Author Topic: Cedu and adoption  (Read 984 times)

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Offline Susan413

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Cedu and adoption
« on: June 30, 2005, 09:27:00 PM »
I am a birthmom of a boy who went to a cedu school. I had an "open" adoption relationship with the adoptive parents until my son was 13 yrs old. The adoptive parents stopped contact with me when they enrolled him in Boulder Creek Academy.
I have read of many cedu kids being adopted, and I was wondering if anyone can tell me what cedu's views about adoption are/ were?

Why do you think many cedu kids are from adopted families?

Do you think cedu told the adoptive parents to stop contact with me?

I am gearing up to make contact with my birthson soon, as he will be turning 18. I am wondering if cedu might have "turned him against me" by telling him I never loved him and never cared. I can say truely that I have always loved him and I deeply care for him and his well being.

Does anyone have any info or advice for me about how he may have been treated at BCA pertaining to his adoption?
Thank You! Susan
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Offline Anonymous

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2005, 10:20:00 PM »
I'm the mom of an RMA grad who has no beef with the school (apparently making me a pariah on these threads.I watch this board for my own reasons. Adoption was not a relevant issue in our family.

However, thought I'd pass on the fact that when my kid was there several years ago, about 30 % of the enrollees at that time were adopted.  At least in our experience, I never heard of any attempt whatsoever to separate kids from contact with birthparents.  

I remember talking about this very issue with a parent-contact person named Elena Botterini (spelling may be off). She indicated to me that, quite the contrary, CEDU advocated for active involvement of birthparents in adoption generally, from birth on, as a way of avoiding the feelings of rejection that strike a lot of adopted kids in adolescence.  This lady thought that kids who were not in contact with birth-parents was part of the reason for the high number of adopted kids at CEDU schools.  

Just my experience, may have been different at different times or schools.
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Offline Anonymous

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2005, 09:29:00 AM »
I don't know about the nothern Idaho schools, but I ran an adoption group at CEDU Middle school and am adopted myself.  It is highly recommended by those in the field of therapy that reunification with birth parents occur for closure for both the child and the birth parent.  I reunited with my birth parents six and a half years ago and it has been a wonderful experieince for us all. There is a great book by Joe Soll MSW called "Adoption Healing."  It has information for birth and adoptive parents as well as adopted children.  I highly recommend it.
     As to why there were so many adopted children at CEDU... I am currently writing my Master's thesis on Attachment Theory and its implications on education.  Attachment is a two way street between caregiver and child.  Sometimes that just doesn't happen.  If an infant does not learn the communicative skills from the caregiver or develop the social skills necessary it can lead to psychopathology as the worse case scenario or low self-exteem and poor peer relations in the least worse case scenario...which is difficult as well.  There are also implications for brain development, particularly in the frontal cortex.  Anyway, I could go on forever...and I have in my thesis, but that is sort of a brief, brief version.
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Offline Anonymous

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2005, 09:50:00 AM »
I am not adopted but I remember quite a few adoptive kids at CEDU HS. (To be upfront about my bias, I think CEDU was therapeutically inept and psychologically harmful.)

I don't think there is a general policy against birth parents.  There may be a favortism for whoever pays the bills.  In terms of adopted kids, unskilled facilitators often exploit their pain in the same way they do on every issue.  However, I do remember a boy saying he was grateful to his birth parents for providing him with a loving adoptive family, and he had no resentment.

If the kids initiate a discussion about adoption then the facilitators will run with it, and may use that as a tool to exploit their feeling of rejection. It all depends on the facilitators' skills  or inclinations.  

But definitely, anything they can use is fair game, and they often don't employ fair tactics in an effort to break down the child.

I say, contact your child at 18 with love and respect, and see what happens. I agree with the anon poster who stated that contacting the birth family offers a sense of closure, healing, and possibly, fulfilment.
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Offline If u want to know..then a

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2005, 11:02:00 AM »
Ok, I went to BCA in 96 for 3 years!  A lot of my friends were adopted.  BCA, in the rap form, will say things to the child that provoke him to get his feelings out about adoption.  I don't know about your child, but my friends always knew that their birth parents loved them a lot.  In one case, one of my friends had incorporated so much with his birth mom throughout his CEDU stay that both sets of parents came to his graduation!  BCA did support getting to know the birth families but also kind of felt like they had to protect that child. (at least that's what I got out of it).  So normally, when they would start contact with the birth mother or father in some cases, the staff would have a sit down to find out the intentions!  This was one thing that I think BCA did that was right!  They really did care if the child wanted contact with the birth parents and they were supportive of it.  You have to keep in mind that this was right before the Brown Schools bought out CEDU in 1999.  I don't know what became of that since then because all of those staff members that really cared quit or got fired!  :cry:
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Offline Anonymous

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2005, 01:08:00 PM »
To add to my previous post about attachment and to provide parents and kids with just a little more information, attachment disorder is not just limited to those who are adopted.  In my research I have noted that it is equally as common among intact families.  The casues of attachment disorder can be any one or combination of the following:  disrupted attachment due to infant illness and hospitalization, institutionalization ( particularly in the first 8 months, e.g. orphanages, foster care.) maternal extended postpartum depression, depression, violence and discord in the family, maternal( or primary caregiver) disorders including unresolved loss (e.g. loss of a spouse or relative, loss of fertility), anxious, ambivalent, avoidant or disorganized attachment in the primary caregiver, personality disorder or other psychopathology in the caregiver( attachment is intergenerational in nature).  The most recent research links maternal stress during the perinatal development of the unborn child (e.g. mother is in abusive or otherwise stressful relationship; unwanted pregancy, etc.) to cognitive development and development of the cortex, most particulary in the area of executive function (ability to reason, language, etc.).  Also, there are many current therapists who consider attachment disorder to stem from post traumatic stress in the separation of the infant from the natural mother.  An infant enters the world with sensory system in tact and will immediately recognize its mother's smell.  It has spent 9 months listening and being soothed to the mother's heart beat and respiration. (Verrier, "The Primal Wound").  Thanks to Evergreen in Colorado we hear about reactive attachment disorder the most.  I don't agree with their "holding therapy" and many children are mis-diagnosed with RAD.  It only occurs in instances of severe abuse and neglect, prolonged separation and multiple placements during the first 8 months of life.  There are actually 7 sub-types of attachment disorder.  However, therapy has not caught up with the extensive research done in this area.  While I think it is a crime to exploit an individual's fear related to attachment in a group setting.  This was never, ever my approach.  Group therapy is considered to be the most helpful tool.  Individual therapy is also helpful.   Again, because insecure and secure attachments are intergenterational.  Also, therapy as related to borderline personality disorder is helpful as this seems to be the most prevalent disorder associated with attachment, along with conduct disorder.
Hope this helps for those of you who are interested.
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Offline If u want to know..then a

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #6 on: July 01, 2005, 01:16:00 PM »
That is pretty insightful!  Are you a counselar!  Thank you for that.  I know that there is also a "attachment" issue if the child just cannot feel love from their parents in one way shape or form.  I know I had that with my mom and it was nothing that did wrong or didn't do at all, it was just all in me, but it can cause the same affect!
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Offline Anonymous

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #7 on: July 01, 2005, 01:31:00 PM »
Actually I am getting my Master's special education and have ten years of teaching in that field.  I also believe that being updated on true therapeutic research is important to be the best that one can be.  I am truly fascinated with the psychological aspects of education and child development.  The whole point of attachment, as initially conceived by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth was that the primary caregiver provided security in moments of stress as well as a secure base from which to explore.  If the primary caregiver doesn't express love, care, concern, the child develops a negative self image or inner working model of self and the world and its interactions in the world.  Again I am not a therapist, but avoidant behavior from the mother (no close physical contact, constant re-buffs when the child attempts contact, rejection child can do no right as you stated was your case) really impacts child develpoment and cognitive functioning.  What makes it more serious is without appropriate intervention the child develops either avoidant or anxious behaviors and creates a similar environment for the next generation.  It's why I think society (read schools, both public and private)need to be more aware of the research and implications, hence my thesis.  I hope you have been able to get over your feelings of mis-trust and low self esteem.  I know what it is like, we could have had the same mother!
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Offline If u want to know..then a

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #8 on: July 01, 2005, 04:37:00 PM »
Yea, I got over it.  It was all me having low self esteem because as I grew up I got the notion that I was the BAD kid that could never do right!  Since I only have an older brother, I am sure you can tell what a black sheep I must have felt!  But we are best friends now and I FEEL her love and support more than ever!  

By the way, do you do COUPLES counseling!   :grin:
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Offline Anonymous

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Cedu and adoption
« Reply #9 on: July 02, 2005, 12:28:00 AM »
I don't know you , but I am glad that your problems are reolved at this point.  That is always a good thing to hear.  Perceptions and mis-perceptions can really damage relationships.  Couples Therapy?  No, I ended my research in young adulthood.  However, if you plug "attachment" into a search you can get some good resources on research into adult relationships that evolve from early attachment.
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