Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - Jimmy Cusick

Pages: [1] 2 3 4
The Seed Discussion Forum / Gratitude
« on: March 31, 2005, 06:48:00 PM »
Times have changed my friends but lets think back to 1974. The Seed saved my life and for that I'm eternally grateful.

The Seed Discussion Forum / The Seed-------Did Art Barker succeed?
« on: February 06, 2005, 03:00:00 PM »
Maybe im schizophrenic because I have mixed feelings about the seed and my experience there. For years I hated  Art and many of the staff members. None of that remains as I have somehow forgiven them and have come to look at my upside down experience as an adventure. A drug free adventure into the universe of Arty Barker attempting to be a successful recovering alcoholic. Did he indeed succeed at saving kids? Not according to some of the folks that write on these pages. It is my humble opinion that he saved my life when it needed saving. For that I'm grateful.
A man that walked in Art's path is likely to be controversial, people from all walks of life have both loved and admired him as well as hated and disdained him. Seeing Art chauffered into the Seed in the maroon limo caused some resentments but look at what the guy accomplished------I was a hopeless, helpless kid from a dysfunctional family (I'm writing a book about that) and he forced me to do a 180 and straighten out my life. As they say drugs were only a symptom of underlying problems and the answer to my emotional troubles were found at the seed.
Did Art Barker take from me? Yes. He took my loneliness, my parental hatred and my anger and replaced them with caring staff, real friends and a newly developed atittude towards life.
So my friends , there you have it, my adventure in a nutshell.

The Seed Discussion Forum / thought reform
« on: February 03, 2005, 10:09:00 AM »
Gregg, I'm sorry to disappoint you but we werent prisoners of war. We were selfish little bastards that needed a serious attitude adjustment. That required disciplinary action that confronted us head-on. Gimme a break and stop pretending that you were in Red China.

The Seed Discussion Forum / Another Trivia-Who can name all the rules
« on: February 01, 2005, 03:45:00 PM »
Just when Im ready to come up with all the rules she say's, "NEVER MIND". Imagine that ::bigsmilebounce::  ::bigmouth::

The Seed Discussion Forum / Orange Bowl
« on: January 31, 2005, 10:40:00 AM »
I sure rememeber going to the orange bowl to sing America. There wasnt 500 of us but there were alot. We went on buses as has been said and I really remember being boo--ed. Big time. We wore our seed t-shirts and blue jeans.

The Seed Discussion Forum / earning the right to walk by yourself
« on: January 29, 2005, 05:59:00 PM »
I cant believe the hours were 9-4. That is mucho different from when I was in 10-10 seven days a week. I dont really know about the arm around the shoulder thing, when I left Cleveland in 77 that was still going on. I remember John *** lived in the upstairs of a house and when he brought newcomers over he would walk them with his arm around them. The downstairs neighbors thought he was gay but he was too big to for them to say anything

The Seed Discussion Forum / 1974 memories
« on: January 29, 2005, 04:05:00 PM »
I spent the first half of 1974 trying to escape from a very dysfunctional family. My father was a newly sober alcoholic, my mother was "emotionally troubled". I had 3 sisters and a brother, they all found God at a young age and missed the drug barrage that occured in the Cleveland suburbs in the early 70's. I was an "oddball" skinny kid that wasnt smart enough to be a nerd and was to little to be an athelete(jock). My parents fought like cats and dogs and I discovered that marijuana made me feel better and I could sore out into the cosmos, trees were greener, the sky was blue, jokes were funnier. Smoking pot allowed me to be emotionally "free", I didnt have to encounter the families mental illnesses and i experimented with L.S.D., speed and downers.  I didnt get along with any kids my age and found refuge in drugs and music and fantasyland. My parents found some of my weed and decided I had a drug problem, they acted as though I were the scapegoat. At age 15 I was severely depressed, I was scared to death to go to school because I was threatened or beat up everyday or my lunch money was taken by some "bullies". Life at home was beyond my comprehension, my father was a perfectionist who was generally quiet but radiated anger. My mother cried alot. They argued and screamed and threw plates at almost every dinner meal. I still shudder at those memories. My parents somehow focused on "ME" as the family problem and put me in a mental ward. I had long hair and my eyes were hidden as I silently watched life take place outside of myself. I was depressed, sullen and withdrawn. My parents went through catholic charities and discovered some other families who's kids had been sent to the seed in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. The next thing you know Im on my way to Florida via American Airlines.

July 1st, 1974 my father and I are standing in the swealtering heat outside the Seeds admission office on Highway 84. I met Libby but remember little else about the assesment, I know my parents had spoken on the phone with them and I was as good as gone. Hello future seedling!

Welcome to the front row at the seed inc.. A drug rehabilitation center for children. Founded and run by Art Barker  who was a recovering alcoholic himself. I remember looking out at the vast empty collection of chairs that awaited a Friday night open meeting when families would come to visit their kids. Behind me sat dozens of seedlings with short hair and white t-shirts, they had done their time on the "death row" and had become old-comers. I was a front row newcomer and met my first staff member, Robert Chun, he was the barber that introduced me to shears that gave me a marine haircut in a heartbeat. I sat through daily rap sessions that went on from 10:00A.M. to 10:00P.M. then a guy put his arm around me and escorted me to his house. His mother made us a late dinner and we talked more about the days events, I was living with the *** family, they had 2 kids in the seed Eric and Chris C***

My story goes on and on and on but since im not writing a book I will cut it short and just focus in on how the seed helped me. I am very aware of some folks dislike of the seed and how it affected them. The seed saved my ass(so to speak).
I gotta go so I will say that the seed was there when I needed it. Some of you will understand why I found a sanctuary on Highway 84.

Peace and Love to all seedlings,

Good story Dude!!!
Im glad you got close to the inner circle to see Art Barker be himself. I was in the Florida seed from July 1st, 1974 to August17, 1975 when I graduated and we moved to Cleveland. I spent alot of time at the Cleveland seed until I went in the military in feb 77. I never talked to Art but I was around him at times when he was on such a pedastal, he was so lofty, such an ego-maniac. I can just imagine him suspecting his young wife of sleeping around. He-he-he couldnt happen to a nicer guy.

The difficult thing about writing this is that I fell for his charade. Time after time in the summer of 74 he would walk into the middle of the group with Libby and shelly and countless good lookin babes following him around, their eyes sparkled, their faces smiled. Art would tell us about taking over the world and damn if I didnt believe him. He got me but I was young and vulnerable. Oh WELL. Those days are long gone.

Peace and Love to all seedlings,

The Seed Discussion Forum / Did the seed introduce us to a higher power?
« on: January 20, 2005, 02:48:00 PM »
Ive been wondering what role the seed played in my present day spirituality. When we worked the 3rd step-Turned our life and will over to the care of a higher power- Did that mean to assume we had a god of our understanding or to invent one or to use the group as a higher power?
As I remember Jesus Christ was the God of my childhood but I dont remember using him much in my teenage seed years. I did use the mountains, the tree's, the universe as cosmic higher power but I think that was after the seed.

I dont think I learned much about spirituality in the seed as I was taught to rely on self for the power to accomplish whatever it was that I was attempting to do. Why cant I remember learning anything about God? Did any other seedlings have similiar experiences? Let me know.

The Seed Discussion Forum / Happy Anniversary....
« on: January 15, 2005, 11:26:00 AM »
Happy Anniversary Fran,
Thats awesome, 32 years is a long time. Congratulations.
Peace and Love, Jimmy

The Seed Discussion Forum / Impact on my family
« on: January 10, 2005, 11:50:00 AM »
I can already hear Gregg and Ginger jumping all over me for saying that the seed helped my family. Ouch!!!
My mom died 4 years ago, before she did we talked about the seed and my Mom told me that she had come down to visit with me and I wouldnt talk to her very much. That hurts. Remember the seed would call our parents assholes and suggested that we minimized our time with them. God, I wish I had another chance to talk to my Mom

My parents fought every day of their marriage for 47 years, they would have been better off divorcing but they were "good catholics" and hung in there until the end. In 1974 when I went to the seed, my father was a newly recovering alcoholic (Today he is sober 32 years)and my mother fought depression. I was the scape goat in the family, all of my parents incompetence focused on ME and my problems. I was a trouble maker and had been since I was a toddling, when drugs came along at age 13 or 14 I jumped on the suburban bandwagon and smoked pot to relieve my mental frustration with my family. My parents saw my drug experimenting as the root of all my problems when in fact it provided me a shelter from a severe depression which was brought on by my family's dysfunction and my inability to interact with potential friends. To this day I have no idea how my parents scraped up the money to send me to the seed. My Mom rented a trailer in Ft. Lauderdale for a few months and I spent very little time with her. Once again the seed saved my ass and I bounced out of my depression, became drug free and I actually resembled a human being. In other words I was accepted by my 3 sisters as a recovered drug user that had sparkling eyes and was part of the family(however dysfunctional it was). The good things that happened in our family was a result of my father being sober and recovering and my new attitude which I recieved from the seed in Florida.

Some things have occurred which I will not discuss that really fragmented my family to the core.

But from July 1st. 1974 until the summer of 79 when I started drinking and using again my family was really cool, really dysfunctional and pretty much together and loving(to whatever degree was possible).

Did the seed hurt families? Not mine. I saw tremendous improvements in the families with whom I was involved. Remember the purpose of the seed was to help the individual not to re-create perfect families.

I want to say more but dont have time.

More later , Jimmy

The Seed Discussion Forum / Impact on my family
« on: January 10, 2005, 10:45:00 AM »
There WAS a song about "We love Art". I know because I remember the words.

There was a man by the name of Art, that decided to kive kids a bran new start.

So he opened up a building on Andrews street and him and the druggies started to meet.

Yes, we love him.
Yes, we love him

This was the start of all the kids needs so Art decided to call it the seed.

Thats what I remember. Talk about a CULT

The Seed Discussion Forum / Sorry Folks, the Seed helped me!!!
« on: January 08, 2005, 01:02:00 PM »
well eggplant brain(anonymous that can't use a name) tell me what the seed has to do with what happens in your personal life 30 years after the fact. You have no clue what my life is about.

Gregg, that was an interesting list, the first thing I thought of were my days in the Marine Corps. I hated it with all my guts. Blood, sweat and tears(No pun intended). To this day I am proud to have been a jarhead. Imagine that.

Carry that over to my seed experience.

Of course the chairs were hard, security at the doors, Art was a megalo-maniac but the seed saved the pathetic ass of this 15 year old kid and I'm proud to have been a seedling.

The seed mirrors the corps in that they were both successful at their purpose. I survived both, that strenghened me to carry on the fight on a later day.

Day 54 but who's counting

The Seed Discussion Forum / Sorry Folks, the Seed helped me!!!
« on: January 08, 2005, 11:09:00 AM »
I cant belieive I've heard so much anger about the seed program. They saved my ass. 6 months ago when I started into this forum my anger was directed towards the seed but it was indeed from myself. I have somehow forgiven myself and I am grateful and appreciative towards the seed program, Art Barker and the seed staff.

I'm not going to argue your anti-seed rhetoric, help yourself to the resentments. I only know that my life was so incredibly pathetic before the seed and it was largely improved a few months later. You do the math. Duh!

The Seed Discussion Forum / Sorry Folks, the Seed helped me!!!
« on: January 04, 2005, 03:58:00 PM »
I must admit when I was sent to the Seed in Ft. Lauderdale on July 1st, 1974 I was a mess. The Seed helped me put the pieces of the puzzle back together again. So what if the Seed wasnt altruistic in their true purpose, that may or may not have been to empower and finance Art Barker. I can only consider my individual experience which may have been initially rather negative but they saved Humpty-Dumpty by providing a physical enviroment where drugs or alcohol were impossible to obtain. In that enviroment they convinced me that my attitude was backwards and upside down. That occured through lots of moral inventories and countless rap sessions where I was led to believe(rightly so) that drugs(the druggie lifestyle)were bad.

There were vast improvements in my attitude and outlook on life once I became a part of the seed as its wheels turned in my foggy brain. I am sorry that some of you seedlings had more negative experiences than I.  St.Pete may have been more military-like in its younger days, I simply dont know about that. Nor do I have any input concerning other kids rehabs ie. CEDU/ straight inc.

I can say with certainty that I have forgiven Art Barker and ALL the Staff members. I did well in High School and surpassed others in the Marine Corps. My decisions (post seed, 5 years) were healthy ones based on my seedling learning experiences,  to disagree with some I really did learn how to get along with other human beings in the "real world". Both business and pleasure, we learned how to be honest and straight forward which I have found to be a rare quality in todays world. So as I recover(again)from addiction I find myself referring to the ideal's that were GIVEN to me in the seed.

50 day's clean and sober,but who's counting?

Pages: [1] 2 3 4