Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

So, does ADD exist?  Or do kids just need to get out of the house and run and play in the neighborhood and burn off that extra energy?

Do conduct disorders truly exist?  Or are kids acting out for parental approval and attention because parents are too caught up in a materialist culture?

Do personality disorder actually exist?  Or are kids messed up who have been institutionalized since birth?  

Are we too quick to allow ourselves to be victims and not take responsibility for our actions?  Do other countries have such alarming rates of medicating their children and do their doctors ship them off to psychiatrists and institutions when things go haywire?

Rhetorical questions I know, but I do desire to understand the big picture...

OK.  So who is to blame?  The parent for believing what the medical profession is telling them?  "Your child has a conduct disorder.  He must be medicated into oblivion."  Or is is the medical professionals who are simply giving parents what they ask for?  A label.  A prescription to "fix" the problem.  Or is it a societal problem?

Gosh.  I wish I had such simplistic answers.  I know that we were told by professionals that "your daughter is depressed, manic, borderline.  Here is a scrip for her every ill".  I'm glad that I didn't buy into it.  However, I do have a child who would like to pop a pill for everything from weight loss, to acne, to a good nights sleep.  I don't know where she gets this, but I do know it is difficult to get her to understand that losing weight requires cutting calories and exercising.  That acne requires taking good care of her skin consistently.  

So yes we do tend to slap labels on our kids.  It is wrong.  I think many kids take their label as their identity.  A terrible obstacle to overcome.
But, again, whose to blame.  And more importantly, how do we change it?[ This Message was edited by: Truth Searcher on 2005-09-07 11:29 ]

Nonconformistlaw~
Thank you for sharing that with me.  That is why I am here.  Do I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did the right thing?  No.  I probably will never know that.  Anymore than knowing that weaning her at 12 months instead of 24 months was the "right" thing.

I only know that I did not know what else to do.  

If it was the wrong decision, I am open to her telling me that.  I am even open to telling parents to never send a child to a program, if I come to believe that it is never beneficial and never a resort (even a last one).  Since we placed our daughter people are coming out of the woodwork to talk to us about our decision.  And I feel some responsibility to them and their children before sharing our experience.  I would never want to steer someone toward a placement if it is not in the best interest of that family.  

I honestly came to this forum to learn about other people's experiences.  But, God, I'm about ready to pack my bags, as I can't seem to get some others to understand my true desire to see the other side of the same coin.

I guess the label "parent" has labeled me as a pariah.

"If it's so great, why not get some free advertising?"

Ummmmm ..... that would be like advertising beef products on a forum designed, run by and frequented by vegetarians.  Make me laugh...  :lol:

On 2005-08-13 05:26:00, Dysfunction Junction wrote:


You're very fond of saying you won't discuss the particulars of your child's placement because it "leads to bashing,"  but you sit here and bash just the same.

If you don't like Niles, fine.  Don't engage him then.

That being said, you are still just acting like a child, using ad hominem attacks and attempting to "character assassinate" someone who you don't even know, simply because you are at an utter loss to refute his arguments.  

Try acting like an adult for a change and EXPLAIN exactly WHY "your program" is a good one.  Name the program, explain how your child was diagnosed and with what disorder and tell us how the treatment plan that your program drafted addressed your child's psychological and social maladaption.

Please, we're all eager to hear about a good program so that we may point struggling parents to a place that won't actually abuse and neglect their child."

DysJunc~
It appears to me that you are confusing me with ANON (Andrea).  I did not engage Nihl.  I did not bash him.  In fact, I never even responded to him. I refuse to respond to judgmental name calling.  I am not at an "utter loss" to refute his arguments.  It would be a waste of my breath.  

Insofar as you think me acting childish.... well I just plain don't get that.  Sounds a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.

As I explained earlier, I am not willing to disclose the program my daughter attended.  Would be like a lamb being led to slaughter.  No thanks.

I was told that I had no business telling my daughters story.  That it was her story alone to tell.

So, the bottom line is this.  If you truly want to affect change, you are going about it ass-back wards IMHO.  Instead of attacking people who are really trying to understand the ugly side of this institution, I suggest you be a little less hostile and a little more approachable.

If I was a less gritty person, for sure I would have high tailed it out of here after my first reading.  But, I really, really want to hear your stories, suggestions, and ideas to better regulate this industry.

You know the old adage.... you attract more flies with sugar.

Try to imagine for one minute that I am a parent who deeply cares about kids (mine and others who are very troubled).  That I am a parent who made a responsible placement for my cherished child.  Imagine for a minute that she was not abused, and is not scarred from her experience.  Imagine that it may have addressed/alleviated some very serious emotional, psychological, and social issues in her life.  Imagine that there are caring individuals (professionals) who really desire to help kids and are not motivated by financial recompense.  And then maybe, we can have a dialog and learn from one another.

On 2005-08-12 09:14:00, Three Springs Waygookin wrote:

" The experiences your daughter went through are hers, and hers alone to share.  

Afraid that I have a bit of a differing opinion.  Her experience is hers ~ that is true.  But, it was not hers alone.

When she was hurting, I was there holding her hand and drying her tears.  When she was stoned into unconsciousness, I was the one who rode in the ambulance.  I was the one who cleaned up the vomit from one too many beers.

Her CHOICES were and still are hers alone.  But, when your a mom, you suffer the consequences right along with them.  

That's what family does.  Rejoices with you.  And sometimes suffers with you.

Perhaps I misspoke myself when I said I may share her experiences (as in telling you all her story).  I could only share the experience of parenting her.  But, make no mistake, I "shared" her experiences and by remaining a part of her life, I always will.

OK.... well we really got off track.

I came looking for advise, from people who have some insider understanding of less than reputable programs.  I have suspicious about the tactics used at New Horizons Youth Camp in Rexford Montana.  I have utilized the advise offered here.  I turned up nothing.

How we ended up on Paul Cummings and MY daughters program I haven't a clue.

And perhaps in time I will chose to disclose my daughters experience.  But for the time being I choose not to.  Imagine yourselves on a home-schooling forum, with parents who abhor the thoughts of a public education.  And imagine being asked to disclose the name of the public school where they attend.  And in your limited experience (with this said forum)you feel that the public school is going to be torn to shreds and your position/decision as a parent is going to be hung out to dry.  So that is my position..... and I stand by it.

Thanks for listening.