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« on: April 02, 2005, 02:32:00 PM »
hey kat! i got your e-mail and i will write back soon.....anyway. i totally agree with you, something needs to be done. mms was a fictional experience for me in a lot of ways. the truth was never believed and so i embellished it into a scary sexual and drug history until they got off my back, but then we had to focus on that so for a few years i was told i was a drug addcit and a sex addict, when in fact i was not. my mom pulled out my "first homevisit plan" last night to show me what i had written on it, i was shocked. i had made a list of food i could eat to deal with my "eating disorder" (i have never had an eating disorder, ut deb said i was about to have one), under the heading of "sex addiciton" it said i could not masturbate, i mean really that is just ridiculous. i don't think a 15 can be a "sex addict", maybe they could be stuck in a cycle that would one day lead to that, but there is no way that i at 15, having slept with 2 people was a sex addict. judging from my journal and assignments at mms i was diagnosed a "sex addict" because i masturbated (normal), looked at pornography (normal curiousity), and was "sexually abusive" to people. i don't know where they got that but in fact i was sexually abused by other people. i guess i was sexually abusive because i pursued having sex with my boyfriend. they also said i was extremely violent and would probably end up being a serial killer, this was just becsuse i listened to heavy metal and dressed in all black. it was totally unfair of them to put all that stuff in my head, i believed them, and then i was terrified of what i was going to become. i thought there was no way out of it. i was stuck. i am not blaming them for everything, but i absolutley believe that they had a pretty big part in my downfall. if i were as screwed up as they said i was would i have been able to quit doing heroin, smoking crack, and doing meth on my own? i don't think so. i quit doing drugs 2 years ago, no aa or na meetings, no rehab, i just realized one day that i was not crazy, i was not a failure and i was capable of so much more. and i haven't touched drugs since. never "relapsed", never really even thought about it. now could a bipolar, borderline personality, adhd, sociopathic, hopeless sex and drug addict have done that. no. they couldn't. and just so you know i am not on any medication (excpet for anemia and hypothyroidism), i have a job, i go to school, and i have a great boyfriend. oh and also, after i quit drugs i didn't have sex for a year and never really thouhgt about it either. so i think all the diagnoses and "therapy" i received at mms just put of bunch of uneccesary pain and worries into my head that basically just broke me down. these places NEED to be monitored by outside agencies!