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Topics - iamartsy

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Psych Hospitals / Psychiatric Hospital Abuse
« on: January 12, 2011, 04:54:58 AM »
Before any parent sends there child or young adult packing to a program please read the 1994 book by Joe Sharkey, "Bedlam: Greed, Profiteering, and Fraud in a Mental Health System Gone Crazy," also read this, http:// It looks like this type of torture is back and people need to know what they are getting into. I was lured into it and have never gotten over it. I wish I had. Unfortunately, I still hurt myself, and am still if not more so, the family scapegoat! I hate it that I hurt myself but the programs never fixed that, and I am becoming more of the scapegoat as the years progress. I am 47 and have been caring for my parents for 15 years while my family has traveled here there and everywhere. Meanwhile, I have continued to be abused by my family and those around me. Hospitals and programs don't cure they just make things worse! Remember that as you look in this!

Let It Bleed / Need Help Driving
« on: September 17, 2010, 01:13:16 AM »
I am moving to another state for my health and my sanity. I need another driver. If you would be willing to help me do this drive, please PM me. I will send you the details. Also no false leads please. I am moving to a northern state and moving by early November. I have found an apt, but need a second driver. I fall asleep at the wheel quite easily. I am too close to my family and it is not good for me, so if you can help me out please do!

I hope I have posted this in the appropriate place. If I have not then please move it to the section where it belongs and let me know. Thank you.

I can get the treatment in the state I am going to with some newer meds that are not available where I currently live. The top facility in the country is where I am heading. Psy knows me and knows the problem if you need to verify the validity of it.


Open Free for All / Anxiety, Family, and Moving.
« on: September 11, 2010, 08:16:28 PM »
I am I am in a dilemma. I am in the state where I hospitalized. I am now looking into moving to a different state. In some ways I hate to move for a variety of reasons. The person who first outed me to my family has bought a home here, and is once again saying I "am crazy" and attempting to control me. I have found a places that I can afford in another state. It is easier on my breathing difficulties there. The hard part is leaving good friends, and my metalsmithing opportunities.

I would love to tell my relative to get lost but she has more money, and is very controlling, right down to my meds. What do I do in this case? I have an adopted family here. Literally, the family that took me in the whole time my mother was physically sick when I was growing up!

I am having extreme uncontrollable anxiety about all of this. Then there is free floating anxiety. Lots of free floating  anxiety. I also need a 2nd driver for my move. I fall asleep at the wheel constantly.  Please talk to me..someone.

The Troubled Teen Industry / Nothing Makes You Feel Loved like....
« on: September 06, 2010, 07:27:40 PM »
Two nights ago, my family pulled the rug out from under me. I know who the protagonist was in this game. Guess what the response to the anger I showed in return....Take one guess. I got told that their actions were appropriate because I am mentally ill! Were it not for Fornits and a few special people no one would have known that there was a possibility I might be sent "up the river". I let everyone have it yesterday, and was told I was being inappropriate. I want to go into details but it is too complicated. I will summarize it by saying, I am one person's pawn in the family. I am refusing to play that role anymore!

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Bob Meehan
« on: May 11, 2010, 01:55:37 AM »
I don't know how but PDAP and Bob Meehan keep resurfacing! Here you have a new one to watch: http:// Meehan and Szachta go hand in hand. I have no other words to tell you! The monkey's fist is the same that Meehan used. I don't know what to say. I loved PDAP at the time, but it has effected every relationship I have had since.

Open Free for All / Whining?
« on: August 17, 2009, 06:25:39 AM »
Did any of the programs you were in constantly tell you that you were whining? For instance, if you said you needed to go to the bathroom, you were told to say it again, because that was whining! How the FUCK are you supposed to ask that question? I continue to have a very adverse reaction to certain words like WHINING! Someone used it with me the other day, and 23 years later, I still react like I have to cut them off. My first four months at the Lawn everything I said was referred to as whining. The next thing wast that I was acting like a SCUBA diver. A self contained unit.

Gee, I wonder why? I quit talking after those first four months. I did not ask for privileges. I gave up. I was afraid of everything. If staff looked at me a certain way, I feared them. I know towards the end they wanted to put me on Room Therapy! You want to talk SCUBA, go on Room Therapy. Shit. To think that one word can trigger this rant in me is strange. It is the almost the 23 anniversary of my exit from there, and suddenly I am having so much anger. I can't hold it inside of me any longer. Worse yet, what do I say to that person that said I whined. I know she was repeating what she had heard from my sibs. The same sibs that were happy to have me put away. They think I was the problem, and really, I am the sane one! All of my sibs are screwed up! I mean it. Psy knows the story. The whole story. It is the anniversary of my sentence to 9 months with Nurse Wratchett! This is what pours out of me. Anyone else go through this? Please do tell.

Psych Hospitals / Voluntary Madness-Norah Vincent
« on: February 12, 2009, 09:19:56 PM »
Last night i went to the bookstore and walked over to the "New Hardcover Bestsellers" table and found a book entitled Voluntary Madness: My Year Lost and Found in the Loony Bin by Norah Vincent. I have read many books like this and immediately checked it out, and bought it. She wrote another book entitled, Self Made Man, which was fantastic. Her research is always incredible. I have not read the book I bought last night, but it looks very good. She checks into three different clinics over the period of a year, and she does it with no fore drawn conclusions. Each is very different in the socioeconomic classes it treats, and the type of treatments used. The book looks fascinating after what I have been through in my life. I will post more as I read the book. Prior to this I read Girl, Interrupted, The Looney Bin Trip, and of course One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Frankly, I did not care for Girl, Interrupted, and found the other two to be dead on accurate.

Originally,  I went to the bookstore to pick up the book, Cults in our Midst after a possible encounter that psy saved me from. I was looking at moving into Hive College in Denver, but then I read the first and second paragraph of this page:http:// Needless to say, I immediately chatted with psy, and he told to stay away from it. I asked more question and he said it was time for me to go pick up a copy of Cults in our Midst. I checked my local bookstore and for once, they actually had it. Now here is where coincidence really played a part.

I did also finally bought the most recent copy of Cults in our Midst. My quest to find a new place to live continues, and I am staying away from Hive College in Denver. Any place that mandates learning, Gordon Training International, and acting in the manner they teach me, is too much akin to Timberlawn, PDAP, and all the other programs out there. As the saying goes, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." I try to stay informed and up to date. I thank Psy for getting back to me, otherwise I might have been headed for a cult in Denver. I would have lasted 3 days maximum before being thrown out for telling someone to "F*#k Off"!

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Depression Upon Leaving
« on: January 20, 2009, 05:05:20 AM »
I am curious about how many others grew depressed or suicidal after leaving Straight,PDAP, Pathway, or whatever program. I know PDAP provided such a social outlet that when you left it, you no longer knew how to make friends. All one could do was self analyze and worry they might "slip". I  know I wanted to run back "home" and be where it was "comfortable". Like in the other post, I still do not know how to relate to others. I say too much, then get confronted, and go into hiding. Currently, I am in hiding and worrying about how to be a friend or have a friendship. It all confuses me. Yes I am a drug addict currently, I desire to get off of the drugs. I know you guys don't condone AA, but where else do I go. Nightly, I worry I might OD. I kid you not. Sleep does not come easy to me. I take more and more until I fall asleep. I know Dr. Drew would have a field day with me, but I don't' want his way. I also don't tell friends. They might think me bad. I might get alienated here too. I assume I will. I am scared. Can you tell? Another night of pill popping to fall asleep. Is it suicidal or depression? I don't know. Yes, my exit from program life brought up the same issues, but not as badly as they are now. If I went back to AA, I would just be belittled and chastised. That does not help. I don't know that you will respond. I do know I am truly scared I will go the way of many "program" people and and end up on the "in memory of" list. No one here really knows me or if I would disappear. That program feeling is back. I am bad and evil and worthless. I answer my phone with apprehension. Do you guys know what I mean. The apprehension of confrontation. I read my email the same way. That is how it was today. I don't know if it will be that way tomorrow, but I am tired of playing happy and easy going for "friends" on facebook or in person. I was never easy going and never will be. I was always serious and a misfit.

Facility Question and Answers / Regrets are Many
« on: January 11, 2009, 09:54:44 PM »
i have many regrets, like the people I let in and who then reject me. It  sucks. I forget I am not in Hospital Land, PDAP, or whereever and everyone wont' say "Love ya, man". Instead they say, "You are needy and you ruined my day!"

Psych Hospitals / Depression Bites
« on: December 27, 2008, 01:13:33 AM »
Depression hits
do you care
or are you there
okay all for now or whatever
t is and it is not
turning 45 in 4 nights
no plans
no lovers
no one

not that i did not try
i did but it is never easy
never able to answer what i do for
a living

i live
what i do?
i do.

i have the flu

Depression hits

t is and it is not
turning 45 in 4 nights
no plans
no lovers
no one

I want to
but not
but I am

Psych Hospitals / John Looney: Link between PV and Timberlawn
« on: December 20, 2008, 03:45:03 PM »
Well I just found an interesting link between Peninsula Village and Timberlawn:
Look at this doctor's trail of pain. Remember awhile back, I said there were distinct similarities, well the source might be here. I want others to weigh in on their thoughts. Both places have very sick methods of treating youth. Both places treat youth more like depression and other problems are crimes not illnesses. Both facilities utilize restraints and isolation quite heavily.

Troubled Teen - Program Website Division / Psych Hospitals
« on: December 17, 2008, 12:54:58 AM »
I must admit, I still wish you would go after the psych hospitals. They often refer on to programs or do lame therapy of their own. iamartsy

Psych Hospitals / How Many Others?
« on: December 02, 2008, 03:15:20 AM »
How many others have found life after "treatment" difficult? Do you find the need to hide your experience? Are you afraid of the thought police?

Trying to hide my past was taxing on me. I could relate to people yet I had to say nothing. I am at the 22 year mark and having the roughest time I have known. I feel, I did not "make it", and they were right that I would "fail". When I speak the truth of what went on and my thought processes it scares people. Shit, it scares me, but I am very removed from it. I still disconnect. I am disconnected now as I type this. I wish I had friends and knew people. I wish I knew safety. I don't. My life is still endless hell. Sleep eludes me and has for years. Those concrete walls are only 242 miles from me. I remember the La Quinta I stayed in the night before checking in. My last night of freedom. My last night of sleep.

Now I am free again, and my family abuses me again. Please don't point out my age. I know my age. I cannot live with the parents and don't want to. Hell I want to be further than 242 miles from the concrete walls. I want to be 2000 miles away. There are mitigating circumstances that have left me in this situation. I am looking for ways out but they are hard to find. All of the under the bridge land is taken. Will I be the next "under the bridge" to approach your car and ask for money? I no longer know. Do any of you relate? Are any of you stuck like I am, please respond.

Psych Hospitals / When the GAO Investigated Regulated Facilities
« on: November 26, 2008, 04:01:36 PM »
If you want to see what pertains to you the fastest start on page 7. I read the whole article and it hit everything on target. After researching night and day for years, I have never found anything as comprehensive as this. It gave validation to the problems that still plague me today. My hospitalization was from 1985 - 1986 (9 months). I saw more there than people outside of Fornits can imagine. I have never been so validated as when I read this:

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