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Topics - starry-eyed pirate

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Last weekend i went down to W.VA, to Masontown, in fact, to a place called Marvins' Mountaintop for the 9th annual "All Good Music Festival".  The ticket for 3 days of music and camping cost me $120.oo. Bands appearing at the venue included:Les Claypool, The Flaming Lips, Particle, Ozomatli, Yonder Mountain String Band, Keller Williams, Michael Franti and Spearhead, The String Cheese Incident and Dark Star Orchestra among others.  My favorite band performance was by Yonder Mountain. String Cheese was good but seemed to lack energy.
i have been serving a d.u.i. lisence suspension for the last year or so and when i first ordered my ticket i thought my lisence would be re-instated by the time of the festival,so i thought i would be able to drive legally, but as it turned out i was wrong and the commonwealth of PA continues to try to exploit me. The commonwealth  requires that i rent and install an ignition interlock system on any vehicle i drive, whether registered in my name or not in order to have my lisence re-instated. Well i don't feel like giving them any more money, which i don't even have anyway. Anyway to cut to the chase here i almost didn't go to the festival because i was paranoid of going through checkpoints and such with no lisence.  The day that the festival opened i was still wrestling with whether to go or not. Sometime around 2:30pm i decided i just couldn't eat the $120.oo ticket and that if i just played everything cool i would be alright.  All my stickers and stuff are all current and legal. So i just threw my drum and all my campin' gear in the back of my truck and did the speed limit all the way to Marvins' Mountaintop.  i got to Masontown after about a 2 and a half hour drive from where i live in New Castle, PA. It was about 5:30 when i arrived in Masontown. There was a huge traffic jam though, waiting to get into the venue.  During the 5 hour traffic jam i made friends with my neighbors in line and drank beer and ate macadamia nut-ganja cookies, which were tastey and potent. i finally was able to set up my tent in the darkness about 10:30pm.
Having secured my campsite and met my neighbors for the weekend the next order of business was scoring the proper chemicals.  i took a walk down to shakedown st. and found what i was looking for without any effort.  i paid $20.oo for a roll and $10.oo for L.S.D.(which is more than twice what i used to pay for L.S.D., but it's been a while since i bought acid). i saved the drugs for the next day when i knew that Yonder Mountain and String Cheese would be playin'. In the meantime i just smoked up the ganja(which was also quite easy to come by) and drank beer.
The next day around 4pm or so as Yonder Mountain took the stage i ate the ecstacy, then about an hour later, after i found my acid layin' on the ground(in plastic),which i spent about 45 minutes looking for, i ate the L.S.D.(candyflippin').  It was cool but i thought both drugs could have been stronger. i am kinda at a loss to describe the exact effects of the chemicals on me. Next time i'm not even goin' to mess with the ecstacy, i'm just gonna get hold of the pure molly and flip that with the acid.  In fact i've got some right now that i'm saving for another sort of a festival this weekend. The Grove Party, Rock Falls(Slippery Rock)PA.  All together it was a real good time. i met lots o' cool people,ate all kind o' good food, listened to great music, and was surrounded the entire time by beautiful hippie girls. All is not lost, there is hope. Peace ::rainbow::

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Tracy Anderson
« on: July 24, 2005, 12:21:00 PM »
i remember when i was still new in the (springfield) program. i was on front row(in shock) and hadn't had my hair cut yet.  i remember Tracy Anderson who was an acting 5th phaser on that particular day as he came to pull me out of group. i remember he grabbed me by the beltloop and was taking me somewhere, when i asked him where we were going and he responded with something like: "you're going to get your hair cut". i was like: "No way, i'm not cuttin' my hair". Tracy was real cool about it, he said: "O.K. if you don't want to get your hair cut you don't have to" and he just turned me right around and took me back to group. I had been expecting a different response, i expected some kind of a confrontation, you know, about how i wasn't in touch with my drug problem or something if i didn't want to cut my hair. i remember i was real surprised at how nice Tracy was about it. i think i waited about 2 more weeks and then began to realize that if i wanted to ever make it up to some higher phase to cop-out that i would have to cut my hair(among other sacrifices i would have to make). All together i think i was able to put off that first straight hair-cut for about 25 days.
Tracy was cool.  He was on the younger side, i think he was like 14 or 15 when he came in. He was one of the kids from Delaware. He had brown hair, parted just off the center, because that was a guys side rule: no hair parted in the middle. He had a way of just barely following the rules, like his hair was always on the long side but he got away with it because he was a likeable kid. He got away with alot of stuff others wouldn't have. i don't know if he ever graduated or if he eventually got withdrawn or what but sometime after straight i heard that he drowned somehow. i wonder what happened to him. Does anyone have more information on Tracy??
And oh yeah: Fuck Straight, Fuck all authority.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / the seed , daa-ang.
« on: July 06, 2005, 10:55:00 AM »
i wonder with a name as overtly subtle as  "the seed" what was the seed like, down in FLA.  i heard alot of shit about St. Pete when i was in VA.  
"The Seed", daa-ang, just sounds like a crazy place.  
Who ran The Seed?  Did St. Pete form from the Seed? How did the Seed form?  Are there synanon survivors? And what the hell does syn-anon mean?  syn : with, together, at the same time.  Anonymous. huh?
i was in Straight in VA from 3/85-2/87.  From what i understand Straight inc. is a descendent of Synanon and The Seed and St. Pete.  How close are these programs.  i guess i'm kinda wonderin' how Straight inc., the infamous mental slavery institution, that i was in, evolved from its earlier forms.
What was the "Seed" like?  When did the Seed close?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / executive staff with tattoo on wrist
« on: July 05, 2005, 05:42:00 PM »
who was the executive staff member at straight, springfield, that had a tattoo on his wrist and rode a harley, was probably about 6', had straight brown hair and wore a beard?  Was that Miller Newton?  i only recall him ever leading like 1 rap but i remember seeing him around the building.  Did Miller Newton work at springfield?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / REVOLUTION
« on: June 15, 2005, 08:24:00 PM »
What if we all... just realized how strong we are?
-- starry-eyed  :skull:  :smile:

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / a newcomer with balls
« on: June 15, 2005, 02:49:00 PM »
i remember this time, at the springfield program. It was friday night review. Some poor kid got stood up. He was still pretty new in the program and hadn't quite figured out how to handle the whole situation yet. i don't remember who it was but i do remember how staff was all over his shit about something and the group was all worked up and ruthlessly confronting the hapless newcomer, getting all up in his face 'n' all, who had absolutely no idea how to respond. i can't remember how long this went on for, but suddenly another newcomer just stood up without being called on and began to verbally defend the other newcomer who was taking a lot of abuse. The newcomer with all the balls was Steve Howe. i think he was from Reston,VA.
Steve came in with a liberty spike mohawk that he was still sportin' at the time, because he hadn't been in the program for very long and hadn't had his haircut yet. Of course his spikes were not up so his long-haired mohawk just fell off over one side of his head. It made for a dramatic and radical appearance. Anyway Steve did what i only wished i had the balls to do at the time. He actually stood up to staff and the group and vigorously began to defend a weaker person, what a beautiful thing. i think he probably ended up being restrained for his righteous action. Anyway that was the only time in my nearly 2 years in the program, 10 months of which i spent on first phase that i ever saw anything like that happen. i was impressed with his selflessness and i always thought he was cool for that. Speaking truth to power. Right on.
Steve was in the program for maybe a few months or something, i don't really remember and then one day he was just gone.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-06-15 11:54 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Bob Marley quote
« on: June 10, 2005, 02:10:00 PM »
"Like Daniel out of the lions' den, we're the survivors"  -from the song:"survival", from the album of the same name.
righteous tune. check it out.  RASTAFARI !!

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Jim Brown
« on: June 09, 2005, 04:22:00 PM »
He was a metalhead from Rockville, MD and came into the Springfield, VA program maybe like a couple of months after me, but he was one of those kids who assessed his situation and just decided that the best thing to do was just to kinda go along and not draw heat.  i don't think he ever misbehaved or anything.  Suddenly i can remember him standing up in group while still on 1st phase, kinda timid-like, half nervous and half cool, hoping for the best.  i remember the tension in his speech, his hands gesturing nervously and the way he looked around at the group as he stood in their midst trying to gage their mood, well aware of his tenuous position.
 He made 2nd phase before me and at one point became my oldcomer.  Every night when we left the straight building his mom would drive us to her townhouse in Rockville.  When we got there she would cook us something to eat and Jim and i would do that whole M.I. routine thing.  Then Jim would get out a pack of playin' cards and we would have push-up contests.  Whatever # was on the card you flipped over was the # of push-ups you had to do.  Face cards were worth 10, i think.  We got into it and enjoyed the friendly competition and i often did as many as 300 push-ups a night.  We became freinds.
Then what happened?  ...let's see...  Well i lived w/Jim Brown and his mom for a while, 'till i got transferred to another host home for some reason.  But though i no longer lived at his house, Jim continued to watch out for me and remain concerned about my progress or lack there of.  When he did finally graduate from the program he would still come into group every so often and stand in the back and show me signs of support.
i, too eventually graduated, probably about 6 or 7 months after Jim.  One day i got the news that he had been changing a flat tire, on his Toyota MR2, which he thought was so cool, on the side of interstate 95 somewhere down in Florida, when he was hit and killed instantly by a tractor trailer. He might'a' been 18.  
i find myself wonderin' what really happened to Jim.  i wonder what went through his mind just before he died.  i'm kinda stuggeling here to find my words but i wonder if Jim ever felt crushed, lost and beaten, as i felt after straight.  i wonder if he might'a' felt demoralized, ostracized and stigmatized, the way i did.  i wonder if he just felt like he'd been raped so many times that he lost his will to live.  i wonder if he might'a' saw that truck a comin' and just might'a'been relieved to die.  i don't know...i wonder.
i went to the funeral.  It was a closed casket.  There were a lot of people from straight there.  As the service let out i saw his mom standing amidst a crowd of sympathizers just outside the church doors.  i instinctively called out to her by the only name i ever knew her: "mom"!  i will never forget the way she turned toward me. Our eyes were filled w/tears as we reached to embrace one another.  Looking back i realize that i only intensified her heartbreak by addressing her as "mom".  It was not intentional, it was simply the way all newcomers addressed their host-mothers.  it was the only thing i had ever called her.  i don't think i'll ever forget that irrational and desperate glimmer of hope that i saw in her red and weary eyes as she grieved and wailed for her son and i called her "mom" and held her tight against me.  i will never forget that.
i dreampt i was standing in front of a casket.  The lower lid of the casket was raised up and my friends' bones were sticking out.  i gently put the bones back in the casket and closed the lid.
Rest in peace Jim Brown and God have mercy on your mother.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / remembering Steve Mathews
« on: May 26, 2005, 04:44:00 PM »
As i entered Straight, Springfield in march of 85, Steve Mathews was sitting in group on 1st phase with his hand down.  in that sea of mindlessness Steve was a beacon of hope to me.  While all the other misbehavers and non-participants(and as a percentage of group there weren't that many) would get stood up and mocked and humilliated, when Steve got stood up he would just kinda smile a little and refuse to get drawn into Staff and the Groups' attempts to trigger his emotions.  That's how he was by the time i knew him. Sometime before i got there i understand he was a serious misbehaver.  By the time i knew him he had already learned how to keep a tenuous balance between apeasing the group and retaining his integrity.  The way i remember him he had a way of disarming the frenzied Group, and before staff would give up and let him sit down he would have everyone laughing, or at least lightening up and maybe smiling.  It was great to watch him work.  The way he could frustrate the staff with his humor.  He managed to stay objective and not get pulled in by personal insults and such.  He was intelligent enough not to be confused by all of straights' tactics to get to him.  He was one cool kid.
The longer i was in the program the more i paid attention to Steves' way of dealing with staff and the group.  Though we never directly communicated, because we were both on 1st phase together, he taught me tons.  i modelled my own resistence techniques after his.
After copping out 7 times and nearly 3 years in the program Steve finally turned 18 and withdrew himself.  i ran into him one day in northern VA at a 7/11 store on Old Keene Mill Rd.  He was with 2 beautiful women and was carrying 2 bottles of wine.  i was copped out and on the run at the time.  i was really struggling to survive on the street.  You know, stealin' food to eat, sleepin' in a different place every night, stayin' out of public during the day.  We instantly recognized each other.  i told him i was on the run and needed help.  He was sympathetic to me and gave me a phone number to reach him at.  i watched as he got in the back of some car with the women and the wine.  That was the last time i saw him.
Some time later i was brought back to the program. i was back on 1st phase again after having been gone for like a month.  One day 2 staff members came and pulled me out of group.  They took me into the carpet room, where we were alone.  They sat me down and told me that Steve Mathews had killed himself.  Whatever i felt at the time i denied because in a way i felt threatened.  i believed staff was telling me the truth but i wondered why they chose to tell me. i thought maybe they wanted to use Steves' death to break me down somehow.  i acted as though i felt nothing and they took me back to group and i was left alone with the knowledge that a warrior and a teacher and a friend was dead.
i'll never forget Steve Mathews.  Whenever i stand alone in battle i'll remember Steve Mathews and the things he taught me.  You were righteous brother.

If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-26 14:50 ]

Once, when i was on 1st phase at the same place in D.C. where i started havin' those crazy nightmares, i refused to write my M.I.  It was maybe a little while after i came back from leavin'and i was just sort of not motivating, but i wasn't causin' enough trouble to get thrown on the floor either.  i was pretty much compliant at that point, but i just wouldn't motivate or talk in group.  i hadn't been writing an M.I. since i got back to the program.( see a related story: "A Small Victory")
     The host parents thought they could break me by denying me food.  That night they told me that i wouldn't be allowed to eat anything until my M.I. was done.  Little did they suspect that i had been in the desert tempering my strength by the hand of God. I accepted those conditions as an opportunity to make the timeless gesture of abstaining from food as a form of protest.  Maybe as an expression of captivity i would rather not eat.  Maybe when eating is more demoralizing and leaching than the sustainence is otherwise worth it is better not to eat.  As the truth unfolds i sat there and refused to write or eat that night  While everyone else, around me was writing and eating.
     i knew the host parents had played into my hand.  i knew they were blatently breaking the basic laws of human rights.  The next day in group i reported the incident, probably to some sympathetic 5th phaser.  I heard there was a lot of heavy confronting going on in parent group over the whole thing.  Those ignorant host-parents must 'a' got blasted for leaving an opening for a law suit from a 1st phaser.  
     i knew i had some power,there, after i refused to write or eat that night. i was young and inexperienced though, and i didn't know what to do next.  i should 'a' sued as soon as possible or even filed criminal charges.  If i would 'a' had access to legal counsel i could 'a' carried the fight to a whole 'notha level.
     Just last year or so my folks were visiting me and for some reason felt compelled to pass on information about those same host-parents.  As if i would be concerned to know that the people who held me hostage and tried to manipulte/brainwash me and were willing to exploit my hunger to acomplish their crimes, were doing well and still making money.  Well, actually i forgive them now but i don't want to be around them and i don't like the idea of them still being in contact with my folks like that.  That's fucked up.  
i think my own naivete is beginning to dawn on me.  All this time i thought my parents just made a mistake by putting me in straight.  But now i am beginning to see a clear and established pattern of a serious lack of judgement on their part.
     Dedicated: in the honor of hunger strikers everywhere.  The list of martyrs is endless.
[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-26 14:11 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / What it is...
« on: May 19, 2005, 04:10:00 PM »
When i get high it's like the linear train i'm on jumps the railtrax and flys across the ravine, severing connections to ordinary, waking consciousness.  Suddenly i see relationships between things that i never noticed before.  My awareness changes forms and my consciuosness shifts.
     At some point after Thoreau wrote "Civil Disobedience" The part where he's talking about how he refused to pay his poll tax and so the law locked him up:

     "as i stood considering the walls of solid stone, 2 or 3 feet thick, the door of wood and iron grating which strained the light, i could not help being struck with the foolishness of that institution which treated me as if i were mere flesh and blood and bones to be locked up...   ...i could not but smile to see how industriously thet locked the door on my meditations, which followed them out again without let or hindrance, and they were really all that was dangerous."

       So some time after Thoreau wrote that, the authorities figured out that they could give you the illusion that you are free while all the while caging your meditations.  Really i think it was all that shit in the sixties that taught authority, and the government how to more subtlely and efficiently oppress freedom.  The "foolish institution"  desired absolute control and so it had to "wise up" and resort to more subtle yet oppressive measures. It realized that in order to repress any  new ideas, that might be threatening, that might be coming up, from the youth and/or any original thinker, that kidnap and brainwash would protect the status quo.  The "System" realized that in order to avoid the type of Socio-politico, de-stableization threat that emerged from the youth and the cities during the 1960s and 70s that they would have to jail meditations; they would create special institutions targetting the constitutionally rightless, they would violate the sacred spaces of the minds of the young. Sowing the mind with the seed of oppression

      Straight is such an institution.  It is a criminal institution.  It's purpose is to protect the capitalist establishment and prey on the rights of the individual. The crime is in the violation and usurpation of the mind.  It was like being retsrained and forced to look into a blinding light.  Even today it is like trying to look into the blinding light.  The crime is in the unconsented to, re-directing of the aim of the life. It is in the psychic labotomizing of the youth.  
      Straight changed the course of my life, against my will, and there is a life i will not live.  Straight are the liable criminals.  Fuck Authority. The prison is all around.  the jail is on the outside.  Straight is a microcosim of the social power structure that oppresses the world.  You and i have fought on the front lines of the war for an end to mental slavery.  "None but ourselves can free our minds" --Bob Marley and the Wailers, "Redemption Song".

      " With words they try to jail ya " -- The Police, "Spirits in The Material World"

          :skull:  :skull:  :skull:

          If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-19 17:37 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-20 12:44 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / a small victory
« on: May 15, 2005, 04:04:00 PM »
...Uhh ... i was looking through these posts the other day and some brother or sister was asking if anyone ever recieved an apology from staff.  i can't find the post now but thought this little story might be of some interest to some.
   One day at straight, springfield in about 1986 or so i was on 1st phase having returned from a cop-out.  i was rebellious and as well as refusing to motivate i wouldn't write my nightly M.I.s.  That morning in a Basics Rap led by Tony Espilliange(sp?) all the people who had refused to write their "moral inventories" the night before were stood up and confronted by the group.  Ther were about 9 of us standing up.  At some point Tony Espilliange(sp?) said "All you people standing up are assholes".  At that point i sat down.  i would not tolerate a personal attack like that.  The other 8 misbehavers remained standing.  After i sat down a 5th phaser who i could name but won't mocked me by calling me John Wayne and tried to force me to stand back up.  i immediately took a swing at his face hitting him in his glasses and leaving a cut where the rim of his specs had been pressed into his cheek.  Of course at that point i was restrained and thrown on the ground.
    Later that same day i was sitting back in group w/my hand down when Tony Espiliange(sp?) and executive staff member, Dean Mistretta pulled me out of group and took me into the infirmary.  No one was in that room but the three of us, so there were no witnesses. Dean made Tony apologize to me for calling me an asshole. Tony was actually humble to me about it.  It was quick but it was an apology and somehow i felt i had made my point.  It was my own personal victory.  Fuck Straight.  Peace.
                     -- starry-eyed pirate  :skull:

"1984", by George Orwell is essential reading. PEACE.       :skull:  :skull:  :skull:  
Also, i highly reccomend: "Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee" by Dee Brown, and of course "Walden, or Life In The Woods" by Henry David Thoreau

i have been isolated from my former comrades for a long time.  i had to get away from there to try to leave it behind me.  It sorta helped in a way i guess but straight was and continues to be an experience that is part of my conditioning as an individual.  
     Now i would like to re-establish contact w/people who were there when i was there.  Connie S***m*n can u hear me?  Nick D*ri** where are you old freind? Mike R***le? Rachel S**e*tz? Mike P***st? John K*la*d? Michelle Wi**i**s? Can anyone relate?
                 -todd eck**be*g*r,drug war p.o.w. (3/15/85-2/14/87,springfield,VA)[ This Message was edited by: agana on 2005-05-05 17:29 ][ This Message was edited by: agana on 2005-05-08 17:13 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / the truth as i see it
« on: May 05, 2005, 06:58:00 PM »
...uh... i'm kinda new around here n'all and as i 've been perusing the various postings, the last 2 days i see a lot of righteous indignation being expressed as well as some folks saying, well, you know just quit your bitchin' and move on and such, and that point is taken. living in the past is a form of self-delusion and only serves to perpetuate the injustice.  However, the injustices committed against me were grievous and systematically intentional.  the brainwash that i was forced into was intended to have a permanent grip on me and it does.  Almost every day i struggle w/fear,anxiety and paranoia.  I am hyper aware and hyper sensitive to the world around me.  My skin was drastically thinned by my experience in straight.  To survive in there i had to adapt to a cult-like intimacy.  I learned to communicate in very specific terms.  I learned to psycho-analyze everything in extreme detail.  I learned to interpret the symptoms of psychological conditions in myself as well as others.  i feel like i know too much, like a door has been opened that was better left shut.  i have trouble dealing w/people who don't share the same sensitivities.  it's extremely difficult for me to even keep a job.  i feel like the friends that i still have from straight and i are on a whole 'nother level.  i feel like i'm too honest but i don't know how to manage that kind of responsibility in the outside world.  i'm fucked-up.
        On the other hand these are the very skills which are cultivated by seekers of spiritual insight.  People spend their whole lives trying to gain such awareness. My friend who was there in straight w/me and shares the same general prespective says it's a gift and i see that it is, but i feel like it's a real heavy weight to carry.  Everything is so intense and dynamic, i feel everything so deeply.  i'm touched, i'm blessed
         At the same time i still harbor anger and resentment towards i'm not even sure who. it's just anger.  i'm angry that i was held captive against my will for 2 years of my life and subjected to mind-control and psychological blackmail at such an impressionable age.  So many things were taken from me that i can never get back. Friends were lost, time i should have had w/ my brother and sister, a normal high-school career; my right to self-determination was stolen from me and not just by some shady thief downtown but by an entire system of adults.
          It's ironic but when i was growing up i learned to sing all kinds of patriotic songs in elementery school: "your a grand ol' flag, my country 'tis of thee" etc., and i was taught the pledge of allegience.  As the son of a military officer i was taught that i should be glad i lived in America and not in the Soviet Union because in the Soviet Union people didn't have rights and weren't free.  Citizens of that oppressive government could be arrested in secret by unkown operatives and taken away to secret prisons where they could be tortured and brainwashed and held indefinately.  This is basically what happened to me right here in America.  Now they want to know why i won't wave the flag.  i say FUCK authority.  Authority wants to keep you in fear and use you to perpetuate oppression.  When people are just to one another and no longer treat each other as commodities or as a means to some end, real freedom will come to be and government will be obsolete.
         O, don't get me started, i can go off....PEACE
                   :skull:  -starry-eyed pirate  :skull: [ This Message was edited by: agana on 2005-05-05 16:02 ]

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