Author Topic: it worked for me  (Read 2151 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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« on: May 01, 2005, 04:11:00 AM »
Yeah, boarding school was really tough but the end result is good: I am at a 4 year college of MY choice earning a 3.3 GPA and I have a good relationship with my family (at least 500 times better than it used to be). I don't hate myself anymore, the staff there are great (especially Colleen, Gary and Doug) and they did their best for us. I graduated just under a year ago and I have done very well- thanks to their support because my family's support is so splotchy. Doug is always there for me to call and Colleen has been incredibly helpful to me, and she is an awesome person who I really respect. i didn't agree with everything but overall I think it works. I can see where some people are coming from but still- it's not John or Colleen's fault if it wasn't a good fit for you. It was not perfect but it works for a lot of people. I wouldn't even be in college or in any kind of school without the help I got there.

Vanessa
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2005, 12:11:00 PM »
How did you mange to handle the nights where John Mercer whould force you to reveal you deepest, darkest secrets?

Or were you there when he was home taking care of babies and when he really wasn't at the school all that much?

Because for those who experienced his night meetings it sounds they had a tough time with what he was making them do - divulge every single detail of their private lives, including sexual experiences.

Seems he really pushed them to say things that were not even true just to satisfy his strange need to know their every intimate experience. This in itself would seem to be sexually abusive - it sounds like he was pushing young girls to tell him where a guy put his you-know-what, for how long, how did it feel, and on and on - kind of sick if you ask me.

For some, this was devestating and a true invasion of their privacy.

To top that off he was not even a licensed therapist.

The damage that did to many girls is now evident and should not continue to go on. Maybe you escaped this. If you did that is wonderful.

Maybe if he was not there while you were things were not so bad. Can you let us know how much involvement he had at the place since you just recently left?

That might help shed some light as to why some had horrible experiences while others seem to have come out alright.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2005, 04:15:00 PM »
God, could you be a little more melodramatic?! "The damage that did to many girls is now evident and should not continue to go on. Maybe you escaped this. If you did that is wonderful. "... you try to make it seem like you are just trying to get information when it is obvious you are pushing a certain point of view. The damage I have seen done to girls was by themselves, not because of John or anyone else. Talking about some of that stuff was hard and yes, I think we should have had more privacy, but you have to look the whole program and the results. I do see some problems with the school, but on the whole, I have seen it work for me and a whole lot of my friends.
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2005, 05:07:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-05-01 09:11:00, Anonymous wrote:

Seems he really pushed them to say things that were not even true just to satisfy his strange need to know their every intimate experience. This in itself would seem to be sexually abusive - it sounds like he was pushing young girls to tell him where a guy put his you-know-what, for how long, how did it feel, and on and on - kind of sick if you ask me.


Under any normal circumstances, such as work, school, in public or some stranger on the phone, this definitely rises to the level of sexual harassment. What's therapeutic about either being coerced to confess these things in a group setting or being forced to listen?

Faith is the commitment of one's consciousness to beliefs for which one has no sensory evidence or rational proof. A mystic is a man who treats his feelings as tools of cognition. Faith is the equation of feeling with knowledge.
--Ayn Rand, Russian-born author



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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2005, 08:12:00 PM »
"Talking about some of that stuff was hard and yes, I think we should have had more privacy, but you have to look the whole program and the results."



can you tell us what the results are? it's seems that it messed more girls up than it fixed. look at the Post "facts", and the "poll post" about whether the school is more harmful or helpful. Isn't that already looking at the whole program?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2005, 09:13:00 PM »
Mission Mountain School is imperfect as is everything.  There is obviously a lot of anger out there.  But the school has obviously helped young women also.  I sent my daughter there because she needed an environment where she could get firm and consistent discipline, instead of being another thing her dad and I could disagree about.  

The "addict" thing is imperfect.  However the 12 steps are not a bad way to live.  And using the 12 steps programs helps create a continuing emotional support for girls as they leave.  

Probably my biggest complaint with the school was that there was not as much individual therapy as I would have liked.

We all have different prespectives as we go through different stages in our lives.  It will be interesting for each ofyou to see where you are today, and look at it again in 5 years. . .

Most of all I appreciate the change in my relationship with my daughter that occured while she was at MMS.  I was no longer the "Wicked Witch" and was the one who loved her enough to hold her accountable.

At a graduation we attended one of the graduates said she loved people enough to cover their asses before she went to MMS.  She said she loved them a lot more now.  Mike said, "You love them enough to turn their ass in."  

MMS is not perfect.  Unfortunately, some will be harmed by what helps others.  When my daughter was at MMS, I believe they tried to separate those they would help from those they would not.  I'm sure they were imperfect.

To those who are so angry and unhappy, I challenge you to find something positive in your life to focus on.  YOU will be happier for it.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2005, 09:23:00 PM »
I don't think these girls sit around focusing on the negative aspects of MMS. They are simply finally able to have a voice. It is a bit condescending to challenge them to find something positive to do with their  lives. They are already doing that. Give them a break, please. You are the parents, and you are speaking from a parent's perspective. You were not there so you cannot say what their experiences were nor can you say they were good if for them they were not.

Maybe it has been years since this happened. Most of them just recently found this place to share their stories. I bet a lot of them have been silent for many years and this is their way to get the negative things that happeend to them off their chest so they can let go of it.

And then there is another aspect, as Ginger mentioned. There are other parents who should know what happens in these places - from the children who were there. Those are the only credible ones who can honestly share what happened to them.

And you have to think that they would not come on here fabricating what happened to them. It would make no sense. I do personally believe their experiences and I think that it is very important to not lose sight of what has really happened that is being perceived as abusive.

If you and your daughter have a better relationship that's great. Just please do not put these girls in a position to have to defend themselves for wanting a place to vent and be heard. For now they are able to do that when they were silenced for a very long time. Silenced of their feelings that is. Forced to share parts of their lives that were private, and for some, to share things that never even happened to them just to stop from being harrassed. That is a crying shame if you would stop to think about it. Please do before suggesting they basically get a life. They've done that, remember, they are just sharing and venting.

And it's really easy to say things when something did not personally affect your life, meaning you were not the one who lived there day in and day out. You did not have their experiences.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2005, 10:16:00 PM »
Were you there?  What is your relationship with this school?  

I think it's good to vent. I don't think anyone is fabricating.  I just think there are different perspectives.  The girls who had good experiences are being attacked for saying they did!  

It would be best to be able to get a poll of everyone who was there, not just those who found this site.  I would be interested in that.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2005, 12:44:00 AM »
The girls who had good experiences need to read their posts to see how they are making others feel. I am just someone reading these posts (it's an open forum for all to read and to participate) and I just see that some of the girls sharing their positive experiences are full of themselves and are not very nice, to say the least. Maybe they should read their own posts a little more objectively. It's sad. You were all there and so you witnessed the abuses. You were probably victims of it yourselves, whether or not you want to admit it, whether or not you are even aware of it. Because what has been posted about what has happened there was abusive, plain and simple.

It would be like working in an office. If your boss was a very mean, horrible guy and treated you badly, was even abusive, you would not have anything too good to say about being there. Maybe there were some good things about the company as a whole, but your experience totally sucked! And when you had taken enough of his crap and you finally took the plunge to look for another job, you had a sense of relief just from getting out of there. But whenever you hear about the guy again it brings back the same old feelings and you're not likely to be too positive about the experience.

Then there's your co-worker. Maybe she had a boss who was thoughful, nice, caring, and fun. That person would say she had a great experience there.

Months later a bunch of you get together for lunch and you'd rather not think about this jerk. But people start talking and it brings the feelings back to the surface. You vent a bit, which is healthy, especially since you held it in so long. Most of the others are supportive of you. Then there's that one person who pipes up and says what a wonderful place it is to work and how wonderful everything is there. How this job has changed her life for the better.

Everyone in the room kind of looks at this girl and wonders why on earth she would come up and say that when obviously someone there was sharing some very painful experiences she experienced, things that still hurt today.

It's really the person who said all the good things that make people wonder why? What were her motives? To make herself sound better? And next time they decide to go to lunch as a group. Think they'll invite her again? I think not.

The funny thing is that all of the others who were there have their own expriences at the place. Some good, I'm sure, some not so good. The difference is they had enough manners and kindness to know what was appropriate to say at the time.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2005, 09:31:00 PM »
well fuckin said!!!!!!
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2005, 10:36:00 PM »
Charles Manson was a brilliant man. He was also a fine musician and quite charming and charismatic. Had a wonderful sense of humor and, you must admit, great drive and ambition.

All of the above is true. But does it accurately describe Charles Manson?

Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
--Ambrose Bierce

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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2005, 07:40:00 AM »
I came in here and read the posts. I left MMS w/o graduating... the school saved my life and helped me find a relationship with my parents we're still working on but I also had some bad experiences especially because I had a past that involved being very afraid of getting in trouble.

You say that this place is only for people to vent... but when I came in here it seemed more like people pushing an agenda... that these places are all evil and need to be shut down (I am exaggerating a little). I did see some real posts but there are quite a few that seem to be putting the people who had a good experience on the defensive. Like that one before in this topic about john groups and whatnot.

who ARE these people posting, what interest do they have in people's experiences... what is the fucking agenda? it seems very not straightfoward to me.

and the people who didn't even go to the school seem more defensive/attacking/skewed/what have you than the people who actually went. it seems they latch onto something somebody says and takes it for truth without knowing all the complexities to a situation, which i don't know if you ever could know without having gone to MMS. it is a rather unique situation and experience, and it was different for everybody.. okay i'm starting to lose my train of thought...

if people had bad experiences talk about them... i read one post that was just badmouthing staff and stuff, not really expressing anything i felt was real.

i don't know... i don't think i'm saying what i'm trying to say.


Aileen

something's rotten in the state of denmark
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Offline sunshine

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« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2005, 05:08:00 PM »
I think people that dind't go to theschool were also affected by it...I don't think that their opinions are less valid just because they are outsiders. I mean, it has affected my family, my friends, they way that I live my life and relate to new people I meet. I think they have a different perception of what happened because they may have only seen us during home visits, graduations, etc. They may have only seen the results of what we went through. To me that is enough. I wish that more people that didn't go there would post about how they saw their daughter, or sister, or cousin change, for better or for worse. Don't discount just because they were not there.

Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
--Jedi Knight school drop out.

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Offline aileen

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« Reply #13 on: May 06, 2005, 05:47:00 AM »
i love your little quote down there
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