Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones => Topic started by: stina on December 03, 2007, 11:07:27 PM
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Good lord, since I got involved in this forum I've been having these dreams that I've been sent back to RMA. Ridiculous dreams. The latest one was that it was some secret that it was my second time around and someone ratted me out and then I was a pariah. W e i r d shit. I haven't had dreams about RMA in over a decade. Just curious if anyone else has had similar dreams.
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Yes, yup, un - huh and roger that big buddy.
I won though (see my post titled 'finally' http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=24263 (http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=24263)).
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Anytime you get involved with a group or forum for a particularly traumatic incident in your life, the dreams at first get worse, but they do eventually die down again. I run two support and healing groups, the Idaho chapter of HEAL and am a member of 8 other groups, as well as keeping up here in the forums. I go through it every once in a while when a new memory is stirred, but usually it only lasts a couple of weeks at most. Do any of you from RMA still live in Idaho? I am in Boise and am wanting to put together a protest for March. Anyone interested?
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wow thats really great, how did you get so involved? when did you got there? how long before you started dealing with it? tell me your real story :)
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Mine are cyclic, and are rarely of nightmare quality anymore. At worst, they manifest themselves as stress dreams.
There normally seems to be some common themes that will persist from one dream to another.
1. I am a student in the upper school and I have all privileges. I pretty much have no restrictions and can come and go as I please and do what I want. It's pretty much a normal life except that I live on campus.
In the dreams one of two things happens:
1. I have my annoying poofy hair and I am desperately trying to assemble a pair of clippers, a razor, and some foam.
2. I am late up to the meal and they have run out of food.
A lot of times, RMA will mix with other schools, like the childrens home, or college. I'll be visiting RMA in Syracuse, for example.
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Alia
I graduated 1990 - 15 years passed. And then 2 years ago, I stumbled on this site one day after randomly googling carlonie wolf.
How long before I started dealing with it? Short answer - after finding fornits.
My real story? I was raised in a polygomous mormon compound just outside of Bountiful, UT. When I was 9 a rouge pack of Amish mercinaries dropped inspirational pamphlets from their hot air ballon over our compound. I ran away that day. I ended up in Tijuana doing late night cable commercials for Chia pets on Univision. From there I was kidnapped by L. Ron Hubbards paramilitary Dianetics securtiy force and travelled by steamship to Venezuala. Once there I became an overnight sensation with the Fuerza Publica as the most accomplished hostage negotiator in South American history. Then at the age of 15 I was fired from the F. Publica for brokering a peace deal between McDonalds and Popeye's chicken. I had my friend box me up and ship me via Fedex (priority early am ground) to Hungary where I dabbled in exorcisms and doing R&D for vampiric engery drinks (the original red bull). Unfortunately, at the ripe age of 16 1/2 I was abducted by Mike Parr and shipped to the strangest of strange lands.......Route Mother Fuckin' 1 Bonners Ferry.
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My real story? I was raised in a polygomous mormon compound just outside of Bountiful, UT. When I was 9 a rouge pack of Amish mercinaries dropped inspirational pamphlets from their hot air ballon over our compound. I ran away that day. I ended up in Tijuana doing late night cable commercials for Chia pets on Univision. From there I was kidnapped by L. Ron Hubbards paramilitary Dianetics securtiy force and travelled by steamship to Venezuala. Once there I became an overnight sensation with the Fuerza Publica as the most accomplished hostage negotiator in South American history. Then at the age of 15 I was fired from the F. Publica for brokering a peace deal between McDonalds and Popeye's chicken. I had my friend box me up and ship me via Fedex (priority early am ground) to Hungary where I dabbled in exorcisms and doing R&D for vampiric engery drinks (the original red bull). Unfortunately, at the ripe age of 16 1/2 I was abducted by Mike Parr and shipped to the strangest of strange lands.......Route Mother Fuckin' 1 Bonners Ferry.
L O L. You weirdo.
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Hey - what do you think I was doing in Raps? Paying attention? Hell no, I was on a mental vacation reliving my glorious life achievements.
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I sometimes have dreams where I am returned to CEDU as an adult because I split the program and have unfinished work. CEDU often looks a little different, but is the same in isolation/staff/program culture.... it is still CEDU. Inside, I am screaming, but have to adopt that Stepford, robotic posture....
Finally, I can't take it anymore and I explode at staff and scream at them to justify the program. They are unmoved. I'm in deep shit, and now have to plan my escape. I always wake up on my escape route.
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By the way, when I first started to read your little Amish parachuting through the Mexican jungle story... I hate to say it, as it reveals the more gullible aspects of my personality, I was like"wow, this is incredible." But then I realized, yes it is. (And not just because I think most men would have a hard time wanting to escape from a polygamous society!)
I'm not too hard on myself, though, because trying to explain CEDU to civilians often sounds fantastical enough. But thanks for the laugh.
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Alia
I graduated 1990 - 15 years passed. And then 2 years ago, I stumbled on this site one day after randomly googling carlonie wolf.
How long before I started dealing with it? Short answer - after finding fornits.
My real story? I was raised in a polygomous mormon compound just outside of Bountiful, UT. When I was 9 a rouge pack of Amish mercinaries dropped inspirational pamphlets from their hot air ballon over our compound. I ran away that day. I ended up in Tijuana doing late night cable commercials for Chia pets on Univision. From there I was kidnapped by L. Ron Hubbards paramilitary Dianetics securtiy force and travelled by steamship to Venezuala. Once there I became an overnight sensation with the Fuerza Publica as the most accomplished hostage negotiator in South American history. Then at the age of 15 I was fired from the F. Publica for brokering a peace deal between McDonalds and Popeye's chicken. I had my friend box me up and ship me via Fedex (priority early am ground) to Hungary where I dabbled in exorcisms and doing R&D for vampiric engery drinks (the original red bull). Unfortunately, at the ripe age of 16 1/2 I was abducted by Mike Parr and shipped to the strangest of strange lands.......Route Mother Fuckin' 1 Bonners Ferry.
so yeah, youre making fun of me right? that stuff did not really happen, right?
i have dreams about cedu, some where i am hiding, sneaking, trying to split.
one night i was on an amusement park ride through cedu, and the seats were filled with milk and raw meat, and they spun us in circles through the house, and i could see all the seating areas, empty.
the other night i was dreaming about helping people kill themselves.
life is so strange.
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Alia
No, I wasn't making fun of you. I was just goofing around and decided to make up a story.
I have very similar RMA dreams to yours. However, it took me 17 years to have the RMA dream where I finally told them to fuck off.
I'd like to try that amusement park ride sometime.
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Stina
I tried sending you a PM but it's not working (fornits). PM me with your email.
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dish duty, you've got a bunch of messages in your inbox
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Thanks for roofing my inbox
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ok :) thanks :)
i am not good at that sort of thing, some of my friends say i dont speak sarcasm.
i think its from cedu! cause this guy got put on bans from sarcasm and i thought it meant that sarcasm was evil. that one got in, you know?
yuk, such an aweful place.
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one night i was on an amusement park ride through cedu,
Holy fucking shit! I used to have dreams that CEDU turned into an amusement park, too! And there was a ride that toured you around the whole campus, set up kind of like a log flume ride.
I also had a dream once that the Hobbit (an RMA dorm) was full of cats and one of them was wearing a wetsuit. I was trying to get it off of him, because he looked hot. RMA was an amusement park in that dream, too.
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so castle, whats up with paris hilton going to rma was it? or provo, provo. right?
did they have raps there? was she tortured? cause she could be a real ally.
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for those of you who wish to be friendly, please check out my myspace:
http://www.myspace.com/alia23alia23 (http://www.myspace.com/alia23alia23)
:)
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so castle, whats up with paris hilton going to rma was it? or provo, provo. right?
did they have raps there? was she tortured? cause she could be a real ally.
She was at CEDU RS. For about two months. I have no idea what it was like for her there. Probably sucky. She did go to provo, but I don't know if it was before or after CEDU.
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In my dreams, I'm at some normal place like work or home, then somehow the flow of the dream puts me at Cedu as an adult. Like I'm searching all the rooms of the big house there for what I don't know. Going from the dining room all the way to the other end, the art/science room wing. For whatever reason, I have to stay away from the upstairs where the library and headmaster's office was. Like there's an evil presence up there.
Sometimes, I'm playing with my daughter and chasing after her and we end up running around the Pit. I get scared she'll fall in. And I can sense evil presences are watching from the balcony and the atrium office at the same time. I can understand the atrium office, but Tim Brace had his office up past the library and we got along pretty good. I read in the library a lot when I was there.
It's very fucked up. Way more vivid lately. I never actually see anyone there at Cedu, just feel their presence.
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one night i was on an amusement park ride through cedu,
I also had a dream once that the Hobbit (an RMA dorm) was full of cats and one of them was wearing a wetsuit. I was trying to get it off of him, because he looked hot.
God. there's a lot I could do with those two sentences. Stina, behave yourself.
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I never went to CEDU but I did go to a Brown Schools treatment center in San Antonio Texas..... Before that I was at Island View in Utah. It wasnt owned by Aspen back then so I dont know if it still sucks or not. It was basically a place set up to take money from parents who were desprate to get their kids some help. Every now and then I have wierd dreams about Island View. I really hated that place. The program was a joke (to me at least) and I totally manipulated myself through the levels for 6 months. Then I got caught in a compromising position with another resident(whoops! haha) and got sent to San Antonio. I didnt mind that place at all. Well ya, I didnt care to be on a locked unit and it wasnt home thats for sure but I have never once had a dream about that place. Just Island View.
My Island View dreams usually have something to do with me leaving there and then I end up back there somehow. Usually I get sent there because I do something dumb like getting caught speeding or someting. I wouldnt call them nightmares but they sure arent fun! ::poke::
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Not too long ago I had a nightmare that I was in the propheet building at CEDU doing one of those horrid bioenergetic attack therapy things. I had to sit naked in a big clawfoot bathtub while everyone in my peer group got in and bathed, using the same water. The water became more and more dirty, and the staff was all in my ears telling me about how filthy I was and that now everyone elses dirt/scum was getting on me too. It was disgusting, my skin was crawling and itching, then I woke up sweating and shaking. That dream was actually what prompted me to get back in touch on these forums. I seriously need to do some more healing work around all this crap. Gawd, I hate those people for treating us like lab animals. They have no idea how deep the f#*king trauma went.
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Jeez. That's a weird dream. I usually don't remember much af mine, but the last one I remember I was at home in the middle of the day and looked out my window to see a bunch of Cedu staff and students getting out of a car and coming to my door. It was kind of like a clown car, there was no way all those people fit in there but they kept getting out. Next thing I know they are clawing outside every window like night of the living dead. They are saying things like, "What's going on? You don't seem like you're doing ok. Why won't you talk?" It pretty much just goes on like that, me trying to find some place to hide until I wake up in a pool of sweat. The only thing that is constant about these nightmares is one way or another I am trying to get away but can't.
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Jeez. That's a weird dream. I usually don't remember much af mine, but the last one I remember I was at home in the middle of the day and looked out my window to see a bunch of Cedu staff and students getting out of a car and coming to my door. It was kind of like a clown car, there was no way all those people fit in there but they kept getting out. Next thing I know they are clawing outside every window like night of the living dead. They are saying things like, "What's going on? You don't seem like you're doing ok. Why won't you talk?" It pretty much just goes on like that, me trying to find some place to hide until I wake up in a pool of sweat. The only thing that is constant about these nightmares is one way or another I am trying to get away but can't.
I have a lot of waking dreams (daydreams) about rescuing a kid I loved who was abducted, impriosned, tortured, brainwashed and murdered by Mel Wassermen, Steve Laird, Tim Brace, et al.
But they're only dreams. The nightmare is what's real.
rapunzel
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Dawn of the Dead meets Barnum & Baily meets cedu.....
that's a good one.
It's actually an apt description of how ridiculous that place was.
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I was in 4 places but the last had two locked doors at the end of every hallway. I have these nightmares where I am running between the three hallways trying to get out of the locked doors. I can't and then the staff grabs me and puts me in 5 point restraints indefinitely. This never happened to me but it did happen to one girl in particular. I remember that when she was released she had to confess all this crazy shit to us about about how she was schizo affective and would never succeed at anything since she had not completed our program. No one ever completed out program. They would milk you until you had no more money and then your were "well". This was hosptial based and a cross between Straight and Brown. It was bought be UHS I think Ursus said. I know my records read like a soap opera. My favorite line is that I was starting to dress more feminine at the end. Well, if you are locked in all the time, why bother dressing up? My crime was being a lesbian so I was not allowed to cut my hair too short or dress too boyishly, etc. Hmmm, you should have met the staff. All lesbians. The nightmares come whenever I feel isolated or pinned down. They usually come after family fights. It is probably why I can't sleep tonight. Why bother, when I will wake up screaming? So yes, stina, many of us have the nightmares. Mine got worse after I started on these boards, but it has helped to see that others went through similar craziness.
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My crime was being a lesbian so I was not allowed to cut my hair too short or dress too boyishly, etc.
Testify.
I haven't read back on this thread in a while, so I don't know what I've written about it so far, but I'll throw some recurring ones out there that I have had.
1. Coming up late for a meal, everyone is cleaning the tables, and there is no food.
2. I am like I am now, but living there. I'm not even in the program, I'm just physically there. I have pretty much full autonomy and can come and go as I please.
3. I am stuck back there as I looked like then, but with the consciousness of how I am now, and I spend the whole dream running around trying to find some clippers so I can shave my head.
4. The place turns into a water slide/amusement park
5. It just serves as a setting.
I only really had one truly interesting dream about the place. Stacy Wasserman was in the kitchen, and I went up to her and said "I've always wanted to ask you this question. What was your relationship like with your father?" She laughs and says "What relationship? I hated the guy." So I, of course, follow up with "So wait, if you hated him, why are you so into the program, since that was his deal?" and then the dream ended, so I never got an answer.
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My crime was being a lesbian so I was not allowed to cut my hair too short or dress too boyishly, etc.
Testify.
I haven't read back on this thread in a while, so I don't know what I've written about it so far, but I'll throw some recurring ones out there that I have had.
1. Coming up late for a meal, everyone is cleaning the tables, and there is no food.
2. I am like I am now, but living there. I'm not even in the program, I'm just physically there. I have pretty much full autonomy and can come and go as I please.
3. I am stuck back there as I looked like then, but with the consciousness of how I am now, and I spend the whole dream running around trying to find some clippers so I can shave my head.
4. The place turns into a water slide/amusement park
5. It just serves as a setting.
I only really had one truly interesting dream about the place. Stacy Wasserman was in the kitchen, and I went up to her and said "I've always wanted to ask you this question. What was your relationship like with your father?" She laughs and says "What relationship? I hated the guy." So I, of course, follow up with "So wait, if you hated him, why are you so into the program, since that was his deal?" and then the dream ended, so I never got an answer.
I meet this kid who was murdered by Cedu's look alike. It's their step aunt's daughter. They look identical, but this one is mean, while they kid they murdered is wonderful.
Or, the Cedu-ites throw this same kid off bridge into the water below. I consider jumping in them to rescue them, but I know that I won't be able to because I am too physically weak. I am torn between running for help, and jumping in anyway and trying.