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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Re: CEDu Watch
« on: January 28, 2008, 11:56:23 PM »
nin-
i don't know you or your 16 year old son, but if there is anything that this long long journey has taught me, its that you should never EVER believe that anyone can help your child more than you can yourself.
educate yourself, see a therapist yourself, explore yourself and above all, trust your child even if you don't think they are trustworthy.
there is nothing that fosters bad behavior more than an atmosphere of mistrust.
there is nothing that fosters good behavior more than an atmosphere of trust.
don't believe anyone who tells you that you aren't the best thing for your child. maybe you have made mistakes, everyone does. maybe there are areas you need to improve, so be the example and improve.
the biggest thing in my life has been to see my mom grow. more than anything she ever told me, seeing her recognize her own weaknesses, and grow, admit her own imperfections, and continue to have self respect taught me that i was capable of doing the same.
you know, this world is very very very very messed up. your child is probably confused by many of the lies and double standards and dysfunction in the world that you have already found ways to cope with.
respect your child. respect their need for independance and try and foster it. respect their differences. respect their god given right to make mistakes and fail and thus learn and grow. trust in their ability to learn and grow.
and for god's sake, dont beleive the hype! if your son is smoking pot or dropping acid or even doing speed, don't freak out and assume he is bound to be an addict for the rest of his life!!! in fact, if anything was to ensure that possibility it would be if you cut him off and abandoned him now in this his hour of need.
and i promise you, anywhere you send him now will only seem that way to him.
my advice? talk to him. tell him your honest concerns. make yourself vulnerable to him. treat him with as a peer, with respect, honor his opinions and consider them, allow him to speak his mind, resist the temptation to talk him out of his mistaken perspectives and have faith in his ability to see the truth for himself.
and if you are truly worried about him developping a drug problem or something, talk to him openly about your fears, and then let it go. give him time to process and consider what you have said, and don't react to what may seem to you to be him blowing off what you have said. it takes time, and it takes trust.
our society has a very poor track record when it comes to helping teens, as evidenced by all these myriad programs that have been developped to sometimes help and sometimes pray on frustrated parents like you.
but i am telling you right now, no one can help your child better than you, no one, no organization, no idea, no religion, no set of activities, nothing. teens need to be allowed to make their own mistakes, and know that their parents will be there to love them no matter what.
and again, look to yourself. be the change you want to see in him.
i don't know you or your 16 year old son, but if there is anything that this long long journey has taught me, its that you should never EVER believe that anyone can help your child more than you can yourself.
educate yourself, see a therapist yourself, explore yourself and above all, trust your child even if you don't think they are trustworthy.
there is nothing that fosters bad behavior more than an atmosphere of mistrust.
there is nothing that fosters good behavior more than an atmosphere of trust.
don't believe anyone who tells you that you aren't the best thing for your child. maybe you have made mistakes, everyone does. maybe there are areas you need to improve, so be the example and improve.
the biggest thing in my life has been to see my mom grow. more than anything she ever told me, seeing her recognize her own weaknesses, and grow, admit her own imperfections, and continue to have self respect taught me that i was capable of doing the same.
you know, this world is very very very very messed up. your child is probably confused by many of the lies and double standards and dysfunction in the world that you have already found ways to cope with.
respect your child. respect their need for independance and try and foster it. respect their differences. respect their god given right to make mistakes and fail and thus learn and grow. trust in their ability to learn and grow.
and for god's sake, dont beleive the hype! if your son is smoking pot or dropping acid or even doing speed, don't freak out and assume he is bound to be an addict for the rest of his life!!! in fact, if anything was to ensure that possibility it would be if you cut him off and abandoned him now in this his hour of need.
and i promise you, anywhere you send him now will only seem that way to him.
my advice? talk to him. tell him your honest concerns. make yourself vulnerable to him. treat him with as a peer, with respect, honor his opinions and consider them, allow him to speak his mind, resist the temptation to talk him out of his mistaken perspectives and have faith in his ability to see the truth for himself.
and if you are truly worried about him developping a drug problem or something, talk to him openly about your fears, and then let it go. give him time to process and consider what you have said, and don't react to what may seem to you to be him blowing off what you have said. it takes time, and it takes trust.
our society has a very poor track record when it comes to helping teens, as evidenced by all these myriad programs that have been developped to sometimes help and sometimes pray on frustrated parents like you.
but i am telling you right now, no one can help your child better than you, no one, no organization, no idea, no religion, no set of activities, nothing. teens need to be allowed to make their own mistakes, and know that their parents will be there to love them no matter what.
and again, look to yourself. be the change you want to see in him.