Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

It's a real shame, the demise of our conversation here.  I stuck around here as long as I could and never had any intention of joinin facecrap.  The last seriously in depth post I left here got almost no response for about 6 months or more, I don't really remember now, but it was quite a while, and I thought it was some of the best stuff I ever wrote.  Everyone except Tampa Survivor was gone.  Thanks for the response Tampa.  I still wouldn't go on facecrap.

...(Redacted by the author)...

The conversation there is nowhere near as deep as it was here.  I grew so much here, with you people, shinin the hard, blinding light.

Facecrap is a shitpile compared to this place.  I don't know how to leave without cutting ties with so many valuable people.  I tried to get people to come back here, where the current aint so mainstream, and a wash, with the program standard, but it looks as though the program wins again.

I'm losin my sense of humor.

I spend too much time, alone in this house brooding on things I am interested in and possibly obsessed by.  Brooding and pacing like a caged animal.  It's tough to scale back my unhealthy levels of alcoholic self indulgence when there's no one else to talk to.  Sometimes I feel sad, like I've missed the love I should'a' had in this life.  I feel so lonesome and unloved and unknown and like all the wisdom I've lived for will just be unloved, unknown, dust of the Earth soon and my life feels meaningless when I consider all that.  I cannot even teach my own daughter the wisdom I've spent my life distilling.  I can only joke about it's worhtlessness with friends.

I envision the depths of the ocean, which is actually more of an unvision than a vision because it is a negation of color, but I can still otherwise sense the depths and the coldness and the feeling that I am a very far way from the safety of my land-dwelling, air-breathing, mothers arms.  Somewhere below and under me I feel a presence waiting for me to sink a little further.  There's a big giant fish just waiting, still, in the darkness.  Just waiting to swallow me whole.  He knows I am there, alone in the cold, deep, dark, salt-water, far from the reach of the sun's ray.  It is my own fear.  It is the vision of the manifestation of my own fears about my life and what it means to me to be 46 and staring at an uncertain and unknown future alone.  This has been an expression of a vision that I have of myself, about to be eaten by a monster fish of the deep ocean.

Last night while I was talkin on the phone I watched a miller maggot crawl over my head across the ceiling.  Submissive-Authoritarian slavery, behavior modification, so it is ... and why doesn't it stop ??  It is as Straight said.  We must do more than simply put a patch over the blood.  The core of the disease is deep, in the roots, in the soil and the water and the very air these days... There was a meaningful conversation here once, worth having, but it has devolved into a Submissive-Authoritarian dream on Facebook.  The internet divides us as it informs us and we trust each other and everything the less for it.  We live indirectly and love does not come through... like it should.  We are bein channelled into the illusions of freedom and responsibility, but we are more the slaves for it.  Don't be fooled by appearances and the seductions of social prestige ... We were in Straight.  We know the better for it. 

I guess I still have a lot to say about Straight and the implications. 

I was already a problem child, for legitimate reasons, from my perspective, and I still view them as legitimate reasons today, although I also acknowledge that I was hurting people in my anger and confusion about the world I was entering into when I was about 14 or 15, 16 years old.  I was placed in Straight Inc. in 1985 as a result of the cumulative effect and my parents inability to relate.

I see now that the trouble goes back far beyond the time I was born or even the time of my parents birth or even my grandparents or their parents either. 

When I consider my trouble, I wonder what they were thinking ... still, there is some wonderment for it.  I think I have spent so long now tenaciously focused on solving the puzzles and realizing truths that I and I have a wide view of the overall social dynamic.

I finally joined face book, even though I think joining fb is one of the surest ways to bring more power to the corrupt authorities already rapin and surveilin the planet.  I got talked into it and now I am in contact with too many people to escape.  Reminds me of Straight, and no wonder why, it is the program.

I don't know what can be done but each person has to become consciously aware of the fundamental dynamic driving each one to submit themselves to the , what I call, "submissive-authoritarian consciousness"

I didn't really want to get into all this on fb, that's just not a very safe forum for discussing such things.  Fornits is better.

Anyway, I been studyin all this now for my whole life and in no formal way but through direct experience, by having made myself a target.  I knew there was trouble comin to me, because I was investigating the system.  I wanted to know what I was up against so I drew it in to me.  Now I know it intimately.  I know where the trouble rests and where it runs.

To avoid difficulty I will cut to the chase now...

Homosapiens have been on the planet for about 190,000 years and we didn't just appear out of thin air.  There's a long evolution, that took millions of years, even for modern humans to evolve from the lower primates.  That is where our DNA comes from.  That is where the roots of our everyday modern behavior are found.  We pretend otherwise, but we are animals.  For millions of years we lived directly in the environment.  Living directly from it.  With it.  It had been a very long and slow process, all that evolving and adapting along the way.

Our modern psychological needs all reach back to those times.  The trouble arises because our ways of living have changed but our ancient psychological needs have not.  We no longer live directly in the way that we did for millions of years.  We are domesticated now.  And ill from it just like the monkeys in the zoo.

We live indirectly, with very specialized jobs, by which we acquire the representative paper, with which can then be purchased from submissive-authoritarian merchants, the things which are needed to live, namely, heat in it's various forms: clothes, food and shelter.  This is a new development in an evolutionary sense and it is causing all kinds of social problems.

I have been realizing for a little while now, that as much as Straigt cast it's net for me, I also sought out the beast, so to see it and know it and live with it if I had to or understand it's weakness or how to slay it if I had to either.

I wasn't just swept up in it randomly.  My own intentions were largely responsible.  That in no way excuses their heinous crimes against my brethren and I and I, but I and I had a strong intuition about the nature of authority and so I went and looked where few dared.  Sounds noble, I know, LOL ... In a way it was, but that's not to say that I didn't also hurt some people before I went to Straight.  I was no saint but my initial rebellion was rooted in the instinctual drive for direct satisfaction from my environment.  I wanted to live directly somehow.  I wanted to experience Life and explore consciousness and know wisdom.  But everything about my world seemed foreign to that 

There was little understanding in my elders of the time our ancestors lived and how they did it.  There was only a submissive-authoritarian consciousness, largely cut off from nature and exploitive and mean and dependent as a result.

I rebelled against that and ended up standing my ground when push came to shove.

There is really an unfathomable psychological void between the way we are evolved to live and the pressure put on everyone by modern social authorities and the commercial/corporate system our society is dependent on.  A case can be made that it is a form of slavery, and the existence of Straight would be evidence to the point.

Civilization itself is generally repressive to our evolutionary nature and psychologically regressive to us as humans as well.     



 

 

...makes it hard to relate.  The way they confuse you and attach you to the wrong notions.  When you go in you have no idea what your in for.  You're not prepared to defend yourself and you've never experienced anything like it.  The shock of your first day.  I, myself wanta say, that I knew the place was fucked from the minute I got there.  I already knew everything was a lie.  The cold intake.  The removal of all your personal affects.  Strip search.  Introduction to group and there you are on front row.  Bein made to sit up and be quiet and pay attention to the person talkin.  I was pretty well taken by surprise and wasnt  at all prepared for their tenacity.  What a subject for an oil painting! ... "The Newcomer On Front Row"... I remember one of the other new kids on front row spoke directly to me and asked me if I wanted to make a run for that door with him.  I didnt even respond.  I looked at him for a second and then played it cool.  I didnt motivate but I sat up and paid attention.

I ran from the host home on my first morning.  They wouldnt let me read the paper or use the telephone or watch any tv or even over-hear the radio.  All connection to the outside world was cut off.  That first night, they took my clothes and the host parents alarmed me into a dark furnitureless room with 4 other strange boys whom Id never met before.  We sat there in our underwear.  In the dark.  I listened as the others confessed their powerlessness and talked about their past.  The one kid talked about shoving the handle of a screwdriver up his ass.  I was a virgin, had never heard of such things.  It was a sleepless night for me.  

In the morning, after some breakfast, I was given my shoes to put on.  The oldcomer worked his hand through my back beltloop and twisted his hand securely around the waistband of my jeans and we were escorted out through the kicthen door, into the attached 2 car garage, but the station wagon was in the driveway.  We walked out through the open garage door and I bolted.  I guess I got a pretty good jump cause I turned around long enough to see my oldcomer on the ground holding out his arm after me and gripping my ripped sleeve in his hand.

...Anyway, I ran for the woods, but made the mistake of running across a freshly plowed field, which was like runnin on beach sand.  My oldcomer ran around the field and thereby made  time on me.  I made it into the woods but it was about noon on a Sunday.  I was trying to get to Burke Lake, where I knew I could find some friends or a ride somewhere.  But I couldnt believe the way this kid chased me.  I was a good runner too.  He was tenacious.  I regret to this day that I didnt just push on through those woods ahead of him that day, but I gave up with a pounding headache and no air left to suck and he caught up to me and threatened to beat the shit out of me and I told him to go 'head.  He put me in a head lock and started draggin me back through the woods, then his dad showed up and he got me in a head lock too, but from the other side and they both dragged me back to the station wagon and I got confronted all the way inot the building that day.  And when I arrived at the building I was thrown into an intake room, where I was made to sit straight up in a plastic chair, while bein violently confronted and spit on for about a half a day by 5th phasers and senior and executive staff.  After that I was re-introduced to group with full cop-out honors and heavily confronted and made fun of and degraded and humilliated again, this time by the group.  Who remembers starry-eyed pirate ??!!!!  

I was put back on front row and that night in dismissal line they gave me a different host home.  One way out in the MD countryside about 2 hours from the building, so I wouldnt try to run again.  That was my first 30 hours in the program.  The next day, I put in a withdraw and requested a conference with my parents, but they refused to meet with me.  I remember that other kid who came in right around the same time as me but his folks took him out after about 6 days.  By my 3rd day I had begun to fake it, even though you cant really fake it, because once you've compromised your values you've taken the fatal sip.

If you dont know from personal experience you can imagine the effect that such treatment would have on a keen and already troubled lad.  I tell you this story in order to demonstrate the way they attack the social coping mechanisms.  They way they open your psyche up to the knife, roll you back on your heels and take advantage of your inability to cope.  You are psychologically shocked out of your sense of self.  There is nothing to hold onto.  You dont exist, and you wont exist until you embrace the ideology of the program.

At this point in my life I am realizing the devastating effect that this treatment has had on me.  Specifically how the lack of any normal, organically manifested social coping mechanisms and a Straight instilled conscience, predisposed to guilt and shame have made me a slave.

Even when you can understand the dynamic it is very difficult to change such entrenched behavior patterns.  The cult expert Janja Lalich states that survivors of cults may experience many years of guilt confusion.

Remember how if you weren't completely honest about every little detail of your thoughts and/or emotions the guilt would surface and you would be revealed as FOS.  People were constantly confessing their dishonesties to the group.  Sometimes when this dynamic was taken to the extreme people would experience what were called "head-games".  These were the manifestations of neurotic guilt and those suffering from this effect would have to stand up in group and confess their doubts about their own honesty and even self-honesty, etc.

I'm just sayin this attack on the social coping skills combined with the establishment of the guilty conscience and the confusion that results will result in endless unnecessary suffering if it isnt recognized for what it is.  The chains of the slaver thrown over the youth.

Fuck Straight.  Fuck Authority.  People are not commodities.

 :poison:    :poison:

...??

The economy is my enemy.  It enables a few to control the many.  It allows the wealthy few to usurp the natural rights of the many to the land.

If we learned anything from cybernetics didn't we learn that we're all in group and the best thing that anybody can do is to cop out ?!?!

What is the economy anyway  It's a form of slavery.  The people should cry for their land rights not their jobs.

And I aint thankin any vets for my brainwash-freedom neither.

Peace.

It's real late and I been tryin to get some cohesion around this idea for a post for about a week now...

Any belief is a sort of dogma that interrupts the transcendental attenuation.  You know, by that I mean, it takes you out of the present and chains you to the future.  I don't know.  I didn't know what "Transcendentalism" was until I was several years out of $tr8 Inc.  I remember my own original, childhood, concept of God, as abstracted in the form of an orange circle.  I would somehow be daydreaming of God as an orange circle, just there for me to see.  I went to several different religious houses.  There was always a lot I didn't like, mostly the authority, on the other hand something was there too.  It was the transcendent.

Sitting on front row my first week in the program, I had the feeling they wanted to beat the transcendental attenuation outta me.  The transcendental is unattached and before I was in $tr8 Inc, I was in a lot of trouble for not having developed the expected social attachments.

I wasn't nothin really, but a punk kid with an arrogant attitude.  Well what I mean is that I've always known the spiritually just and the wicked.  Sometimes ego driven and other times completely free and unattached and therefore incapable of injustice or guilt.  The authorities I confronted in my search for knowledge all tried to instill attachment.  It's their only hope for enslavement.  $tr8 Inc. finally succeeded.  

It's so difficult to put into words, how many religions have tried ??  but that is what authority fears most.  The individual who has experienced the transcendental nature does not respond to temporal threats.  Fuck $tr8.  

Transcendental Anarchy.