Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Ottawa's posts were fairly intelligent and also far less profane than many other posts.  However, when we discussed the merits of CEDU, she coldly shrugged off or denied the many abuses that occurred there.  Many of us took the time to illustrate events or methodology that were clearly unethical, deceptive, or abusive. We had specific events to back up our perspective.  She never really addressed or accepted this, and for many of us, this was like telling a rape victim she was never raped.  

In addition, when I sincerely asked what the specific benefits of the program were, she never responded.  Each of provided very specific reasons why the CEDU program was either harmful or fraudulent on a systemic level, but she glossed over this and never supported her own view with substance other than to say it saved her kid.

Look, even I could address the aspects of CEDU that helped me--although NONE of it came from academics or the "therapeutic" aspects of the cult.  (Mainly because I believe consistent prolonged verbal abuse, combined with coersion, isolation, and badgering to the extent that you are often forced to adopt a story that is partially or wholly untrue is NOT therapy. And this is the short list that does not include a horrific breach of therapeutic boundaries, experentials designed in a way to manipulate thought and promote program control, and a general lack of skill or qualifications from program leaders.)

Shortly, Ottawa grew haughty and condescending, and like I said, never seemed to care that many people were horrifically maladjusted at the conclusion of their program.

By the way, I know total pro CEDU supporters who swear CEDU saved their lives and gave them the tools to guide them, and are totally maladjusted in the real world today.  Not only are they still doing the same shit they did prior to CEDU, but have difficulty with relational boundaries outside of the cult.  In addition, CEDU created these highly contrived, intense scenarios to bond you to the group, only to make post-CEDU relationships with people seem false or lacking.

I also know people who graduate the program in the pro CEDU mindset, only to shake off the Kool Aid years later when they wake up realizing that CEDU programming doesn't translate outside of it's realm.  And that all the black and white cult values don't work in the real world.

Let's face it, at CEDU, we did not exactly feel empowered to do anything.  First, who would believe a "troubled teen"? Especially since we all felt the omnipotence of CEDU as they twisted our lives around for their benefit.  (THere is nothing like the first shocking realization that CEDU could and would manipulate facts in raps or with parents to keep students in their place.)

Second, it is often perceived that a teenaged boy being groped by a grown woman is somehow less violating than a teenaged girl being groped by a grown man.  

Whatever the case, it was strange to be in an environment where the most innocent of flirtations between teen agers would be demonized while adult staff members had us in their laps or their hands on our butts.

Anon Parent.  For many, many years (15 to be exact), I never told my parents about what when on at CEDU.  The fact is that I know all of the staff members Serb speaks of, and he is telling the truth.  Could you imagine how scary it must be for a teenaged girl who has been raped to be in the same program RUN by staff members with these backgrounds? Don't you think it's a little creepy that normal teenaged behavior like smiling at the opposite sex could get you bans, dishes, and rap blasts, yet staff members would flirt with students, have us sit on their laps, pinch our butts, and worse?  Some students had affairs with staff members as soon as they graduated.  

What Serb and Idaho describes in his posts was the NORM for my entire duration at CEDU. How were we supposed to feel safe with the disclosures that staff made to us?  This violates every ethical boundary of therapy and also made us feel that our parents isolated us in a lion's den of miscreants.

I saw how staff manipulated parents with exaggerrated and manipulative stories about their children to perpetuate their incarceration.  Because we were isolated, monitored, and badgered, we just gave in... even adopting some of their scripts as our truth.

I never told my parents what really happened at CEDU because I was so affected by the environment of isolation and secrecy.  I never told a friend about it because I knew they would never understand a place of that freakish nature.  If my father ever went to a single rap or propheet he would have yanked me out immediately.  He would have seen three things: Staff were abusive, older students were trained bullies, and the environment of heavy handed coersion did not promote truthfulness OR healing.  

In fact, when I split 6 months later--which is totally against my nature as I was a chicken shit--my Dad was the one who championed my cause to stay home.  Apparently, his last parent conference there gave him the creeps with all the cult-like lingo and manipulation.

I didn't go to CEDU because I was a bad person. I didn't steal, always answered my parents truthfully, easily gave up recreational experimentation with drugs 5 months prior to CEDU (and never went back), and was not a danger to any person. (I hesitate to even offer this list as there are many great kids who have made these mistakes in and out of CEDU as part of growing up.) My problems were related to traumatic events, depression, and erratic academic performance compounded by a severe hearing impairment.  CEDU was not the place to meet any of these challenges.  

Honestly, CEDU was just a place to park your kid (it was registered as a group home but marketed as an emotional growth school) and lobotomize him at the hands of unqualified staff.

Well, buddy. First you say I'm a whiner, even though I have never said Cedu ruined my life; I've simply listed facts on why it is an ineffectual, abusive program.  Second,I have not had children out of wedlock, or behaved promiscuously in any way. Third, I don't do any drugs, and drink minimally. So your "druggy" tag is hilarious.  I don't really need to defend my relationship with my parents.  I am very fortunate to have had an exceptional relationship with them for many, many years.

Even though my other posts have displayed rational intellect, without bullying, you consistently label me a slut and druggie, which makes YOU the bully and liar.

You keep asserting you are here to put down bullies, and yet, you bully and slander people who are sincere.  You still haven't explained your ties to the program or the benefits in a concrete fashion.  I have been very methodical of my criticism.  I actually would welcome any rational discourse favoring the program.

So far, your style supports the idea that CEDU favors abusive confrontation tactics.  There is nothing in your letter to indicate any type of emotional growth that CEDU supposedly promotes.  Thus, you are a poor choice to speak on its behalf.  

And as for you claim you are defending people from bullies? You can't defend people from bullies when you've become one.

I am a loving, good mother to two children.  I couldn't fathom calling another mother a slut, druggie, and loser for any reason, specifically since it is not true. I certainly hope you don't speak to your own mother this way or any women in your life.

This is exactly my point, anon.  I understand why you grieve that closeness that would be hard to achieve anywhere else because of the intensity of experiences you shared at RMA.  But ideally, RMA/CEDU should have been a place to help you live a normal, healthy life in the REAL world, and instead your ability to integrate was stunted--and that is a very common symptom of leaving CEDU.

Losers of the world? That would be YOU, Anon.  I don't gripe about how CEDU ruined my life. I have two beautiful children, a great relationship with my parents, a graduate degree.  I don't take any drugs, even recreationally, and frankly, I don't drink enough.  (Unless you consider 2-6 glasses of wine a month alcoholism.) But I certainly think these schools should be shut down based on the itemized list I already offered.

So far, your main tactic appears to be to label women sluts, everyone else losers and whiners, while being unable to name a single item to support the ethics of this school. How do you think this tactic works for parents perusing this site? (And they do.)

You are really doing our work for us, so thank you.

By the way, you never answered if you are S.O.O: Son of Ottawa.

You said you would be around to handle all the lies and bullying by the anti Cedu contigency, but you won't give any solid reasons in support of CEDU.

The fact is that it was an overpriced group home that employed histrionics and trenchant verbal and emotional abuse and coersion as therapeutic tools.  They also effectively isolated us from the real world, replacing it with cult like mindset, lingo, and "experentials" created to bind you to the group.

In addition, no one received individualized help in this one size fits all environment, so kids with real issues still had to deal with them afterward, only they were compounded by CEDU's warped program influence.  

Also, the fact remains that many of our experiences pre-CEDU were grossly misrepresented by the school with the explicit purpose of keeping us there.  In fact, many people confess to being coerced to admit to things they never even did after heavy bombardment by CEDU staff and bullies. (Even former staff members concede to this.)

Additionally, I find it telling that you paint all anti CEDU people with the wide paint brush of being druggies and losers.  Well, that is simply wrong.  There are successful parents, people, employers, and employees among this group.  I am a good mother and grad student and I don't do any drugs at all (and I only say this to rebut your druggy claim--because let's face it, one person's pot is another person's prozac).

If you are here to stand up to all the anti CEDU bullies, don't do it by becoming a bully yourself.  Do it with solid support of the CEDU program.