The following is a letter I have sent to the journalist from SAIT. I really don't care whether this person is legit or not. Two years after I escaped, I needed to finally record this stuff. Read if you'd like.
Hello,
I happened to find your post on a forum asking for stories regarding AARC. I'm not sure if it's too late, but I'd like to respond anyway.
I suppose I'd be classified as an anti-AARC-ite. I successfully escaped after five months of incarceration at the age of 16. Before I'd been placed in AARC (placed is such a gentle word, for such a violent act against a person), I'd used marajuana about 10 times and LSD four times. This usage occured over a two year period, so I averaged using less than once a month. I'd been drunk exactly once. I was enrolled in school (Calgary's QE gifted program) and was working for a human rights lawyer as a research assistant. I was fasttracking, meaning I was supposed to graduate at least one year early. I had a sense of myself, where I wanted to go with my life, and that I was generally following the right path. I had a strong sense of morality and civic responsibility. I'd participated in many actions of democracy, including being elected a representative of the youth of Canada to present a declaration to the G8 environmental ministers, and this I was and am now proud of. I was an accomplished musician, playing the piano and studying for my RC exams. I volunteered approximately 10 hours a week during school and 40-50 hours a week in the summer. I was a member of the Calgary Youth for Human Rights, Calgary Youth Volunteer Corps, Three Little Pigs Building Project, Food Not Bombs, the Sierra Youth Coalition, etc. I was vegan (meaning I ate no animal products: dairy, eggs, meat, white sugar...). I had an extremely close relationship with my younger sisters. I was an avid reader, a poet, a musician, photographer, and visual artist. I was a practicing Wiccan.
All of these things I've mentioned because in AARC they were taken from me. In AARC, these offenses were taken against my person (I am speaking to no one else's experience, however, I had it very easy):
1. I was not allowed to practice my religion. I was not allowed to speak of it. I was not allowed to read any of my religious texts. I was ridiculed as a "Satan-Worshipper".
2. I was not allowed to read anything but proscribed AARC literature.
3. I was not ever allowed to touch a musical instrument.
4. Everything I recorded was analyzed with scrutiny to find untoward things hidden in my poetry or drawings.
5. Ha! Being allowed to touch a camera! Ahaha! Yeah right.
6. I was allowed to speak with my family twice a week, when telling them "incidents". These incidents I rapidly was forced to invent or repeat. Thus, my family was convinced that my drug use extended much, much further than it really had. My sisters began to stare at me with revulsion.
7. In AARC, in order to make you feel powerless, you are not allowed to ask for anything (aside from asking to speak and go to the bathroom which are mandatory). As a result, I was unable to ask for the kinds of food I needed in order to be a healthy vegan. I was stuck eating white bread, lettuce and the occaisional fruit for the first month. At that point I was so weak from an utter lack of protein, iron, calcium, etc. that I was forced to consume dairy and eggs. I was applauded by everyone around mefor "letting go of part of the disease". I'd just let go of something so integral to my sense of morality, that my mind started to die. Because I'd not eaten dairy for so long, my body had stopped producing lactase - the enzyme necessary for digesting the sugar in milk. As well, I've always been allergic to eggs. I became extremely sick, vomitting and having diarrhea. These were all taken as signs of "detox" and proof that I'd done drugs more than I'd confessed to. Even as just a vegetarian, I suffered immensely. I still could not ask for the proper food I needed, and suffered constant ridicule. I was forced to prepare, serve and clean up meat dishes. I developed problems with eating. I would be unable to finish eating in the time allotted and wound up hungry. But above all, the worst was having been forced to give up something so integral to my sense of morality. I started to become broken.
8. I was most certainly not allowed to participate in any activism or volunteerism in AARC. But on top of that, I was not allowed to speak of it either. I was told that I was lying, or twisting what had actually happened. I was not ever allowed to speak of anything I'd ever done well, except if I were lamenting over having given something up for drugs (which I'd never done). So I lost a part of my life. I completely suppressed those good parts of my life. I still have trouble remembering much good from the years before AARC, and must rely on other people's stories, journals and pictures and my awards. AARC made me want to forget those good things. I wanted to be an alcoholic/drug addict. Because then I would've been able to leave, and return to my school, family and music.
9. I was never allowed to touch a musical instrument. My training deteriorated. I would stand at the wall during RAPs (surely you know what those are by now) and behind my back on the wall fingerplay the pieces in my head. I have fallen so far behind since going into AARC that I've still not done (2 1/2 years later) the exam I was supposed to that year.
10. Every example of political protest I was involved in was taken as a blatant act of rebellion. My political beliefs were held up to public scrutiny and destroyed. I would be told the occasional tidbit about what was going on in the world (we were not allowed to know anything about the news as a rule) like the pending Iraq war that was chosen to bring me down further. (By the way, my happiest day in AARC was when my sister whispered in my ear one day [entirely against the rules] that the Kyoto accord had been ratified.)
11. My position as a research assistant to this lawyer was terminated against my will, obviously. However, not only did this happen, but never was this woman contacted. Neither AARC nor my family thought to inform my employer that I was not going to return.
12. Because of missing the school that I had while in AARC and the result of having not been able to read or write for five months, I had fallen behind in school. I am now graduating a year late rather than a year early. This is in large part because AARC convinced me that I knew nothing, and that all of my successes had been manipulations of one sort or another. I was convinced that I hadn't deserved any of the academic success I'd earned. So, I chose to repeat over a year of courses.
13. I was told constantly - and I mean at least once every 15 minutes for the entire duration of my stay in AARC - that I was lying about my drug use, that I had used more than I'd told them. The fact that they didn't ever the entire time I was in AARC believe how much I'd used, was part of what helped me have the strength to leave. However, I was almost convinced that I'd done a lot more than I actually had, especially after having been forced to say so endlessly.
14. I was prevented from receiving adequate sunlight or exercise.
15. I came out of AARC anemic, severely lacking B12, calcium and Vit. D, and malnourished.
16. I was forced to listen to graphic stories of prostitution, intercourse, and sexual abuse as I'd never been exposed to before.
17. On entering AARC, I was forced to strip and be deloused (despite not having lice).
18. On entering AARC, my offensive haircut (a mohawk) was shaved off.
19. On entering AARC, I was forced to sign forms without being given adequate time to read them and then ridiculed ofr trying.
20. I was consistently chastized for using "big words" to the extent that I was not allowed to speak if I used inappropriate language (words like facetious).
21. Unable to speak unless given permission (and only about certain things), I began to spell out in sign language behind my back or in my lap what I really wanted to say.
22. I was not allowed to think. Anytime a newcomer appeared to be dwelling in their thoughts, they were told "Get out of your head!" and in one way or another were forced to do so. The only time available to actually think was when in bed. However, the intense rigors of the day and already constrained time for sleeping meant that I rarely took that luxury.
23. One count of extreme psychological abuse which I will not disclose.
24. And much more....
To address a couple of your questions:
AARC has hurt me far more than helped me for reasons cited above.
The staff at AARC are in as desperate a predicament as the clients. They are all suffering from the extreme effects of long-term psychological/emotional (possibly sexual and physical) abuse. They need to be evaluated by professionals after so long in the pseudo-profession of AARC.
I was not addicted upon entering AARC.
The best thing about AARC was the fire it lit in me. I became so fearful of being kidnapped/drawn back in there that I created an impenetrable fortress around myself. When I ran, I ran 3000km away, and threw myself into school. For a time, I had a minimum of three trusted persons (a lawyer, a counsellor, and a good adult friend) always alerted to my whereabouts and ready to leap into action rescuing me from AARC. I learned to trust my no one. My freedom and the ability to live my life the way I chose is worth more than anything. That is the best thing about AARC.
The worst thing about AARC was the absolute destruction of any self-confidence or sense of self that I used to have. It left me a wreck. A shell. I have recovered mostly, for I am strong. However, I have deep scars. Some I don't think will disappear.
I am in no way affiliated with AARC.
Thank you for looking for this story,
Rachael
ps. Feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.
[ This Message was edited by: Rachael on 2005-01-07 00:22 ][ This Message was edited by: Rachael on 2005-04-10 18:34 ]
