Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Thayer Learning Center
My Son At Thayer
Troll Control:
--- Quote ---On 2005-05-05 09:34:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Dear Friends:
On 09/05/04 I made a post on this site entitled, "Why I post anomalously".
Since some of you may not have seen this post, let me restate the salient point. It is also the reason why I am not going to inform you of the university my son is at.
I received the following e-mail (my e-mail address was posted back in Sept., '04), from one of your fellow sophicates, a Mr. Devlin Graves, as follows:
"i just sent a copy of your post on the Fomits Board and sent it to the
Divsion of Family Servies in Missouri. What you admitted that goes on in Thayer is child abuse and you by keeping your kid there you are now a party to it. Congragulations the DFS will find your identity and hunt you down and i hope they lock you up, and take your kid away! You should be spaded and neudered. Your no parent.."
To give you the full flavor of Mr Graves prose, I have left his spelling and syntax in their original glory.
Now, I know what you are all thinking, "Why didn't his Mom and Dad send him to English camp."
Well, I just don't know. It might of been on account Mr. Graves pharmacological interests; or perhaps, for some other reason.
Now gentle reader, if you received such an e-mail, would you be prepared to disclose on this site sensitive personal information?
Fondest Regards, Nemo
"
--- End quote ---
I find it funny that someone who aims to deride others by criticizing their "comprehension" level can't even spell ANONYMOUSLY.
I find it funnier still that the word he used instead of "anonymously" was ANOMALOUSLY, meaning "deviating from the general or common order or type," which actually describes his posts...
My conclusion: Capt Nemo is a cognitively impaired deviant.
Troll Control:
--- Quote ---On 2005-05-05 21:13:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Thank you very much for you supportive comments.
You are right, this website is basically the land of the losers. Everyone is a fashionable victim. I have never seen a former boot camp attendee ever write about just what self-destructive (and almost certainly illegal) behavior caused their parents to send them off. They are all victims. Come on now gang, be men (or women). Stand up for your own self-destructive choices and actions. Admit that most of you were drug abusers (probably still are) and that you could not control yourselves.
No, no one wants to own up to his or her teen-ager behavior. If you read the posts, sound something along the lines of this: I was a good (well, mostly good) teen. One day I was walking home from school and was abducted by space aliens. They kidnapped me and took me to this awful place called boot camp...."
The most candor one finds is when someone says they were "doing teenage stuff", which one will "grow out of". That comment seems to encompass such "stuff" as drug use/dealing, violent behavior, rebellion against parental authority, running away, drunkenness, failing school, etc. A good truth-in-posting-rule would require each poster to honestly state the actions and choices he or she made that caused his or her parents to spend their hard earned money in attempt to save their child.
Some posters, such as Ginger, required two trips. Ginger, why did you not give up drugs the first go-around?
The answers back are all the same: Quack, quack, quack -- if you support any boot camp program you are a child abuser -- quack, quack, give-me-another-joint, quack, quack, etc.
From what the parents write, the biggest problem seems to be they took their kids out too soon. So, parents, are you happy now with your teens? Are they back on drugs? Do you sleep well at night when they are out? Do they sound like Devlin?
What kills you victims out their in Frontisland is when people like us write about how the book camp worked for our kids. It just highlights that you failed. Failed utterly. Failed completely. And that in those dark moments of your loneliness, when one drug is wearing off and the other has yet to take effect (sound familiar Ginger?) you realize, despite all of your claims of "abuse" and "torture", that you are failures: you failed as teens and now fail as adults. Now, in that desperate search for meaning, the search that gives you some glimmer to live for, you must attack the vary programs that might have saved you from your current oblivion.
And so, you all meet up each evening. You convince yourselves that your are victims (thus not responsible for your own behavior) and rile against those who have saved their children from your fate. And then, when you log off your computer and pass by the mirror, you look at yourself and know the truth...
Fondest Regards, Nemo
"
--- End quote ---
If you all are such enlightened sophisticates and great parents, why are your kids so incredibly fucked up?
Look at yourselves in the mirror and say: "I fucked up so bad at parenting that I had to give my kid to strangers in Missouri to do the job I couldn't do."
Isn't that the objective reality here?
Of course, shifting the focus to others gives you a convenient refuge from the truth: you are horrible parents who couldn't even provide the basics of child-rearing in your own homes.
Anonymous:
Don't know all the dynamics of the grudge-matches on this thread, just happened upon it in search of a piece of info about Thayer and complimented Nemo's interesting post a day or so back: now I'm Nemo's sychopant. Whatever.
The last poster says that we parents of kids who end up at therapeutic boarding schools have screwed up big time. Really???
I would think that would be obvious: when kids reach a point at which parents are willing to be separated from them and to pay (at least on our family budget) devestating amounts of money to help them, well, to say the least, something is terribly wrong.
And if I raised the kid, how can I not be part of that "terribly wrong". I mean it's not universally true: you could have, say, an adopted kid who went thru such terrible things before the adoption, that even really attentive, adequate parenting can't turn things around. You could have a kid with mental problems that lead to certain outcomes regardless of parenting style.
In our own case, I'll be the first to say that we were too focused on the material world and success and not emotionally in touch with our kid, not supportive and understanding enough of his needs and problems: it wasn't about some big intentionally abusive thing, in our case at least, it was about not accepting and knowing the kid for who he was. And teaching him that who he was was good enough.
Of course the kid's choices played a part in the whole downward spiral---but we were the adults, we allowed the thing to take form and we will always be sorry and ashamed of that. Not because some stranger on a web site calls us names---but because we know that we could have done better if we had been more aware---and we weren't.
That's why the whole school experience has changed us for the better as well as helping our kid change, we've learned from the parenting program, our family is overall 100% stronger and happier because of that school (we didn't use Thayer BTW, we looked into and found a place we chose as being the best match for us). We're several years post his graduation and we continue to be amazed at what that school did for all of us.
So my point is this to the previous poster: yes we screwed up. But we did what we had to do to change things. Isn't that how life is sometimes: you make a terrible mistake intentionally or unintentionally--- and then it's up to you to find the best solution you can.
Sorry you hate Thayer so much, I'll be the first to say I don't know much about that school but I do know other people who don't see it your way at all.
And I continue to congratulate Nemo and other parents who didn't just say "my kid is destroying his life, I'm going to let him learn from his choices, follow his own path"---I just happen to think that as parents, imperfect as we are, benign neglect in the face of disaster is not an option.
I think that the last poster and I could agree however that a therapeutic boarding school is a last option, not a first----it sure was for us.
SPEAKINGOUT:
First, where are the post's from Perri and Amanda? I would like to read them!
Second,I have read through every post and have not found people who are calling you or Nemo, or any other person claiming no abuse a liar. We are simply saying that ALL of our children either were abused or neglected, or saw children who were. And as TLC Rescue points out- the fact that some kids are abused/neglected should be enough for any parent to decide that there may be a better program out there for their child. That's the point we have been trying to make. Unfortunately there is so much other jargon we can't stay on the point.
All I have been trying to ask Nemo is to verify his claims about TLC's academics by telling us the universities- HAVE you noticed that he has never answered that ?? that I posed several times. Because this is a BIG issue it is the only one I kept trying to get an answer to. NEVER DID!!
We never accused him of lying about his son's experience there (lack of abuse/neglect)- we only wondered if it mattered that it does happen. Again, even if our posts here don't matter- read the news articles about the Reye's boys death investigation. It is CLEAR that he DID NOT receive prompt medical care from TLC- even if they have not decided whether charges will be filed or not-that should be enough to lift an eyebrow.
Also, no one was claiming that they are a victim, that we were perfect parents, that our kids were "good" kids, or any of those other attacks made against us. Ginger never said that either. Devlin has not been in a school to my knowledge, he is just a good ol'guy advocating against abusive schools. Somehow all of us have been "slammed". So what if someone does not have the same English level as you do, that doesn't mean that he does not have a heart, or a brain. So what if Ginger was placed in one of these schools, it doesn't make her less of a human being, or a US citizen, or a grown-up. There are some very good parents who have raised some really bad kids, there are an equal number of parents who are really bad parents who have raised some really good kids. I don't think that we need to attack people's character. The only point I was trying to make about being a parent was just that. I don't care who the parent is, if they knowingly send children to a school where there is alleged abuse going on- even if it's only to 1/2 the population- there is something wrong with them. That is basically saying that 1/2 the population doesn't "matter". The point again is that all kids matter, and that we did not send them there to be abused/neglected, or to witness such, we sent them there to be helped.
I was also criticized about my comment about Child Protective Services. It is TRUE what I said. Read the Reyes report, listen to the TLC rescue mom who's son's ankle was broken, listen to my son who saw kid's "dropped" to the ground, who was sick and was refused medical treatment, and so many others. Lot's listed on the Isac website. Go check it out and then let us know if these claims were against a school (even if they weren't PROVEN)- would you send your child there? And, if you "allegedly" did any of these things to your child would you be arrested? That's the question. Now, regarding being "proven"- let me explain what is currently going on in Missouri with the Dept. of Social Services. I will QUOTE part of their response from a letter I received from them regarding a claim I had made against TLC. I will use the name "John Doe" for all victims to protect their identity.
AND I QUOTE:
"Administration at Thayer Learning Center was asked to provide any medical information for "John Doe" and asked to allow us to speak with students and staff who might have had information regarding the allegations. The only information received was that they dispose of all information about students when they leave the facility. There is no available evidence to support a Probable Cause finding therefore the finding is Unsubstantiated.
It was alleged a black student with the last name of "Doe" was physically abused by staff members of Thayer Learning Center. When the request was made, at the facility, for information about a student with this name, staff said they had multiple black males with the last name of "Doe" and we were not allowed to speak with any student. There was no response to a letter to Thayer Administration requesting identifying information and requesting the opportunity to speak with other students and staff. This hotline is coded Unable to Locate based on the fact we were not able to identify the alleged victim."
END OF QUOTE
So, basically if TLC decides not to "cooperate" (which they did in this case)- there is nothing that the Dept. of Social Serv. can do.
How does that sit with you? Doesn't sit with me AT ALL!!
As far as the "industry" as a whole- we are not bashing it, we are only talking about our own experiences with the ones that proved to US to be bad choices.
Again, we sent our son to another program after TLC. So, it's not about "all programs" - you just happen to be on this "topic" where we believe this school is.
Anonymous:
Last poster (SPEAKING OUT): Do I read this correctly?
What I think you are saying is that you have no argument with the fact that some kids, for reasons of who they are and/or of what has happened in their lives, need to be in a therapeutic boarding school for a while so that they can have good lives. You don't like or trust Thayer, that's your point?
Don't know whether you're right or wrong about Thayer, (that's why I'm trying to learn about it on this thread, for reasons of advising another parent)--- but if you aren't one of the social anarchists who simply doesn't want any restraints on self-destructive kids, well, then I get where you're coming from: whether you're right or wrong about Thayer is a separate issue.
The people who drive me crazy are the ones who would discard adulthood and just let kids do what they will, like it's all good to throw away their futures and we should all say "Well it's their choice". I won't. Never.
BTW I don't care about Devlin's grammar or Nemo's refusal to talk about universities (sorry Nemo, I thought you were a mom, I guess you're a dad, my mistake), these seem like small issues, I care about encouraging parents to act like grown-ups-- and I guess that my point is that I don't see enough of them here on this thread.
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