Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
More Trivia
landyh:
--- Quote ---On 2005-11-23 07:35:00, GregFL wrote:
"Welcome Landy!
I always suspected we would get one of you people that got admitted at 9 years old.
I am so interested in hearing more from you. I often wondered what the hell the parents of these youngsters were thinking.
"
--- End quote ---
Thank you for the kind welcome.
I was the first person anywhere close to that age when I came and I dropped into a world of hardened junkies and criminals. The early people were much more serious users than what came later. I was fascinated by their stories. Wished I had more history in some ways not that I didn't have enough. I don't even remember if my dad knew at first that my sister had taken me there. He was a guy who was trying to raise two kids pretty much on his own. He never in his life used, drank, smoked, cursed and was basically an honest hardworking guy who had no frame of reference from which to help his own children. He was guilty of having to spend most of his time working which gave us a lot of freedom. When he did come to the seed he was concerned to make sure that this place had some base in God. I can still remember being in the office with my dad and Hap and Hap patiently telling my dad that he believed in God and parphrasing lines from Matthew I think from the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus said we should pray in private. Whatever it was it was enough to pass my dads sniff test. Remember he knew nothing about how to deal with this there wern't lots of options and Art could certainly put a parent at ease and I wanted to go. The second time was a terrorist event in my mind. I was kiddnapped. But why wouldn't he have gone back there? At intake it took 5 big staff members to accomplish my strip search the violence was mostly mine. I had a stout four finger bag in my underwear. I was 12 years old this time. If I had been big enough I would have hurt them destroyed them. Fuck them. I wanted them dead right there. That was my sh*t I stole it fair and square from my sisters lb at home. I was such a sweet little kid. To be fair to myself and even them my anger had a deeper source. I wasn't abused at the seed but I was pissed. Iknew what real abuse was and this wasn't it.On another note I wondered what they did with that bag it was some good weed. :lol: [ This Message was edited by: landyh on 2005-11-23 08:18 ][ This Message was edited by: landyh on 2005-11-23 08:21 ]
GregFL:
Your story so far is fascinating but not unusual. A kid experiences extreme trauma and rejection from his parent(s), lashes out in anger and all his problems are assumed to be the evil drug marijuana. A one size fits all lock down treatment model is prescribed, and it doesn't work. The kid spends his life thinking he deserved what he got and goes on to substance abuse issues later in life.
It sounds like what you needed were things the seed could never give you, a real family..protection from your abusers, and a method to deal with your problems that just didn't replace them with dogma.
I am glad you are here now, but not so glad you didn't get the help you really needed back then.
landyh:
--- Quote ---On 2005-11-23 09:04:00, GregFL wrote:
"Your story so far is fascinating but not unusual. A kid experiences extreme trauma and rejection from his parent(s), lashes out in anger and all his problems are assumed to be the evil drug marijuana. A one size fits all lock down treatment model is prescribed, and it doesn't work. The kid spends his life thinking he deserved what he got and goes on to substance abuse issues later in life.
It sounds like what you needed were things the seed could never give you, a real family..protection from your abusers, and a method to deal with your problems that just didn't replace them with dogma.
I am glad you are here now, but not so glad you didn't get the help you really needed back then.
"
--- End quote ---
Unique only in that i was the first that young.
i wouldn't need the help if they would take the tylenol out.:wink:
"Now I'm out of prison
Got me friend at last
He don't drink or cheat or steal or lie
His name is Codeine and
He's the nicest thing Ive seen and
Together were going to wait around and die
Together were going to wait around and die"
Townes Van Zandt
R.I.P.[ This Message was edited by: landyh on 2005-11-23 14:47 ]
landyh:
--- Quote ---
No, the truth of the matter may be hard to conceive, but the fact is that we were treated this way as a method to break our will.
"
--- End quote ---
I still stand by my comment regarding the little house. We had real cooking and it was always something simple but good. Things really did start out different as hard as it may be to believe to those that wern't there but you hear some of my views expressed by people that were. To me it makes me sad. I don't know what Art Barker became but I do know that the program changed. In the beginning Art would accept money yes but not from the goverment. Too many strings attached. When I went back the second time Art was so islolated from the group for the most part he couldn't have known all that was going on. But its like people talking about getting hit there. i don't doubt them it just wasn't my experience. I still believe if he would have stayed with the roots of the program he could have actually had something worthwhile. I watch how AA works and it is truly amazing. They actually have a set of priciples in there traditions that keep shit like what happened to the seed from happening. Every group is different, self supporting, not allowed to use the press in any way. I think Art knew Bill Wilson personally but if Bill W would have gotten his way AA could have easily gone the way of the seed. I think it was actually Rockefeller that turned Bill's request for money down and suggested some of what they eventually did. Personalities threaten AA groups all the time but the principles keep things working pretty darn well. Of course they say in AA that all you need is a coffee pot and a resentment to get a new group started. Just a thought but if you accept that it probably wasn't good for many of the kids out there to continue using the way they were then you have to look at why you fight drug abuse differently than say alcoholism. In a very real way the life style of drugs was sort of a peer pressure cult too. It dictated how you dressed, what you listend to, how you acted, who you hung out with, pulled you away from family and there were rules and little special behaviors (hand shakes and peace signs). I always thought the point was that we were brainwashed to some extent by that culture to begin with. You might say you could leave anytime you wanted to but could you really walk away from 100 dollar a day habit on a whim? And if you did you face social ostrazation by the group. The only real difference is that in trying to fit in we drifted into the drug culture almost without realizing it. Nobody dragged us in. I know if I ever faced losing my child to what the drug culture really was at its core I would do whatever I could to stop it. I mean how would you feel about your own child huffing laquer thinner like I did. Even knowing what it did to the real huffers. I would be willing to resort to drastic action to save my child. How far is OK cause I was killing myself and while the seed couldn't stop it slowing it down probably saved my life. Even moving to Alcohol because of its social acceptabiity was an improvement in some way though for me potentialy just as deadly. I think the body politic creates alot of the problem by virtue of criminalization. just jabberin
cleveland:
landy, i am glad to hear about you here. i agree with you about the idealism of the seed, i am sure in the early days (tho that toilet seat bothers me bad). i guess i was there for the 'middle period', 7 years and the sense of idealism was there. it inspired me. on the other hand, the conformity to the 'seed way' was stifling, and that was the ultimate reason i left.
i kind of look at things as you do - culture of conformity in the drug world too, after all, the standards were set by a bunch of kids, not written down. i was drawn to the 'counterculture' when i was a kid, because of the idealism, love, back to the land, the music, pretty girls, thinking i could be myself. then i found it to ne just as harsh a world as any, worse in some ways because i expected more. i was brutally disappointed and so i embraced the seed.
i don't go to AA, i have family that does. i take all in moderation, that is key for me. a glass of wine, great, but that's me. if my child was huffing lacquer thinner, what would i do?
w
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version