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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Lars, you accuesed me of baiting people when you just wanted to get something off your chest.  I have no issue with you getting stuff off your chest, but since I loved Hyde, I will take issue with your attempts to sway parents, and to provide a contrary opinion.  You in turn have responded with viturperative name calling and judgements.  (Something I am probably guily of as well.)



I would rather we just debate the issues, but you made a specific post NOT ABOUT your experience but about me and the pro-Hyde people.  If you don't like my response, that's your problem, but I will do my best to honestly represent the good and bad about Hyde and try my best (not always possible) to not make this personal.



That said, when people like Tom Allan who experience Hyde for six months and ran away three times become one of the dominant posters here, along with Antigen, then I will question all of you.  I don't know your facts, but I do know Tommy left long before he had the chance to get it....a small number leave Hyde like Tommy, and his posts are less than authorative."

People like myself get angry whem you bait us (and you do, whether you realize it or not.  It's a well known Hyde technique.) because we had a truly painful experience - something you just don't seem to understand.  Maybe you don't mean it that way, but it comes across as malicious.  I spent three years there and graduated with a diploma.  I went through it all - 2/4, "auditions, "Family Learning Centers," "attitude trips," wrestling, getting reamed out for not snitching on others, sleep deprivation, and many other practices that I've becomed convinced over time (if I wasn't convinced at the time I endured them) are emotionally harmful.

If you loved it, wonderful for you.  I know some kids & their families who thought it was a lifesaver.  But for many, the "round peg in square hole" cliche sums it up very well.  And I believe beyond any doubt that many of their practices and techniques are abusive, demeaning, and, in the case of their "seminars," dangerous theraputic malpractice.

I hated it everyday I was there, even after I learned to play their games and mouth their catchphrases. I just remember going off to college and not being able to stop smiling as I strolled around campus, even when I'd had nightmares about being back at Hyde and being told that I had to spend yet another year there.  I remember getting my first college report card and seeing that I'd made the dean's list. No "lacks effort," or "needs to be more of leader," just the letter "A."  I remember standing in the warm Arizona sunshine and feeling human again.

And that's why I won't set foot on the Hyde campus ever again.  Why my charitable donations go elsewhere.  Why I'd like to warn prospective parents about the place.

That's it - all the bile I needed to spill, all the warning I can give.  If any prospective students or parents on this board want to know about anything I went through, just ask.  I'll peruse these boards from time to time. Until then....

Anybody here notice how the pro-Hyde folks just can't resist trying to bait the people who are trying to get some things off their chests?  Their sarcasm and condescension are a perfect example of why this place fosters an unhealthy mentality.

On 2005-11-10 15:38:00, Anonymous wrote:

"So there was nothing good there?"

Leaving for college was good.   :lol:

We didn't get to choose anything.  Getting up and doing this crap may  have made some people feel braver, but from what I remember, the people who enjoyed this were the weak-minded types who bought into the cult hook, line & sinker.

While it's true that forcing one's self to do things they don't enjoy is part of succeeding in life, Hyde had an unhealthy fetish for that kind of thing.

Thank you for your articulate and well-written post.  For former students like myself, it's hard to write about past experiences at Hyde without letting the rage seep out, especially when we've got at least one of the brainwashed Hyde types on the board bringing back terrible memories by sounding just like the faculty did - condescending, arrogant & dismissive. Every day there I woke up with my stomach in knots, dreading what was to come.  I hope that someday the Gaulds will come to understand how much pain and misery they have caused (and, from the sound of it, continue to inflict on weak-minded & desperate families).  But I'm not holding my breath.  We just need to get the word out.  If this board causes one just one family to avoid putting their kid through hell, its worth it to be reliving some of the terrible experiences that I left behind.

   [ This Message was edited by: Lars on 2005-11-10 10:17 ][ This Message was edited by: Lars on 2005-11-10 10:18 ]

I could go into extensive detail and I have in other posts, but I'll sum it up this way:  I gradutated from Hyde, I've done quite well for myself (with a great career & family), and I would NEVER send my kids there.  And I'd advise propesctive parents to look elsewhere.

My soul's just fine, thank you.  I couldn't care less what a bitter, jealous loser like yourself thinks - my wife & kids' opinions are what's important to me.  People are here to vent and tell their stories - you just want to bait people.

In my profession (criminal defense litigation including 5 years as public defender and two in private practice), I've learned that you can't simply judge others and presume to know what's best for their lives and their souls. My clients are some of the biggest knuckleheads you'll ever meet.  But I've learned to be understanding, to be a problem solver, to see the light, however small it may be, along with the darkness in people's souls.  Hyde didn't teach that - I learned it in the real world.  That's what you Hyde fanatics don't understand, that there are greater and deeper truths and values than the drivel preached by the Gaulds.

But I suppose you can keep telling me I don't get it, if it makes you feel better. :lol:

On 2005-11-06 12:27:00, Anonymous wrote:

"

Quote

On 2005-11-06 11:15:00, Lars wrote:


"To the former parent who thinks a wimp's been writing this stuff:





Maybe your kid discovered himself there, but for others like myself, the true discovery and growth occured after we escaped from their repressive one size fits all program.





I became more outgoing and personable AFTER I left.





I discovered I was a top student AFTER I left.





I became happy and confident AFTER I left.





And by the way, I was a lot tougher, both physically and mentally, than most of the true believers there.  Believe it. :wink: "

See that's the thing about Hyde.  It doesn't always "work" right in the moment.  All change takes time.  If this is all true about you, I would argue that maybe Hyde DID work for you and you just don't realize it.  Or moreso, you don't realize where your life would have gone without that foundation.  I know you will dispute this, but your experience is similar to mine.  I was distraught at HYde, but deep down inside I knew they were giving me something that no one else ever had, and slowly later in life as I pulled things together, it was the Hyde teachings that I relied upon to guide me."

Have you even listened to a word I've been saying?   What foundation?  What values - snitching on others?  Humiliating them emotionally?  Assuming you know what's good for all other people, regardless of what their problems might be?  Intolerance for dissent?  As time has gone by, I have come to realize that Hyde set back my emotional and intellectual development by at least three years.  It wasn't anything I learned at Hyde that got me going towards that success I've experienced.  Proper medication and therapy were critical. It was also the realization that I actually had some things going for me in terms of talent, character (yes, character) and personality that could never flourish in a place where others were trying to mold me into something I was not.

Why can't the folks who love Hyde realize that it's not the right kind of place or belief system for a lot of people?  Why can't they realize that some people succeed in spite of the place instead of because of it?

I've reflected on this for the last fifteen years, and I've come to the conclusion that it was not a very helpful or valuable experience (except to the extent that I learned to not be so judgmental towards others).  To put it another way, I'm a pretty successful person and I would NEVER send my kids there.  If they turn out to have serious emotional or educational problems, we'll look elsewhere.[ This Message was edited by: Lars on 2005-11-06 13:11 ][ This Message was edited by: Lars on 2005-11-06 13:17 ]