I am a parent whose child was in a program like this nearly 5 years ago. I have learned a lot about these programs as a result of that experience.
I am confused about the negative posts I see here about CALO.
CALO appears to be connected in some way with WWASPS. Please google WWASPS and read some of the stories. If that does not scare you to death, I am sorry for you.
I've seen a lot of CALO bashing here without any suggestion of a positive alternative.
Please google the US surgeon general's comments about residential therapy. You will find that there is no indication that long term residential treatment is effective. You are being sold snake oil, and most likely at a very expensive price. Your daughter is not likely to be 'saved from death' by CALO, regardless of what they have told you. If your daughter is a suicide risk, CALO and programs like it will not help the situation and may make it worse. Google WWASPS and suicide.
Have you ever sat in a high school and seen how "non-troubled" teens behave?
Think about this. You have removed your daughter from an environment where she is surrounded by "non-troubled" teens and placed her in an environment where she is surrounded by "troubled" teens, many if not most of whom may have greater behavioral issues than she does. She spends maybe 1 or 2 hours per week with a trained therapist, and the remaining 166 or 167 hours surrounded by "troubled" teens. Who do you think will have the biggest impact on her? Certainly not you, because you have withdrawn as an influence over her. Her therapists? Figure that most if not all of them are drug addicts that may or may not be recovering. Many if not most drug treatment therapists in programs like CALO are drug addicts themselves. If you ask them, they probably will tell you.
You criticize things like "regroup"... but I'll tell you that as a parent I've assigned chores as behavioral intervention.
Ok, first thing you need to realize, is that your child's problems are probably a result of your problems. Think about this. You should be the greatest influence in your child's life. If you are not, whose fault is that? If you want to change that situation, where can it most easily be changed? You are the person who needs to change. Your child will change in response to you.
Your comments about assigning chores as a "behavioral intervention" indicates you need to learn more about being a parent. A good parent never use as punishment, something they want their children to do. If you want them to carry out the trash, never use taking out the trash as a punishment. If you want them to go to bed at a certain time, never use bed time as a punishment. Use things you do not want your child doing as punishment.
My child is there now, so I have first-hand knowledge of the environment.
No you don't. All you have is a very carefully crafted and distorted perspective of the enironment. I was there. I have experienced it myself. No one is telling you the truth. Not the program. Not the kids. Certainly not your daughter. You will not find out until afterward what your daughter is really going through.
And I love my child unconditionally and miss her terribly, but she needs more help than I can offer at home.
You are the person who needs the help. You need it more than your daughter. Putting your daughter in the program will make it that much more difficult for you to influence her. And, if you wait too long to take her out, you may lose your relationship with your daughter entirely. Investigate community resources for yourself and your daughter. You should be getting twice as much therapy as your daughter.
How does the group suggest she get the help? We’ve provided repeated hospitalizations, partial hospitalizations, outpatient therapy – both individual and group (multiple times a week for months on end), and psychiatric medications. We’ve taken time off work to focus on her needs, gone part time to work through her issues, and “been there” for her for every poor decision she’s made. We have never abused her (though her father – my ex-husband has). She has been in day therapy schools and could not succeed there. She self-harms, has attempted suicide multiple times, and has even become violent with her family. If you were her parent, what would you do?
If I were her parent, I would seek help for myself. What is it about me that is causing this problem? I am overly controlling? Am I afraid of letting go of the apron strings? Am I hypocritical pretending to strangers to be a better person than I really am? Am I completely oblivious to my own faults and think that everything my daughter is doing is because something is wrong with her?
Fix yourself. If you can do that, the problems you are having with your daughter will disappear.
EDIT: Spelling
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