Author Topic: boundaries  (Read 1170 times)

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Offline hedwigfan

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boundaries
« on: September 25, 2002, 07:41:00 PM »
I'm wondering about boundaries and the urge to confess. For instance, I've avoided therapy for all these years because of severe distrust of "the helping profession." (go figure, I ended up becoming a doctor). Yet, when I meet a new friend, I will reveal so much about myself in such a short time (too much information?). Does this sound familiar to anyone and how does one go about modifying this behavior?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ll this world is but a play
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Offline 85 Day Jerk

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boundaries
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2002, 09:46:00 PM »
It is hard to break away from talking about yourself.  That is what we were conditioned to do.  It has been 22 years and I still feel

compelled to "relate" stuff about myself that could be harmful to me in a work set-

ting.  Don't do it.  No matter how cool you think a person is, someone will overhear and use the information against you.  My advice is to find a hobby and put a whole lot of yourself into it and talk about that if you feel the need to "Bond and Relate."  I got into watching cult films, and collecting classic Punk Rock and Alternative CD's.  Every Wednesday I would bring them to work and we would all rock out to some wild shit.

This way I was able to "Express Myself" and it could not be held against me. People suck, and the stuff we went through is simply light years beyond the comprehension of the average Fred Flinstone retard that you happen to work with.  Sharing with others simply is not worth it unless it is in your home or neighborhood.  take care

_________________
In the line of fire, you know what to say
They gave us no choices, just one shade of grey
Back at that hellhole, behind Tyrone Mall
We walked in darkness, kept hitting the walls
I took the time to feel for the door
I had been treated, but what the hell for?

[ This Message was edited by: 85 Day Jerk on 2002-09-25 18:47 ]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Inside a warehouse behind Tyrone Mall
we walked in darkness, kept hitting the wall.
I took the time to feel for the door,
I had been \"treated\" but what the hell for?

Offline MommaDebi

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boundaries
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2002, 06:00:00 PM »
I used to be the same way...just spilled my guts out and made them uncomfortable...



I wondered why I did not seem to be able to make and keep friends? Yet I did not really tell people real truth about me...Then I got really quiet and actually stayed away from people, my hermit days....



Then, I learned to be the "Listener". this way people tell me things, I never share them with anybody else, and I learn from listening who those people are...way before I tell them much about myself.  


I also got involved in my community with a bit of volunteering, and I learned to golf (too much fun...also too bizzare that I actually golf)...so now I am able to speak about these aspects of my life without it being information they could hurt me with....unless they just give me too much grief about my golf scores!!! :smile:

This behavior had served me well for the past 10-12 years now. I have lots of acquaintances, and a handful of true friends who know my life experiences...I consider myself to be very lucky....

debi

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"...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh..." {Indigo Girls~~ "The Watershed"}

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-09-26 15:04 ]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh...\" {Indigo Girls~~ \"The Watershed\"}

Offline kaydeejaded

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boundaries
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2002, 08:12:00 PM »
That is so bizarre. I think I am totally like that and have no embarassment because what the fuck else can happen? I mean I was stripped of any privacy or private expierence or thought so now I just fling everything out at everyone and make them feel uncomfortable. That is really strange to me to finally realize it was from "sharing too much" figures.  Why is it starting to seem that almost every weird personality trait I have can be traced in some way to Straight? Am I making the connections because I want to or is it true?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
or those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don\'t, none will do

Offline ladyjerrico

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« Reply #4 on: September 27, 2002, 01:20:00 AM »
kay don't think too hard on this and don't drive yourself crazy, I've been down that road too.. it does take some control over the conversation and MommaDeb is right, learn to be a listener.
I've done that myself, give out too information and realized later I regret it. However, in time with becoming a listener, you can "feel" what that person is like and understand what to say and what not to say. Also, you will be able to realize who to trust and who not to trust. (since I work with the public everyday, I have some experience in that field). I find myself to be a good listener, but if I want to chip in my 2 cents, I won't keep quiet.
I feel I am strong in knowing what I say is right and true, and I come across that way so people don't think I'm stupid or false in my statements, and yes, sadly I believe the honesty part does have a bit of something to do with Straight
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Offline MommaDebi

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boundaries
« Reply #5 on: September 28, 2002, 05:01:00 PM »
I think the connection you are making is very valid...

But,

 you know that you have all the power now!



We cannot change what happened to us, but we can change our reality now... I mean we can not change what other people do to us, but our reactions to it...

"every five years, I look back on my life and have a good laugh""



Best of luck to you, debi



[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-09-28 14:02 ]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh...\" {Indigo Girls~~ \"The Watershed\"}

Offline ladyjerrico

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boundaries
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2002, 09:43:00 AM »
Thanks Deb, I hoped some of what I said helps a bit for "conversation control". (I also attend a few seminars and things that I have to go to for work, so we are taught how to do so).
I just wish I wasn't so darn honest with everything all the freakin time because they do say if you are honest you get rewarded, even when I am honest, I find myself in trouble and get yelled at for it.. so I'm confused.. lol
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
usan Minns