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Messages - Loli

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31
Open Free for All / CPAP for Sleep Issues
« on: April 16, 2010, 01:37:08 PM »
I just came out of a sleep lab for sleep issues and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. They recommended a CPAP machine. I am really hoping this is the antidote for my fatigue and bad sleep.  Does anyone have the machine? What say you? I get set up with the machine next week. Is it all its cracked up to be?

32
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Post-Cedu Drug Use
« on: October 24, 2009, 10:16:24 AM »
Programs like CEDU, which was not a drug rehab to begin with, cannot effectively stem drug use because the program centers around making you feel worthless. You are broken down and raw on one hand, but opposingly, deluded into this grandiose idea that the program SAVED your life and represents all that is good.  This causes internal dissonance.

I was never addicted to drugs at all. I used recreationally as a teen and actually quit months prior to CEDU easily. After CEDU, I did not resume, but that was a personal decision made prior to attendance. Haven't even seen anything since I was 16. I don't have, obviously, an addictive personality.

However, if people are prone to drug abuse, I do not see how a program dedicated to breaking you down does anything but encourage escapism and self destruction. When you leave the surreal environs of CEDU, you emerge in to a reality with a severely distorted sense of its importance and also a misplaced trust in the tools you were given.  You slowly realize either consciously or subconsciously (which is worse because you are still in denial) that nothing adds up, and you, your Stepford self, and your new cultic paradigm of emotional well being is NOT integrating into the outside world.

This forms a clusterfuck of internal chaos and denial that could only unleash your sleeping demons.

33
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Cedu and Cascade are related there was a walk out at Cascad
« on: September 29, 2009, 07:13:53 PM »
I just remember being at CEDU with kids who refused to talk to their folks, and staff telling the parents that it was "therapeutic." The parents brought it hook, line and sinker.

Personally, I think some of the rich overly entitled parenst looked at it as a get out of jail for free card. Happy to let the kid call you after being throoughly brainwashed.

34
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Cedu and Cascade are related there was a walk out at Cascad
« on: September 29, 2009, 03:27:00 PM »
In my experience, the cults loves that because they can further isolate and drive a wedge from you. Then, the sole point of contact is whatever the cult tells them.

35
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: MEL WASSERMAN
« on: September 09, 2009, 08:26:58 AM »
You'd be surprised at how a little charisma and cultic "I am the guru" confidence wins over parents... I remember one RMA loving parent saying he "changed her life" after a propheet. Of course, these propheets were soft propheets - not what kids went through.  Remember he was essentially a swindler. He could work it. He could make you believe you could walk.  The fact you already could walk doesn't matter. It's the art of manipulating perception.  But what a talent.

36
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: CEDU Deaths
« on: September 08, 2009, 08:13:40 PM »
You really can't tabulate the suicide count accurately.   CEDU trauma can fester for a long time before one pulls the trigger. And then you have to factor in to the equation all those who tried and failed.  After CEDU, it takes awhile for the kool aid to wear off and you realize the whole thing was one big emotional clusterfuck. You get out thinking you know it all, and it's quite a comedown to realize NONE of the "special" tools are applicable to real life... and you were stunted from the normative emotional and developmental experiences that help direct you into maturity... not to the mention that you have to somehow scramble to make up for the lack of educational  growth. Even then, you might still believe its the world not you and all your "special" tools... until you finally crash and burn and realize you were just a kool aid drinking fool.

Yep.

37
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Jesus Dan Earle, don't give up your day job!
« on: September 08, 2009, 08:00:54 PM »
Boy, wish I lived closer. That is one art show I'd love to crash.

38
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: MEL WASSERMAN
« on: August 26, 2009, 09:39:39 AM »
I still have to laugh when I  recount how much the staff glorified their great guru, Mel.  they would gather house around the pit and recount the miraculous wisdom he imparted.  Mel was like the Pope. Away somewhere, but spoken as infallible, in reverential tones. It was all crap. I remember Jill bentz said she had complained of severe knee pain/issues and Mel said, "Jill, you can walk." And she realized, "yes, I can! I can walk!" I'm like, no shit. You walked before Mel made this observation, and you walk today.  But she treated it as a big revelation - she realized she could walk because of Mel.
Yes, Mel was really special.

39
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Cedu meant 2 induce mental illness
« on: August 20, 2009, 06:00:54 PM »
Would you really characterize the staff as unqualified but helpful?  

I don't know about 1980 - by late 80s staff were inculcated, power hungry, boundary breaking nut jobs with no therapeutic ethics or training, combined with an inability to discern or mete out individuated treatment, compunded by an unhealthy delivery of histrionics and humilation.

In other words: not helpful.

40
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Another Comrade Lost - Funeral on Saturday July 19th
« on: July 18, 2009, 12:16:01 AM »
Another one, poor guy. RIP.

41
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Did Cedu Runing Springs make you perform humiliating "skits"
« on: May 26, 2009, 03:39:56 PM »
The skits were not harmless.  Often, they picked a scenario they knew would cause you the most humiliation and pain.  For example, if you were a 300 pound drawf, they might make you parade around in a bathing suit and pageant sash.   It was a derisive, compulsory activity. You could not leave the propheet or level up, or frankly escape emotional beatings unless you performed your skit regardless of its demeaning qualities. Where is the emotional growth in this?  

The entire "therapeutic" program of raps and propheets were so reliant on predatory emotional abuse I cannot fathom anyone who condones them. Emotional growth cannot ever accrue after being humiliated, verbally abused, and emotionally exploited repeatedly on a daily basis. Let's not even discuss the attendant anxiety caused in daily anticipation of these activities.

Could you imagine if someone told you "You're may get your ass kicked to a bloody pulp today, tomorrow, and every day for the next two and a half years." Would you thrive in that environment? With Cedu,this is the anxiety inherent in daily life.  It may not have been your ass being kicked - just your self worth, self esteem, and any possible feeling of emotional safety. This is why so many program graduates have traumatic dreams still.

42
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Staff members' names at Running Springs 90- 95
« on: May 26, 2009, 09:47:25 AM »
To be honest, I hold the "good ones" entirely culpable.  In almost every cult type situation, there are good/bad cops.  It is easy to place the onus on the "bad cops." But the good cop is guilty of overlooking unethical practices or making it more palatable, thus continuing what we know is bad on a systemic level.  The "good cops" that I remember were just as inculcated.  They wanted to fill a void or find a niche.  They were often working out their own crap alongside us or through us.  They were not at a point of development where they should oversee, counsel, or "modify" youths. They drank the Kool Aid, and the only difference between them and the more abusive power staff was that they served our kool aid with sugar.  But that's just my two cents.

43
Open Free for All / Re: Do you feel 'kinship' with other program survivors?
« on: February 21, 2012, 10:10:14 PM »
Yes, I do feel a kinship for those who see the program's abusiveness. For those who rationalize it, no. Fuck no.

44
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Russ Decker goes to trial.
« on: April 13, 2009, 10:25:52 PM »
No, I do not think the RMA Decker is same as Cedu staffer. CEDU staffer was 24 when in 90/91.  

But whatever. I don't think t matters if he was a student. I'm sorry, his actions pre staff were reprehensible, and it is disgusting students were under the thumb of this person.  To me, CEDU was a great place for  sociopaths to run amok.  A few horrific students became staff - but there was something wrong with them to  devolve to that level.  They got some sick kick coming into a poistion of power and terrorizing students.

45
CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: Russ Decker goes to trial.
« on: April 13, 2009, 07:07:26 PM »
I left before Russ Decker arrived at Cedu.  But Serb, who came after me, would not prevaricate. Serb was very disgusted by the disclosures, shady pasts, and lack of therapeutic boundaries displayed by CEDU employees.

For me and others, it was very difficult to feel safe as a student, whether you are listening to staff disclose very specific masturbation practices, deviant sexual acts, or criminal acts. Many of us have survived trauma, and there was no way to feel safe in this environment.  (Aside from CEDU's practices of humiliation and verbal abuse.)

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