Alabama prison. John Moncrief and I helped Scott's parents put him back into the cult at their request. I live in fear that Scott will track me down and kill me.
Scott Nalls - Ended up beating the heck out of me at a bowling alley in 1987. He had been restrained while I was a trainee, and he decided that it was my fault. I heard that he went to jail some time later and someone cut off one of his gonads.
John Moncreif(sp?) - A Huntsvillian
Christy ? Carried on a torrid 'romance' With Rob- a very short person. Rob was in the Bathroom with us, I was the Trainee in the bathroom.
Monty Bingham- the Sr. Staffer who sent me into the bathroom with the instructions to do 'whatever it takes, no matter what, to make these little shits change'
Dean K - From Pauleys Island, had some serious injuires to his leg adn arm from a fire/drug related incident.
Ashley Kilpatrick -
Rusty Binghamton(sp) - Was from Jacson Ms. along with the Moore's
Nevis McAllister- another hunstville person
Chris Mazur- made it to Sr. her mother and father provided crackpot psychiatric services to the cult
ann crow - can be found at http://www.anncrow.com (http://www.anncrow.com) she is a real estate agent now, what a move from "goddess of recovery"
There was one guy from Tupelo Ms. He was not the brighest light in the group, his name is on the tip of my tongue but can't get it out...aha - I just recalled it Bryson was his first name, I think his last name was smith.
Tim Brown- Mentioned him before, but on a salient point-they lived in a mobile home in way out in Cummings? His father threatened newcomers with a gun- he told me that he would shoot me in the leg if I tried to escape his home.
Daryl?? - he was heavy set, and struggling with his effeminate nature- I think he was from Cummings
Vanessa ? - Hunstville, I lived with her and Alan Brown and a few others in a one bedrom apt with no power for a few weeks or months after I left the final time- we did a great deal of partying, it was very cultish with Alan holding court over our all night trips.
We listened to behind blue eyes by the who , over an over.
Alan Brown- Claimed to be the very first intake in Atlanta, said the old A&P was his shooting gallery, that he crawled in one day to shoot up and found the straightlings, they took him in, he was on his phases for 36 months when they finally let him out. Alan and Tim came to find me in Huntsville a couple of years later, they cheated me out of some money in a deal gone bad, when they left I noticed that Tim had a very large knife in his pants- had I argued with them they would have stabbed me- I am sure.
Dana and Mike Housley ( sheridan) - I lived with them after I left the last time, for a few weeks or days. Then I went and stayed with Alan and Vanessa.
Jason ?? Transferred from one of the Florida programs, was no more tha 14 years old and had been in the Florida program for some time already. When he came to Atlanta his single mother moved to Austell to be close to him. Jason was a serious arm carver, he dug deep, we had to put the socks with ducttape on his arms. He eventually made second while I was a trainee, one night he went off on his mom, we were called up, and had to go to his house.. he was restrained virtualyl all night, then set back the next morning. Either Jim Fraser or Steve Koss was involved can't be sure which.
The Fitzpatrick Brothers- Mike and Dennis- from early in my phases, they either seven stepped or left the program by early 84, I partied with one of them while living with Alan and Vanessa.
Derrick ? - Red headed, made it Sr. Staff from Hunstville- let me watch "the Wall' while on fifth phase while on vacation and visiting his home.
Susan with the black hair that was a Sr. Staffer - she did the volcano rap- first Staffer to really tear into me- I did not like that &*%$#&@.
Maria Milnichuch(sp?) - Executive staffer who came in later in my program.
Dennis Buttermer - Was the Director when I entered the program, went on to be teh head of some private school in the area- My Sister worked for hi mfor a bit while on her phases - something bad happened - don't know the details.
The Ambrose boys- Ben Bob and ??? there were three of them. Their mother was in a wheelchair, their father was killed doing missionary work in South America, Bob was the kid whose head was dunked in the toilet during the bathroom incident.
Alicia Crabtree- Alicia was a very strong girl, she was a real fighter, she copped out several times, never heard if she stepped. I tried to find her last year, but hit dead ends. FOund someone by that name, but they refused to reply to my email, so I have my guesses.
June (Lowery?) - June was a Northeasterner- had a boston accent, I thin kshe served on staff for a while under leathea, but she evetually left- My sister had some contact with her after, don't know what happened.
Mike ?? - He was a big boy, but very gentle and emotional, his mother eventually established a kitchen, so we could finally stop eating the crappy food that was sent to us from some aweful caterer.
Lloyd Benson ?? - A man in his late 20's, up to then the oldest client ever admitted, I think he was 27 years old. Lloyd had been in Prison, but took the opportunity to go to the program. He had a Native American heritage or look, was used as a heavy hand often though he became intensely uncompfortable with that role. He was in the unfortunate position of beating up on what were from his perspective -little kids. Perhaps the one person who I knew truly got his life to gether as a result of the program- I hope it lasted.
Alan Morrow- Another big boy, was used for beating up kids often. He and his sister were from Jonesboro, it was an hour or more to get to their foster home- They threw a fourth or fifth phase party one time at a lakeside park near their home.
Brad Bean- he was from the NC crew, he went to Helen Georiga with me on a fourth phase outing, we ate in a restaurant that served beer and played heavy headgames about it. We climbed all the way to the top of Anna Ruby Falls and had a serious discussion about copping out at that point- we figured that no one would ever find us out in the back woods of north Georgia.
Jim Fraser- Lived in Dunwoody. He and I were close if for no other reason than we had the same first name. I ended up livign with him twice after the program, once in Chicago and once again later in Atlanta. Neitehr time did it work out at all well. Of course neither of us really understood at the time how screwed up we were from the cult. Jim attended GSU for a while, I think he graduated, no idea what became of him after that. Ji mwas more together than I was, and I drove him crazy when we tried to live together.
Ramona Love- A real fighter, small compact girl with a mean right hook (jokeing)
Jane Cullinane- Her son Mike was a very small person, he came into the program nad was the only person I ever recall moving through the phases pretty much at minimum times- made it to Sr. Staff.
Jane turned me onto the Grateful Dead in a big way, I bought Europe 72 while living at her home, and she would listen to it with me. She told me about her own experiences in her youth. I went to lassiter High School when I lived with them- I was on fifth phase then I think. Mike was the Sr. Staffer that took control of Scott Wyatt when he was returned to the program.
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Steve Callum- He was the guy who broke Mrs. ????'s nose. He had been smoking Jimson weed prior to admission, he was never altogther there. After he popped her, he was buried under a pile of phasers in the carpet room. He was taken away, rumour had it once I made trainee that he was taken up to the attic dungeon over the back dock and was severly beaten by a rotating group of fifth phasers who were highly trusted.
That was a Friday open meetign day I think, and we had an outdoor 'picnic' rap that next Sunday out in the little fenced in area on the side of the building. everyoen was having a great time, it was the first and to my knowlege only time we had been allowed an outdoor good time rap.
we were rollign along eating watermelon and having fun when it was decided that we needed to have a serious rap as well. Soon after we started the rap, Steve was trotted out in front of us, covered in bruises, and two Cobb County Sheriffs deputies came int othe area and arrested him for assualt and battery, felony charges, they took him away and we were all, ALL traumatized by that event.
Of course the fifth phasers who beat him up and covered him with bruises were not arrested for their own A&B on him overthe two days of isolation.
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Wow, you have some memory. I'm Kris (Mazur) Landt, and take it easy, we're all trying to heal. Regardless of how far we made it through the program, we were all robbed of a part of ourselves. I was very good friends with your sister and have often wondered about how she's doing. I was also good friends with Dana Sheridan Housley. Glad you've found the site and hope you and Cecile are doing well.
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Hi Kris,
My sister is a single parent, she has a nine year old daughter. She has no interest in discussing cult related issues, but I will pass along your good wishes and your email address if you like.
Yeah I guess I would have a good memory, as I recall you were in the office with Tilly and the rest when I was confronted about the bathroom incident. I have vivid memories, actually nightmares on a regular basis about it, including what you said to me, though I do not hold you responsible, nor hold ill will towards you, you were manipulated and lied to like everyone else.
I have a pretty much daily nightmares about what happened in the bathroom, that has been going on for about 20 years, though for a very long time I self medicated it away.
I would very much like to know what happened to Bob Ambrose after I withdrew, if you have any information.
James
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Chris I am sorry if my crackpot psychiatric comment was offensive to you, but it is the way I saw it.
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Jim:
Ramona Love is now living in Greenville, SC and is doing quite well from all accounts. She has one child who is 13 and giving her fits, and doing things she'd prefer him not to.
Derrick B. Last I talked to him was about 7 years ago. He married, damn I forgot the name, but had one child at the time. He picked up a degree in phsycology and wark working with inmates in the Georgia Prison system.
People I've been wondering about:
Rusty McDaniels
Dean Keenan
Will Tidd - Was my best friend in the program and really want to get in touch with him. Tried calling his parents the other day, but the number was wrong. I believe he still lives in ATL.
I am
Clay Lovett
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Hey James, you have an amazing memory. Reading all those names brought back many faces. I'll be sending you an email.
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Jim,
I'd love to hear from Cecile. My email address is [email protected]. I have 12 year old twins. I finished med school in 2001 and am in the midst of anesthesia residency now.
I have no idea what I said to you, nor do I think I'd want to remember. I'm sorry for whatever I said and am sorry about what happened to you. I quit staff after that incident--Ashley, Letha, and I had taken that weekend off, and when we came back on Monday, it was clear that some bad shit had gone down over the weekend. I've run into survivors of that incident (Wesley) since then.
My memory from 83-85 is really poor, so I don't recall a lot of specifics. I have just now gotten into some intensive psychotherapy to start dealing with all this emotional baggage from Straight. i think we all suffer from PTSD to some extent. To make matters worse, my parents are still involved with other Straight parents and have a little straight group. I've never been able to escape it because they're at all the family gatherings.
i lived with letha for awhile after Straight. She kicked me out of our apartment after I realized I was neither an addict or alcoholic, and I haven't seen her since. I did get contacted by Abby Orr a few years ago for a Straight reunion, which I did not attend. ashley kilpatrick is married. Charles Clonts is still around. That's about all I know.
Please give my e-mail address to Cecile. Best wishes, Kris
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On 2002-10-10 23:41:00, Anonymous wrote:
Steve Callum- He was the guy who broke Mrs. ????'s nose. He had been smoking Jimson weed prior to admission, he was never altogther there. After he popped her, he was buried under a pile of phasers in the carpet room. He was taken away, rumour had it once I made trainee that he was taken up to the attic dungeon over the back dock and was severly beaten by a rotating group of fifth phasers who were highly trusted.
That was a Friday open meetign day I think, and we had an outdoor 'picnic' rap that next Sunday out in the little fenced in area on the side of the building. everyoen was having a great time, it was the first and to my knowlege only time we had been allowed an outdoor good time rap.
we were rollign along eating watermelon and having fun when it was decided that we needed to have a serious rap as well. Soon after we started the rap, Steve was trotted out in front of us, covered in bruises, and two Cobb County Sheriffs deputies came int othe area and arrested him for assualt and battery, felony charges, they took him away and we were all, ALL traumatized by that event.
Of course the fifth phasers who beat him up and covered him with bruises were not arrested for their own A&B on him overthe two days of isolation.
Hey James I believe his name was actually Mike McCallum (ClayL posted about this sometime back). I'm not much into violence but when Mike broke her jaw that was the ultimate statement about how our minds were being abused. That guy should have been put in psychiatric care, NOT Straight. I remember being horrified inside at how month after month they verbally and physically abused Mike, who at that point was just a shell of a human after 2 years of that kind of treatment. He didn't even register any facial expression or seem to understand what was happening around him. I remember there was some smartass 5th phaser, can't remember his name but he was a black guy, used to really get off on having Mike stand up in group so he could make fun of him. I wonder where that asshole is today.
I remember the outdoor bbq too. That was great getting some sun for a couple of hours. Amazing actually.
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Kris- I broke into tears after reading your last posting, thankyou for the apology, what you said is not really of consequence, this littel interaction has allowed me to work through some really heavy stuff moreso that I could have without making contact.
The cycle of abuse was difficult to break, as you were abused and manipulated, you aquired as we all did a "cult induced" personality that was not representative of your true self. The same was true of me, and that is why that awful nightmare in the bathroom took place.
I only hope that someday I will get the chance to apologize to young Mr. Ambrose. It chews me up inside what i became in that place, it was nothing like who I really am. I went os far as to revert ot my original name- James - Three years ago, and that was a part of my awakening process. As people in my new California life called out James- it is my belief that 'james' started to wwake up from the cult personality, whom I refer to as Jim these days.
If you have not already I strongly encourage you to read Dr. Lifton's writing on Thought Reform. It was a revelation for me. I found good therapy via refocus.org which has some listings for therapists that specialize in cult related abuse.
I always respected you Kris, and I am thrilled to hear that your life is progessing so wonderfully.
I have yet to go to school, but then I was living in a total daze for over 18 years, changing addresses two or three times a year, leaving no forwarding info, avoiding bank accounts and lots of other things out of fear of retribution from either the program or certain people who blamed me for their abuse.
I have settled down in Sacramento, and have established a domestic partnership with a wonderful man. I too came to the realization that I was neither a addict or alcoholic, and that I never was. I had been sexually abused for four years prior to experimenting with pot and alcohol, msot of the rest of the stuff I told them at my intake was made up- I was desparate, unconscious of it, but desparate to escape my sexual abusers, and the cult was ready to help me do that.
I am most enraged when I think about the fact that I revealed my sexual abuse during my intake in detail, and the program deliberately hid that from my parents. Had my parents been infomed of the sex abuse, they would have taken much different actions.
I began to wake up when my primary abuser- the clergyman at my church, died last year. It sent me into a spiral, and that was when I discovered Ginger, and Wes, and the entire thing. I went to the first conference in Bethesda, and then had a breakdown, and hav since done a great deal of work.
It was very difficult to bring my parents around, but they have started to understand the true nature of the cult.
It is my opinion that the program was primarily a political tool for Mr. Sembler and his totalist right wing agenda, and that all the rest was, as they said in Synanon- HOOPLA.
James
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When I withdrew the first time, in the spring of 1984, right after I made it to second phase and was set back ...I left the building after my exit conference with Ann C and my parents, they sent me out onto austell road with no money, no clothes, no resources at all, in fact they really didn't want to give me my ID back, but my parents insisted.
I walked down Delk Road all the way to I75, as I have posted elsewhere I remember seeing phasers drive by later that night, and they honked at me.
At any rate I walked over to an apartment, right at Delk and 75, the guy who I had lived with for a short time was named Jim, his mother was a single parent, and he was in his 20's. They had withdrawn from the program a couple of months prior to that, must have been in January 84 when they withdrew.
Does anyone recall his last name? What were the apartments called? They literally looked out onto 75.
They let me stay there one night, gave me a cigarette, and then I walked all the way to downtown Atlanta and ended up living in the Salvation Army Youth Shelter for a few months before I broke down adn came back to the cult begging to be readmitted to hell.
I had totally forgotten Charles Clontz that was a real flashback.
James
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The executive whose jaw was broken was Helen Morton. My Sister reminded me of the name tonight.
James
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James,
I'm really glad you've found this site. I've finally found validation here. Many of my family members are still of the opinion that I never would have made it without Straight, and I've given up talking to them about it. In therapy, I'm realizing I'm just at the tip of the iceberg and it's going to take a lot of work to bring what happened in Straight into consciousness. I've lost two years of my life, and it's a numbness and confusion I feel. Thank God my husband, who has believed for many years (I met him in 1985) that I had features of PTSD (rage attacks, emotional numbing, memory loss, hyperactive startle reflex), finally persuaded me to see a therapist. It's overwhelming right now, because it's hard to envision ever feeling whole again.
My therapist feels it's important for survivors to tell their stories...hearing your story made me very sad. I used to daydream about escaping alot. I was 20 when I came in, and from day 1, was falsely imprisoned. Everytime I tried to withdraw, I was taken to an intake room, and informed that I was under court order and I'd go to jail if I withdrew. I still don't know if this was something cooked up between my parents and the staff, or if the staff was just lying, but I was never court-ordered, EVER!! After 4 or 5 months on 1st phase, I gave up and conformed because I saw no way out. It was a desperate time. I still wish I would have had the courage to run away, but I was so afraid of the police. I was definitely brainwashed...what's vexing is how did I allow it to happen? Or, was there even a choice? I have guilt over that--could I have prevented all this emotional damage? When I think about being on staff, it sickens me, because I know I was part of the problem.
I'm glad to hear you have a supportive relationship now. Do you talk to your parents at all? Kris
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Whenever I confront my parents about straight after a long raised voise confrontation i get told that i was court ordered. I know I wasn't court ordered. I want proof even then i want to know why you didn't get me out of there sooner. so many rules, not enough common sense, maybe i was too young, an idiot. it gets hard to figure out why people want to control others so bad. Oh well we're all on the road to recovery.
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Kris,
I could not be more sensitive to how you are feeling. I can not emphasize enough how stunningly healthy and rewarding it has been to interact with you over the past few days.
If I can be so bold as to say it, I did manage to get away, and yet I was so conditioned to be dependant on the group that I came back. I can recall those exit conference with Ann so clearly, and I resented my family for a long time over how I was turned out onto the streets alone.
I am an atheist today, and never in my life have I had a better understanding of the true power of belief. Once I began to believe that I was an addict, that I had been sexually abused because of my addiction, that I was 'insane' and 'powerless' - it became a self fulfilling prophecy.
I entered the program shortly prior to my eighteenth birthday, and perhaps the most insidiuos nature of my experience was that I actually wanted to be there. As a result of my sexual abuse, at the hands of adult men, I was already a PTSD case upon my entry, I believe that this was true of so many people at the cult.
What happened in that place was exactly the opposite of what I needed. It complicated and deepened my disorder, rather than helping me to resolve my issues. By the time I left, I was living so many lies that I no longer knew which 'stories' in my life were true, and which I had created as 'walls' to keep people away from my pain, a pain that I began to nurture and protect. Keeping the 'wound' open it is called.
I spent the next 18 years floundering and repeating the cycle I had developed at the Program. I would take a job, work there for a while, tell so many lies that I could not keep them straight. Eventually the pressure would mount, I would eitehr need to be suceesful and move up a ladder or fail utterly, and always the latter won out.
As recently as two years ago, I was still telling people that I had been and 'adolescent rehabilitation counselor' and repeating the lie that we had 'the equivalent' of a psychology degree. A lie that you might recall from group. Peopel respected me for that- and I just developed a deeper self hatred each time I started a new life with the same old lies.
I would go into a rage at work, quit my job, spend a few weeks drunk ( cause I thought that was what I was supposed to do) then put myself in a rehab, or a mental ward for a few days or weeks. I would always leave early- again in my pattern- and then beat myself up as a failure some more.
I spent years trying to define my own sexuality, holding deep self-hatred for my own sexual desires, always feeling that sex was just something that led me to drugs etc etc - we all know that tripe. Internalized homophobia is truly destructive.
All of this manifested itself physically in terms of severe back pain, pain that no doctor could explain, because I could not explain the full picture in any 10 minute visit.
I held at least 35-40 different jobs over the past 18 years, I lived all over the country, and I could never hold together any relationship.
The worst part of it all was that I had no explanation. Not for myself or for people who tried to help me- It was so frustrating.
I first began to understand at the beginning of the summer of 2001. Since then I have taken stress management courses to help with the back pain- it is gone now- and then started up individualized therapy, and finally joined a cult awareness group here in CA.
Although I refer to the group as a cult at times, I am not sure that it was, I really like to think of it as a 'high demand group', primarily because there was no one universal leader whom claimed to be God or his special messenger. As much as I revile Tilly and Buttermer, and even Mr. Sembler, I do not think of any of them as a messiah figure, nor do I believe that they do either.
I called my therapist yesterday to discuss the interaction with you over the past few days. I have found it to be such a relief to hear someone who was 'further up' than me, who had come to grips with the truth.
Much of the past year has been spent learning to forgive myself for what I did as a trainee and an upper phaser. I had become a fascist of sorts, as did most of us, and I hated myself for being so naive and gullible. I hated my parents, for leaving me there, I hated the program for lying to us, and I hated myself for hating my parents etc etc - the cycle is endless.
Emotional numbing, angry outbursts, exaggerated startle response, nightmares, physical self mutilation- I still drift off and pick at my head or nose quite often- that one has proved to be a challenge- all of these PTSD symptoms are slowly falling away. I have been almost 12 months without an outburst, and I have been in the same relationship for just over three years now.
In a bit of truly sweet irony- I found much of the strength to face my own demons while working for two years at a gay sex club in SF. It was so liberating to be in a truly sex positive and 'person' positive atmosphere, without judgemental people telling me how to live or play.
I hold no illusion that my life will just be easy as pie from now on- If you have read the Lord of The Rings- I am much like Frodo- I still have nightmares, I still feel the pain on 12/3 each year, my intake date. I still see Bob Ambrose in my sleep and waking hours, crying in the bathroom with his head soaked from the toliet, I still see Rob and the rest of the kids forcing his head under the water.
But it gets a little better each month, a few less dreams, a few less tears, and few more smiles. Hearing from you has really helped, and I hope that we could meet in person someday, when you feel comfortable with that.
Please feel free to contact me anytime if you need someone to talk to, I will email you my phone number. I can't promise anything but my willingness to listen as best I can. And I won't confront you!
James
PS- I got a reply from my sister, but I do not know if she will email you. I do not try to coerce her into talking about the cult, but she said more about it in the past two days than she had for years, and that was a good thing. You are helping me right now- take something good from that !!!!!
[ This Message was edited by: James on 2002-10-13 23:26 ]
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CLay L wrote:
Jim:
Ramona Love is now living in Greenville, SC and is doing quite well from all accounts. She has one child who is 13 and giving her fits, and doing things she'd prefer him not to.
Derrick B. Last I talked to him was about 7 years ago. He married, damn I forgot the name, but had one child at the time. He picked up a degree in phsycology and wark working with inmates in the Georgia Prison system.
People I've been wondering about:
Rusty McDaniels
Dean Keenan
Will Tidd - Was my best friend in the program and really want to get in touch with him. Tried calling his parents the other day, but the number was wrong. I believe he still lives in ATL.
I am
Clay Lovett
I would love to find out about Rusty too- I had his last name wrong- Rusty had a big impact on me, when he left staff I was devastated. I tried to look him up, all I found was a name that matched, on some records for a construction company- I never pursued it further.
Dean Keenan was the guy from Pauley's Island- he also left staff while I was on second or third.
Will Tidd- trying to placethe face- I lived at home with a guy named Will when i first made sceond phase- I got in trouble for reading the Bible too long in the bathtub- they reported me and I was set back for 'avoiding my drug problem. Will's mom always fed us well, he had a bit of a 'queeny' air about him and was deeply concerned with fashion and his own clothing.
Same guy? If so I really liked him.
I didn't mean to ignore your post Clay, I just got so involved in what Kris had to say.
James
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Kris and James,
I retract what I have told the two of you regarding my not being interested in involvement with anything to do with this forum. I must say that it has been most intersting in reading the thoughts of fellow inmates of Straight. Seeing others names out here, folks that I have often wondered about, some I have had contact with since leaving, it all has put me in a different mode of thinking. I have deeply tried for 18 years to put all of that time period behind me. I convinced myself that I was past it all, but the last two days of reading everyone's postings, and my own memories flooding my being, I am uncomfortably aware of my need to be here, with you all, and that I do indeed have much healing to do. Peace to you all, peace to me, and peace to the persons who made all of this possible,(yes, even the executive staffers). I cannot imagine that if they too were not brainwashed, they would never have allowed any of this to occur, after all,they had children in the program. And, who in their right minds would ever subject their children to such atrocities. So, I begin.... Cecile
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Hiya Sis,
Thanks for coming round, so glad to see you.
Take it at your own pace.
James
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Flooded brain cells and all.......here are a few folks that I have not seen mentioned.
Tracy Baker married Robert Wagner, they have two kids, and are in the process of getting a divorce after many years together...peace to them....
Pam Cobb from Huntsville
Susan McNitt was roommates with Pam for a spell back in 85, have no idea where she is today.
Patti Johnson from Jackson was a staffer with long red/blonde hair...We shared an apartment with Billy? He ended up in prison in Memphis for assaulting a little old lady in a grocery parking lot.
Dana Sheridan....I was in contact with her until about 11 years ago last was in Atlanta.
Last I heard Miles Neiberlien was successful in HUntsville....
Cecilia Nicholas has two beautiful daughters, lives outside of Huntsville...
And me? I have a wonderful daughter, we live in the mountains of Utah where the fishing is fine, and the snow is divine!!!I shall surely think of others.........C
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Cecile,
Glad you're here. Utah must be beautiful right about now. I wonder if Dana Sheridan is still in town. It must have been really hard for her to be in Straight because she had a little son!! I can't even imagine how horrible it was for her...Kris
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Wendy ?
Lee Ann ?
Ronnie Murtaugh? - had a hernia while in group
Neal? From highpoint North Carolina
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Kris....
I must admit it feels very strange to be here, I have not done this much thinking about Straight in years. I keep thinking of more people I wonder about. Then in the middle of the nite, I got up and looked in an old photo album....there are pics of Rusty McDaniel, Elizabeth Perry, Heather Bennett, Abby Orr-Estes(she married one of the Estes guys, I think it was Mike, Jim Frazier and my Brother, Christy Frasier, Tracy Someone?,Alison? married Chris Ivie for a while,later divorced,oh my gosh!! I had not looked at that album in a lifetime. Feels mighty strange. I have those pics on a disk that I would be glad to send to you if you wanted. Cecile
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James:
Was the name Jim Lowlry?
CL
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Patti Johnson! Dang I had forgot her. She set me back off of 5th phase. One of those fishing questions, "What kind of shit have you pulled?" No right answer... dead meat. That I had seen one of the people I had grown up with while at home (druggie friend) was just the bonus plan. Got the 4th phase 7-day for that. Then I guess I didn't feel guilty enough for having a healthy conversation, so Rusty put me on a 3rd phase 14-day refresher. I managed to piss out a few tears and Rusty, who I still consider a good friend, let me slide. From my time on staff I really think he had the blessing to start me over, but didn't.
I'm still kind of pissed at Patti.
CL
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Yes Clay that is it...Jim Lowry.
Thankyou. He and his Mom were clearly freaked when I showed up at their door, but they were kind enough to let me stay for the night.
I wonder what happened to him.
If you know how to make contact with Rusty I'd love to know what his life is like today.
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Nope, I haven't really tried looking and part of me thinks it isn't right to go looking either. I suspect I'll run in to him someday....
CL
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hey, I just found this site. after 18 years of trying to forget about Straight I figure it's not gonna happen so why not see if there is anyone else out there with the same problem. Anyway, I know those people and know what happened to one of them.So who are you? My name's Marc and I was in straight/Atlanta 84-85.I'd really like to talk to you. I've searched a few other sites but didn't find anyone from Austell Rd.
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Hi Marc,
I am Cecile.....I was in Atlanta from January 84-June 85........I am glad you found the site and hope that it will be of some help to you...
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Hey Cecile, I remember you. You probally remember my sister, Kris, she was in at the same time. This is so weird and hard, remembering all these things. I'll write more later, I'm kinda shaken right now and feeling a little woosy. Maybe a little to much reality for one night.
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reading some of the names of people listed on this forum... it was Daryl Benson and Bush Ambrose.
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HI Cram........care to say who you are? Kris? which one? There is a Kris on here who was and is a dear friend of mine....but, who is your sister if you dont mind me asking? I am glad that you made it out alive. I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed by all of this, take it light and read it easy.
Cecile
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Learn all that you can about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is by far the most common affliction that we all share in my humble opinion.
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Hello Cecile,
My name is Marc Shelton, My sister was Kris. I wrote a pretty lenghty explaination of who I am and my circumstances surrounding Straight but for sme reason they aren't appearing on the board. I forgot to login before submitting it, so maybe that was the problem. Maybe it will appear later as an anonomous post so I won't repeat it all right now. I'm going on about 48 hours without sleep right now, I've been kinda high strung thinking about all this stuff. I just responded to your brothers post on another forum and hope he understands I hold him no ill will. For right now I'll just say I'm glad to have found you and hope to talk more in the future.
Marc
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On 2002-09-27 15:37:00, hedwigfan wrote:
I'm wondering about what happened to several people...Letha Yost, Nancy Ellmann, Alicia Crabtree, Tylene Freeman, Teresa Swoop, Eve Gee, a girl named Stacey, Michelle Wagner and her brother...Whatever happened to that guy Dennis, who stabbed Chad Kennimore in the chest? Isn't it weird that Chad came back to group after that whole ordeal? Just wondering.
Teresa married Chance Durant and they lived in Jackson,Ms for a while, might still be there.
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Another one I have recalled but not heard mentioned- The Cherry Family- Father was a dentist and provided dental care for phasers- that way we did not have to run the risk of a first phaser telling a intelligent rational doctor/dentist about what was happening inside the group- plus then the oldcomers were allowed to watch the phaser the entire time without raising suspicions...I am sure Mr. Cherry only thought he was helping out too...Daughter named Lydia I think.
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Lydia had a sister named Becky. Haven't heard a thing about them. Saw a picture of Doug Angeloff yesterday--anyone remember him?
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Doug
I rememeber him well and he was a good friend. My parents and his parents were buddies in the program. Remember when he's talk, he'd get worked up and then there'd form balls of spit on his tongue. Is he doing well? Or was this an old picture?
CL
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Does anyone remember Kendle Wemberly? If so she and I went to college together and she is doing quite well. She was alright in the program, but when she got out..., Dear God! She is gorgeous! Another one that did that same thing was April Honeycut. She married Mike Williams.
CL
[ This Message was edited by: ClayL on 2002-10-22 06:48 ]
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I am replying to an older post of yours because I recognize the name Alison Ivie. She was my oldcomer when we were in a really bad car wreck. Are you still in touch with her? We wrote to each other for a while and lost touch. Email me [email protected] if you want.
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Marika,
Could you please email me and let me know of the last place that you had contact with Alison?
Cecile
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I emailed you what I have today, good luck.
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Does anyone know what happened to any of the following people I remember from Atlanta?
Vanessa and Jessica Venes
Tracy Sparks
Carolyn Crockett (my FAVORITE oldcomer)
Abby Orr
Peggy Oliver
Patti Johnson
Does anyone know Michele Embry? She was from New Mexico and went through the St. Pete program and then the Atlanta program.
Does anyone know Maria Looper? I think she was from Gainesville and went into the Atlanta program. Also Elizabeth Perry?
I know that Greg Page (also from Gainesville) was murdered in the 90s. Can't remember the exact date. He was shot by a jealous girlfriend.
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Does anyone from Atlanta around 1982-1984 remember a guy that was seriously mentally ill...I keep thinking his name was Todd? He had no business there. He was there as long as I was (like, 2 years or something before they let him out) and they said he was faking his mental illness. He was the best damn faker I ever saw because every single day he was the same...he almost never complied. His brain was seriously fried.
And wasn't there a guy who said he had sex with his dead grandmother? or some dead body? or something freaky weird like that?
And does anyone remember the name of the staff member in charge of 7th steppers and siblings in 1984? He was a black guy. I guess he was on executive staff. I messed up and was sent to St. Pete right after he came, but I remember I liked him. I can't remember his name.
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And wasn't there a guy who said he had sex with his dead grandmother? or some dead body? or something freaky weird like that?
::jawdrop:: ::jawdrop:: ::jawdrop:: ::jawdrop:: ::jawdrop:: :scared: :scared: :scared: :silly: :silly: :eek: :eek: :eek:
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Does anyone remember Derek and Dana(?) from Mississippi? Their father had access to a cabin in the mountains (maybe near Gatlinburg?) that was really cool! I can't remember if it was 7th steppers or 5th phasers or what.....but we went up there on a "retreat". The black executive staff member (whose name I would love to remember because I actually liked this person...but I can't remember it) was with us. I remember the blond girl from Huntsville (we listened to Loverboy all the time) and Nancy Ellman and Derek and Dana and not sure who else went. Does anyone remember this?
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Wow, these names on this thread are all very familiar.
I was in Atlanta around 83-85 I think. I too still have nightmares - but more from being tricked and left by my parents.
I'm Bette Armstrong and now live in San Jose - mother of 2.
After straight I dated Rick Maples for a while - anyone remember him. He was a dear soul and was killed in Knoxville around 89-90 time frame.
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bump
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Greg Ritter, Danny Doyle, Travis and Jay Crow,
I'd love to see the fb groups contributing here. we could chart a good timeline...