Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones => Topic started by: Angel Lux on March 03, 2006, 02:21:00 PM
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For those who haven't been to CEDU, smushing is a candy term for forced physical contact (cuddling, caressing, etc.) with staff and other students.
What on earth was that all about? Would someone explain that to me please? It gives me the creeps just thinking about it. Blech!
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Yes. Nothing like some no-boundaries affection.
I kind of view it as a slight variation on love-bombing (http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bombing).
I found out about a group started by a couple of hippie idiots who exclusively do that kind of stuff now, called "cuddle party". I found it to be very creepy.
I posted about it in this thread (before I got myself a username):
http://www.fornits.baremetal.com/wwf/vi ... 4&forum=11 (http://www.fornits.baremetal.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?topic=12084&forum=11)
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Oh man, the smushing. Almost forgot about that shit. True that, man, nothing like a nice, relaxing evening of having the back of some dude's head pressed against your johnson. And some smelly chick sweating out of her stomach all over your own head.
What the fuck man, I can't believe anybody actually gave in and "smushed". I can't count how many dish crews and workies they gave me before they finally realized they just weren't going to get me to smush.
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On 2006-03-03 11:21:00, Angel Lux wrote:
"For those who haven't been to CEDU, smushing is a candy term for forced physical contact (cuddling, caressing, etc.) with staff and other students.
What on earth was that all about? Would someone explain that to me please? It gives me the creeps just thinking about it. Blech!"
I agree. It's creepy. I saw this nonsense at HLA.
Rudy, Jill, Dean and Lauralyn came from CEDU to work at HLA when it opened in 1994. They brought many disturbing elements of CEDU's program with them, many of which are still being used today at HLA.
Nice legacy they've left. :roll:
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On 2006-03-07 14:37:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Oh man, the smushing. Almost forgot about that shit. True that, man, nothing like a nice, relaxing evening of having the back of some dude's head pressed against your johnson. And some smelly chick sweating out of her stomach all over your own head.
What the fuck man, I can't believe anybody actually gave in and "smushed". I can't count how many dish crews and workies they gave me before they finally realized they just weren't going to get me to smush. "
I completely Identify with you here. I got put on work assignments and dishes at cedu for the exact same reasons. I look at smushing as role-playing homosexuality, since cedu only allowed same sex cuddling (yeeech, I'm gonna puke!). The only time opposite sexes were allowed to smush together was when staff smushed with students. Even then, certain male staff (like Martin Weins) actually preferred smushing with the boys (man was he creepy).
I don't know how it was later, but when I was at cedu-rs male students who were reluctant to smush would be ambushed by staff(with help from older students), pulled down to the floor, and physically forced to smush. This even happened to me once, about six months into my stay. Guy Bonnano and Patrick Stambusky grabbed me, pulled me to the floor, and ordered my dorm head at the time and several of his friends to lay on top of me. They pinned me down for at least 5 minutes, tickling me (really poking me beacuse I'm not ticklish), and teased me about how "soft and gentle" I really am.
To say that this experience was unpleasent and disturbing is an understatement. The truth is: I genuinely felt violated. Unfortunately, this sort of thing was a common occurance during my stay at Cedu-Rs. Lots of guys were forced to smush when they didn't want too. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
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[ This Message was edited by: Son Of Serbia on 2006-03-08 14:01 ]
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That forced intimacy, hugging sitting asshole to elbow, bating/toileting in close company with fellow inmates was all part of The Seed and Straight Incorporated too. I think it's a necessary element of the mindfuck.
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.
--Ambrose Bierce
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I guess so. When I refused to smush they put me on a program where I had to hug 20 people a day and have them sign my notebook to say I hugged them. I love how the fact that I didn't want to role-play homosexuality meant that I was "soft, but trying to act hard". God damn, it's pissing me off just thinking about it.
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I look at smushing as role-playing homosexuality,
Which is totally ironic, since CEDU was so homophobic. I think they wanted to discourage any outward identifying as gay because it so threatened that forced false physical intimacy that was perpetuated there.
Also ironic, because they refused to hire gay staff, yet some of the straight staff were incredibly lecherous towards the students, copping feels, hugging just a little too long and too tightly, or just outright sleeping with students.
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I know for a fact that there was a Homosexual man working at RMA in the mid 90's.
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Yeah, they got a lot more tolerant of gays in the 90s. I recall one poster here saying that when they were there, the school fully acknowledged that they had gay students there, and if other students were homophobic towards them, they would definitely get into trouble about it.[ This Message was edited by: sorry... try another castle on 2006-03-08 18:36 ]
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On 2006-03-08 15:09:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I love how the fact that I didn't want to role-play homosexuality meant that I was "soft, but trying to act hard". God damn, it's pissing me off just thinking about it. "
Oh man this is too funny, It's like looking into a mirror. I know exactly where you're coming from ANON. I caught the same shit for refusing
to smush, and for refusing to participate in cedu's totally gay dances (when I was at cedu, they had dances every other Saturday, but like smushing, opposite sexes were forbidden from dancing with each other). Cedu dances always reminded me of those scenes at the "Blue Oyster Bar" in the POLICE ACADEMY movies.
Y'know, one of the most hipocritical things about Cedu when they would tell us that taking away our "images" and isolating us from the outside world was a necessary part of the program, because it allowed us to "learn
and grow" independently, without having to worry about all that "other stuff" (outside influences). This is so hipocritical, because even though Cedu insured that we were cut off from all that "bad stuff" on the outside, they never repected our personal space, or allowed us to choose anything for ourselves. I don't ever remember a time there when it was okay for me to mind my own business do my own thing. No, everyone had to do what the group was doing (Ie. gay smushing, gay dancing,talking in raps, whatever it may be). Not doing what the group did, meant that you'd be singled-out, riddiculed, and most likely punished by staff.
The general thought pattern at cedu was this: that if you didn't participate in what the others did, then that meant you were ruining the experience everyone else (Sounds ridiculous, I know!). I would try to distance myself from all the gay role-playing, while the other guys were dancing with, or laying on top of each other. I'd grab a good book, find a quiet spot out of everyone's way, and read. Obviously, I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's fun. How did cedu staff react to this? They banned me from Reading! Now how fucking stupid is that?
The last thing cedu ever did, was allow us to "learn and grow independently." What a total crock of shit that place was! I get pissed off thinking about it too.
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On 2006-03-09 05:58:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2006-03-08 15:09:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I love how the fact that I didn't want to role-play homosexuality meant that I was "soft, but trying to act hard". God damn, it's pissing me off just thinking about it. "
Oh man this is too funny, It's like looking into a mirror. I know exactly where you're coming from ANON. I caught the same shit for refusing
to smush, and for refusing to participate in cedu's totally gay dances (when I was at cedu, they had dances every other Saturday, but like smushing, opposite sexes were forbidden from dancing with each other). Cedu dances always reminded me of those scenes at the "Blue Oyster Bar" in the POLICE ACADEMY movies.
Y'know, one of the most hipocritical things about Cedu when they would tell us that taking away our "images" and isolating us from the outside world was a necessary part of the program, because it allowed us to "learn
and grow" independently, without having to worry about all that "other stuff" (outside influences). This is so hipocritical, because even though Cedu insured that we were cut off from all that "bad stuff" on the outside, they never repected our personal space, or allowed us to choose anything for ourselves. I don't ever remember a time there when it was okay for me to mind my own business do my own thing. No, everyone had to do what the group was doing (Ie. gay smushing, gay dancing,talking in raps, whatever it may be). Not doing what the group did, meant that you'd be singled-out, riddiculed, and most likely punished by staff.
The general thought pattern at cedu was this: that if you didn't participate in what the others did, then that meant you were ruining the experience everyone else (Sounds ridiculous, I know!). I would try to distance myself from all the gay role-playing, while the other guys were dancing with, or laying on top of each other. I'd grab a good book, find a quiet spot out of everyone's way, and read. Obviously, I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's fun. How did cedu staff react to this? They banned me from Reading! Now how fucking stupid is that?
The last thing cedu ever did, was allow us to "learn and grow independently." What a total crock of shit that place was! I get pissed off thinking about it too. "
That last post was from me. I forgot to log in again.
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Good to know I wasn't the only one who felt molested at CEDU. I remember one staff member in particular who would press his ding-a-ling on my thigh when he hugged me. Dude really needed to invest in a few pairs of boxers. I mean, I'm all for going comando style but I don't want to feel some 30+ y/o loosers pecker on my leg through his pants every night.
...and all the while I was getting reamed in raps for stuff like having good posture (according to Pam I was obviously sticking my tits out in an attempt to seduce the boys!)
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This one poor girl who was there at the same time as me happened to have the beautiful, curvy kind of body that made every guy turn when she'd walk by. It wasn't her fault, she just happened to be gorgeous. Staff would take her into raps all the time, even some of the other girls would as well, and lay into her because clearly she was looking that good on purpose for the guys. They'd tell her she was a slut, that she was easy, that she was letting these guys turn her into a piece of meat with their eyes, oh man it was just disgusting to hear it. And they did it so much, for so long, along with so many random, worthless programs, that she eventually believed it. I was in the rap when she bent over, stared at the floor, and started screaming admittance to all the shit the staff were attacking her with.
Brainwashing at its finest.
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God, I hated how beautiful girls were vilified. Even the ones who were just naturally gorgeous, and not exploiting it. The staff were jealous, the girls were jealous... I also remember how some girls would scream and yell at staff members' whose daughters would visit wearing make up and mini skirts. It was RIDICULOUS. It definitely paid to be ugly at CEDU. If you had one iota of sensuality, you were banned from the opposite sex. Funny how guys never had to deal with that... but I do remember male staff members belittling the size of student's pricks. And one male staff member screamed at me in a rap for making guys hard --not for flirting, not for teasing, but because of my pants (which was one of the only clothing items they allowed me to keep.)
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Ugly an advantage? Haha...No offense, but I'm afraid you are mistaken. I was FUGLY as a teen and still got reamed ALL THE TIME for being a slut. I had been molested at age 13 by an Internet predator who made child porn with me and physically abused me. The staff and students at CEDU managed to convince me that I was a whore and seduced this 28 year old pervert into having sex with me because no one else would fuck such an ugly girl. When I disclosed that I had been abused they told me I was lying. I spent numerous raps listening as my peers reamed me for "making up stuff to play the victim" -- one student (who was a rapist and woman-beater) went so far as to say that my description of the abuse "sounds like something out of a cheesy comic book". The irony of ME getting locked up and blamed while that sicko still walks the streets is a staggering crime against humanity. At the same time the staff and students were taking me to raps and accusing me of being jealous of the pretty girls, and on top of that the guys accused me of having crushes on them! Like being ugly by itself wasn't enough. Easier being ugly? HELL NO!
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That sound like the same old sobb story. Some crap out of a bad comic book. Get a life! STOP STALKING PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET!
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Are you the person who made the "comic book" comment in that rap so many years ago? If so, I see you haven't changed, rapist, woman beater.
Regardless of if that's you or not, why would you attack someone who experienced repetitive trauma and wishes to share a story with others that might lead to a bit of enlightenment for those who could possibly prevent such atrocious crimes in the future? What the hell do you have to prove? What's your problem? Is this what a mature adult is to your precious program that saved your life? You'd better take a good hard look at yourself and realize that this shit don't cut it in the real world.
And since when did I become a stalker? Did I mention names of students in my posts? Am I going to people?s houses, contacting people obsessively, making threats? Um, no. Reread the post and use some common sense rather than relying on your twisted CEDU antics as a sad excuse for logic.
Newsflash: I'm an adult and no one can rob me of my rights. ANY CHILD WHO IS A VICTIM OF MOLESTATION IS NOT RESPONSIBLE IN ANY WAY FOR THE CRIMES COMITTED AGAINST HER/HIM!!!
Get a life, loser. Your program is over and this isn't a rap. Go make up for the lack in the size of your genitals somewhere esle.
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why did I say that you're a big Whore and a liar? Because I can, you slut.
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You're idle insults do not affect me. Nice try, though. Way to exercise your freedom of speech (something we did not have at SCEU).
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I agree with Angel Lux here. I was certainly no beauty queen at RMA. My friends, on the other hand, were some of those naturally beautiful girls that have been mentioned here. I wasn't one to really focus on whether I was "ugly" or not prior to RMA... maybe because I was so young. I am sure I had the normal adolescent feelings, but it did not keep me up at night. But then, at RMA, that is one thing I was constantly talked to about. When it was time to come up with a positive quality about myself, I was ALWAYS forced to wear a card that said "BEAUTY" or "BEAUTIFUL". All of the "ugly" girls did. I got more of a complex while I was there over my appearance than before going there. I can still hear Caroline Wolf yell at me about my looks... as if I could do something about it - I wasn't allowed to wear make-up, or fix my hair, or tweeze my eyebrows, or whatever. Errr...
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Oh, and by the way, you did not initially call me a whore and a liar. You told me to "Get a life! STOP STALKING PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET!" Get your rebuttal straight. Your argument is inherently flawed -- an overt sign of an underdeveloped mind. Surprise, your program didn't make you a whole person after all.
Beg your pardon for being immature. We all have hard days.
[ This Message was edited by: Angel Lux on 2006-03-17 12:22 ]
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Oh, Boomerang! I had to wear the "Beautiful" tag in my truth propheet!!! Good to find someone to laugh with, my dear.
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I have no memory of girls being implicated simply on looks. I remember one woman who was drop-dead-gorgeous, and was never [that I remember] yelled at in a rap for flirting.
On the topic of sexual abuse, I do remember being told I was lying, because I could not manifest the requisite tears. There was one staffer [carolyn wolf] who repeatedly yelled at me in raps saying I want it. When she'd yell those horrible things, I'd just shut down emotionally. I would not yell back. I would not cry. I would sit there immobile. While living in an abusive household, I learned how to just shut down. That skill came in handy at RMA. I could simply disengage my self from the moment.
At the same time, I remember one rap, where the whole room was yelling at me, and I just got up and left the room. I was put on a table restriction. What sucked about being on a full-time or table restriction was that you were the guaranteed target for the rap. Guess, I was not thinking clearly about the consequences when I left the rap -- must have happened early in my stay.
After a few months at RMA, I discovered that if I could start the rap off indicting someone else, chances were that I'd not get indicted. The trick was to yell the loudest at someone in the beginning. Thankfully, I have a loud voice. I was one of the look good students. I do not think that there was any issue that people try to indict me with on a regular basis. I think it was because, once indicted I'd try two strategies. First, I'd try to flip it on the person who indicted me, or move it over to someone else. If that did not work, with out even thinking about I'd disassociate myself from the room, and the people yelling. I can think of only two times that I really fell apart in a rap or workshop. In many ways it would have been better for me, if I could have manifested the requisite tears. I always thought that the students who could cry on the drop of a dime had it much better. I was secretly jealous, but at the same time those were the students who I'd indict. Get a kid crying, and if they were a good crier [i.e. for a long time] then I'd never have to worry about being attacked. Was I selfish? You bet. But I was also young and trying my best to survive. I am wondering where the others who thought that the best defense was a strong offense?
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You stinky bitch! You seduced a 28 year old man to have sex with you? Jesus, you're a total slut. May god have mercy on your soul for doing such terrible awful things.
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On 2006-03-17 13:14:00, Anonymous wrote:
"You stinky bitch! You seduced a 28 year old man to have sex with you? Jesus, you're a total slut. May god have mercy on your soul for doing such terrible awful things. "
You're just pissed because no one wants to seduce you.
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man, ain't that the truth!
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Fuck, I almost forgot about that shit too! They did it all the time at ASR. Nothing like being forced into a big pile of arms and legs belonging to a bunch of strangers to help you get over being gang raped at age 12, or beaten from age 5 onwards. And if for some odd reason you didn't like the mandatory invasion of personal space, that meant there was something wrong with you.
Oh yeah, and a "FUCK YOU" to the dumbass anon who keeps running their mouth where they've got no business.[ This Message was edited by: Goodtobefree on 2006-03-19 01:26 ]
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Fuck me?! FUCK YOU!
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[ This Message was edited by: blownawaytheidahoway on 2006-03-20 07:11 ]
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On 2006-03-08 17:10:00, venicespirit wrote:
"I know for a fact that there was a Homosexual man working at RMA in the mid 90's."
Ok, But did HE know?
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Rudy, Jill, Dean and Lauralyn came from CEDU to work at HLA when it opened in 1994. They brought many disturbing elements of CEDU's program with them, many of which are still being used today at HLA.
Nice legacy they've left. :roll:
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What is HLA? I was at Cedu when Jill and Rudy Bentz and Dean and Guy Bannano were there.
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On 2006-04-10 15:35:00, Anonymous wrote:
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Rudy, Jill, Dean and Lauralyn came from CEDU to work at HLA when it opened in 1994. They brought many disturbing elements of CEDU's program with them, many of which are still being used today at HLA.
Nice legacy they've left. :roll:
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Hidden Lake Academy, I think.
What is HLA? I was at Cedu when Jill and Rudy Bentz and Dean and Guy Bannano were there."
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Thanks for the answer on HLA. It doesn't seem like they are there anymore. How old do you think that group is now?
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On 2006-04-11 07:14:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Thanks for the answer on HLA. It doesn't seem like they are there anymore. How old do you think that group is now?"
Jill, Rudy, Dean and Lauralyn are all gone, yes.
What do you mean by "how old"? If you mean "tenure," the vast majority of their employees last less than one year and the "retention rate" for kids has been pegged at 40%, so 60% never graduate.
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I meant how old are Rudy and Jill. I don't recall a Lauralyn at all, but it was almost 20 years ago, and my kids stole most of my brain, so she could have been there.
On 2006-04-11 10:06:00, Dysfunction Junction wrote:
"What do you mean by "how old"? If you mean "tenure," the vast majority of their employees last less than one year and the "retention rate" for kids has been pegged at 40%, so 60% never graduate.
"
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I would guess mid-fifties now.
Please fix your quote tags - they've mucked up the thread... Thanks.
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On 2006-04-12 10:11:00, Dysfunction Junction wrote:
"I would guess mid-fifties now.
Please fix your quote tags - they've mucked up the thread... Thanks.
"
Hopefully I've fixed the quote issue.
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Well crap, looks like I've screwed it all up. I don't know what I did wrong!
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you fucked up again, murph.
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On 2006-04-12 13:03:00, blownawaytheidahoway wrote:
"you fucked up again, murph."
Well, obviously! I still have no clue what I've done wrong. I removed my signature from my profile, and there is nothing there now.
UGH!!!!!
Lynne
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grosso mosso, eyewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. creepy, slimey, yuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
fish-scaley sucky.
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We "smushed" at Cascade as well.
I definitely did my fair share. It's taken years for me to de-pansify myself.
My stay was '94-'96 and I remember this one counselor who liked "smushing" with students a little too much. Carl Janowitz. Freakin' chomo lives in Thailand now. Thailand. Think about it.
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He never bothered me much, that most prob because i get this type of scared excitment when my backs against the wall and i enjoy confrontation again this is not a positive by any means but it did keep my ass out of smoosh piles and taken down to juvy by the sheriiff, i remember being locked in a room w a crazy mexican west coast tenager, im new york so just his style alone was buged but it was an experince, but to get back to rudy that cat killed a man driving down a dark highway when he was younger, from his guilt i think their might have been some more reasons it happened ie drinking and parting, anyway he tried to tell me to stay in a room for a week but come on! i had already gone to ascent twice, run away 3 times, i dint give a fuck about their rules i ate when i was hungry walked right past the line didnt clean and when the room finally got to much i decided i would just play basketball, what were they gonna do, i dint care. Oh! best of all in a rap one time oh it came back to me russ. Big ugly bald meat head, probably small compared to me now but back then 10 yrs woe that mad long, anyway in this rap he was making this girl who i liked feel like shit cause her cousin raped her, i stood up and said everybody listen we all have had things we are not pround of happen to us but its not ur fault and these so called councelors r not being either honest or fare w any of us we can get over our hurt by being good not this shit, well pretty much while i was talking they relized i was not the sitdown type so that rap ended for me and all the others stayed and finished that complete load of downing and hatfule rage, this is what it comes down too as far as i see it.
The councelors already hate us for being rich kids, 2nd they want to ingratiate them selves w us by any means nessesary, 3rd some if not all at some point start taking advantage of their positions in all sorts of creepy ways, which from my experince is what a good 75% of people do at some point, and lets be horribly honest these so called grievence councelors seem to have a predisposition to young boys and girls, and its not just to help them, i heard that russ had been acused of raping a girl when he was in college now is this who u want working with children in the case of cedu it was just fine, hey who cares my dumb ass parent still gave em over 70gs now thats an expensive year of high school. oh thats right! i actually never went to a class even worse. To all the girls i never got the chance to talk to while i was doing all the manual labor thing. Hi, and i wish we could have all gone a.wall for a nice relaxing swim in the mountain streams. big hug.
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You stinky bitch! You seduced a 28 year old man to have sex with you? Jesus, you're a total slut. May god have mercy on your soul for doing such terrible awful things.
Im in no way envolved in this conversation, but I wanted to comment that your sense of humor is moronic. If you want laughs you might have better luck on a forum for rehabilitated head trauma victims, or maybe the Free Republic.
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Smushing was strange, there was a very pronounced atmosphere of heightened physical contact at CEDU that went beyond just smushing though. I think part of it was the fact that sex was off limits and so they furnished alternate outlets for sexual energy that were acceptable or even compulsory. Most good brainwashing institutions have some variation on this theme. Sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces for shaping a persons behavior and perception, so in some sense it is intuitive that an institution like CEDU would be very tightly controlling of it.
It seems to me that at CEDU the couple was out of bounds (seeing that the easiest way to get on bans with someone was to clear up an attraction with them) and so a free love system envolving smushing and cuddling with everyone became the norm.
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::bump::
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Bumpity Bump!
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Yeah, I don't know how meticulous the staff planned anything when I was CEDU RS (98-99)
I'm pretty sure that by that time, the initial mind-fuck masters had scattered off one by one like crabs, slinking off before the dam could break on top of them and leaving mostly unrefined brutes in their place. They still had the formula, because Guy Bonnano was still there when I arrived, but for the most part, you could tell the staff just didn't have the ability to fully integrate the intricate needles necessary to evoke that absolute dependence and subserviance the true cults generate. I mean, I think you're right about smushing in theory, and the cults that overwhelm individuals enough to convince them to die utilize the careful deprivation of human contact, followed by a subtle, meager allotment of scripted contact that is carefully kept under surveillance. So, I think maybe smushing wasn't as effectively utilized as a controlling device when I was there, although it was still unorthodox, uncomfortable, and unnatural.
One thing, though. There was a guy named Martin at CEDU RS in 98-99 who was a bonafide predator. I don't know if he ever actually did anything inappropriate, I want to make that clear. But this fucking guy sent up screaming red warning flags to me. I'm a fairly diminuative guy, 5'7" and not a centimeter taller, and thin. (Well, I was. Did not have back hair then, either. Life sucks.) But this guy was ALL over me RIGHT after I arrived. And I'm no genius, but I'm not a fucking idiot either. Right off the bat, he tried to let me know that "things were done differently around here," as he rebuked me for some thing or other after I had been in the office for all of 5 minutes from Ascent. And man, I knew, just KNEW, that later on this guy would approach me privately and ask how I was holding up. You know, to sort of position himself in such a way that I would trust him, and then after opening up (no pun intended there, gack) I would feel vulnerable as well as tightly conjoined with the guy...and would feel obligated to do as he suggested. That stopped immediately, as the second or third time he nuzzled (apt, I mean, NUZZLED his FACE into shoulder and then the side of my neck) into me, I flat out shrugged him off and said quietly looking straight at him, "Man, what...the...fuck? Don't do that shit again ever, I'm fucking dead serious." And he looked at me kinda confused about how to respond, but I just kind of gave him a cold smile, got up, and left. And he never did anything like that again, to me anyways. But everytime a new kid (male, always) who looked frazzled and a little scared and was small in stature, there was Martin, all over the poor bastard in some corner. It was fucked up, especially because he never said a single word to any of the counselors or other staff or anyone else about the incident. Ever. I'd been there like 2 days, and I told him not to do "some shit ever again, I'm dead fucking serious." That's not tolerated at CEDU, especially looking straight at a counselor and basically making an ill defined but unquestionably threatening statement. But, because I said it very quietly and with a straight tone of voice, no one heard anything or even picked up on any tension, and I did that on purpose. And that allowed him to slink away from the situation as if it didn't happen. I'd bet my last fucking cent on the fact that given the chance, that dude would have gently stroked my balls.
CEDU was great. It makes me laugh that it even existed in the first place. People are retarded. Sure! You have my kid! You seem credible! Christ. -KH
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Far out! Christ posting to my little forum. Who would ever have thunk it?
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Far out! Christ posting to my little forum. Who would ever have thunk it?
Yeah...about that. I really should apologize about the vulgarity and the stroking of the balls. Usually I supply the wine, but apparently on this occasion I decided to drink a whole bunch and write on your forum. Funny...oh well, fuck it. Peace be with you my son. Wanna cuddle? On the floor? Do you have a cd player? Have you ever heard the song "Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water?"
-kh
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Tolling for the rebel, tolling for the rake
Tolling for the luckless, the abandoned an’ forsaked
Tolling for the outcast, burnin’ constantly at stake
An’ we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
Because something is happening here
But you don’t know what it is
Do you, mister jones?
-Bob Dylan (Ballad of a Thin Man)
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Tolling for the rebel, tolling for the rake
Tolling for the luckless, the abandoned an’ forsaked
Tolling for the outcast, burnin’ constantly at stake
An’ we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
That's also Bob Dylan, song is Chimes of Freedom. Not real sure what that has to do with anything relevant to this thread nor this site though. Sorry. Boredom.
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Hi Guest one, two, three, four - especially "KH".
I'm taking interviews, for print and possibly a video documentary, and want to get some of these stories on the record. Please see my myspace post, and drop me an email. I'll send you all details, and answer any and all questions. I was a peer of yours, if you were there from 88 to 90, and remember Martin, and his boy crushes... sorry, don't know what else to call them.
Bests,
Liam Scheff
http://www.myspace.com/liamscheff (http://www.myspace.com/liamscheff)
http://liamscheff.com (http://liamscheff.com)
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wow
i always loved smooshing
maybe thats why i have had serious boundary issues with people. this may have been one of the places cedu strengthened a weakness of mine.
shocking!
yes
smooshing was a bad thing.
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forced smooshing is the problem.
forced anything is bullshit.
(granted as kids we all have to be forced to brush our teeth at night - I'm not talking about these fundamentals).
I'll never forget my 1st night walking up to the living room and seeing the sea of forced smooshing. I should have ran away right then.
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castle wrote:
Yes. Nothing like some no-boundaries affection.
You know, this is really serious. Makes me very angry that this was done to you. Forced physical or sexual advances are not okay. It is, in fact, legally classified as sexual abuse. Add the power differential into the equation, and in many, if not all, parts of the country this is sexual assault.
No emotional boundaries, no sexual/physical boundaries. No Boundaries County, ID.
If you don't mind my asking, how does this translate into personal relationships post-program?
Auntie Em
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i have been being told for years that i dont have boundaries and could never figure it out. i think this is probably why.
i can't verbalize it really.... but i feel like an internal alarm goes off if i try to express a boundary, an alarm that screams "YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO REJECT ANYONE!!!!!!!! IF YOU REJECT, YOU WILL BE REJECTED!!!!!!!! YOU MUST ACCEPT ANYTHING THAT CROSSES YOUR PATH AS YOUR DUTY IN LIFE TO ACCEPT, OTHERWISE YOU WILL SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!"
something like that.....
you see why i only use small case now.... cause i hate caps, they mean yelling to me, so i dont use them.
there is some good to being unjudgemental, but as you can see this is a real exhaggeration. but you are lucky that i am going thru this stuff now, cause i would not have been able to verbalize these things a year ago, and a year from now, i probably won't want to.
best to you, i am glad you are doing what you are doing.
alia
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What comes to mind is how alienated and alone you feel right after you graduate.
You go from 2 1/2 years of daily full excessive smoosh contact to nothing.
We probably told other students/staff that we 'loved' them at least 5 times a day.
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Alia: It is still good you wrote to them, because even if they feel that way now, it might plant a seed... for later or for hindsight.
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The whole 'smushing' thing at RMA was a horrible experience for and I simply refused to be apart of it. I was young,16, and one of the prettier ones that got absolutely harrassed and because of my refusal to participate I got punished over and over again and put on bans from anybody I had made friends with. I was told again and again how I obviously was to good for everyone there and I was really just the biggest loser of all and simply because I refused to lau down with grown men and have the 'cuddle' me....the women too. (Caroline Wolff I hope rots in hell) . RMA was a very sick place and I was a lucky one to have 'escaped' as I ran away twice and my parents were so upset (as they had been the day they dropped me off and realized what a fucked up place they had been conned into sending me by an education consultant from Atlanta that got kickbacks for each kid she sent there)
Anyway I post this because of recent I came across a facebook page on RMA and my horrible memories cam flooding back even 25 years later and I too get so incredibly pissed off about that place. Oh I have with out a doubt moved on and did within a couple weeks of returning from that hell hole but my life was never quite the same.
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Carlbrook School carries on the wonderful world of smushing. It's not right nor a positive therapeutic technique. And it's not right that they make you feel bad if you don't want to do it.
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That is the crux of CEDU. Coercing physical, emotional, and mental connection without desire, trust, boundaries...