I don't really know what the purpose of this board is - different people seem to want to accomplish many different agenda's on here, especially lately. I think it is nice that we can all use it - or not - for whatever we need.
Those of you who know me now, and I don't think that is most of you, but you would know that I am a totally sentimental sap about certain things. My "past" (which to me means the 3 yrs IN Kids, and the early hard yrs that followed adjusting with much difficulty and loneliness - not the years before Kids) ...is one subject I have never been able to really talk about without a lot of emotion. Mainly hurt for myself, a sadness for lost years and being touched by the sickness of Dr. Newton's world; but also emotion about and a place in my heart for(hear that SAP in there??) all the people I sat beside through it - even though clearly we couldn't have a real healthy friendship under those circumstance - I feel the way I imagine vets do about having fought a war with some who they still know and some who were sadly lost - but regardless, people they went thru it with. Saw day in and day out thru the ordeal. So, tonight I had an experience I felt like posting, just b/c there isn't any other place that I could say this and be understood.
I live in Ca now. Quite happily and successfully and peacefully - which is a place I had trouble really finding for a very long time. I see my family as much as possible. This weekend my Dad was in Laguna Beach, Ca thanks to a business trip this coming week. We spent time together exploring and hitting the beach and eating and watching the World Series etc. - normal stuff. It was pleasant, as it has been for quite some time now as I have become older and we have become more friends.
I returned home from my visit with him to receive an unexpected email. In it, my father told me how much gratitude and pride he feels every time he spends time with me, and he even called me "inspirational" b/c of all I had to go thru to get where I am (Kids and some other stuff later) His last line was an apology. It read "I am truly sorry for giving up on you 18 years ago." I bawled my eyes out.
Kids and my feelings about being admitted there - [major resentments towards Miller & Ruth Ann for their twisted God-complex bs and even considering admitting a kid like me into such extreme "therapy" - and resentments I felt guilty for having but had none the less for my parents naivete (sp?) that led them to trust this nutty fucker with their child's life/youth] - were something I didn't address for many years. I had no access to the Newtons, except a few attempts to "out" them in court and on TV; and I felt too bad to tell my parents how much I felt this experience hurt me and that they were somewhat to blame, so I just concentrated on moving on. I went off to college and got lucky and made a wonderful new circle of friends while enjoying many things in college I missed out on in High School. But, there came a time, maybe 5 yrs ago and a good 9-10 yrs since I left - that I chose to see a counselor and most of what I learned was that I needed to get all of this out to get real closure. So, under those circumstances, I had a sit-down with my parents and conservatively told them how I felt. They responded with sympathy and remorse. They had become disenchanted with "Dr." Newton long before I had the guts to leave and they were even "terminated" and I wasn't allowed to live with them. So, they knew it was a mistake, but never had they really said it in an apologetic way until this sit-down thing. So, tonight's, much delayed, heartfelt apology - unprompted by me - was extremely meaningful.
For some reason, I wanted to share this. Thanks.
Christy 85-88
