Forgive me if it sounds like I'm talking to you guys like children in the rest of this post. If you're going to be offended by that, please skip this post. I know most survivors and parents of survivors hear have a lot of righteous anger for what happened to them and sometimes that makes you guys abrasive. Sorry, but it does. And in this particular case it would not only be highly counterproductive, it would *also* severely limit *my* abilities to help these parents find quality, appropriate care that won't defraud them or traumatize their children.
Timoclea
----------------------------------
If you have been in one of these facilities, and *only* if you have, I'd like to ask you to go to the Children and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation (CABF) website, to the testimonials message board.
Okay, please also if you are a parent who had your child in a facility.
Please do *NOT* post trolls to the CABF site. Most of these parents are parents of adolescents who *are* correctly diagnosed bipolar and who *are* actively dangerous to themselves or others and *do* need to be in a facility for their own protection and/or the protection of others from violent harm.
Most of these kids *have* been in real mental hospitals, multiple times, and in day hospitalization programs, and just need *either* longer hospitalization than insurance will pay for to get stabilized on medication, intensive (real, competent) therapy, and to stay alive long enough to grow up just enough not to kill themselves or someone else when they get out.
In other words, these particular kids really do need residential treatment, and really should qualify for involuntary commitment---whether they were kids or adults exhibiting the same state of mind and behavior.
And these parents have either already tried all the less restrictive alternative treatments *or* will be directed to those treatments by the other parents they already know and trust.
These particular parents are *not* your average "troubled parents." They're, generally, much better parents than most of the ones you run into in this industry. They've advocated for their kids' comorbid learning disabilities in school. They've advocated for their kids when teachers and principals have wanted to treat their kids as "bad kids" for manifestations of an organic brain disease. They've already spent a small fortune getting their kids specialized tutoring just to keep pace with grade level for their ages. They've already spent a small fortune and more time and tears than you can imagine getting their kids to psychiatrist appointments, in for neuropsychological testing to diagnose learning disabilities so the kid could get appropriate individualized help, in for therapist appointments to help the kid learn the social skills that come so relatively easily for other children. They've kept daily mood charts to get their kids' meds adjusted as the kid grows. They've learned more about helping their kids with behavior than you can imagine---including that behaviorist reward/punishment techniques don't work with bipolar kids and *why*. They've learned to use positive interventions and modify their expectations giving their kids great freedom within only the limits that are strictly necessary. They've learned to accept that no matter how well they do, they may *still* lose their child to suicide or their child may *still* end up on social security disability for life.
These are parents who have already walked through fire for their kids, and while some of them have battle fatigue, the ones that still can would gladly walk through even more fire if only they could help their kids become happy, even somewhat functional adults. They are *not* control freaks--they have never had the luxury to even *attempt* to do something that stupid.
What I'm asking for is your *careful*, *polite* assistance in helping them put their kids in the best, least-likely-to-be-abusive facilities they can find that will accept their kids.
And what I'm specifically asking you to do is if and only if you were in--or the parent of a child in--the specific facility asked about in a particular thread, *then* post.
What I would like to ask you to post, so that you don't disrupt the communication of parents trying to get good, non-abusive, non-defrauding treatment---or as close as it as possible---for their truly very ill children---is a simple statement that the particular facility in the thread abused you *or* that the facility abused your child, giving an email address, and inviting the parent to email you for the details of your experience with the facility.
I think that's the way you can do the most good for these particular parents.
Please don't beat up on them for sending their kids to a facility. Trust me, as an early onset bipolar myself, who made it through adolescentce alive---but just barely made it--and the mother of an early onset bipolar child.
These particular children really do have about a 20% chance of ending up dead from suicide, and a fairly high chance of ending up in jail (don't know the stats right off). And the poor kids are already insane--as am I--although the right meds help a hell of a lot (as does/did the right therapy).
*You* didn't have a high statistical risk of being deadorinjail. When *your* parents were told that, the scumbag lousy facilities were lying. *These* kids really do have those risks, and a *good* facility can make the difference to keeping the kid alive long enough to grow up.
So please, please don't preach at *these* parents---they're not much like *your* parents.
Just please help them avoid the *worst* facilities as they try to keep some kids that really do need residential care stay alive and as well as possible through the worst of adolescence.
Some of them have had anecdotal "good" experiences with bad facilities. Those parents aren't monsters, either. Most of the time they really don't know. Most of the time they won't believe you if you tell them. Please trust me that what I've asked you to do is the *most* likely way to get other parents to put their kids into the less abusive facilities and avoid the really bad ones.
Please be kind, and gentle. These families have already been through seven different kinds of hell, and so have their kids, and these parents know full well that it is *not* their kids' fault they're sick---even if the parents frequently sound tired and frustrated and sometimes say things they probably don't mean out of that frustration.
If you want to do any good for the kids at all, please be kind to the parents. They're frustrated and they may seem like what you're used to, at first glance---but they're not. If you are kind and gentle offering your email address and experience, and when one of them gets in touch with you, these are the kind of parents who are likely to actually listen to you.
Julie/Timoclea/BlueWillow
