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Messages - Withdraw

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391
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / sqwawking (talking behind backs)
« on: October 27, 2004, 10:49:00 AM »
Personally I don't care about your choice, it doesn't bother me at all. I was telling you about my choice. Both are valid. I agree w/ both points of view.

392
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / sqwawking (talking behind backs)
« on: October 26, 2004, 10:59:00 PM »
I mainly mean records of my name , address and phone... getting out there. Sure Id love to see the notes in my record... as many would .

393
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Common Ground
« on: October 26, 2004, 10:57:00 PM »
To correct  my post.. The memory has returned, It was Leslie Murd*n. She was evil to me.

394
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / @
« on: October 26, 2004, 05:06:00 PM »
I have to agree the strenght in knowing I was not going to conform kept me alive. It was about integrity and honor, I would stand up and say that over and over. I guess that is why they finally kinda ~let me rot~, I also didnt spend over 6 months  in there, so what I did worked to get me out. either way I was left scarred forever.

395
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Survivors and the Cult of Victimization
« on: October 26, 2004, 01:51:00 PM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-09-22 23:27 ]

396
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Survivors and the Cult of Victimization
« on: October 26, 2004, 11:21:00 AM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-09-22 23:27 ]

397
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / sqwawking (talking behind backs)
« on: October 26, 2004, 11:17:00 AM »
Fear is big for me. I am searching for a way to make it stop. I am not afraid of dieing, I am afraid of having to survive another trauma... I tell you  That place messed  me up pretty bad , and I mean it. [ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-09-22 23:37 ]

398
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / sqwawking (talking behind backs)
« on: October 26, 2004, 10:25:00 AM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-09-22 23:36 ]

399
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / .
« on: October 26, 2004, 10:14:00 AM »
The small guy , Paul( maybe, but that just doesnt really feel like his name ). I think his last name was Brown. He would try to look all controling at me, but I could see it was a sick sexual thing. He would kinda flirt w/ me using his staff'ness to try to get me to befriend him. He even called me at home after I was withdrawn.

I remember feeling afraid he would try to get my alone someplace. I was even more afraid when he contacted me once I was home, Like w/in a couple weeks after my withdraw. He was spooky to me.

400
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / .
« on: October 26, 2004, 10:09:00 AM »
You know I bet that exc. staff lady I was talking about in another post  , who I went back after 2 yrs and asked to see and wanted my records.. (she threw me off the property) , I bet that was Leslie Mur*** not Susanne Byr*..I Hated Leslie M, the absolute most.. She is the one who hurt me alot verbally and emotionally, I was gonna make her face me , Pfft.. she just threw me off the property, She knew I would make a scene. I had ALOT to say to her...It was good to know she feared me on the outside.. LOL  

Jojo R. was ok, After being withdrawn I started to go to AA. I could conform to that  for my parents, since I did drink before Straight ( not alot, but I could see there was some kind of problem since I was 13-14 ) ,I Met some ok friends there, gave me people to talk to and I didn't have to spend all my time at home. I asked Jojo to speak at my 1 yr ann. She came, I was shocked.I wonder if that was against her "program" me being a withdraw.. It was kinda funny she talked pro Straight and my other speaker was waaay against it. LOL

I read someplace Steve T. passed ? Is that true ?

I remember alot of the staff you mentioned as well Shady Grove. Tim Fr*e and his brother were on phases while I was in there, had come from Fla ? or something .. The Jr/Sr staff who were meanest to me were some of the guys, and Lisa D. ( passed ?)and Sue Benn*t (saw her several years ago working as a Vet , Poor animals ) I could hardly contain my anger.

Jason H. would come sit next to me in group and try to get me to talk , he was ok. He atleast showed some compassion. That was when they finally sat me in the back and started  telling me they were gonna let me rot back there.. so I just sat quietly until some looser ( yep I'll say Looser , I was minding my own buisness by then )  higher phaser would get cockey and touch me ( try to pick up my arms or shove knuckles down my  back) then Id still consider it ASSULT and defend my integrity.. WTF , why did I never go to the police after I got out, It was

P.S. **I must be feeling alot of anger seeing all these staff names..

401
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / .
« on: October 25, 2004, 06:14:00 PM »
I was there 4-86 to 10 -86.
 
 Karen C, was surely NO misbehavior when I was there ...she was all program.

 Staf I remember :Lisa D, Kirim ,Kelly S., Glenn S., Steve T., Paul ?( maybe) Small guy blonde hair , Jason H, Sue Be*n, Suzanne By**, Paula P., Who was the really tiny lady jr/sr staff?, Jim G.

Thats all I remember atm, So many faces w/o names.

402
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / .
« on: October 24, 2004, 03:23:00 PM »
Hrmm, Karen C. was on staff ? I was in there with her. I still feel bad for knocking her glasses off. It is one of my very clear memories. :eek:

403
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / @
« on: October 24, 2004, 03:19:00 PM »
Sorry no content from last post...I typed it  , I really did.LOL, it went Poof!

 No, I dont remember that name Kelly . There was a Kelly R.

 When I was in Straight , Yep I thought of those who Complied as ~weak~.. then I grew up. I realized that we all did what ever it took to survive, knowing as individuals it was the best way for us. Like I said before I often "gamed " with the thought of there being something wrong w/ me because I could not comply... Sure I look back now and realize in small ways I had complied,and mostly removed myself from what was going on.
 In the end I have great Honor for all of us who endured Straight however we had to.

404
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / @
« on: October 23, 2004, 10:36:00 PM »

405
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / @
« on: October 23, 2004, 08:22:00 PM »
Actually by like 5 months of being un responsive to their program, most had just let me do whatever , as long as I wasn't running or hurting someone. Like they all just gave up on me. That was the best time in Straight, I was all alone in a big crowd, but people stopped picking me out.I had alot of time in my head, and no one cared. Cept the weekly review I was always stood up during that.I'd usually yell back , get thrown to the floor, then it was time to go to the host house. I just became so disascoiated by that time, it no longer mattered what they did to me. Although now I know that  time in there  has left me not quite right....

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