Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: ehm on January 15, 2004, 06:13:00 PM
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Morli...Stephen has a sister named Stephanie Brooks (unless she got married) she is an atty in the San Antonio area..He gave me her business card and put his adress on there..and I cant fucking find it..I have moved out of state and back since then..
I know for a fact he owns a computer...or at least he did...because he mailed me some things when he got out when I was still in...
I remember he used to talk about you...quite a bit actually.Had I known that I ever would come into contact with you guys I would have made sure I kept that card..
He really seems like a diffrent person than when he was on SR staff..I thought he was an evil shithead in straight...and when I think back I still...I mean its like hes 2 diffrent people in my mind....sometimes I dont like him..
but from the person he was in TDC hes really cool...all resentments aside..
He didnt like to talk about straight at all..
I think he feels bad and I think mabey its something he just doesnt want to deal with or think about..which is why he relapsed I imagine..
Id be really really surprised if he doesnt find his way here sooner or later..Call his sister and youll find him
Brad
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i'll try getting in touch with her... he talked about me? really? wow... what did he say? hahaha... i've been worrying about him and trying to find him for so many years now.
brad, i want you to know that i'm not riding you in a mean way about anything, please know my words are meant with compassion. if you want we can talk on the phone, just say the word and i'll PM you my number. ::heart:: If we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them but to inform their discretion by education
--Thomas Jefferson
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p.s. i know the real steve, and he's the sweetest and funniest guy i'll ever know. i still remember opening a christmas present in front of his family. it was a combat boot, but inside the boot was a box with a diamond promise ring inside of it. the picture i posted here a while back was taken that night, and i was wearing his silver ring around my neck. it had a dove on it...
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Mark Twain
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Lol its cool...Im taking care of my drinking problem...I have like 20 diff brand beers leftover from recent drinking exploits
so Im "disposing of it properly"
Lime sherbert Ice cream...beer...and weed :smokin: :skull:
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now dont you worry none
leave this part of yourself behind
im giving you back to yourself
so should you make the change?
or could you right them wrongs?
for I cannot replace where Im going
so you're angry with me?
what could be better my love?
have most of everything for yourself
hateful and deserved
charlie mansons eyes are looking through you
back to myself
so should I act my age?
or should I just right them wrongs?
for I cannot replace where Im going
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Morli,
Remember how crazy I was about sweet Stephen? I knew I never had a chance because he was so crazy about you. I remember our first real conversation about how I felt and how amazingly kind and understanding you were. Why do I think we had that convo sitting in a closet somewhere? I also believe I know the true Stephen and it breaks my heart to think of him and how Straight took so much of him away. He was my champion while I sat on fifth phase for over 18 months with Will Woods always telling me I was FOS and would not commence until I got honest. Stephen was so dear to me - we went to school together out in Rockwall and he would drive me into the building and his pep talks about not giving in were like little presents for me. I wish I knew what he ever saw in the crazed wench Tracy. I remember driving him out to her house in BFE somewhere to get some of his stuff and she totally flipped and followed us down the street screaming trying to jump on the back of my car. He did love you - it was always so apparent. I remember some song by The Cure or The Smith's that he always said was Leslie's song but I cannot remember for the life of me what it was. I loved him and Jeffery Spearman so much - they were so fine to me and they would both pull me out of raps if they knew that Will was going to try to confront me in front of group and let lower phasers confront me. They both were so dear and had such true tenderness and goodness in their souls. I know it was the guilt and confusion that came from having their souls stripped that led them to true addiction (as it seems to have done to so many others) once they left Straight. They actually were instrumental in me finally getting the idea of brain washing wrapped around my brain and help to gain an understanding of how I could have ever been such a vicious bitch as a upper phaser and staff member. I remember the deprogrammer that I worker with asking me one day if there was anyone in Straight that I truly thought was a good person who had just been made "evil" (which is how I saw myself) because of Straight. Immediately I said Stephen Brooks and Jeffery Spearman. We talked about how we had all succombed to the 'survival process' and become victims of the cultish ways. I give some credit to those two beautiful souls with helping me find forgiveness for myself and be honest enough in these posts and others to state how much self hatred I felt and make amends to those I hurt because of that place. I cried for hours when I read that Jeffery had OD'ed. Just FYI...I looked up Stephanie in the Texas State Bar listing and she must have gotten married or stopped practicing because she is not listed as a practicing attorney in Texas. I also have done some searching for Stephen in SA and found a few Stephen's and Steve's listed but have been too chicken shit to call them. I worry that if he has gotten on his feet that any blast from the past would knock him down and I would never want to do that to him. I will pass them on to you privately if you want them. Take sweet care friend.
Jen
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But thats alll he fucking did was confront people..Shit Jenn you were like that too..and Kathy David...
And not all staff was like that...Shelly wasnt, Timmy Kemp wasnt...ok my list of the ones that werent is short..
But it was apparant from the looks on your faces you took joy in it..It wasnt just for show..
Or was it just that Certain staff was mean to certain kids?
And the ones I think were mean were the ones assigned to me?
Mabey if you could explain how caseloads were assigned ...and how that worked I could better understand..that it wasnt just certain people that were shitty..
Because from my memory I remember some as really nice and some as really mean...
I may play dumb sometimes but I remember alot more than I talk about....
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-16 00:05 ]
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And plz dont feel bad Im just strictly speaking of straight..
I turned mean too eventually....
Just in Straight I was young and shellshocked...
Had I had my intake at 17 you guys would have seen a diffrent person..I have no doubt I would have been throwing chairs and breaking noses...and confronting people too mabey...its hard to say..
If you talk to some of my ex girlfriends they might tell you Im verbally abusive..and mean..in fact I know they will...
So plz dont feel like Im playing angel here...
But plz plz can someone answer my questions about staff/ caseloads and who was told to do what?
I ask Timmy sometimes but he diverts my questions hehe..Or mabey he wasnt "in the know" yet as trainee.
I have lots of questions and now its like too late...theres no files..everyones faded off into...wherever they are...
Feel free to PM if you dont want to post
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-16 00:13 ]
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Will Woods is cool, but I liked Camerian Riley too. Jeff Spearman and Bobby Gilbert were the big dicks to me. But than again I have a lot of support notes from Bobby Gilbert.
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Dammit you just skated my question again...
Dont derail my question...
Then we can go back to Steve locating...
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-16 00:26 ]
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We had three teams, 1-2 phase, 3-4 phase, 5-aftercare. I was on team 2 and I did sibling staff. The only client I remember on my caseload was Tyler Owen. I spent most of my time with siblings because I was the only sibling staff. We were suspose to take our clients out for 1on1's each week and than write a report on them. We had weekly team meetings to determine who moved on and how people were doing. Lori Means was my team leader. I was asked to confront Midlanders because they expected me to know facts about midland people. But I didn't know anything. I was on 1st-? phase when those people drank a beer, skipped school or did whatever to get put in there.
There was a dailey sechdule of who did what rap. Each staffer was responable for their rap topic. Only certain raps were suppose to be confrontational. We had to ask exc staff for permission to do BS raps or rip someone during night rap. They didn't want people to go home depressed, suicidal, etc. I never understood that because OMRs were on Mon and Fri nights and those were the biggest rip raps of all.
As trainees we sorted through all the COC's and put them in different piles for the staff to deal with in group according to the issue at hand.
If there were only a few COC's of people reporting each other, we would get bitched at because that meant group was weak and we were not doing our jobs. I told Ann Petito that Greg Peay should not be in Straight and she got pissy telling me to learn more about the disease.
Group was group. And in group staff addressed who needed to be dealt with. We wern't really assigned to yell at certain people on a regular basis. When I did raps I called on Tyler Owen as much as possible so he could talk, move on and get the fuck out of there. Some staff had their favorites to help and favorites to hurt.
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I just dont buy the "I had to treat you like that" attitude that I have gotten from people.
Thats a lie....I sat there and went through the same program..and I never treated anyone undignified...
You cannot tell me that people didint enjoy it..I can read body language and sense everything you guys can just looking at someone..
but the same thing worked both ways..
Some kids were fucking mean hearted...you Timmy dont have a mean bone in your body..You would make a horrible Gnagster rapper btw :lol:
OK Im gonna go out on a limb further in my hopes to convince myself that these people felt pressured to do this...and did not take part in destroying my sense of selfe value for enjoyment..
I go back and forth teetering on forgiveness and wanting revenge and Id really like to put a rest to it..
You know how you would feel if someone fucked you in the ass when you were a little kid? and then you grew up and those people were still around?
Thats how I feel to a lesser degree..
I still hate myself and am neurotic from it..
not always but not many hours go by it doesnt cross my mind..
***By the way Tim, I apologize because you did already tell me this and I was so stoned I forgot talking about it to you..
Question # 2 Did you guys feel pressured to go on staff? Why did you stay there after the chains were unlocked..Especially to senior fucking staff?
That fucks up the "I had to do it to get out" excuse..Because you stayed...you didint commense and then get out of there you fucking stayed
I really wish Steve was around..so he could tell me..I got high with him thru a chain link fence many times...but I could tell he didint wanna talk about it and he played dumb...and I just let it go..we were in TDC and both white..that at the time was enough to put him on my side..in that situation I was worried about my day to day survival more than why staff at straight was mean to poor lil me..
But now that I found the boards I have questions..
If you guys would just say "look Brad, Im sorry...I was 19 and brainwashed"
I will buy that.....
or even "Brad...I thought I was helping you"
I might buy that with added subquestions
or "Brad, I did it because I think you are a fucking cunt"
I can buy that too....
And I can go on...
But I just want to know. ANd Im gonna bug the shit out of whoever until i get my answer...
But the problem was the really mean people aint on Fornits..
Jloar talked to me and expressed remorse just in case she had...but I dont remember her snapping on me...and its not the people that confronted me a few times...but the few that made my year hell...
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Stephen was so dear to me
Stephen will always hold a special place in my heart. We were gay lovers, and he was the best I ever had! :smokin:
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I signed up to be on staff because I wanted to be like staff.
My whole life growing up I felt like I wasn't accepted or looked up to, and I wanted people to like me. Since I made 3rd phase so late in the year, I couldn't go to school, and I didn't have a car or parents so I couldn't get a job either. None of the host parents were helpful at all. I worked one day with two guys at some place putting plants in cups or something. But that was it. I was stuck in group all fucking day all through 3rd and 4th phase.
The next logical step just seemed to go on staff. I confronted people rarely. I cried every day.
I think that it would only make sense that staffers had favorites to like and favorites to dislike. If there's a kid that you don't care for and you're having a bad day, who else to take it out on? The one you don't like. Is it right? Hell no! But a lot of the staffers were 18-20 something, had spent 2 years in that place, and didn't know anything else either.
I don't blame people for confronting me. That was their job. I blame people for being spiteful. I liked Kathy David. She was cool to me. We became friends after straight. Bob Burdman was a dick to me. Craig McGinnis pissed me off a couple of times too. Garrett Coy was great, Steve Brooks was good to me and so was Timmy. Shelly Beavers had her good days and bad. Jen Loar was a huge mega bitch.
It's the same with the clients. I didn't know any of the guys closely, but I hated Carmen York, I loved to see her get ripped. Merilee was my best friend for awhile in there and it killed me anytime someone "picked" on her. I would cry every time Todd Townley got stood up too. It broke my heart.
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On 2004-01-15 21:13:00, jnloar wrote:
"Morli,
Remember how crazy I was about sweet Stephen? I knew I never had a chance because he was so crazy about you. I remember our first real conversation about how I felt and how amazingly kind and understanding you were. Why do I think we had that convo sitting in a closet somewhere? I also believe I know the true Stephen and it breaks my heart to think of him and how Straight took so much of him away. He was my champion while I sat on fifth phase for over 18 months with Will Woods always telling me I was FOS and would not commence until I got honest. Stephen was so dear to me - we went to school together out in Rockwall and he would drive me into the building and his pep talks about not giving in were like little presents for me. I wish I knew what he ever saw in the crazed wench Tracy. I remember driving him out to her house in BFE somewhere to get some of his stuff and she totally flipped and followed us down the street screaming trying to jump on the back of my car. He did love you - it was always so apparent. I remember some song by The Cure or The Smith's that he always said was Leslie's song but I cannot remember for the life of me what it was. I loved him and Jeffery Spearman so much - they were so fine to me and they would both pull me out of raps if they knew that Will was going to try to confront me in front of group and let lower phasers confront me. They both were so dear and had such true tenderness and goodness in their souls. I know it was the guilt and confusion that came from having their souls stripped that led them to true addiction (as it seems to have done to so many others) once they left Straight. They actually were instrumental in me finally getting the idea of brain washing wrapped around my brain and help to gain an understanding of how I could have ever been such a vicious bitch as a upper phaser and staff member. I remember the deprogrammer that I worker with asking me one day if there was anyone in Straight that I truly thought was a good person who had just been made "evil" (which is how I saw myself) because of Straight. Immediately I said Stephen Brooks and Jeffery Spearman. We talked about how we had all succombed to the 'survival process' and become victims of the cultish ways. I give some credit to those two beautiful souls with helping me find forgiveness for myself and be honest enough in these posts and others to state how much self hatred I felt and make amends to those I hurt because of that place. I cried for hours when I read that Jeffery had OD'ed. Just FYI...I looked up Stephanie in the Texas State Bar listing and she must have gotten married or stopped practicing because she is not listed as a practicing attorney in Texas. I also have done some searching for Stephen in SA and found a few Stephen's and Steve's listed but have been too chicken shit to call them. I worry that if he has gotten on his feet that any blast from the past would knock him down and I would never want to do that to him. I will pass them on to you privately if you want them. Take sweet care friend.
Jen"
thank you sweetheart...
lovesong - the cure
still makes me think of him too...
send me a pm with the numbers..., although, i have searched and called too, to no avail.
i'd love to talk jen, if you want my number, just say the word, and it's yours. ::heart:: ::kiss:: "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease."
"That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
--Disraeli to Gladstone
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i loved jeff so much too, he was a doll, and so funny and cute. poor darling. RIP sweet boy. ::heart::
Do you support drug prohibition because it finances criminals at home or because it finances terrorists abroad?
--Anonymous
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On 2004-01-16 07:12:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Stephen was so dear to me
Stephen will always hold a special place in my heart. We were gay lovers, and he was the best I ever had! :smokin: "
that's just wonderful... lucky you... :smile: Nothing is denied to well-directed labor, and nothing is ever to be
attained without it.
--Joshua Reynolds (1723-1792)
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On 2004-01-16 00:25:00, Therion wrote:
"Dammit you just skated my question again...
Dont derail my question...
Then we can go back to Steve locating...
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-16 00:26 ]"
what question?
me?If you want a voluntary urine sample from me it'll have to be a taste test.
--Bumper Sticker
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Was talking to Timmy...although he answered that question already..but we were stoned and I had forgot we talked about it...
But go back to page 1 or 2 and read my staff questions...
And answer them if you can..
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Im gonna have to stick up for Jenn Loar..
She was mean at Straight..but I think she really thought that was the way to hold people accountable..
I have had contact with her recently and she is very regretful and sweet..
She feel bad for being mean and has expressed alot of remorse...And hats good enough for me...her slate is clean IMO....
If I ever got that from Steve Brooks or Kathy David I would feel so much better....
Jenn has acknowledged she was mean...15 years ago..and has apologized
And I know she posts here and reads these...I for one accept her apology and accept her as human and a friend I hope others can do the same...
I dont see alot of others coming here and apologizing and reaching out to people, and that says alot about her character to me...
I still like you Jenn :wink:
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Im gonna have to stick up for Jenn Loar..
She was mean at Straight..but I think she really thought that was the way to hold people accountable..
I have had contact with her recently and she is very regretful and sweet..
She feel bad for being mean and has expressed alot of remorse...And hats good enough for me...her slate is clean IMO....
If I ever got that from Steve Brooks or Kathy David I would feel so much better....
Jenn has acknowledged she was mean...15 years ago..and has apologized
And I know she posts here and reads these...I for one accept her apology and accept her as human and a friend I hope others can do the same...
I dont see alot of others coming here and apologizing and reaching out to people, and that says alot about her character to me...
I still like you Jenn :wink:
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I wasn't bagging on her. I was just stating facts. The way it was then.
I've read her posts, too. Actually, I did a search on Dallas Straight and her post apologizing for that crap was the first one that I read and actually recognized who it was that was talking.
I sat for 20 minutes just crying like a baby. I felt that it was truly sincere, and I took it to heart. Out of all the girls' side, she was the person that probably hurt me the most.
I sent her an email just pouring my heart out to her, but it came back, and by the time it came back, I thought maybe what I had said in it was pointless and that's why it came back.
I hope to God some day our paths do cross, so I can hug her neck. She was trained to be a bitch and she was successful at it.
I couldn't imagine her not being successful at anything she puts her mind to.
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Darkness always calls my name..a pawn in this recurring game..........
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Sweet Brad - you are such a doll to stick up for me. I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. Please send me a PM if I can do anything to lend you some encouragement or can do anything else for you. Kelly, I am glad you were able to read my post and hope you know how truly sorry I am for the pain and shame I exposed you to. Reading about people who I know I had a direct impact on and knowing they have found some sembelance of understanding and happiness in their lives does make my heart smile and I am so glad you met a man who treats you exactly the way you deserve.
I am going to only be speaking for myself here - as much as it hurts my heart to read about what a bitch I was, I feel strongly that this forum is made for exactly those kinds of releases. I know how mean and vicious I was and it causes me plenty of guilt, shame and sadness but let's call a spade a spade...that was my job, what they trained me to do and I got plenty of ego from the fact that I recieved praise from staff for doing such a 'good job' of holding people accountable...makes me gag today. Why do you think I was one who did OMR and CMR so much and not the feely raps? I am not proud of it by any stretch of imagination but look at how different people's perceptions are of different people. Timmy liked Will Woods - I would have raged against him had I ever had the chance - he was horrid to me. Stephen and Jeff Spearman had the same rep I did and Timmy did not like Jeff because he rode him like crazy, yet those two helped me so much to just hang on. Will would confront me on being a fat, spoiled, ugly brat and without fail, within 24 hours one of them would have taken me out of group on a 1:1, usually outside to tell me to ignore him and that I was none of the things he drilled into my head. I had a huge soft spot for Tripp Wall because his parents were friends with mine and my dad's best friend who lives in Denver. I think Timmy did a great job of describing staff as far as the training and responsibilities. We were not given people to pick on but we did have lists of people to deal with and we each did it our own way - mine was 98% of the time mean and sarcastic. The rage I had against that place that I had completely swallowed came out all over people when I was on staff. I remember vividly when that rage came and stayed. When I was on 1st phase - I talked in girls rap about being molested as a child and being raped at 14. When we got back into regular group they stood me up and ripped me for lying and sat me on the guy's side. I FREAKED OUT and was restrained by five guys - great therapy for someone who had been raped 5 months prior...I was sat over there for 2 weeks and I know that is when the true rape of my pysche happened and I just gave in. Some may say it was a survivor method to collapse into their way of thinking - I just knew I had to protect myself and if it meant screaming, raging or whatever else I would do it. As far as going on staff, I won't use the excuse I had to - I was brainwashed completely by that time and honestly at that time I had no idea of what a world without Straight would be. My parents supported it, I had no friends other than people in Straight and I truly thought I believed in Straight at that time. I know that is SO hard for you to understand. I think that being on 4th and 5th phase the true conversion was sealed. You were given some power again over lower phasers and a little bit more praise from staff. The place was set up to make everyone believe they were absolute shit and the only way to redeem yourself was to be "straight" and 4th and 5th is when this 'redeeming' started but the catch was you had to live the 'straight' way or you were ostracised and put back on 1st phase. The place was completely fucked and there is no logical explanation for staff or the treatment we dished out. I so wish there was a way to help you understand. I still struggle with it - it is by far the part of Staight that haunts me the worst. I can deal with what happened to me - I had to or I would have been stuck forever but accepting that I ever was part of ripping other's souls apart still eats me when I allow myself to wallow too much. All I can do is focus on who I am today and know that I do my best every day to nurture as many people I can and make this world a bit better. I cannot speak for Kathy David - I did not know her that well. I do feel that I can speak for Stephen as I knew him out of Straight and I can only tell you that who he was outside of that building was 180' from the staff memeber he presented. I believe that part of why he never recovered from that place and kept returning to drugs is because he could not live with the guilt. I hope that will help you as I feel very certain that if he could express his emotions about his behavior it would be similiar to mine and he would hope for all those who were hurt by him to know he was searching as much as the rest of us and surviving the only way he knew how to after being in that hellhole. I know how hard that is to accept and if I can help you in any other way please let me know. To return to my original thought, I encourage people to vent about the staff who hurt them, even it was me because I know it is essential for healing to take place. If old staff reads it, they have two choices and I hope they will be able to handle the truth of what they were in Straight and allow others to heal and not try to deny that they caused plenty of pain, regardless of the fact that they were products of the program also. I know I was a product of evil but I also was part of it and will not try to offer up anything other than how sorry I am and had I known then what I do today I would have been trying to rescue them not hurt them. Hang in there sweet Brad - and seriously - let me know if I can help.
Jennifer
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I guess really it shouldnt matter at this point..
Ill put it this way...If getting yelled at in Straight was the worst part of your life, consider yourself lucky..
I know people that have been in the Penn for 20 years...know people on Life parole...shitlike that..
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F. Y. I.
Getting yelled at in Straight was not the worst part of my life.
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I didint mean you...I meant any of us...
Cuz I still am mad at people...just saying..
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I am lucky because the only person I truely hated and would hit in the mouth from than is Jeff Spearman. And he's dead ::heart:: ::heart::
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The guy that would tell all these stories about how he used to kill animals in his past. He was an asshole, mean-spirited and cruel. Did any of you guys know him outside of Straight? Also, for some reason, I can't remember who Jeff Spearman is. I can't imagine he was before my time (nov 88)I'm curious about Warren Kendedy, he was a true believer if there ever was one. I really liked shelly, didn't care for Garrett. Timmy, you weren't so bad. you were my old commer a few times. I felt a huge sigh of relief when Ed or Bob would lead a rap, I knew them both before Straight, and they were easy on me. Craig i fell indifferent about. lets see, there was also paul and mike and justin. Paul wasn't so bad. Brad M. wasn't so bad either. Wasn't Kathy's drug list booze and caffiene?
I felt so sorry for Greg P. and there was also some girl I can't remember her name that were like the scapegoats of group. If we couldn't think of anybody to yell at, we could always pick on them. Everybody was happy that they were being yelled at because at least its not you!
As far as Steve goes, I truly hated him, It's a great act of my imagination for me to imagine a nonabusive and friendly Steve Brooks but I know I've changed a lot since then also.
Jennifer, I'm so glad you found this forum, we've talked privately and it has meant more than you know. You're alright in my book.
Also, I'm wondering if anybody remembers Suzanne Ro****i? She was a friend of mine.
John W.
Dallas and LA
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You dont remember me John?Your name is so farmiliar Im just trying to put it on one of the many faces I have burned in my mind from that group..I did alooot of fucking drugs to forget and I think it worked...Im trying to place you..
Brad Beshears..
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-18 03:01 ]
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PS hearing that shit about people hurting animals makes me hella fucking mad...
I like animals and think thats the most fucked up thing ever..
Animals are helpless...
If I ever saw like my neighbor or someone kick a dog Id run over and Beat the shit out of him ..then Id call SPCA to come remove the animal..
Thats fucking weak bullshit..
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John, I should remember you, But I can't. I even saw your pic from Shannon's sight, but still can't place you.
Justin Pettigrew was one of the Athens people. Don't know what happened to him.
Anyone remember Steve Volkman? Also, I remember this big guy who used to sing La Vista on the guys side.
I always loved being picked to sing for the girls side. My voice would always be gone for the rest of the day and the next and so I wouldn't get picked to confront anybody.
I wasn't really good at confronting anyway. Except once. There was this girl Michelle somebody that was my newcomer and copped out with me the first time. Her hair was so blond that it was practically white. She really pissed me off one day and I got right up in her face and ripped the shit out of her. I wonder what ever happened to her.
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On 2004-01-17 23:30:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"I am lucky because the only person I truely hated and would hit in the mouth from than is Jeff Spearman. And he's dead ::heart:: ::heart:: "
what a thoughtless and horrible thing to say.
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oops, that was me. :wave:
Peace and abstinence from European interferences are our objects, and so will continue while the present order of things in America remain uninterrupted.
--Thomas Jefferson
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I talked in girls rap about being molested as a child and being raped at 14. When we got back into regular group they stood me up and ripped me for lying and sat me on the guy's side. I FREAKED OUT and was restrained by five guys - great therapy for someone who had been raped 5 months prior...I was sat over there for 2 weeks and I know that is when the true rape of my pysche happened and I just gave in. Some may say it was a survivor method to collapse into their way of thinking - I just knew I had to protect myself and if it meant screaming, raging or whatever else I would do it.
i remember that. my heart sank when i read this. god i hated that place. i'm so sorry that happened to you jen. :cry: Is uniformity [of opinion] attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites.
Thomas Jefferson
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Tim told methey would have kept me on 4th forever because I didnt confront people..
I dont think I ever would have got out had I not been pulled
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thank you sweet friend...I am going to PM you when I get done here with the numbers I found. you singularly inspire me to believe that, I too, will find that special love in my life that will finally close the last of the wounds from that hellhole
jen
[ This Message was edited by: jnloar on 2004-01-20 00:50 ]
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Kelly,
That was Michelle Raulston. She and Carmen York are two people I hope eventually find this place because I made both of their lives hell and would like for them to know that I am aware of how wrong I was.
Jen
Also, thanks so much for the info on my intake tape. I am trying to track that place down, actually figure out what happened to it after it closed. If you know, please let me know.
Timmy, you most likely have an intake tape somewhere. They did not tell you they were recording it. It was the part of your intake where your parents would say that they were admitting you and you basically either said please god, NO!!! but since we were underage it did not matter. the recorder would be on the execs desk but we were not told it was on.
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John,
I am pretty sure I remember your friend. Wasn't she fairly tall with long, straight brown hair and very quiet? If you ever are in touch with Ed Frimmer please tell him hello for me...we had a true love/hate relationship but he could make me laugh even in the blackest of moods which was pretty much 99% of the time. I have fond memories of him. As far as Jeff Spearman goes, he came from Florida and made his way to Sr staff. He was about 6ft, skinny, brown hair and a somewhat large nose. Highly confrontational, one who would come across chairs. His girlfriend was Ellen Savage and he was on staff with Steve, Cameron Riley, Steve Atkinson, Spencer Sale. In the old building, was not ever in Irving. Used to drive this orange Toyota that looked like a bug - what was that? Keith House had one to. But he actually may have been gone by 11-88 because I commenced in 12-88 and was the last commencee out of the old building and he was off staff when I graduated. I think the girl you are thinking about was either Carmen York or Michelle Raulston, there was also a girl named Stacy, not Elliff, a larger girl from Midland who was confronted alot also. Chad Barnes was also one who was mercilessly ripped on. I did not know Dave that well outside of Straight - we never really liked each other - I must have missed the stories of the animal killings. I would have raged at him had I ever heard them as I never lost my compassion for animals, even in that place. The absolute scariest thing about that is the fact that, and I believe this is the right number, 93% of all serial killers/and or rapists were animal torturers or killers in their youth. One of the places I volunteer here in Dallas is a no-kill shelter and what I have seen done to animals by children is unreal. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to rush to the bathroom to vomit when an abused animal is brought in. I look around at my four babies laying around and every one of them came home with me from there and to think that children think it is okay to set fire to, break legs for fun just sickens me. I truly hope he got help but because he pretty much thought I was a bitch and I help him in the same regard, I did not get to know him much out of there. We were on staff together but he thought I was a snob and we did our best to avoid being on the rapstool together. Glad you checked in and hope that all is well with you.
Jennifer
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I remember being taped. Since I was 17 when I went in I had to sign myself in. I didn't know that at that time. But you see, in Texas, at the age of 17 you have a whole lot of rights that many people don't tell you about. And so the times that I got in trouble with the law when I was 14 and 15 were basically erased once I turned 17. I was no longer on probation or anything.
So if I didn't want to, I wouldn't have been able to be kept in Straight. But nobody told me. So when they went through the paperwork with me, I remember Ms. Petito turning on the recorder and asking me did I know I was being taped, etc. It was basically just a one-liner question did I agree to be enrolled in the program. I thought it was like some of those 30 day country club places. I was gonna have a great time. Ha Ha Ha Ha ::bwahaha::
I know that Wes Kitchens didn't keep the stuff. I'm fairly sure of it anyway. I'll do some research and see if I can't hunt him down. I don't remember the main dud that was running the place. I can see his face, but clueless as to the name. He was trying to get funding, etc. to keep it open. I don't think it was open very long, and not sure if they ever even got more than 1 client. Heath may know more than me about it.
[ This Message was edited by: taureana on 2004-03-19 06:57 ]
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You got fucked just like me...
I remember asking Chad Barnes and Mark Gerling if I would be able to go to Six FLags that weekend :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I checked myself in not knowing what it was..
Six Flags...hehe...I was picturing myself hanging out with my new friends in Dallas..going to malls and shit like that..
I really thought I was getting a vacation from my mean fucking mom, and school...
Boy was I naieve.....
-
But I did meet great people...and Straight made me alot tougher...it made things like sitting in jail for years seem not so bad..
And yes I would do another 2 Years in TDC STate Jail over 9 months of Straight any time..
Although I wasnt on a Lifer farm...State Jail isnt some easy ride...I watched a guy get a piece of chain link fence poked through his back and lung for not lighting someones cigarette
( a lighter in jail can make you alot of money you can buy pot and cigarettes...then you gotta find someon with a lighter and pay them whatever)
Stamps are used as currency...
I think it was like 6 stamps for a tiny cigarette...
A pinner fucking shitty joint was $5.00
But my good friend and celly was in the Mexicanemme (Mexican Mafia) so we had a radio, tattoo machine, and I got Camels right out of the pack instead of broke down and rerolled..
I rolled by myself, meaning I wasnt affiliated with Aryan CIrcle or Brotherhood ...they were always fighting each other, and well, I like anyone till ya fuck me over regardless of skin color..I never got into hate for the sake of hating..And I left there with Black friends, Mexican Friends, White Friends..
In life I make it a point to be respectful, thoughtful, and be a man of my word. And that pays off, even in jail...
If I ever tell you Im going to do something, you know its gonna happen.
Thats how I treat people and thats how I want to be treated.
You fuck me over, I wont start a bunch of shit, Ill just cut you out of my life and never think twice.
I gave up on fighting long ago, too much energy, easier to just not give 2nd chances
(plus fighting is immature and leads to jail, and Jail to me = withdrawls)
But from Straight I have made alot of friends, Tim Kemp is probably about my best friend..all you guys, and some of you I havent seen in 15 years but hope to soon.
By the way when I lived in Houston I met a guy named Paul something...and he said he was in Straight at the Irving building..name ring a bell? and no not Paul Fox...he wasnt in the oldschool bldg..
He seemed pretty cool, till he fucked my girlfriend..But he got his. He got sprung on crack and left a homeless dude in his house who stol all his shit, including 12 hydroponic pot plants growing in his closet :lol: :lol: :lol:
He claimed to have only one lung too, if that helps..
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-20 05:46 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-20 05:47 ]
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Woke up with this crap in my head:
Straight from the heart
I'm really free
Learning to live again
Being Me
And coming home
Is the best part
That's why we're living
Straight from the heart
I always thought not being able to read crap like street signs was so bogus. I did it anyway. Maybe because I was older I didn't play head games with stuff like that.
I think the reason we weren't supposed to read street signs is so that we would get lost if we copped out. Wouldn't be able to find our way home.
I made sure that I always read the street signs. I never wanted to know that I didn't know which way was my way out.
But it helps when you have a parent pull her kid and give you bus fare at the same time. ::bigsmilebounce::
-
They did that to further seperate us from the outside world.
A big part of their programming had to do with alternating isolation and intense grouping.
Those werent just silly little rules. Everything was done for a reason.
I didnt realize this until recently, and started reading about cults and mind control through links off of Fagers site.
Its very interesting, you should check it out.
-
How could anybody not remember Steve volkman?
it totally sucked when he was misbehaving because he was one buff mo fo and would raise hell.
He escaped and Jamie Heitkemper said he saw him working at a Burger King drive through in Issaquah, Washington in 1990 but I haven't seen him since Straight. He was my oldcommer a few times.
John
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I remember Steve Volkman...He was a big motherfucker..but wasnt Misbehaving when I was there
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I remember Jaime. I think he was on 1st phase when I went in, and I think I finally remember you too John.
What I remember most about Jaime was he shared one day in group that he had been born with 6 fingers and 6 toes and that he said the 6th ones were removed at birth.
-
When Steve Volkman escaped, Straight Authority had people watching for him at the Queensreich (cock-rock band from Seattle)(and probley spelled wrong) concert. He knew someone in that band and they thought he would hit em up for a ride back to Seattle.
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On 2004-01-18 08:47:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-01-17 23:30:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"I am lucky because the only person I truely hated and would hit in the mouth from than is Jeff Spearman. And he's dead ::heart:: ::heart:: "
what a thoughtless and horrible thing to say."
Yea, your right. I should dig him up and make amends. ::mecry::
-
On 2004-01-21 10:40:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"
On 2004-01-18 08:47:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-01-17 23:30:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"I am lucky because the only person I truely hated and would hit in the mouth from than is Jeff Spearman. And he's dead ::heart:: ::heart:: "
what a thoughtless and horrible thing to say."
Yea, your right. I should dig him up and make amends. ::mecry:: "
he has family and friends who love him, you piece of midland white trash. you're too much of a stupid hick to think of that, right?
-
Queensryche
-
Im from Midland and I resent that comment..
But I didnt think to much of Jeff Spearman...he was mean as hell to everyone (unless you were a girl he wanted to fuck) he hurt animals...sorry ...thats just who he was..
Just because someones dead doesnt earn respect in my book..
And use your name, proud yet anon relative, inherit the legacy...
Your relative was an abuser, your relative destroyed lots of self esteems including mine.
Im not going to say Im glad hes dead...I am not,
Im not going to agree with what Tim said, as I think it was harsh...
But I know Tim well..and someone would have to have really treated him like shit to garner that type of comment....
Theres a reason your oh so Strong and hateful Ex Staff member relapsed and died...because something was eating him..He treated young kids that were fragile and had problems with abuse..
He was evil and he was cruel...please understand why people dont have flowery eulogies on the tips of their bitten tongues
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On 2004-01-21 15:42:00, Therion wrote:
"
Just because someones dead doesnt earn respect in my book..
He was evil and he was cruel...please understand why people dont have flowery eulogies on the tips of their bitten tongues"
Well said! I remember having to listen to him laugh about how he would put mice in paper bags and then microwave them.
-
jeff spent most of his program in florida straight. he was started over and sent to dallas. he learned everything about being heartless from straight florida. don't blame what once was an innocent kid, become monster, on anything less than the program it's self. he was in straight for over three years before he graduated. i'm sure he was treated just as badly as he treated you, and would be here apologizing if he could.
you may be glad he's gone, but keep it to yourself. out of respect to the living.
kthx
ps. mice are vermin, who cares.
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use your name, proud yet anon relative
no, who i am is none of your business.
-
I became that monster.
I was taught that I would not be able to earn freedom if I didn't earn it by yelling at others. I moved up on my levels by counseling others without a license, that is to say that I broke the US laws about counseling minors.
I was told that to restrain my peers was good. And hey, we all were. Shit, we weren't just taught by words - we were MADE to do those atrocious fucking things by Example and by Force and by Tricks and Authoritarian Rule.
We were made to stay out of school, cut our hair, tell lies, be lame, and help others do the exact same goddamn things.
Normally I do not speak for others. But here in these forums I can safely say that this time its okay.
I have, a couple of times, posted the names of those oldcomers who I would love to fuck up on the street. These cats, I have seen them around, are like three times my size now cos we were allowed to take Creatine in the program when working out. Still though, their size is not an issue and would not keep me from hurting them if they tried to prankst today.
I agree with both sides. Fuck that dead dude, fuck him all the way to hell and into fire and nothingness, fuck him if he caused harm.
On the other side of the same token I can say that it is not right to hate on someone who went through the same shit.
Hey, I am just now bringing up this shit in my life, all the days of childhood neglect that people exacted on me. I have had Every trick in the book played on me since I was young, I don't know many here who can say they haven't experienced the same things. I am just now getting to really talk about this shit. I am conscious.
And, guess what, its with the most unlikely therapists you would expect to be around to see me go back through the shit. Its with a bunch of people I can't really say I want to know here.
I'm protesting with a bunch of people who, thirteen years ago - woulda eaten me for lunch and called it therapeutic. I'm talking with and yelling with and being invited to eat with survivors who, thirteen years ago, would have kicked my little fucking ass and told me it was therapeutic. Imagine how uncomfortable and fucking surreal that feels. Yet, I am thankful that there are those who are further along in their healing than myself. I still act 'over the top' when it comes to this kind of shit.
However, if I knew then what I know now - I could say with certainty again that we, ALL of us, who post here would be doing everything in our power to end this dead person's suffering as a result of concentration camps and ending all the trickery that was judgementally layed upon us to him ago.
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I don't care what mice are I use have a heart traps I would NEVER nuke them that is cruel and sick and evil.
That is a sign of being a sociopath. Doing that to small animals. It is even listed in the DSMIV as a symptom (sorry psych major)
God that bothers me so much!! I would rather see you beat on a human your own size and gender who has a chance to beat the shit back out of you.
If I saw someone trying to nuke a mouse I would have them arrested. It is a criminal charge. Do you realize that?
You could be put in jail for it.
God!
Causing pain to another living creature No matter what kind should bother you.
By 1940 the literacy figure for all states stood at 96 percent for whites. Eighty percent for blacks. Notice for all the disadvantages blacks labored under, four of five were still literate. Six decades later, at the end of the 20th century, the National Adult Literacy Survey and the National Assessment of Educational Progress say 40 percent of blacks and 17 percent of whites can't read at all. Put another way, black illiteracy doubled, white illiteracy quadrupled, despite the fact that we spend three or four times as much real money on schooling as we did 60 years ago.
--Vin Suprynowicz
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On 2004-01-21 18:05:00, Anonymous wrote:
"use your name, proud yet anon relative
no, who i am is none of your business. "
I gould give 2 shits who you are really or what you have to say...
oh and Mice > you..
Go fuck yourself, thx and plz drive through
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Love, Me
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Oh and fuck Jeff and his animal abusing ass
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you may be glad he's gone, but keep it to yourself. out of respect to the living.
Ok, so maybe he went through the program. That doesn't necessarily excuse everything. And it doesn't change what happened to people because of him, does it? I say let them rejoice in his passing if he was abusive to them and if that's truly how they feel. Too bad he's gone though, because no one will ever know for sure if he regrets at all..
-
Theres alot of shit flying around here, alot of 15 years and building resentments...Thats just how it is..
I mean if people wanna vent bad shit about me, so be it..That just cant be changed..
I just didnt like the fact he is cruel and hurts animals...and was a dick to me..
Im gonna say shit the way it is. And I defend everyones right to say what they will, even regarding me..Then again I dont hurt animals and treat people like shit....but Im sure I rub people wrong...so have at it.
And I never said I was glad hes dead...Im not..I just said he was a dick to me, and I dont like folks that hurt animals..and if you cant handle that then....whatever :wave: :wave:
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-21 20:22 ]
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Once I caught a mouse in a glue trap, and I felt so sorry for it, I ran over it with my car to put it out of misery...
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Actually I thought about it..and you are right.
I take back anything overtly rude I said about J.S. Although he may have done things I did not like, he was still human and subject to error. I have done many shit things in my life just like him.
Im sorry for what was said and Im sorry he passed so young.
I hope he is at peace now.
-
Back to Steve...
Where are ya man? :wave:
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thank you therion. :smile:
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On 2004-01-21 19:13:00, kaydeejaded wrote:
"
That is a sign of being a sociopath. Doing that to small animals. It is even listed in the DSMIV as a symptom (sorry psych major)
:roll:
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Aww Morli :sad:
this is off topic but I made my friend pull over and get a woodchuck off the highway if was still alive, we brought it too the animal wildlife rescue people up here.
I wrapped it in a towel and held it on my lap.
they saved it the lady in Woodstock called me the next day and said it chewed out of the cage and it still lives in her yard area. We named it Ben.
Now that I think back this Woodchuck could of come out of shock and gone totally bullshit in the car and attacked me but I am a softie, I like animals more then people most of the time. Thought that is silenced is always rebellious. Majorities, of course, are often mistaken. This is why the silencing of minorities is necessarily dangerous. Criticism and dissent are the indispensable antidote to major delusions.
-- ALAN BARTH, The Loyalty of Free Men, 1951.
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It was a groundhog!
"the war on drugs is but one manifestation, albeit a very dramatic one, of the great moral contests of our age -- the struggle between two diametrically opposed images of man: between man as responsible moral agent, 'condemned' to freedom, benefiting and suffering from the consequences of his actions; and man as irresponsible child, unfit for freedom, 'protected' from its risks by agents of the omnicompetent state."
--Thomas Szasz
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and anon, why would you want to hurt an animal?
:roll: at u!Step 1. We came to understand that the government is powerless over people's private use of drugs and that the War on Drugs was making the government's life unmanageable.
--Scott Tillinghast
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i don't want to hurt an animal kady. :roll:
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That is so hysterical! We used to feed the groundhogs french fries. There is this area in Manchester by a big parking lot where they burrow and live.
I used to always stop for turtles in the road and pick them up and put them in the grass in the direction they were heading.
Then one day I was crossing a bridge and there was this huge turtle that looked almost pre-historic. His shell had like spikes on it almost. So I picked him up and his neck popped out like what seemed 8 inches and he hissed really loud at me and tried to bite me. Well, needless to say it scared the shit out of me and I jumped and screamed and dropped him back on the pavement. I felt terrible that I dropped him when I was there to save him. So I probably said something to him like, "I'm only trying to get you out of the road." So I picked him back up and he did the same thing, only worse. He nearly reached far enough to get my hand and this time his hiss was more like a growl and his claws got my leg. And, regretfully, I dropped him back on the pavement. But I did manage to scoot him into the grass with my foot.
I only pick up small turtles now.
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that is funny!
my friend took this snapping turtle that had a cracked shell and wrapped it in a jean jacket and put it in his trunk to take it out of the roadway and back to the lake where he was sure it came from it was only a little ways down the road...
when he went back around to his trunk it had shredded his jean jacket and was hissing and going crazy in his trunk it must of been hit once and stunned or something!
Now it was just pissed! He ended up having to use three different sticks because each one it would snap with it's (what is it called) mouth, jaw ? Snapper? and finally got it to grab one and not break it and hang on to it and lower it to the ground by the lake. That thing was so mad!!!
SCARY TURTLE Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following
pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them
general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong,
gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises
at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the
tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason.
Thomas Paine, Common Sense
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My deal with animals are ...they are helpless.
Not all animals...but domesticated ones like dogs..
You just dont beat them and shit they dont understand..And how could anyone whine about being made to sit up in a blue chair when they break animals legs for fun? See what Im getting at?
But thats just me...and I have a soft spot for animals...I have always owned dogs etc...and take care of them..
I have watched many deserving people get beat up very very badly...and felt little to no compassion....I guess people in my eyes are evil and animals arent..
But thats just MY opinion. Just make sure Im not around when you try to kick a puppys ass or something, or Ill fuck you up. :wave:
Peace, B
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On 2004-01-21 10:55:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-01-21 10:40:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"
On 2004-01-18 08:47:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-01-17 23:30:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"I am lucky because the only person I truely hated and would hit in the mouth from than is Jeff Spearman. And he's dead ::heart:: ::heart:: "
what a thoughtless and horrible thing to say."
Yea, your right. I should dig him up and make amends. ::mecry:: "
he has family and friends who love him, you piece of midland white trash. you're too much of a stupid hick to think of that, right?"
You sound just like Jeff Spearman, I can tell you two are freinds. Insult a whole town of people because of what one person said. I bet you wish I was in group so you could treat me like that again. Well, I am not in Straight anymore. You can't do anymore damage. And Jeff is where he belongs, A place where he can no longer cause harm, Just like Ted Bundy. :grin:
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On 2004-01-21 21:19:00, Therion wrote:
"
Actually I thought about it..and you are right.
I take back anything overtly rude I said about J.S. Although he may have done things I did not like, he was still human and subject to error. I have done many shit things in my life just like him.
Im sorry for what was said and Im sorry he passed so young.
I hope he is at peace now."
"Good job Therion!!!! Way to work your program. Now that you've made amends regarding Jeff Spearman we're going to move you on to 4th phase. If you take back everything you said about Mel Sembler, Dr. Newton and Jeff Dodd, We'll move you on to 5th."
LOOOOOOVE YA Straight supporter
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On 2004-01-22 06:17:00, Anonymous wrote:
"thank you therion. :nworthy:
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On 2004-01-23 13:44:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"
On 2004-01-21 10:55:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-01-21 10:40:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"
On 2004-01-18 08:47:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-01-17 23:30:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"I am lucky because the only person I truely hated and would hit in the mouth from than is Jeff Spearman. And he's dead ::heart:: ::heart:: "
what a thoughtless and horrible thing to say."
Yea, your right. I should dig him up and make amends. ::mecry:: "
he has family and friends who love him, you piece of midland white trash. you're too much of a stupid hick to think of that, right?"
You sound just like Jeff Spearman, I can tell you two are freinds. Insult a whole town of people because of what one person said. I bet you wish I was in group so you could treat me like that again. Well, I am not in Straight anymore. You can't do anymore damage. And Jeff is where he belongs, A place where he can no longer cause harm, Just like Ted Bundy. :grin: "
oh, did it "APPLY?"
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On 2004-01-23 13:57:00, Reagon Youth wrote:
"
On 2004-01-22 06:17:00, Anonymous wrote:
"thank you therion. :nworthy: "
uh, that wasn't me.
AND YOU STARTED THIS!!!!!
_______________________________________________
If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all (unless they start it) heheheh...
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On 2004-01-21 18:01:00, Anonymous wrote:
"jeff spent most of his program in florida straight. he was started over and sent to dallas. he learned everything about being heartless from straight florida. don't blame what once was an innocent kid, become monster, on anything less than the program it's self. he was in straight for over three years before he graduated. i'm sure he was treated just as badly as he treated you, and would be here apologizing if he could.
you may be glad he's gone, but keep it to yourself. out of respect to the living.
kthx
ps. mice are vermin, who cares.
"
My daughter cares about all living creatures. I hope your not a parent or a school teacher.
I don't belive you about Jeff being here and apologizing if he could. He desperetely wanted to be like Cameron Riley. His goal in life was to intimadate people. I never thought of Cameron Riley as intimadating. He was the closest thing to a real counselor there. He was about the Drugs. Spearman on the other hand was all about power and hurting people because he wanted them to feel scared when he walked into the room. He was not a natural, like Cameron, so he had to twist things around, like change the rules, tell people it's OK to listen to Ozzy and than blast em and put them on a phase reveiw if they did it. He was just like Newton, wanted to change things and make them harder. He changed all the guildlines to "It's mandatory" from "It's recommended" He added the small BS rules into the guildlines, like can't say the name of a car in front of newcomers.
I was on staff and had no desire to make the group fear me. It was bad enough that they couldn't make eye contact, etc. But Spearman ate that up. If he were alive today he would be a serial rapist or running his own program like Newton did. But I'll tell you what Anon. Let's make a deal. I have all my check stubs from when I was on staff. I will add what I was paid and refund it to those who were my clients if you, speaker for Jeff Spearman will do the same on his behave. If you do that I'll beleive you about his remorse. I think all ex-staff should do it. I'll go first. Anyone who was a client of mine, PM me.
-
Carmeron Riley is a burned out old drug addict, now loser. His wife/partner in crime, left him, and now he has nothing.
I don't speak for Jeff, but I knew a different side of him, he's gone though, have some respect for his family.
Were you even friends with Steve? Can you stop contaminating this thread with your hate? I'm looking for my friend.
-
You know Timmy, freaks like that don't deserve your time or energy.
You were a great staffer and fuck anybody who thinks differently. I never felt that you degraded anyone or were abusive nor confrontational without cause.
Anyone who stereotypes a person because of the town they are from just proves their lack of intelligence.
-
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-23 15:56 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-24 20:11 ]
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[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-23 16:17 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-23 16:18 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-23 16:18 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-24 20:08 ]
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[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-24 20:07 ]
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Tim,
I was an X-client of yours! I'll PM you with the address of where you can send me a check.
I really don't need the money, but would be more than happy to help you appease your conscience.
Love YA!
John
(PS this is a joke in case anyone was wondering)
-
On 2004-01-23 16:23:00, Therion wrote:
"
I dont know if I should even fucking come on this board anymore...
I was better off not remembering you fuckers.
BEtter hope you dont ever run into me... :flame: :flame: "
I am sorry you feel that way. :sad: these people are the ones who are really going to have to live with themselves in the long run. I hope. I don't think you can be an evil person and just get away with it. Karm...will bite them in the ass eventually. I swear by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.
* - ~ Galt's Creed ~ - *
-
KARMA
will bite them :wink:
don't leave! There were some decent staffers even in Boston. Rob Crane became one. And........well Rob Crane. lol!
Shit thats it but I can think of some hot fifth phase guys :lol: I think I am drifting off topic here.Any Irishman who doubts the reality of selective enforcement ought to take just a moment to comtemplate the etymology of the term "paddy waggon".
--Antigen
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Staff were victims too... come on, we all need to remember that staff were just scared/tortured kids too at one point. We were all abused.
WE ARE ALL SURVIVORS.
Remember, we/they were brainwashed? History gives us a kind of chart, and we dare not surrender even a small rushlight in the darkness. The hasty reformer who does not remember the past will find himself condemned to repeat it.
--John Buchan
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On 2004-01-24 07:22:00, kaydeejaded wrote:
"KARMA
will bite them :roll:
This thread is enough to make Stephen, (someone I love and care about) not feel welcome. I hope that if or when he does find this board he's able to disregard all of the completely moronic statements made, and at least contact me. I consider him like a family member to me, and have been worried about him for several years. I also wanted him to know that the father of my daughter, husband, and friend of his was killed in a car accident 3 years ago. And before any dumbass wants to jump up and say, "Yay, he probably deserved to die," He was never in straight, I met him after, in 1990. Steve moved here for a short time and they became friends. He thought Steve was one of the funniest guys he'd ever met. I still giggle to myself remembering his words.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
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Staff were victims too... come on, we all need to remember that staff were just scared/tortured kids too at one point. We were all abused.
WE ARE ALL SURVIVORS.
Remember, we/they were brainwashed?
Yes they were victims, but then in some cases, became horrible abusers. There are some that people wouldn't think twice about beating the fuck out of or even killing if they were to run into them now. and I say Oh well. Tough shit. They made their bed.., an eye 4 an eye, etc.
But then on the other hand, there are ex-staff who didn't go out of their way to abuse kids, who deserve the same respect as other survivors.
It also depends to some degree on the ex-staffer's attitude about 'it all' today. Maybe they were somewhat on the abusive side, but truly regret that now. That doesn't mean that they should be off the hook completely, but I think they deserve to be heard at least...
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Siiiiiigh, Thank you for your opinion Alex... why don't one of you start a thread called, EX-STAFFERS, the good, the bad, and the ugly?
You know, I was never on staff, and to my knowledge, I never, or rarely confronted anyone. I never hurt you, I just got the fuck out of the hell hole and tried to go on. I started this thread looking for one person, who means a lot TO ME!!
Timmy, Kelly, whoever else, I don't give a rat's (or mouse's in this case) ass what you think of Steve or Jeff. I fucking loved them, and I'm not an evil person, neither were they. They/we were all victims. Everyone deals with trauma, self hatred and severe emotional damage differently, as, we are all different. I for one spent two years prior to straight in another prison camp, an outdoor prison, ages 13-15. Then I was put in straight 15-17. My father was an abusive violent prick who abused me ?til the day he was killed in a car wreck, and even though his death was a blessing to me, I never told my grandmother I was glad his sorry ass was dead, because, I wasn't. I was thirteen. That was six months before my first prison.
Every human being has the ability to change, to "come to." Try being a little less selfish, you people who entered this thread just to bash and flame three of my friends who have had a VERY rough go at their lives, and who have spent years after straight in torment, and pain for their loss of self, reality, freedom, and in this case life itself.
An Animated Cartoon Theology:
1. People are animals.
2. The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
3. Life is antagonistic to the living.
4. The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and plucked for music.
5. The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their own cunning.
6. The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their own momentum.
7. We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us.
-- E. L. Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"
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you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive
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On 2004-01-23 14:47:00, morli wrote:
"
Carmeron Riley is a burned out old drug addict, now loser. His wife/partner in crime, left him, and now he has nothing.
I don't speak for Jeff, but I knew a different side of him, he's gone though, have some respect for his family.
Were you even friends with Steve? Can you stop contaminating this thread with your hate? I'm looking for my friend."
I am with Therion on Steve Brooks. I saw 2 different people. I was assigned to the Litner host home and Steve lived there while on staff. I also went to school with Steve at Burkner. He was cool away from Straight, but at the building was different. He seemed more into playing games with people than tring to help them. I plan to start a Dallas Staff box, but don't have time today.
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I think steve would undestand it just fine..
After all I did watch him get "HATE" tattood down his leg in huge letters...
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Okay, Therion, can we get together on the phone please?
Not a place upon earth might be so happy as America. Her situation is remote from all the wrangling world, and she has nothing to do but to trade with them.
--Thomas Paine
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I already said I forgave him
Im sorry I didnt mean to piss all you guys off..
Ill just drop the subject, I didnt intend to upset everyone. Dont waste money talking to me long distance.
I told you I thought Steve was cool out of straight.
I just dont think anything said would scare him off...Hes not shy or anything.
I dont know why you guys pay attn to me anyway...Im just a loser white trash junky..
Compared to most you guys anyway..I didnt have anyone to pay for deprogramming or whatever.
Straight tore my family apart, tore my self esteem apart. They worked on my parents good.
Dont pay any attn to me, who I am and what I say is nothing....
Blow me off and pay no mind...
Dont feel like you owe me shit, and dont feel like you have to act like my friend just cuz we were in same rehab...or act like you care because Im pitiful junky.....
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-24 19:35 ]
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Plus I already said sorry and Im not glad hes dead..Yah I have resentments, but apparantly I dont have the right to feel that way..
All I know is when I went into straight...I was an active kid, had friends and liked myself..
By the time I got out I couldnt even look people in the eye anymore....I still hate looking in the mirror..
I turned into what they told me I was...trash
Look how often I make posts...its kind of obvious I have no friends and sit at the computer all day, isnt it?
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-24 19:39 ]
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On 2004-01-24 19:31:00, Therion wrote:
"I already said I forgave him
Im sorry I didnt mean to piss all you guys off..
Ill just drop the subject, I didnt intend to upset everyone. Dont waste money talking to me long distance.
I told you I thought Steve was cool out of straight.
I just dont think anything said would scare him off...Hes not shy or anything.
I dont know why you guys pay attn to me anyway...Im just a loser white trash junky..
Compared to most you guys anyway..I didnt have anyone to pay for deprogramming or whatever.
Straight tore my family apart, tore my self esteem apart. They worked on my parents good.
Dont pay any attn to me, who I am and what I say is nothing....
Blow me off and pay no mind...
Dont feel like you owe me shit, and dont feel like you have to act like my friend just cuz we were in same rehab...or act like you care because Im pitiful junky.....
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-24 19:35 ]"
I want to ask you about him, I'll pay for the call!!! Private message me your number, please... :smile:
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On 2004-01-24 19:38:00, Therion wrote:
"Plus I already said sorry and Im not glad hes dead..Yah I have resentments, but apparantly I dont have the right to feel that way..
All I know is when I went into straight...I was an active kid, had friends and liked myself..
By the time I got out I couldnt even look people in the eye anymore....I still hate looking in the mirror..
I turned into what they told me I was...trash
Look how often I make posts...its kind of obvious I have no friends and sit at the computer all day, isnt it?
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-24 19:39 ]"
please, please let me call you!!!!!!!!!I tried for years to live according to everyone else's morality.
I tried to live like everyone else, to be like everyone else.
I said the right things even when I felt and thought quite differently.
And the result is a catastrophe.
---Albert Camus
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By the time I got out I couldnt even look people in the eye anymore....I still hate looking in the mirror..
I turned into what they told me I was...trash
I know exactly how you feel.
To err is human; to forgive is simply not our policy.
-- MIT Assasination Club slogan
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Siiiiiigh, Thank you for your opinion Alex... why don't one of you start a thread called, EX-STAFFERS, the good, the bad, and the ugly?
Because I've said all that I want to say about it already. And, if you're going to go dangling pinatas out there like this one -
Staff were victims too... come on, we all need to remember that staff were just scared/tortured kids too at one point.
- how can you expect no one to comment? Ok, please drive through... :smokin:
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On 2004-01-24 19:54:00, Froderik13 wrote:
"Siiiiiigh, Thank you for your opinion Alex... why don't one of you start a thread called, EX-STAFFERS, the good, the bad, and the ugly?
Because I've said all that I want to say about it already. And, if you're going to go dangling pinatas out there like this one -
Staff were victims too... come on, we all need to remember that staff were just scared/tortured kids too at one point.
- how can you expect no one to comment? Ok, please drive through... :smokin: "
then shut the fuck up already... :wink: The lust for power, for dominating others, inflames the heart more than any other passion
Tacitus
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then shut the fuck up already
:flame: :flame: :flame:
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::bigsmilebounce::
A wise and frugal government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another; shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement
Thomas Jefferson
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hello? you there?
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who are you talking to?
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Yes, I am here...I am always here, in a "you cant see me but I can see you" kind of way :wave: