Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Why would anyone give up drinking in China? My god... Drinking is your higher power in China.. it is how you get through each day.. Without it.. life would be hell.

victory gin or DEATH comrade!

I wish I could understand being attached to an abusive shitbag, because I've already had to let half of my family go on account of their bullshit, and really don't miss a damn thing.

I dont understand it either. Nor do I wish to. Im always thankful my (bio) parents had the good sense to know they had no business being parents.

Several of my friends have the misfortune of possessing truly toxic parents. One of my friends has a mom who is schizophrenic, and did awful things to her as a child. (she obsessed over teeth. telling her that she was shameful and had to get them fixed, only to take her to a barely capable dentist who then disfigured and ruined them. It has taken her years of dental work to get everything fixed.) Another friend has a mom who is a narcissist. An instance of her parenting was chastising my friend when she was a child, because she wrote her mother a song for her birthday. Her mother got angry because she explicitly told her that she wanted a dustbuster instead, and that she was an awful, selfish child.

I don't even want to get into what my fiancee went through.

These are simply examples of a greater pathology, not isolated incidents.


Despite all of this, my friends have maintained a relationship with their problem parents. However, they have learned to make it on their terms. At certain times, it got so bad that it required things like cutting off all contact, or getting a restraining order. Regardless, in the end, they said "what am I going to do? She's my mom/he's my dad, for better or worse." and are always drawn back to re-establishing contact when it is safe to do so. The key thing here is, it is the son or daughter who is calling the shots about when it is and is not appropriate to be in contact. However, it is always painful and emotionally trying.

Conversely, I don't understand the bond thing. I've had people explain it to me, and I find it fascinating. I've also exchanged notes with my friends who are adopted, like myself. We love for our parents, and that was developed and nurtured. Most of us, despite the fact that our parents are loving and supportive, could go for months without contact and not feel a thing. We love them, but we feel no connection at some gut level. My fiancee was staying with me for a few weeks, (we live about three hours away) and said "I have to go back home for a few days. I miss my mom."

I said "What? You miss your mom?" The thought boggled my mind. I hadn't been back home in 20 years. (I see my mom about once a year, but I don't go back to NY.) I thought "Wow, I forget how young she is. That's kind of immature."

Then I realized, that's NORMAL. Even when a kid has problem parents, it's normal. It seems to me that a lot of times, you actually have to go against nature to sever ties, even if it's temporary.

Whereas some adopted kids (at least the friends I know) well.. we have to work to stay connected. There was no slight or transgression by our parents to warrant it, we all come from different backgrounds.

If my parents had been crazy and toxic as some of my friends' parents?? I honestly don't know if I would have any problem never looking back.


Keep in mind that these are all personal incidents from my friends and myself. I have no idea if this pertains to the greater population.

A teenage adoptee struggling to connect with parents and caregivers

 :timeout:   Whoa, whoa whoa.. What?


It sounds like English is probably your second language, so Im not sure if this means what I think it does. But.. kids who were simply adopted?.... Programs are targeting this as a sole criteria now? Like, you're supposed to help with the fact that they were adopted? Like it's some serious headfuck that you're a teen and were adopted?

Is it just CALO doing this? Is this a new program thing? Send your kid to us since they were adopted?


If this is the case, and Im reading this copy right... wow. I.. uh.

fuck... that's just....  

I would recommend staying the fuck away from this forum. At least, until you've worked some things out... or better yet, stay away altogether. This place is definitely not for therapy, and everyone here is about as qualified to help as all of those fuckers who tormented you at CEDU. (hell, some of us might *have* been those fuckers. just depends on the rap.)

You said you've ended up 5150 a few times. That's some serious shit. Don't fuck around here. Get some real help.

If you ever feel like trying to place everything into a societal context, you know, tying up loose ends on the history, who started what, where the main players are now, an intellectual understanding of the methods of coercion (primal scream, LGAT, bioenergetic analysis, synanon crap) there might be some things this forum can help with. Or if you just want to fuck around and troll, this dive is a perfect match.

At the very least, I'd recommend developing a total and complete indifference to what happens on the internet before deciding to come back.


As to suggestions regarding working things out. Be with friends, people you love and trust. People who are willing to listen. Therapy. (CBT is good. Some people swear by EMDR, but I hated it.) The therapist should be able to help with stuff regarding the methods CEDU used, even if he or she may not know too much of the history. At the very least, they should be able to assist with diagnosing if  you have long-term PTSD. If you still have your old notebooks, and have the stomach to look at them, bring them to sessions and go over what you feel comfortable sharing with the therapist. That  helped me a lot.

(next day EDIT: Although the above paragraph is technically therapeutic advice, so I'd recommend that the only thing  you take out of it is to get to a therapist, and let them suggest a course of action.)


Just steer the fuck clear of survivors. We suck and can't help you with much. I'm serious.

A conversation between two CEDU survivors is pretty much two people talking to themselves about their own experience. Trust me. I do it too. Self-absorption at its finest.

Run in the other direction as fast as you can. Don't look back.


Hopefully, you already have, since this post was a while ago. Stop bumping old threads, Ursus. You should be sleeping in your bear-hole by now, anyway.

Agreed re: egomaniac. Case in point: look at his fucking half-wit of a wife. did he hire someone to go into some unidentified rainforest in the pacific rim and capture the village whore, board her up in a wooden crate, ship her to his office, and then have a bunch of migrant workers teach her english?

he's also unbelievably stupid. if you're going to be an egomaniac, or a sociopath or something like that, have some fucking brains.. have a REASON to have an ego. be good at something besides making stupid giant mylar balloons that may or may not contain children.