I had a long boring post ready to go. But perhaps I am not qualified to comment.
I eluded captivity and the damage that the others have spoken of. I am grateful, but in this case, diminished, because I escaped the experience that informs your terror.
I do know the feeling of hiding, I do know the choice of rejection of the trappings of prosperity for the sake of my freedom. And there is a kind of freedom there!
I'm beginning to run on again... but I wanted to respond. It does matter to me!
Perhaps this is just a silly ritual, but the next time I come to a place where road and water meet I will pause, and think of you, and send prayer/energy/coppercoin, (whatever word you choose, means some part of me - let go) along the tide to you.
Love you - Stand up! (or take a nap, or a drink or do whatever you like! You deserve it!)
No synonym for God is so perfect as Beauty. Whether as seen carving the lines of the mountains with glaciers, or gathering matter into stars, or planning the movements of water, or gardening - still all is Beauty!
-- John Muir