85 Day Jerk
A regular around here
Joined: 2002-06-28
Posts: 191
From: Largo/St. Petersburg
Earthquakes of the Soul
Posted: 2003-08-18 22:55:00
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow, after all these years, I finally am able to come up with a description of what comes over me from time to time whenever a disturbing memory of my experience in Straight Incorporated rises to the surface. My experience was different from most clients in that I was a "jerk" in my program for the first 3 months I was there. I witnessed alot, I observed, and I still remember. The real damage did not set in for me until I went home. The thing is, that I never did go home. My home was with my mom and sisters and the program saw to it that I went to live with my father, who had a fatter wallet. My neighborhood of 11 years vanished from my life. I lost touch completely to my entire identity up until that point and was thrust into a new home and a new school, under conditions that were completely insane. I had a full blown nervous breakdown that lasted around 19 days or so I am told. I was taken out of group and forbidden to have contact with other members of the program unless they were there to "watch" me. I was at first kept awake during the first 3 days, then Jim Hartz, the program director came to see me. I cannot really remember what I said to him, but I said something that frightened him apparently because he left the program for good not long after. I was completely out of my mind at the time. In the days that followed, I noticed that I would be served a different lunch than what my "observers" were being served. I suspect that my food was drugged because I would fall into a very deep sleep in the early afternoon and would be allowed to sleep until 9pm when our parents would come to pick us up. At home, these maniacs actually entrusted me with the care of newcomer clients. I am sure that I engaged in bizarre behavior, yet none of it was brought up in the group. The only clear incident I remember was one evening during a severe thunderstorm, I got into an arguement with a newcomer, threw open the front door and pushed him out into the rain and told him to get the fuck out if he did'nt like the way things were. I basically let him have both barrels by telling him that it was not my house, my mother, my father, my life, or anything anymore, and that I was just a fuckin puppet so we might as well leave together. Because of the torrential downpour neither of us felt like leaving, and I guess my outburst was therapuedic in a sense, because I "got my mind right" not too long after this. For the years the program had influence over my psychological make-up, I was forced to live as an actor in a terribly demented movie. This movie was my life, as Straight had scripted it, only nobody ever bothered to yell "cut."
It took getting kicked out of the Army at the age of 20, and a frank discussion with a former drill instructor before I finally saw the light and realized that up until that point, my whole identity had just been a horribly cruel joke. I have very little to do with my family anymore. I dont blame them for what happened. I just choose to not be around them because they just trigger more earthquakes. Earthquakes of the Soul, and I don't think that is a healthy thing to subject oneself to. Bob Patterson intake date June 16, 1978...........graduated August 24, 1979
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post URL:
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... m=22#17590