Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - starry-eyed pirate

Pages: 1 ... 199 200 [201] 202 203
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / .
« on: May 25, 2005, 02:32:00 PM »
i know whatcha mean.  i've been just tryin' ta stay in one place for a while.  When i was a kid my family had to move about every 3 years. i always had to make new freinds and stuff.  i kept movin' i mean i seen a lot of stuff and feel like i call the whole country "home".  Now i gotta get out of the country. hitch hikin' and jumpin' trains.

Let It Bleed / Something you listened to today
« on: May 25, 2005, 01:02:00 AM »
"Appalachian Stomp" - a bluegrass compilation
"That High and Lonesome Sound" - Old and in the Way band
"Shack-man" - Medeski, Martin and Wood
"Survival" - Bob Marley and the Wailers
"Janis Joplins' Greatest Hits"
"Jumpin'Jack Flash" covered by Johnny Winter

Once, when i was on 1st phase at the same place in D.C. where i started havin' those crazy nightmares, i refused to write my M.I.  It was maybe a little while after i came back from leavin'and i was just sort of not motivating, but i wasn't causin' enough trouble to get thrown on the floor either.  i was pretty much compliant at that point, but i just wouldn't motivate or talk in group.  i hadn't been writing an M.I. since i got back to the program.( see a related story: "A Small Victory")
     The host parents thought they could break me by denying me food.  That night they told me that i wouldn't be allowed to eat anything until my M.I. was done.  Little did they suspect that i had been in the desert tempering my strength by the hand of God. I accepted those conditions as an opportunity to make the timeless gesture of abstaining from food as a form of protest.  Maybe as an expression of captivity i would rather not eat.  Maybe when eating is more demoralizing and leaching than the sustainence is otherwise worth it is better not to eat.  As the truth unfolds i sat there and refused to write or eat that night  While everyone else, around me was writing and eating.
     i knew the host parents had played into my hand.  i knew they were blatently breaking the basic laws of human rights.  The next day in group i reported the incident, probably to some sympathetic 5th phaser.  I heard there was a lot of heavy confronting going on in parent group over the whole thing.  Those ignorant host-parents must 'a' got blasted for leaving an opening for a law suit from a 1st phaser.  
     i knew i had some power,there, after i refused to write or eat that night. i was young and inexperienced though, and i didn't know what to do next.  i should 'a' sued as soon as possible or even filed criminal charges.  If i would 'a' had access to legal counsel i could 'a' carried the fight to a whole 'notha level.
     Just last year or so my folks were visiting me and for some reason felt compelled to pass on information about those same host-parents.  As if i would be concerned to know that the people who held me hostage and tried to manipulte/brainwash me and were willing to exploit my hunger to acomplish their crimes, were doing well and still making money.  Well, actually i forgive them now but i don't want to be around them and i don't like the idea of them still being in contact with my folks like that.  That's fucked up.  
i think my own naivete is beginning to dawn on me.  All this time i thought my parents just made a mistake by putting me in straight.  But now i am beginning to see a clear and established pattern of a serious lack of judgement on their part.
     Dedicated: in the honor of hunger strikers everywhere.  The list of martyrs is endless.
[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-26 14:11 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Fucked recurring dream
« on: May 24, 2005, 02:22:00 PM »
Yeah, i don't know what all that's like.  i have some freinds who know that shit.  But i know about the dreams.  When i was in there i started having these paralyzing nightmares, in which i thought i was awake but i was actually sound asleep.  There was totally no way i could determine that i wasn't awake.  i thought i heard screams coming from the alley below the bedroom window of the host-home i was in at the time (in D.C.).  i dreampt i was awake and lying in my bed completely aware of some fucked-up crime being committed in the alley.  i struggled to move and respond but was paralyzed.  i laid there and listened to the screams.  It was fucked-up.  There was nothin' i could do.  
    Ever since then i been havin' these dreams where i'm paralyzed but lucid, sometimes completely aware and sometimes only vaguely aware.  Mostly they have been nightmares, but lately just insightful dreams.  i know when they're going to come on and there is nothing that can be done to stop them once the grip is on.  Sometimes i fall asleep suddenly and begin to dream right away.  i know cause i wake up as soon as it starts to happen and then i check the clock.  So usually it's w/in 2-5 minutes of falling asleep.  i tried to fight it for about 15 years and then got tired and let it in close enough to deal w/it.  Now i still have the same kind of dreams only i'm not so terrified i just try to let it just be what it is.  Sometimes i have wild lucid dreams that flirt w/telepathy.  i wonder ("I Wonder" - Blind Melon) if straight triggered some crazy mental shit or what.  
     Or is that the effects of the brainwash?  i don't know what it all means.
     Sometimes when i'm, fallin' asleep i begin to have auditory hallucinations.  It sounds like corrugated steele being drug over limestone gravel.  Thats only happened a few times.  ...i dunno...

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Fucked recurring dream
« on: May 24, 2005, 01:23:00 PM »
i dream i'm in straight, not all the time but damn 'nuff.  There's been some strange insight come out of it, the dreamin' i mean.  Straight come to represent so much heavy weight.  Even in dreams straight does not always, only represent itself but sometimes is a symbol of the social authorities,which straight is only a smaller copy of.  Know what i'm sayin'?
       i used to have dreams that relived my time in there.  Now i dream that i'm the age i am now and often times find myself doing or saying the things i really wanted to do and say at the time.  Sometimes in my dreams i'm confronting exec. staff members who i thought were particularly sadistic.  Sometimes i dream i'm standing up in group just telling the group to see whats happening, how we're all being controlled 'n' all. Sometimes crazier shit happens. A repression like that before i never knew. Straight has become an archetype in my consciousness.  i dream that i'm either fighting it or runnin' from it.  Sometimes i dream of people i knew in there.  Sometimes they're ghosts.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / G.W. Bush is a chump
« on: May 24, 2005, 12:53:00 PM »
Right on, you're makin' me laugh :skull:

If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / 1984 by George Orwell
« on: May 23, 2005, 10:59:00 AM »
yeah. :skull:

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / The "gift of awareness"
« on: May 23, 2005, 10:57:00 AM »
yeah. :skull:

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / suicide on a budget
« on: May 20, 2005, 03:51:00 PM »

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Springfield, 86 - 87
« on: May 19, 2005, 08:14:00 PM »

     i remember you, you musta got out a little after me and after we got out we hung out and you had a dog named Avery.  i want to talk to you.  i wrote you a private messege.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / What it is...
« on: May 19, 2005, 04:10:00 PM »
When i get high it's like the linear train i'm on jumps the railtrax and flys across the ravine, severing connections to ordinary, waking consciousness.  Suddenly i see relationships between things that i never noticed before.  My awareness changes forms and my consciuosness shifts.
     At some point after Thoreau wrote "Civil Disobedience" The part where he's talking about how he refused to pay his poll tax and so the law locked him up:

     "as i stood considering the walls of solid stone, 2 or 3 feet thick, the door of wood and iron grating which strained the light, i could not help being struck with the foolishness of that institution which treated me as if i were mere flesh and blood and bones to be locked up...   ...i could not but smile to see how industriously thet locked the door on my meditations, which followed them out again without let or hindrance, and they were really all that was dangerous."

       So some time after Thoreau wrote that, the authorities figured out that they could give you the illusion that you are free while all the while caging your meditations.  Really i think it was all that shit in the sixties that taught authority, and the government how to more subtlely and efficiently oppress freedom.  The "foolish institution"  desired absolute control and so it had to "wise up" and resort to more subtle yet oppressive measures. It realized that in order to repress any  new ideas, that might be threatening, that might be coming up, from the youth and/or any original thinker, that kidnap and brainwash would protect the status quo.  The "System" realized that in order to avoid the type of Socio-politico, de-stableization threat that emerged from the youth and the cities during the 1960s and 70s that they would have to jail meditations; they would create special institutions targetting the constitutionally rightless, they would violate the sacred spaces of the minds of the young. Sowing the mind with the seed of oppression

      Straight is such an institution.  It is a criminal institution.  It's purpose is to protect the capitalist establishment and prey on the rights of the individual. The crime is in the violation and usurpation of the mind.  It was like being retsrained and forced to look into a blinding light.  Even today it is like trying to look into the blinding light.  The crime is in the unconsented to, re-directing of the aim of the life. It is in the psychic labotomizing of the youth.  
      Straight changed the course of my life, against my will, and there is a life i will not live.  Straight are the liable criminals.  Fuck Authority. The prison is all around.  the jail is on the outside.  Straight is a microcosim of the social power structure that oppresses the world.  You and i have fought on the front lines of the war for an end to mental slavery.  "None but ourselves can free our minds" --Bob Marley and the Wailers, "Redemption Song".

      " With words they try to jail ya " -- The Police, "Spirits in The Material World"

          :skull:  :skull:  :skull:

          If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-19 17:37 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-20 12:44 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / a small victory
« on: May 15, 2005, 04:04:00 PM »
...Uhh ... i was looking through these posts the other day and some brother or sister was asking if anyone ever recieved an apology from staff.  i can't find the post now but thought this little story might be of some interest to some.
   One day at straight, springfield in about 1986 or so i was on 1st phase having returned from a cop-out.  i was rebellious and as well as refusing to motivate i wouldn't write my nightly M.I.s.  That morning in a Basics Rap led by Tony Espilliange(sp?) all the people who had refused to write their "moral inventories" the night before were stood up and confronted by the group.  Ther were about 9 of us standing up.  At some point Tony Espilliange(sp?) said "All you people standing up are assholes".  At that point i sat down.  i would not tolerate a personal attack like that.  The other 8 misbehavers remained standing.  After i sat down a 5th phaser who i could name but won't mocked me by calling me John Wayne and tried to force me to stand back up.  i immediately took a swing at his face hitting him in his glasses and leaving a cut where the rim of his specs had been pressed into his cheek.  Of course at that point i was restrained and thrown on the ground.
    Later that same day i was sitting back in group w/my hand down when Tony Espiliange(sp?) and executive staff member, Dean Mistretta pulled me out of group and took me into the infirmary.  No one was in that room but the three of us, so there were no witnesses. Dean made Tony apologize to me for calling me an asshole. Tony was actually humble to me about it.  It was quick but it was an apology and somehow i felt i had made my point.  It was my own personal victory.  Fuck Straight.  Peace.
                     -- starry-eyed pirate  :skull:

     i remember you, this is todd e.  Remember when we briefly crossed paths, in the parking lot, at the Dead show at R.F.K.?  i think it was '90.  i see that your post is a couple of years old but i hope you get my messege.  It's good to know that you're still alive.  i hope you're doing alright. Check my profile to e-mail me.  PEACE.

You must have nerves of steel.  i could never have smoked at school and then come to group later the same day. i would have been too paranoid.  i think at that point i just would'a' split.  Did you ever go into group high?

Hi Mark,
     i remember you quite well, yeah, that place sucked.  How are you doin' these days?

Pages: 1 ... 199 200 [201] 202 203