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Messages - Gah

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They enjoyed starting people over, It was supose to be a scare to the rest of us.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / The Fallen
« on: November 06, 2006, 02:32:43 PM »
When I came back from Straight, many people would come running up to me and hug me. They all thought I had commited suicide. It was kinda nice to see so many people excited to see me alive. I ca'nt say it hurt me at all.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / This is fucking with my head
« on: November 01, 2006, 08:07:38 PM »
I don't give good advise but maybe you should tell the person that if they are that concerned than they need to stay away from such horible influences. If you have the charectoristics of an adict than you should really look out for whats best for your lil friend. I think the person is playing oh what's the word? Headgames? lolol I dunno, I would prolly sit the person down and analyze them and show them how to work every step and show them that I could prolly turn circles around them in a 12 step program. They wanna push you into it, go ahead, they will prolly wish they had'nt

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / The Fallen (revised)
« on: October 04, 2006, 08:04:21 PM »
Dallas Tx

Vance Hudson

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / my story
« on: October 03, 2006, 09:19:19 PM »
Smoking is just as adictive  if not more adictive drug than others. I quit smoking and really I was tempted to smoke again, I had cravings and such. I fasted for 10 days and I seriously have no more cravings at all. I know smoking isn't illegal but it calmed my nerves or it did while I was adicted. Anyways what I am getting at is, I too believe that alcoholism, drug adiction has to be an imaginary disease. I did not have to work a program to stay off nicotine. I do believe that very small portions of anything toxic stays stored in fatty tissues, fasting and such can clean the system. I also believe that we can have habits. We avoid problems so we eat, do drugs, drink, bite our nails. Anything can become a habit. What do we do to change our habits? I believe that self control has a lot to do with it. Are we as humans blaming a disease on lack of self discipline? Can we resist temptations or do we need to say oops I sliped cause I have a disease? How about oops I have a habit I need to break?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / my story
« on: October 03, 2006, 02:57:26 PM »
I do not believe anyone can be an alcoholic before age 16. The personality is just finished being formed at 16.

These are the things that had happend in the same year I went to Straight:
 My select soccer team won state championship and because there was no USA championship, my soccer team broke up and went seperate ways.
 My grandmother who lived with us died on my mothers birthday.
 My other grandmother died on my birthday.
  I had just got done touring being one of the youngest handbell players in America.

 I lost all these things within the same year I was put into Straight on December 23. Straight took the rest of what I had away at the age of 13. I needed help, but not that kind. It took me 6 years after to relize why it was so easy for me to stay sober and then the only friends I had (recovering alcholics) kick me out cause I aint no alcoholic.
 They shoulda had some sorta true honest psycological screening before the kids went in. It aint hard to do a few tests. That is why I know it was all about money, not about helping kids. The kids that became adicts, well at least they had all the steps and stuff memorized so I guess they got something out of it eh?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / who else struggels
« on: September 19, 2006, 03:22:55 PM »
I thought I would let you know, No matter how many times you try and commit suicide, it wont happn until its your time. I over dosed on 4 different kinds of prescription drugs, all 4 different times and survived, without pumping my stomach, it was to late to pump it, the pills had allready digested. I think I am the only person that has tried to shoot myself, missed and busted my eardrum.  I cut my wrist, ended up I missed the artery, I also was found in a garage  with the car on, I was passed out, woke up in an oxygen chamber so if you wanna do suicide, figured I would let you know that if it aint your time, it aint gonna work. So if you wanna jump out in front of a moving car or jump off a tall building, think of the pain if you survive. not to mention the humiliation of it all! ::stab::

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / How do you feel about
« on: September 11, 2006, 10:28:22 PM »
How many of our parents have said they are sorry? How many of them have done anything to right the wrong?  I wish my parents would have half the balls he has. But I do have to agree that it is hard for me to understand his website. It does need to be organized somehow.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Cant sleep again
« on: September 08, 2006, 01:44:13 AM »
My brain keeps comming up with shit. For the last few years, I have been talking about my experiences in Straight. If you noticed I said in Straight. I felt like I never left really. I found some people I have been in Straight with and spoke to a few, Maybe it wasnt such a good idea but I never really understood why or how people can just go on with thier lives. I have learned that some people really can put it in some lil closet in there brains. I guess I just lived with it thinking about it all my life every day. Now when I think back, I think about memories before Straight. I am not as angry about it. What I have relized today is that I never found who I am as a person. What do I like and dislike? I allways avoided making decision in fear that people would degrade me for them. I have lived my life moment to moment letting life make choices for me and when i have to make a choice, I do what my parents would have done cause that is the right decision. I never picked out a theme to any room in my house, i allways took what people gave me and never got rid of it in fear that they would be angry with me. I know its time to decide what i like and dislike. I have allways eaten all my food because im supose to lol. This maybe kinda hard to break these habits that Straight help make in me. This is going to be exciting, confusing and prolly scary, but I think its time to start finding who I am. I allready stopped eating meat 3 weeks ago lmao. I never buy homes cause what if i buy the wrong one? my towels dont match, i have my parents old ones. I am still using the ugly dishes that were givin to me 5 years ago for Christmas. I am glad, I know my battle with the memories from Straight is over, but now I need to clean up the mess those faggits made. nope, not angry ;) well this is gonna be an adventure. Now maybe I can get some sleep!

Quote from: ""Carmel""
Bandages or neosporin for the pickers and cutters.

That really pisses me off, so badly that I had to step away for a few days to come back and reply. When I was in Straight in Richardson, I had so many cuts on my arms. Staff took me into the bathroom and poored rubbing alcohol over my sores. The doctor never looked at them. I never got one bandage of any kind. When they would restrain me, the kids would get grossed out and try not to touch them, some would start gagging cause you could see the bumpy fatty tissue inside my sores, maybe it was the blood that made them gag. When I left and went to the mental ward, they counted like 50 sores on my arms. I never got a bandage.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / myspace
« on: August 22, 2006, 06:06:33 PM »
Anyone here have a myspace add? it would be nice to put faces with names.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Invisible
« on: August 20, 2006, 11:41:52 AM »
I know just what you mean. If it helps any, I have not been able to keep a job for more than 1 year. I am good to get past 3 months. I have come accross a job with a company that I can work at home. It's not one of those stay at home scam jobs. Its a satilite company here in town. I wonder how long this job will work for me? I know that I am perinoid because of fear of humiliation, but I dunno how to get over it. I see people from Straight having great jobs for years. I dunno how they do it, maybe some people find ways to avoid the past, Some are stuck and cant get out and others have found a way through the mess. I am stuck in the middle? I am tired of swimming too, Im ready to get out of the water.

When you pull up next to a car with a depressed teenager in the back seat and you get prepared to help him/her escape.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / ONE DAY I WOKE UP
« on: August 14, 2006, 09:58:34 PM »
When someone is done wrong, they can have some sorta justice with it, take it to court, make the person pay for what they have done. We expect to have equal justice so we can feel like the world looks at them just as low as how they looked at us.

We are still being labeled as drug adicts. People have a hard time really believing something so strange would happen in America. The story on how Straight inc. did things, takes to long, nobody wants to spend hours listening to things that sound imposible. Us victims have our own ways to get our own justice, some of us go and try to get the story out, and make Sembler a bad name, others go through trash and steal penis pumps to place on Ebay.

What makes it hard for me to carry on with my life is to know that people like Mr. Sembler is living a life full of riches. He has plenty of money to buy nice comfortable chairs and if for some reason it is not up to his standards he can snap his fingers and have it replaced.

I have no idea how to move past these thoughts in my head. I see things that remind me of Straight everyday. Here is a few things that remind me of Straight:

dixie cups
water fountains
a door missing in a bathroom stall
the twelve steps
blue chairs
any chair that hooks onto another chair
twin beds with no frames

I could go on and on with the list. You know when we were kids, and we would complain, we would hear the story about our parents had to walk up hill in the snow? Well, we have the story of Straight. When my kids complain, My brain goes directly to: They dunno how bad it can get. Whats a bad hair day? How about not being able to do your hair at all? Kid comes in saying they have nothing nice to wear? How about I decide what they will wear? They complain about food. I think, what if you had no food. I dont say and do these things but I think them all the time. They stick into my head, I guess because we had it so much worse than they can ever emagine.  I was that child that wasnt allowed to: pick my clothes out, do my hair, take long hot showers, eat 3 times a day, get my beauty sleep, have friends, have holidays and birthdays, and poop by myself.

How do you guys just stop thinking these things?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / College
« on: August 09, 2006, 04:45:32 PM »
Anyone esle going back to college this fall?

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