Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anonymous on October 26, 2006, 10:52:52 AM
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A friend of mine lived in several nights a week in a house with three autistic men. One of them had an amazing sparkling heart and a long scar running up and down his back. He had been institutionalized for a time when he was a teenager. When his mother saw him again, he had this scar. There was no explanation, no record of what a doctor did to him.
Do yourself a search on "forced sterilization Abenaki".
Three kings have contacted me to obtain my alliance with their kingdom. Maybe more, three's just so fun and people love a numbers game. Let me explain that on my planet kingdoms coexist on the same lands. So yes, I can live in all three at once. I haven't declared my fealty, except by default where required by automobile, where entered into from the get go by counters and record keepers, license issuers and so forth. That's the emperors dealie there.
First of all, I am FUCKING PISSED at a Christian gang in this town. Fuckin hate 'em right now. Disregard them. Dislike them. They irritate me and stick the fuck in my craw. They are ZERO different from the drug gang or whatever that is stalking me in this town. The drug gang ain't even shit, and let me tell you something, I'd rather party with all those sinners than with the ladies at the quilting shop who are gossiping about MY LIFE in front of me, making me once again go home and want to puke, make me lose my appetite, et FUCKING CETERA.
Now. Let's ask Beth. Would you like about two hundred and fifty people to know your personal business and fuck with you regarding it? Or just plain old fuck with you? No ma'am. Yo, church ladies, who think you are going to scam me in some opposite way by giving me something that in your mind proves that YOUR fucking with my head is any different from "criminals" fucking with my head who were going to give me something in the end as well, that's bollocks. You don't know shit. The very idea that you think I am choosing between "dark and light" is really sticking in my craw. I am mad. Let me compose myself here. You have TERRORIZED me and if you think for one fucking minute that I want or need you to "Stand By Me" while I testify against whatever other shit is going on in this town, kindly fuck off. YOU terrorized me so much I was babbling and crying at the police station. I think YOU want to kill me. I think YOU want to manipulate my life. I think you think that if you help me get out of this town you have helped me. You want to get me to safety because my life is in danger, from what? Did you ever bother to tell me? Or did you think I should just go day after day after day not knowing what the fuck was up? Excuse me, I don't like your kind. How dare you separate yourselves in your pantyhose and your church music and shit from any person you think is actually being bad to me. More to come.
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There ain't no real rush, but I don't want to lose my train of thought.
Ennywho, since EVERYone knows it by now, uhm, yes, some dumbasses from my home town were emailing me pretending to be my boyfriend Brian Dodd. Oh my. How embarassing. It gets bigger and better. They have really been fucking with me, oh yes they have! Do I want any last one of those torment-causing ignorant hurtful liars to spend a single day in prison? NO. They're just stupid. Real stupid. Or.........
So, I have had a lot of time to think. I lot of time to blink. Love and righteousness have NOTHING to do with church attendance and whether or not you think you are a criminal on this earth. Hello. Fuck you for thinking I would ever get coerced or terrorized into any gang, christian, drug, government. FUCK. Every single last one of you is a sinner. You think I am a sinner on the dark side because I stole a $12 ring? Oh please with your literality about everything. I have to pee. I'll be right back.
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Oh no! They have fake id's! They're scammers! They're criminals! (Please, people, the police knew all this shit without me saying a thing. DUH. None of this ever hinged on me and I will lock myself up as crazy before I testify against ANYONE if I don't believe the WHOLE story is getting told.)
I know who loves me. I'm cold. No Christian ever warmed me up. No informant ever warmed me up.
Even when people lie, something else comes through and I will be beyond devastated if I turn out to be the pawn between the cops, the FBI, the church people, secret agents, dog distributors, illicit internet personal information posters, drug runners and any one of those liars thinks they have it over any other of the liars and terrorizers.
Okay, let's take the most absolutely paranoid possibility. Mel Riddile shook hands with George Bush. I pissed off Mel Riddile by some things I wrote. I see too much, I get it, I know things, I speak out. Ding ding ding. Let's put a mark on the girl and shut her up.
Or say it wasn't Mel Riddile. Say it was Joy Margolis I pissed off too bad after I come out of 17, 18 years of brainwash fog and start cursing up a blue streak and writing all kinds of violent shit and failing to attach the disclaimer that I love children, Layne Brown returns to mind, Tranquility Bay returns to my mind, what Rob from Hyde told me, where is he now, his internet site gone, where is he?
Say there is a Nazi in town. Say he terrified me. Say I can see past the surface. Say I know he has been tortured, and now his own rage, the inner torment abused children are left with, and the nightmares come back; this is chemicals in the body feeding moods and thoughts, reactions, love, self-care, and all this keeps hurting him. I get it, I have that feedback loop. He hurt me. He terrified me. But everyone left him alone in pain this spring. I hardly gave him anything. That right there is my sin. Not getting in with a bizarre network of uncouth people. Failing to get my own deal in order so I can take in a friend who needs it. Did he betray me. Yeah. Definitely. Scary. But I in turn was scared of people, often rightly, scared of the way they keep their dogs in crates all day, yank sharp collars around their necks, put electric prongs on them, tie them outside to be bored and yap, kill them off when they get a $600 illness, hit them, bully them, expect them to meet all their own needs. That's why it took forever to find homes for the dogs, but although I have the conscience regarding these things I have been very tired and I am guilty of many of these same things. I actually wanted to find hoems for them that would be better than me, which the ones I found so far really really are. I digress only to point out how everything is cause and effect, a loop, because I know my trust issues, paranoid trust issues that made it really hard to even meet up with people, exhaustion issues, doing too mucgh at once issues, failure to love what was most important....
I was hurt and having a hard time even putting it into words, I was all messed up, couldn't ride the bus in Boulder because of all the cooties, because my skin let it in, because my skin was ripped off, my words shoved back in my throat, I, I, I, it's beyond stuttering, it's like a stuttering of intentions, mind, soul can't get through, can't get good reception from my head to my toes to my mouth. My friend sat next to me and held my hand. It is not easy to let someone do that but I did and you see that has lasted for years.
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Testify. Here's what I testify to. There's a Dr. Dre track 2001 correct me if wrong "The Watcher" everywhere that I go, etc. I don't have the lyrics on me but I get it. mm hmm. the watcher. People caught up in gangs are SCARED. Fear resonating on fear on fear on fear. Drug gangs. God gangs. Cult gangs. Whose gonna gitchoo? Look out, who is coming to get you!
Scam gangs. Molestation gangs.
But see. I mean, I had a mama who brought me up good. Pretty good. She can't keep me from cursing. And as I have sat through everything linchpin ever cursed and hated and saw a huge shining star of gold under it all, each and every one of you is going to start seeing what is underneath all the criminality and stop separating yourself from it as though it isn't in you, as though it is even a matter of criminality and not just imperfect love in this world.
So there is a bizarre obsession with my person in this town, so people have been recording conversations I thought were private, so they think they are going to make a shitload of money off me or curse me in return, any gang, any gang at all is going to curse me for not choosing to align with them, for getting pissed at each and every gang, cop, drug, hacker, scammer, christian...
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How dare you christians or do-gooders or whatever you are speak in my presence about my life like you have the right to that information and you are goodly people trying to help me whereas anyone else who perpetrated the spreading of my personal information is bad and deserves whatever you think I should give them when I "turn to the light", get out of the shade, the hot and the cold, the hell. YOU made my days and nights hell in this town.
I tried to guess, are they afraid for my life, and that is why this has to be so secret? Do I know State Secrets and now the government wants to shut me up so you are going to do this or you are going to do that to make it up to me for my landlord being a creep so you can say look we helped you get back at him, or you whisk me off to another country. IF you think my life is in danger, do you really understand why? Should I really shut up?
Maybe I am in danger because I won't shut up, but if so, and I am more than willing to insert here that I don't really know anything, I'm in the middle of a storm, the radio is out, but the weather is right out the windows, howling and howling around me.
I am afraid I won't get to say this. I think some people fucked with me and made me very very public on purpose to protect me.
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Wow girl, You said alot ! i DON'T BITE.
- STEVE
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BSTEVE0044/ (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BSTEVE0044/)
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Every person is an intersection. If you have a chance, pick up a copy of Demian by Herman Hesse. People are counting on me to understand this. This is why I am so angry at people who don't think I should be angry at them, and I am not angry at people who were very clearly and definitely and obviously fucking with me and who hurt me a lot at the time. It is all perception, and when people are too afraid to question what they know they get locked in.
I will not testify against one person in this whole scandal because Vermont newspapers publish SNITCH REQUESTS from the police. If I am at the bottom of a snake pit, the Drug War put me there. Marijuana is untying the brainwashing. Smoking weed released me from the chains on my body and mind and soul. I started smoking marijuana and enjoying life again, I started stretching, I started taking care of myself, I started standing up for myself, and beyond that, yes, I have lived in chronic pain for years and years and years and years and years and not one single Western medicine doctor helped me. I was taking 6 or 7 motrins or whatever a day. It's a structural feedback thing, and when I start going downhill from stress and emotions, marijuana soothes it. I can eat again without puking, the headache that goes down to my fingers and ankles subsides. Ahhh. SWEET GANJA RELIEF.
My point is, I was sick, marijuana is my medicine, I do not need anyone to tell me anything about that habit of mine, I gain my own wisdom about how much to smoke it and when. I'm reel fucking stubborn that way, just ask my momma, that's why I got put in Straight.
I would not be alive today if I had not had marijuana. I mean that in more than one sense but I do mean it literally. That is how much it hurts to be at the end of child abuse.
So, it's illegal for me to possess it, smoke it, grow it, and yet people have been smoking it for centuries, all over the world. The DRUG WAR, and that means YOU, all you churchy conservative Land's End dressers who look down on the rest of us who dare to enjoy a plant created on this earth for me and you to use, YOU YOU YOU got me into this damned situation in the first place, don't you get it? I would far rather have grown my own, but I was too afraid, I needed it, that's why I was out on the town, that's why I was in the company of people who were hurting me... The Drug War is why all those children are caught up in things that are dangerous. I couldn't even tell my doctor I smoke weed, you know why, give me a fucking break. THAT is shit. THAT is endangering people's LIVES.
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I'm disjointed today because I don't have enough weed in me. All that funny shit, all the heavy shit I write, the holy spirit shit, THAT'S GANJA. ::bandit:: meow meow, give me more.
I'm worried about everyone now.
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I know love when I see it, and it has nothing to do with the FBI or the cops or busting shit out or thinking that whatever laws we have properly define what hurts people and should get punished.
I think I have made it clear that I will not shut up, this thing I am in, what has been terrifying me, is deep, but it is far deeper than any little cop or Big Cop. Is the government involved? Uhm, how the fuck would I know anymore. NO one can trust the government. Do I know a decent human being when I spend time in their company? Yes, I do, but everyone has a boss, a superior controlling the information, and if Mel Riddile or Dr. Schwarz or Bufus Gammons or Mel Sembler want to keep something hidden, they will.
But if I have a mark on me because I won't shut up, I have a mark on me because you WILL shut up. Let me be clear. If you are trying to protect me from something by getting me to leave town, YOU have not done anything to fix the real problem. The problem is not the "drug users", the "thieves", the "criminals", etc. You people steal every time you buy plastic shit, stuff produced in sweatshops, and please, it's everywhere. You people steal the land from your hungry neighbors that they could be growing food on. Why isn't there enough garden plots for everyone who wants one? Why does there have to be a lottery? Why do my neighbors get to complain about my dogs barking but I can't complain about them spraying Round-Up which is going to get washed off their bushes and trickle down onto the lawn my dogs play on and the well water I drink? You have to wake up, you have to see what I mean. Crime ain't crime anymore. Crime is just the way things is. Get yourself a godamn carpool and buy ORGANIC ONLY, every single last one of you people who can afford all the other SHIT I see you can afford, you people are the criminals. You fuck this earth up every single day by your actions of ignorance and it sticks right the fuck in my craw that you giggle and gossip about me and think it is okay. Stupid fucks. Clean your own consciences. Get me five or ten churches working to decriminalize drug use in this state, you might get my respect. And fuck your methadone clinics.
Back to the chronic pain thing. Really, the things that helped me, you can't really get without money. Music, acupuncture, pretty clothes, good food, and so on. A lot of people I know who drink a lot or use this or that, including eat way too much, they're just in pain. Are you going to criminalize excessive calorie intake? Then quit thinking of and treating heroin users, meth users, habitual over consumers of alcohol. That's people in pain, and I know it because I talk to them.
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I gotta go. I feel ill. I am sick with worry for a lot of people. You have to at least understand that not one person has given me a clear view of what this storm is I am in, you really really fucked with me, all of you gangs I have named, and I am pissed to think that you might happily lock up the wrong people for the wrong things.
You live on stolen ground. This land belongs to the people. You are criminals. You allow genocide practices to go on right under your nose and don't do a damn thing. I ain't joining a single one of your churches. I don't find a single person other than myself guitly of blindness. I am sad for the hurt people but I am sadder for the bigger picture.
I am crazy, until everyone around me is not crazy, I am crazy. You will not tell me what to do. I am not your dog. I will not speak to a single one of you until I see a massive march to repeal these cruel drug war laws, until I see every last fucking lawn given over to gardening until we feed everyone RIGHT and not just toss canned shit at the "poor" people. Whatever. I'll go off on another diatribe about "charity" one of these days.
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tMarijuana is untying the brainwashing. .
yes, it's true......
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What the fuck is all that? Holy shit!
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What the fuck is all that? Holy shit!
Just a good old friend doing some stream of conciousness, I think.
Click Here for Soundtrack
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What the fuck is all that? Holy shit!
Just a good old friend doing some stream of conciousness, I think.
Click Here for Soundtrack
Does this link work for anyone else?
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Damn, no! Thanks for noticing. Should work now.
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Well, you never mentioned whether or not you tried the car battery test. By all means, you should try it because it is a concrete way to prove to yourself that your vehicle is tip top and not under the influence of any Gov't spook agencies or conspirators. Take care, and try some Jasmine Tea or something.
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What the fuck is all that? Holy shit!
Just a good old friend doing some stream of conciousness, I think.
Click Here for Soundtrack
Didn't mean that as a criticism, just kind of a "WOW, that was deep".
Cool soundtrack!
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::book:: ::trophy::
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Oh shit, I know who that is. I don't really say much about the whole Straight thing usually, and don't really talk to Brian that much, but I can tell you from very close personal experience that he was really in there for like three years, and how he hasn't totally snapped is beyond me. I have no idea what all this subject is about that this lady is raging on, but I have a feeling it is justified. Message me, we might need to talk. Or not. Be careful. You know who I am if you think about it.
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Im not joking, my ass is on fire...
~Nail
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfTjG58P ... ed&search= (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfTjG58P7Ec&mode=related&search=)
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Impotence
Boomerang
I'll stab you
Clumps of hair
In the sink
Who's hiding
Things from me?
You knew all along, goddammit
But you wouldn't tell me
Well, look at you now
It's not funny, my ass is on fire
Paraplegic, inhuman liar
Carve a smile
On your face
Everything's great
Suffocate
It's beyond my control...I'm coming!
Boo
Redundant
Boring
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Oh shit, I know who that is. I don't really say much about the whole Straight thing usually, and don't really talk to Brian that much, but I can tell you from very close personal experience that he was really in there for like three years, and how he hasn't totally snapped is beyond me. I have no idea what all this subject is about that this lady is raging on, but I have a feeling it is justified. Message me, we might need to talk. Or not. Be careful. You know who I am if you think about it.
You're NOBODY.
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"Stand By Me"[/quote]
A creep, and a loser. I just watch people look stupid, stare at them talking out of the sides of their mouths. Yes, Robert Laurent, I have "disappeared". Funny you should use that word.
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Impotence
Boomerang
I'll stab you
Clumps of hair
In the sink
Who's hiding
Things from me?
You knew all along, goddammit
But you wouldn't tell me
Well, look at you now
It's not funny, my ass is on fire
Paraplegic, inhuman liar
Carve a smile
On your face
Everything's great
Suffocate
It's beyond my control...I'm coming!
Boo
Redundant
Boring
You are an ass.
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"Stand By Me"
A creep, and a loser. I just watch people look stupid, stare at them talking out of the sides of their mouths. Yes, Robert Laurent, I have "disappeared". Funny you should use that word.[/quote]
No you haven't. Look! You're right here!
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Oh shit, I know who that is. I don't really say much about the whole Straight thing usually, and don't really talk to Brian that much, but I can tell you from very close personal experience that he was really in there for like three years, and how he hasn't totally snapped is beyond me. I have no idea what all this subject is about that this lady is raging on, but I have a feeling it is justified. Message me, we might need to talk. Or not. Be careful. You know who I am if you think about it.
oh god, you are the same fucking crazy bitch that started this thread. Why would any one in your right mind pm you beth? you are one ugly bitch as well, so since you are insane, stupid, and ugly, why would any one want to even be near you let alone pm you?
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Oh shit, I know who that is. I don't really say much about the whole Straight thing usually, and don't really talk to Brian that much, but I can tell you from very close personal experience that he was really in there for like three years, and how he hasn't totally snapped is beyond me. I have no idea what all this subject is about that this lady is raging on, but I have a feeling it is justified. Message me, we might need to talk. Or not. Be careful. You know who I am if you think about it.
oh god, you are the same fucking crazy bitch that started this thread. Why would any one in your right mind pm you beth? you are one ugly bitch as well, so since you are insane, stupid, and ugly, why would any one want to even be near you let alone pm you?
Wow, nice... :roll:
Try to be a little more personally insulting next time. That was a little weak.
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Oh shit, I know who that is. I don't really say much about the whole Straight thing usually, and don't really talk to Brian that much, but I can tell you from very close personal experience that he was really in there for like three years, and how he hasn't totally snapped is beyond me. I have no idea what all this subject is about that this lady is raging on, but I have a feeling it is justified. Message me, we might need to talk. Or not. Be careful. You know who I am if you think about it.
oh god, you are the same fucking crazy bitch that started this thread. Why would any one in your right mind pm you beth? you are one ugly bitch as well, so since you are insane, stupid, and ugly, why would any one want to even be near you let alone pm you?
because the eyes have walls?