Falling asleep.....NOT!

[Anonymous]

I get ready for bed. I check all the locks on the windows, my childrens monitors in the rooms, the locks on all 3 doors. I set my alarm. I lay down in bed. Am I positive I locked the front door? I go check, its locked, while I am up I recheck the window locks. I lay back in bed, check the alarm again. I do not hear kids breathing on the monitor, I get up to check on them. I lay back down. Did I dream that I locked the door or did I unlock it when I checked it last? I get up to Recheck the lock, windows and such. I check my alarm making sure its set. When does it end?

[Botched Programming]

Obsessive/Compulsive...Maybe.

I don't believe in God. My god is patriotism. Teach a man to be a good citizen and you have solved the problem of life.
--Andrew Carnegie, Scottish-born American industrialist and philanthropist

[Woof-a-Doof]

I call it, that particular mind set, the "Brain Spins". Incessantly, my mind will chatter. From one topic to the next...covering vast distance's within the confines of my own skin. Realizing that within the space tween my own two ears there are no boundaries, no limitation, no end. Freedom.

Question Authority!

The enormity (sp) of that realization isn't one to trivialize about ourselves. So yes, question authority...that space where chatter runs rampid. Rather than run from these "Brain Spins", why not embrace them?

Think of riding a bike; you hit a patch of sand...you 'loose control' briefly. Yet to maintain a balance and to avoid a crash, ya have to turn into the 'trouble spot' head on. If one was to pull away to avoid the sand patch, theres a distinct possibility of an accident.

What I have learned to do whilst in the midst of the "Brain Spins" (they are not restricted to just before bed) is to detach myself from the thought. Instead of thinking or feeling that I am the "thinker of that thought", I detach myself from them...as if watching a scene.

Myself, I went and had it checked out. Three shrinks with same diagnosis...ADD w/o Hyperactivity. I read a book called "Driven to Distraction" (forget the author). I can't and won't blame everything on the ADD...but it sure explains alot. Really...alot!

Looking back, I was 37 years old when diagnosed (sp)...why hadn't anyone picked up on that earlier??? I was a bit miffed about that. I digress...

Once I started taking meds I began to see that alot of the "negative chatter" that once dominated my thinking held no water. I began to see the lies I had been told and still entertained....Lies! As I learned to detach myself from the many lies, I could spot them coming and I could deal with them...cuz I knew they was bullshit.

I hope not to imply that the "Brain Spins" for me have stopped, they have not. My internal landscape is still very much active and much more entertaining, compared to before. At one point I made it a point to make a concerted effort to train my mind to STOP thinking so much. Then someone pointed it out to me that "thinking is the brains primary function, why try and limit that? Ya wouldn't restrict air from your lungs, whose primary purpose is to breath"

Relax, enjoy your show...you are not your thought....question authority

[`]

[ This Message was edited by: fka on 2005-06-02 05:07 ]