Author Topic: Adjustment issues, post cedu  (Read 2171 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Adjustment issues, post cedu
« on: April 02, 2005, 06:46:00 PM »
Hey guys, I'm going to just talk about my situation for a bit and I'm hoping to get some responses about how to deal with some of the problems I've been having since I left Cedu.  

I went to Cedu Running springs from 99-2001 finished and graduated.  Cedu look good honers.  I felt great leaving cedu, but my attitude about myself and life deteriated quickly.  I started having nightmares about propheets and raps.  I became more recluse and isolitory.  I began acting like a skiddish abused dog.  I feel guilty about the things I did there and the person I was, ratting out friends, tearing the new kids apart in raps, doing everyting I was told and never standing up for myself, only for looking good.  My tharapist says it's depression and PTSD.  I don't know what to do, just throw everything out and say it was a compleat waste of two years and what I did and who I was there was meaningless, or is somethere in there that I can use and make myself somewhat happier.  Seriously, I'm kind of in a bind and at the end of my rope with this Ceud shit.  Thank god it closed.
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Offline Anonymous

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Adjustment issues, post cedu
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2005, 07:18:00 PM »
For 6 months after I went, I Couldnt sleep alot, because I would wake up at every sound I heard thinking it was escorts, it went away after a while.
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Offline Tigon

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« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2005, 08:24:00 PM »
People tell me that CEDU didn't do anything for me becuasde I still do some of the things that got me sent there, I don't need to say what, but the biggest thing I gained from CEDU was to learn to appreciate what I had, and how I tokk advantage of it, and that is what keeps me going.  Just stivk your head up, suck it up, and just keep it real, it will all work out
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2005, 02:54:00 PM »
A bunch of people committed suicide. Goes to show what a wonderful program it is.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #4 on: April 03, 2005, 04:09:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-04-02 16:18:00, Anonymous wrote:

"For 6 months after I went, I Couldnt sleep alot, because I would wake up at every sound I heard thinking it was escorts, it went away after a while."
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: April 03, 2005, 04:11:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-04-03 11:54:00, Anonymous wrote:

"A bunch of people committed suicide. Goes to show what a wonderful program it is."
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Offline Roy

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« Reply #6 on: April 03, 2005, 11:10:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-04-02 15:46:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Hey guys, I'm going to just talk about my situation for a bit and I'm hoping to get some responses about how to deal with some of the problems I've been having since I left Cedu.  



I went to Cedu Running springs from 99-2001 finished and graduated.  Cedu look good honers.  I felt great leaving cedu, but my attitude about myself and life deteriated quickly.  I started having nightmares about propheets and raps.  I became more recluse and isolitory.  I began acting like a skiddish abused dog.  I feel guilty about the things I did there and the person I was, ratting out friends, tearing the new kids apart in raps, doing everyting I was told and never standing up for myself, only for looking good.  My tharapist says it's depression and PTSD.  I don't know what to do, just throw everything out and say it was a compleat waste of two years and what I did and who I was there was meaningless, or is somethere in there that I can use and make myself somewhat happier.  Seriously, I'm kind of in a bind and at the end of my rope with this Ceud shit.  Thank god it closed."


The pain and humiliation you went through was not a waste. Now you understand other people who have been through abuse,and you can help them.

Things like PTSD and depression can be overcome and used as a gift. Take, for example, (and think about) how strong you were to come out of it, how long and hard your you built your patience, determination, tenacity, and character.

My parents, God Bless them, taught me early that hardship builds character. If not for that, I would not be alive today, because I've been to hell and made it back too - Only a hero can do that, and you are a hero. Now that strength and compassion will come in handy to all those kids under emotional tyranny. Tell your story again. This time, to shut down more of these hell holes.
Peace[ This Message was edited by: Roy on 2005-04-03 20:12 ]
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2005, 12:21:00 AM »
My biggest problem post cedu family of services, is being paranoid all the time. There was so much that went on behind the scenes, it makes it hard to take anyone else at face value. Everytime my dad or mom asks me to lunch, I get scared I am leaving again. I'm 25. I went their 10 years ago, and I still get scared I am going to get trapped and hauled off when my dad calls to go to lunch. its kinda scary
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2005, 01:12:00 AM »
All I can say is I don't think you're crazy. I was paranoid as hell when I rode w/ my mom's best friend to take my 4yo daughter for a visit. That went back to her attempts to kidnap me and an offer (later, but prescient as it turned out) to take custody of my kids while I endured the treatment that she so badly needed for me to need. (the visit passed w/o incident, thanks very much, and we're fine. We even have good pictures from the trip.)

You've just been exposed to some dark realities about the way humans misbehave that most of your peers have never had to face. Don't begrudge them their innocence, but don't beat yourselve up over your education either.

Do your parents ask you to lunch often? Has it been pretty much OK since you came of age? If so, then don't worry too much. But you might want to breach the topic w/ them in a private moment, when it's safe for both of you. Just so you'll know whether or not you have to worry, and maybe they'll be more at ease too.

If they can get you to ask the wrong questions they don't have to worry about the answers

--Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow (Proverbs for Paranoids)

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Offline Roy

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« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2005, 01:44:00 AM »
Your response made me remember that I was paranoid while I was working there and became more paranoid with time.

After I left people accused me of being parinoid for two years. I was always sure they were hacking my computer, so I got all of these router firewalls, spyware cleaners, the best antivirus stuff, and even a series of IP proxies to hide and switch my IP adresses so nobody could track my communications.

It all was because CEDU checked my computer at work and printed out people's e mails when they were going to fire them. They has staff finks who would come in to my office with a fake problem about other staff and try to set me up in a situation where I would compromise my integrity. It never worked because I had ethics and they didn't. But, you were always thinking of how to keep one step ahead of them. It created so much anxiety I couldent stand it. I never knew what they would do next.

I'm still a little paranoid, but way less than before. It's amasing how these cults can fuck with your mind, even if you are a therapist who they can't fuck with even close to as much as the kids get fucked with. And we went there voluntarily - we weren't abducted like the kids.

I, therefore, agree with Antigen that it is not the least bit abnormal to have these feelings long after being at that awful place.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2005, 10:07:00 AM »
The pain and humiliation you went through was not a waste. Now you understand other people who have been through abuse,and you can help them.



Things like PTSD and depression can be overcome and used as a gift. Take, for example, (and think about) how strong you were to come out of it, how long and hard your you built your patience, determination, tenacity, and character.



My parents, God Bless them, taught me early that hardship builds character. If not for that, I would not be alive today, because I've been to hell and made it back too - Only a hero can do that, and you are a hero. Now that strength and compassion will come in handy to all those kids under emotional tyranny. Tell your story again. This time, to shut down more of these hell holes.

Peace[ This Message was edited by: Roy on 2005-04-03 20:12 ]"
[/quote]

....yes....
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: April 12, 2005, 04:18:00 PM »
cedu was the greatest time of my life raps were so fun and the narcing is how its supposed to be
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2005, 01:21:00 PM »
we all have them!
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #13 on: April 18, 2005, 08:29:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-04-12 13:18:00, Anonymous wrote:

"cedu was the greatest time of my life raps were so fun and the narcing is how its supposed to be"


Emotional growth?  Was anything valuable gained?  How about your "tool box"?  I keep running this over in my mind like some kind of a train wreck, trying to make sense of it all, the good and the bad, what could have been, what was.......
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