Stagger Lee[/size]
An Adaptation of
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds Version
For Johnny Cash, Keith Richards, Lou Reed, Nick Cave, and the legendary (and sexually confused) Baddest of all Badasses - the Great Stagger Lee
It was back in '07 when times were hard
He had a Colt .45 and a deck of cards
Agent Z.,
He wore rat-drawn shoes and an old stetson hat
Had a '79 Pacer, had payments on that
Agent Z.,
His woman threw him out in the ice and snow
And told him, "Never ever come back no more"
Agent Z.,
So he walked through the rain and he walked through the mud
Till he came to a place called The Bucket Of Blood
Agent Z.,
He said "Mr Motherfucker, you know who I am"
The barkeeper said, "No, and I don't give a good goddamn"
To Agent Z.,
He said, "Well bartender, it's plain to see
I'm that bad motherfucker called Agent Z.,"
Mr. Agent Z.,
Barkeep said, "Yeah, I've heard your name down the way
And I kick motherfucking asses like you every day"
Mr Agent Z.,
Well those were the last words that the barkeep said
'Cause Zen put four holes in his motherfucking head
Just then in came a broad called Nellie Brown
Was known to make more money than any bitch in town
She struts across the bar, hitching up her skirt
Over to Zen Agent, she starts to flirt
With Agent Z.,
She saw the barkeep, said, "O God, he can't be dead!"
Zen said, "Well, just count the holes in the motherfucker's head"
She said, "You ain't look like you scored in quite a time.
Why not come to my pad? It won't cost you a dime"
Mr. Agent Z.,
"But there's something I have to say before you begin
You'll have to be gone before my man Mr. Who comes in,
Mr. Agent Z.,"
"I'll stay here till Whootie comes in, till time comes to pass
And furthermore I'll fuck Mr. Who in his motherfucking ass"
Said Agent Z.,
"I'm a bad motherfucker, don't you know
And I'll crawl over fifty good pussies just to get one fat boy's asshole"
Said Agent Z.,
Just then Whootie rolls in and he says, "You must be
That bad motherfucker called Zen Agent"
Agent Z.,
"Yeah, I'm Zen Agent and you better get down on your knees
And suck my dick, because If you don't you're gonna be dead"
Said Agent Z.,
Whootie dropped down and slobbered on his head...
And Zen filled him full of lead...
Oh yeah.
