What part of this issue is most important to you? The abuse, lack of options, misleading advertisement? Do you put much stake in what survivors say about what they witnessed or experienced in programs? What part of the movement to end abuse in programs do you feel advocates are not addressing? What do you feel is a good program or what qualities do you think makes a program good or bad?
All of that is important -- abuse, lack of options, deception -- and yes I put a lot of stock in what survivors say they have experienced. Like the old saying 'where there's smoke there's fire' -- there have been way too many kids killed, abused and psychologically harmed for any sensible person to say the complaints are due to a few disgruntled individuals.
Any intelligent parent that has done a little bit of web research should draw the conclusion that there are a lot of con artists in this industry, and that overall, this 'teen help' business is really foul. But that doesn't mean they stop looking for help if they have a child who really needs help and has not been getting it from local resources. It is these well-meaning parents -- the ones who truly want the best for their kids -- who are most easily seduced by an ed con or someone else who comes along promising a 'good program' -- something that promises real therapy, a real education, a healthy environment and some wholesome fun activities. Maybe such programs exist, maybe they don't. But there is no question that thousands of parents with 'troubled teens' are looking for exactly that, after everything else they've tried seems to have gone nowhere.
The part of the movement against institutionalized child abuse that advocates are not addressing nearly enough is the lack of local resources and options. Yes, every city of any size has it's share of psychologists, social workers, psychiatrists, drug abuse counselors, etc. Most parents try several of these before they even think about something as extreme as a residential program. But these local resources are often ineffective in offering much help. Most psychiatrists are all about putting kids on powerful drugs, and many psychologists are too easily bullshitted by kids who are just going through the motions because their parents expect them to 'give therapy a try.
Some kids might need therapy, but every kid needs much more than that -- they need direction, a sense of purpose, a feeling of self-worth, they need healthy relationships with friends and family, they need fun, love, worthwhile things to do with their time, and lots of other things. They need all those same things that we adults need, but some kids seem to have a tough time finding them or even accepting them when they're simply given to them.
It's easy to blame parents for 'not being a parent,' and it's so easy for others to judge when they haven't walked in a parent's shoes. Parenting is the toughest job there is, and what works well for one kid doesn't always work for another -- even in the same family. Programs don't offer solutions, but neither do many other people. We're all out here on our own trying to figure this out step by step. We don't have all the answers and sometimes our kids throw us curve ball after curve ball, to the point where we sometimes feel completely incompetent and helpless to do anything right.
We can't make our kids stop their attempts to destroy their lives, but since we love them we can still express our concerns and try to persuade them to get help and to make better decisions. We sure could use a little bit of support, especially someone or something or someplace in our own communities.
I sometimes laugh at the way 'insanedeadorinjail' is discussed here as if it's complete bullshit. Yes, programs feed on parents' fears and use this as part of the sales process. And the anti-program criticism is valid -- most kids don't die or go insane or end up in jail. But that's little comfort to a parent of a kid who has tried to commit suicide or been to the ER for a drug overdose, or who has a history of mental health problems or who has had multiple run-ins with the law. Or worse, a parent of a kid who has experienced all of the above. Again, programs don't have any answers, but the really sad and frustrating thing is...neither does anybody else.