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« on: May 03, 2005, 07:20:00 PM »
`This is really really important, what you guys are doing
thought a lot about my experience at MMS-since I have left. I have alot of respect for your intentions. I also have due respect and gratitude for what I recieved from MMS (for example being told to do things I didn't want to do, the truth being that I didn't want to do anything anybody told me to do, because I had my answers on life itleast I thought I did) elements that you all are pointing at and calling abusive.
The truth is one MMS has changed ten fold since I have been there and has a completely different face since you graduated.
I find most of the posting here especially the letter to Colleen un professional, and based in self-centered fear. I have read alot of posts and my observation is that they are mostly pleas of righteous pride and anger, this unfortunately does not help anyone. And especially does not serve as anything useful because there is nothing here that can really be used agianst MMS ( this seems to be your intention, "to shut down the school.") When ever I have something I need to look at in my life and I find my self righteously angry about it and blaming someone else for my life-I have to ask my self and sit with this question, "After all didn't I set the ball rolling?"
I will never be able to deny experience there, I think about it everyday. Reading through all of these postings leaves me in still more ambiguity about what the majority of MMS Alum have to say about their time spent there.
Though I really thought about your statement earlier, "how you wouldn't send your daughters to MMS." And the truth is that I wouldn't either, I wouldn't wish my brian, issues, and hard time on anybody especially my children, and the last thing in the world I would want to do is send them away anywhere. My parents loved me that was not enough, because no one was raising me. This place was made to help young girls to grow up into women. And yeah it was a process of separating the women from the girls. My experience there wasn't supposed to be easy, I was being sent to treatment, because I was not living life, I was dying.
Maybe I shouldn't have children then because Being a teenage girl in this world is throughly uncomfortable. Though all I can talk about is my experience, being that I was safer and growing @ MMS. And I think that a question that I would like to pose is what would have become of you if you weren't sent there? I know for me that I definately would not be in college, perhaps dead, on the streets, with no dreams, and still know idea of how to ask for help.
Not everyone has the backbone and fortitude to learn from this tough love based institution and come out better for having gone and Then there is the other outcome feeling abused and worse for having gone. I beleive that I came out of this insitution better for having gone.
Though I have had to still have my own experience of life after MMS. I have been angry and i have thought some things wrong about MMS. Yeah I got thrown away by my family, and sent to montana for two years, no boys, no alcohol, and I felt like those two years were stolen in some way. I had to work through this stuff after I graduated. Left standing is that those two years were the most important two years out of my young adult life, and I learned the most, and grew the most when I was there. I am still learning from my experience there, and agian I am not saying that I am on a pink cloud because @ MMS I learned some hard ass shit, like that my Mom was dying and I didn't want her to, my Dad had a drinking problem, I learned I was an alcoholic there, I learned that I had to live everyday to its fullest because needless to say we are all at risk for something, but I knew what I was at risk for the same thing my mirroring image, my mother is still currently dying of. Facing my worst fears, issues, and needed restitution- was fucking hard, and its still hard, and there is nothing pink, or fluffy about it.Fluffy pink clouds have never been my experience in life, and i don't remember reality every being a pink cloud.
I also know and have stated earlier that MMS is changing and I beleive open to more changes and I think talking to John is the most important step that you can take in doing this.
I want to state for whatever record this pertians to that there was absolutely no physical abuse, and there was no sexual abuse when I was there, and I have yet to hear of any direct accusation.
This is not about making anybody happy or pleasing anyone. This is about me finding my own truth and really encouraging other to really search there souls, mind, and memories for theirs.
Doing my best to understand, and speak up
Hannah
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