Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Troubled Teen Industry

What about "Carlbrook School"?

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cooltherapy:
hah, really?  :waaaa:

You wouldn't know who I am anyway - the name would mean nothing to you. I graduated 5 years ago.

jlk:
A lot of the comments in this forum are pretty ridiculous, probably a lot of people posting fake comments about abuse because there is a really large anti-therapeutic boarding school community online--a lot of people who never attended, much less visited such a facility.

I am a Carlbrook graduate. I am not brainwashed, was not abused in any way shape or form and never witnessed ANY staff member doing anything even remotely inappropriate with a student or with each other. Some of the things I've read on this forum--I graduated five years ago, by the way and attended a really good college where I made great grades and am currently pursuing a Master's degree--are so shocking, that they could have only been written by people who have had absolutely nothing to do with Carlbrook, or who are just ex-students that are dissatisfied with their experience there and are trying to give the place a bad name.

Carlbrook is not perfect. What school in this kind of business could be? Some kids end up there that really should have been placed in other programs. It is important that you are certain that your child has been accurately diagnosed while in wilderness therapy, as some kids totally lie their way through testing, try and seem really fucked up, or not--and anyway, then they get misdiagnosed and there your kid is stuck in a program that's entirely inappropriate for their needs. Not a shocker that some people aren't thrilled with their experience, Carlbrook is a tough place--especially for kids with problems that are too tough for Carlbrook to deal with. Some kids are just not interested in getting with the program. Some parents are just not interested in getting with the program, expect their children to do all the work, and end up making things really difficult for them. If you don't have the time as a parent to invest in doing some SERIOUS work on yourself while your child is at boarding school, you might as well flush most of your expectations of having your loving son or daughter back straight down the toilet. I am very thankful that my parents were willing to challenge the way they looked at the world in order to come to love and accept me for the person I am. I am VERY confident that it would not have been possible without Carlbrook's help--if so, it would have taken years, probably after I had ruined my chances of getting a quality education in order to secure a good future for myself. Some parents of Carlbrook children are very wealthy, my parents were not and made extreme sacrifices to make it possible for me to be there. Sacrifices for which I will be eternally grateful.

Let it be known, I am not a Carlbrook-junkie, I do not sit around every single day and think back on Carlbrook and how much I miss it, I don't hardly ever think about it. I don't use workshop tools to help me get through the day, I don't go visit Carlbrook, nor do I keep in touch with most of my fellow alumni, not to mention staff. I have a core group of two or three people that have remained really close with that I visit occasionally and keep in touch with occasionally online--one of those things where you don't talk often, but that you share a special... irreplaceable bond with, just because they know exactly what you went through, and it's a pretty small community... and we don't seek each other out. We all kind of like to forget it happened. Just because we long to feel NORMAL--which we are! The truth is, regardless of your experience at Carlbrook--how successful you are there, how much you think you've healed upon graduating--you get back out into the "real world" and you fall on your face. This is crucial, or it was for me. It is very difficult to leave a place like Carlbrook, but if you've come to terms with yourself to any extent during your stay, and especially if you have repaired--at least somewhat--your relationship with your parents, then you have all you will need to overcome what is without question a difficult transition. And then all of a sudden you look back and you are so glad that Carlbrook has nothing to do with your life anymore, but you know (or I do) you wouldn't have ended up where you were--college, a future, a family--without it. As far as workshops and group therapy goes--it was sometimes but not always necessarily helpful, definitely painful, never easy and sometimes unnecessary to an extent, but in the end, I couldn't be happier. It is so just 100% worth having a mom and dad again. I just can't stress the importance for any parents thinking of sending their child to Carlbrook, you may not think it, but you have A LOT TO LEARN FROM YOUR CRAZY CHILD. You will be forced to listen to what your child has to say, confront a lot of things you should have done differently, and be ready to forgive and move on. You have to be there every step of the way and you have to take it seriously. This is not a convenient arrangement for parents that are busy, busy, busy and rich enough to think that money and distance will solve the problem. I have seen this ruin students' experiences.

Okay, do I think it could have been done with normal therapy? No, I had been sexually abused for years as an adolescent by another family member and I really don't think I would have been able to tell anyone about it had I not been sent away and realized what it felt like to be absolutely powerless over my life. Carlbrook did not brainwash me, my abuser had me brainwashed. I needed to recognize the fact that I wasn't ready to be an adult yet (I turned 18 2 months after I got to Carlbrook--I stayed), and that doing things to destroy my life in order to hurt my parents (and please my abuser) wasn't a rational way to go about dealing with my pain, anger and confusion. In my case, I needed it, I'm glad I had it, and I'm sure as hell glad it's over. I wouldn't want to relive it, I don't think about it often, but it was worth every moment of my sacrifice of freedom. And that sacrifice makes you really, really understand how (materially) good you had it at home, grateful for the internet, grateful for a cigarette, grateful to just... go on a walk by yourself to WHEREVER you want. Stay up as late as you want. Leave your dorm room as dirty as you want. How many people our age know how to be thankful for things like that? They are small moments of ecstasy that creep into your daily routine on occasion that remind you of, wow, I don't live in a tent in the woods anymore. My life RULES. I am grateful for those feelings.

Sometimes I do have dreams of going back to the woods, back to Carlbrook, back to a group. I would be lying if I said those dreams were pleasant...

Anyway, basically, if your child was never very high functioning, Carlbrook is not where they need to be. Someone in this forum said that RTCs are only necessary for people that pose a threat to themselves or others. I disagree. I was never a threat to anyone, and I probably never would have been. I just smoked some weed and lived a lifestyle my parents were unwilling to accept and had a lot of pent up feelings about being raped repeatedly to deal with. Nevertheless, lots of good things came out of the experience. My time at Carlbrook evidenced the opposite about the commenter who said your child needs to be suicidal or homicidal to go to Carlbrook--it is not a place for low-functioning children and people with any kind of severe mental problem. Probably not a great place for people that are bipolar, have a severe eating disorder, acute drug addictions, etc. It's mostly group therapy--it can only do so much. It is a place for talking, screaming, crying out your feelings. If your child did not excel at his or her wilderness program, it will probably be a similar experience at Carlbrook. The more willing your child is to talk about their problems, the more intelligent your child is and the more, well, cooperative, the better. The more willing you and your child are to work with Carlbrook, the more for Carlbrook to work for you. Most of the people on here that are actual Carlbrook grads and give Carlbrook a negative review were the kind of students that never really surrendered (you have to) to the program. That sounds strange, but if you've never been in the situation, it's something you can't understand. For those grads, I totally get it... it sucks. It's a hard place to be a teenager. But I bit my teeth together, did it, and couldn't be happier--now. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and Carlbrook did that for me. Not with tools and workshops, but really just by helping me learn to stick through a difficult, and at times very uncomfortable/unpleasant situation. But life is unpleasant, unfair, uncomfortable, hard work.... and it really did help.

I feel bad for students that graduate and hate it, but really, I don't know many people that feel that way--not from my day, anyway. We are ALL happy to leave, then we're sad we left, we're confused, we're lonely, but so it goes. We end up doing, a lot of us, the same drugs we did before we went to Carlbrook, but in my experience, you just miss the time were you really felt proud of yourself for keeping commitments to yourself and a community of people and an idea that mattered to you--irrespective of how idiotic it was--and you want it back--the feeling of being proud of yourself and feeling like you've made concrete goals and accomplished them. And so you grow up, leave the old drugs behind again... I mean, people grow up anyway, but my point here really is that it does great things for a lot of families... not so great things for other families... and well, that's sort of just the way it is. I needed it, some people maybe didn't/don't need it, some people need it but aren't willing to DO it... So don't listen to the haters--the haters that didn't go to Carlbrook. The haters that did go to Carlbrook, sorry that your experience was so much different than mine. I hope you are okay with some people thinking that it was a good thing (or that it was worth it) and that you can accept that I'm not a brainwashed person that sits around and dreams about making Grant Price proud all the time. I am not that person. Just a normal, well-adjusted guy with a now totally drained college fund.

As far as students having sex in the hallways, bathrooms and dorm rooms? In my day, incidences like this were minimal to virtually non-existent. Can't vouch for how things are now, but Carlbrook was a pretty (very) "safe" place back then. Nothing I saw in the dorms would even come close to constituting "abuse", though boys will be boys and girls will be girls when left alone together... to an extent. At Carlbrook, it's pretty okay. You can't really get away with being much of an asshole to anyone, because it's like shooting yourself in the foot. You get chewed out in group for it and no body wants that. So people in my day were MOSTLY respectful of each other, mostly, and if they weren't they paid the price for it. Sometimes the Grant Price for it. Sorry, the pun was irresistible.

In short, was it necessary? Probably. Was it weird and uncomfortable? Definitely. Did it traumatize me? No. Was it abuse? No. Being home was FAR WORSE. WAY, WAY WORSE. And now it's wonderful when I go home. That feeling, my friends, is PRICELESS.

So, prospective parents: could be a good thing, could be a bad thing.
Graduates that share my opinion: nice to know I'm not alone
Recent graduates that still love Carlbrook: you will get over it
Recent graduates that HATE Carlbrook: you will get over it
People who also graduated 5 (or more) years ago and still HATE Carlbrook: it is definitely time to get over it.

Wishing you a happy 2010.

blombrowski:
JLK,

Thank you for sharing.  Your perspective is greatly appreciated.

Here's the thing, and take this for what it's worth, I'm not a Carlbrook grad, I'm trying to be respectful of all of the alumni here, so I'm not trying to hate on the place.

Let me say this first, I don't think you're brainwashed, it's different than that, much softer.  More like how one might view the world if someone grew up in a Republican household and they were trying to talk economics to someone who grew up in a Democratic household, "well, of course if you would just cut taxes you would create jobs".  And I would say, "not so fast, what good are jobs if they all pay below a living wage".

I take issue with the premise that you base your whole argument on.  Not the argument itself.  I still don't get the clinical rationale of Wilderness Camp as a way to appropriately evaluate someone.  I am of the mindset that it's not ok to have nightmares about your treatment center, and that if you do it was not a good place and it may be a sign of PTSD.  Better than home, sure.  Things turned out ok for you, so you don't want to jinx things, I get it.

It's more like when you see someone who accepts things that you yourself find unacceptable.  Pick your cause.  The outrage of the far left that Cheney hasn't been brought up on war crimes yet.  Sure if more people found torture unacceptable something might be done about it, but there's apathy and/or assent.

Eh, sorry for the tangent.  I hope you see what I'm getting at here.  Congratulations on your success and having the resiliency to overcome both your past traumas and a less than perfect treatment program.

lk0:
Okay...the bottom line is that we all have different opinions and we should all be respectful of each others' opinions and try to understand other people's opinions. There's no need to get angry or attack others.

I love Carlbrook sometimes and I hate it at others. Like Aidan said, it varies with mood. It's not black and white. What I'm trying to do on this board is to understand my experience a little better and talk to other people about their experiences. This board isn't about "bashing Carlbrook." I celebrate and appreciate a lot of what Carlbrook helped me do for myself; however, there are parts that caused me a lot of pain and confusion too. Anyone who claims to be 100% on one "side" of the argument is full of shit. To have conflicting views and to exist in shades of gray is what it means to be human. And the thing is, it's okay to be confused and conflicted. To 100% hate or 100% love Carlbrook doesn't make you any better than anyone else.

Can we just stop with all the bashing? I don't like bashing Carlbrook but I also don't like bashing people who bash Carlbrook. Even if you do think what happens here is "bitching," then that's just your opinion. And if "bitching" helps some people cope and heal, then who are you to judge or deny them that? Everyone has the right to their own process.

cooltherapy:

--- Quote from: "jlk" ---
People who also graduated 5 (or more) years ago and still HATE Carlbrook: it is definitely time to get over it.
--- End quote ---

Feeling that this is probably targeted towards me.

Never said I HATE Carlbrook. You say to "get over it," but I have met people on this forum who went through a very similar experience to ours and it took them 30 years to come to terms with the pain it has caused them. THAT is what this forum is for. There are other websites with other forums for what you're talking about. It took me a while to realize the pain I was left with after leaving Halifax. I DON'T think about it all the time, everyday, whatever. But, I do think about it enough that it bugs me. It comes back more in my dreams. There is NOTHING that has happened to me in my life that 5 years later is still giving me nightmares. I'm glad you made it out comfortable and happy. But I didn't. So to tell me to just "get over it," now, that's a little closed-minded, don't you think?

You say that you don't think of the "tools." These are sayings that I hear over and over in my head. I am happy to use the term "brainwashed." Anytime I am angry with someone, no matter how cruel the transgression, I hear "forgiveness is my single function, peace of mind my single goal." A nice way to view life, but not something you want on repeat in your head. There are so many other of these "tools" that are on repeat for me.

But more than that - the things that happened to me in the workshops started to really haunt me. Things like the statue exercise in animus are continuously in the back of my head and the pain is just as fresh as it was in the moment.

I see Carlbrook's primary goal as breaking a student down and then building him back up, giving him confidence and common sense that he may not have had before. I think that my experience was fucked. They succeeded in the "breaking down" process, but my high sensitivity required more in the "building up" strategy. The lack of enough support to rebuild myself plus a VERY difficult last few months combined into a terrible experience. I was too scared to be held back to say anything. My depression was so incredibly unbearable but I had to hide it if I wanted to graduate. That's the big problem with the school, in my opinion, the fear factor. I was terrified to move in any direction. You can say they didn't abuse us, but in my mind, instilling that fear is abuse enough.

There is much more to my Carlbrook story but I think you've probably caught the drift. I am glad that you didn't have the experience that I did, but to tell me to just "get over it" isn't necessarily fair. You have not walked in my shoes. I have not been brooding over this for 5 years, avoiding life. I, too, successfully made it through college with great grades and have started grad school. I am not a "negative new kid" who never grew up. This is VERY different.

-CT

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